I just never feel like im apart of anything

[GoldFish]

Even around family i feel like a stranger ...or if i go places with my sister or parents or a friend i feel like ive let them down for being too quiet or for not being enthusiastic all the time ..my sister often brings a friend and i can keep the energy up for a little while but then i seem to run out of things to say ...then they want to go their own way and i'm sort of tagging along like i'm there but really i'm not, though i'd like to be ..but i often seem to make lame suggestions and banter where i really feel like i'd rather not say anything in fear of embarrassing myself by saying the wrong words ...

I look around and see all these amazing personalities and people with a certain style or look that has me in awe, like how is that possible that people can talk look and move around so smoothly ...they look like a real character ..everywhere if i hang out at a club or at a party, and i feel like i'm underwhelming person in the way of them being them ..\

*goes off to listen to joy division*

[I'mGonnaBeAWheelSomeday]

In the first of the new series of Kitchen Nightmares (USA) the Chef/owner was shy, and was unassertive as a boss, this was pointed out to him several times, however he came across very well + everyone seemed to like him including Gordan Ramsay, as he had several other qualities that were likeable in a person.

I think the more off putting thing is the level of negative thinking that goes along with the shyness for an SA sufferer, as it is mainly selfish, + all about me, me, me ***8211; how will I look, they will think I am nervous. This thinking makes us only concentrate on our bad aspects which is not good for us, but also means we may not be thinking of the conversation we are having or the other people involved.

I don***8217;t think you have to be gregarious and outgoing to be a part of things obviously it is not good to be shy but I think you can get the strong silent types whose personality is on the quieter side but who are not afraid to speak up when they want to, they know their own personality + with the qualities they have could be very charismatic.
I know I have certain qualities, but I have never used them, instead I choose to concentrate on what people will think of me for my deficiencies, aren***8217;t I smart.

So in short I don***8217;t think it is necessary to become really outgoing to display a certain type of charisma we just need to loosen up, not take ourselves so seriously and go with/work on what we have got, that in itself I would find very impressive in other people

[Mark_One]

Hi.

Yes I often feel the same also.

Im hopeless at conversations unless its with my parents or if its to do with music.

There seems to be so many people around who know all these little things in life and exactly how to go about them, like conversations and being involved in things etc.

Mark.

[Yellowcoaching]

Originally Posted by I'mGonnaBeAWheelSomeday

I know I have certain qualities, but I have never used them, instead I choose to concentrate on what people will think of me for my deficiencies, aren’t I smart.

So in short I don’t think it is necessary to become really outgoing to display a certain type of charisma we just need to loosen up, not take ourselves so seriously and go with/work on what we have got, that in itself I would find very impressive in other people

.

I'd just like to say that i'mgonnabeawheel has it right. Part of the CBT techniques I use with SA clients is getting them to write a life CV you have to list every positive attribute, quality and talent you have. This is a CV so no negativity allowed. Look back at evry little thing you have ever accomplished and write it down.

If you have friends or family that are supportive get them to add their thoughts too...focussing on what you have and what you are good at can be the start of something beautiful if you let it.