Libido and relationships

[Holly]

Hello people,

Just a thought - do any of you feel that serotonin induced loss of libido impacts on your ability / desire to form romantic relationships? When I'm all anxious I feel that it's the anxiety that stops me from being open to such things...but when I'm free of that, I often feel like I don't care that much about the whole thing anyway - could this be because I have so little libido (from the happy pills) that I'm missing this primal urge to mate etc...???? Saying that, I'm only on a dead low dose of a trycyclic (Clomipramine)which primarily acts on serotonin receptors.

I always have to have something to dwell on!!! I'd really like to meet someone and not be able to help myself but be drawn into a relationship...like I did 10 whole years ago in my only "proper" and sexual relationship to date!! At the time, it was like I just "had" to go for it - I had no choice!! I've not felt this way since!! Don't want to be alone all my life and become an old maid in a flat full of cats!! (Going that way as it is - 30 years young and just a fat cat to share my home with!! )

What do you think?

[Andist]

I dunno about this one. In my experience, relationships which are purely based on physical attraction don't last very long.

"The grass is always greener": Soon after you start going out with someone who looked "perfect" then someone even more perfect will appear.

Or you'll worry that, due to her wonderful appearance, she might run off with someone else at any moment.

On the other hand, you have to fancy the person that you are going out with. Just try to be sure that you'll be very good friends aswell.

[Holly]

I dunno about this one. In my experience, relationships which are purely based on physical attraction don't last very long.

Oh God Andist, I agree completely. But like you imply, attraction is of course a big part of bringing two people together. With my only "proper" boyfriend, it was initially a mixture of attraction, plus something else...something intriguiging / different about him...that I obviously liked. And my gut instinct to go for it with him was the right one!!

I don't want someone to look "perfect"..but attractive in my eyes..and attractive enough for me to feel that pull to be with them...

I never believe people when they say they just "go for personality" - yes, maybe they purely do go for that when looking for a friend; but when you're going to be intimate with someone of course you want to be physically attracted to them!!!

[Ben]

Originally Posted by Andist

I dunno about this one. In my experience, relationships which are purely based on physical attraction don't last very long.

"The grass is always greener": Soon after you start going out with someone who looked "perfect" then someone even more perfect will appear.

Or you'll worry that, due to her wonderful appearance, she might run off with someone else at any moment.

On the other hand, you have to fancy the person that you are going out with. Just try to be sure that you'll be very good friends aswell.

If you distill any book you buy regarding romantic relationships to the salient points, the above would pretty much cover all the dos and donts.

Particular "the based on attraction" statement, you have such a passion for each other, you think the other person is the one, and move in etc far too quickly. Then you wait for the personalities to click, and when it dont happen, meltdown.

Seroxat removed my ability, but increased my desire. So I dont think it is the meds, especially if a low dosage. Maybe it could be general sa induced lack of motivation that maybe stopping you from taking the risk, and hence you subconciously think you are not too fussed about the whole thing.

[Holly]

Cheers for replying Ben,

You may be right in that it's more than the meds - not sure about an SA induced lack of motivation as such, but maybe something like it. A fear of getting into relationships causing a block to it maybe? I don't know. But I do know that my libido has plummeted tenfold in the past 6 or so years and I do worry it's the medication. Even though for the first 5 years I was on a standard dose of Prozac, this was not the case!!

One of the reasons I actually switched to the med I'm on now was because my GP thought it may cause less problems in this area.Not going to mess around with them again as coming off the last lot / adjusting to these was a nightmare.

[Ben]

Originally Posted by ZombieChris

It's strange for me - I'm in a slightly different situation the meds don't seem to have affected my sex drive and I feel like if I could find someone I really like it would give me the motivation to get my life back together. Not that it's likely to meet someone when you have SA and spend most your life indoors.

I think most people get their life back together then find someone. But I don't feel like I have much reason to that right now. I think I am a lost cause.

I am probably at the opposite end. I used to focus so much on relationships, and got hurt once or twice, that I made a resolution I must have a good social circle before I even try again.

"A fear of getting into relationships causing a block to it maybe?" I think thats maybe what I subconsciously have too. I dont (or believe I dont) have any desire to find anyone at the moment. My libido has allways been low, but is now practically none existant. I am not on any meds that could cause that either.

Blokes in there 30's like myself typically have a pronounced libido drop naturally apparently. Whereas, and as I am sure you know, it is supposed to be the opposite for women. I am sure it must be the meds (apparantly I was unusual in that my libido went up on them) in combination with a latent fear of the whole thing (it is a scary business!).

[Fishbait]

Snap, although when drunk my libido returns (although now I can't drink because I'm on the antidepressants).

I think it's the anxiety.