Saying things you don't believe just to stop the anxiety...

Medea · #1 4th March 2008, 22:54

I find with my therapists I will give in and just agree with them/say what they want (especially in CBT) because they clearly just want me to agree with them. I think I'll be giving up CBT as I feel unbelievably patronised and bullied by it. I think it's part of the CBT process, but I never could bare being patronised. My current councellor can't seem to understand that I'm looking for help with my OCD and not my SA. He's trying to push me with phone issues and makes me agree with statements that I really don't think I agree with.

Added to this I'm paying £35 a week to another councellor who I really don't want to see but I'm too SA to quit! God being SA is a ****ing nightmare.

Medea · #2 5th March 2008, 04:16

I emailed the councellor I pay for and told her I didn't want to see her again. My own, small bravery. I've no idea what to do about the nhs guy. If only cbt weren't the latest fashion.

Winnie57 · #3 5th March 2008, 10:13

^ I don't think you should carry on with the CBT if you are clearly not getting anything from it ren. I am not keen on the idea of CBT myself either.

I think you should go for a therapy where you feel comfortable. I am finding my psychotherapy group helpful and don't think I would consider CBT at least not at this stage. Also different therapists probably take slightly different approaches even in one particular method and if you don't get on with this particular CBT therapist you might find one you do get on with. You certainly shouldn't agree with him just to feel comfortable but I suppose we are all guilty of that.

Well done for cancelling your other therapist

Ditherer · #4 5th March 2008, 10:39

Hi Ren.

Is there any possibility that you would be able to see an alternative therapist?
As Winnie pointed out, each therapist's approach may differ - could it be the therapist that you aren't clicking with rather than the therapy?
Feeling bullied and patronised in these sessions sounds rather counter-productive to me. I have to say, I never felt this way during my CBT sessions.

Good-going for overcoming your anxieties about cancelling the counselling

Hope you manage to sort things ren

Medea · #5 5th March 2008, 13:20

I've seen more therapists than most people have had hot dinners (unfortunately). The latest CBT guy is actually one of the best I've seen, but the whole CBT method seems based on making people accept statements as "true". I was listening to the bbc radio 4 thingy and they had an excert from a CBT session and the woman was trying to make this guy agree that there were "no stupid people, only stupid actions" and he was trying to say that there were stupid people, but she was having none of it. Imagine if she was trying to get him to say there were no intelligent people, only intelligent actions... my CBT feels the same. Statements that I don't entirely agree with but end up agreeing to because I don't want to debate it anymore.

As to my other counsellor... She's not letting go without a fight and wants me to tell her why I don't want to see her and "meet up to discuss it" which sounds hellish. Took enough effort to email and, tbh, this was the answer I dreaded. I've sent one back but who knows if she'll leave me be?

ARGH!

chaddy · #6 5th March 2008, 13:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnonymousLaura

I was listening to the bbc radio 4 thingy and they had an excert from a CBT session and the woman was trying to make this guy agree that there were "no stupid people, only stupid actions" and he was trying to say that there were stupid people, but she was having none of it. Imagine if she was trying to get him to say there were no intelligent people, only intelligent actions... my CBT feels the same. Statements that I don't entirely agree with but end up agreeing to because I don't want to debate it anymore.

I thought she sounded a bit bullying too, trying to force him to say the only answer that was acceptable to her whether he believed it or not. My doctor has urged me down the CBT route, but that little snippet didn't fill me with confidence.

Ditherer · #7 5th March 2008, 14:09

You sound like you're having a rather frustrating time where your therapy is concerned Ren. I agree with both you and Chaddy that the woman on the radio 4 session took a domineering bully-ish approach, tut.

Is that similar to your therapist's handling?

When I underwent CBT I found my therapist's approach a very good one and was never made to feel that my thoughts were not of any truth or validity and that the therapy's way was the way. I never once felt I had to agree with a statement that I did not agree with. I was fortunate however as I had a wonderfully understanding psychologist who handled this therapy well.
Whether the therapy has had long-lasting effect is another matter...

Maybe it isn't the right therapy for you, I dunno ren, only you will be able to come to that conclusion. Hope you find something that does works for you though

lozza · #8 5th March 2008, 14:10

I thought the CBT person on Am I Normal last night was too pushy aswell. There's no point in forcing someone to say something they don't believe, how's that meant to help?

Medea · #9 5th March 2008, 18:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by lozza

I thought the CBT person on Am I Normal last night was too pushy aswell. There's no point in forcing someone to say something they don't believe, how's that meant to help?

It doesn't, but it happens to me a fair bit. My CBT guys called AGAIN asking to speak to me (fourth time in as many days) and hubby told him I'd email him, so that's one thing. Now I've just got to work out how to tell him what I want to tell him (if I even know what that is!)

Kevin Hodge · #10 5th March 2008, 19:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnonymousLaura

As to my other counsellor... She's not letting go without a fight and wants me to tell her why I don't want to see her and "meet up to discuss it" which sounds hellish. Took enough effort to email and, tbh, this was the answer I dreaded. I've sent one back but who knows if she'll leave me be?

ARGH!

if you've decided that you are done with her, email her and tell her you don't owe her anything. you don't. i would say

"i don't wish to seem rude but i don't owe you an explanation. i wish to stop for my own reasons and that is all i wish to say on the matter, which i now consider concluded"

sorry you are havnig a shite time ren

OceanChief · #11 5th March 2008, 19:57

I never done CBT, but I can relate to the underlying sense of brainwashing that occurs. Maybe the term brainwashing is too harsh, but thats the feeling I get from it and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I've tried a self-help book and it had me standing in front of mirror reciting phrases such as 'i am not a leopard, i can change my spots' and I couldn't buy into it.

I understand the thinking behind it. To essentially rewire your brain to a more social friendly and acceptable way of being. I'd prefer to try and do it naturally.

My own thoughts would be to do what feels right. Seems CBT is adding to yer woes.

hardy · #12 6th March 2008, 12:33

the main point of CBt is to get you to think about positive possibilities for whats going on around you .Because normally the Sa person doesn't even consider any positive attitudes. the therapist should be encouraging you to try out these positive possibilities so that you can see that some of them are correct. He shouldn't pretend that every positive view that he comes up with is correct! Which sounds like what your therapist and the radio therapist might have been doing.
On the other hand a small amount of unrealistically positive attitude has been shown to be helpfull as it raises mood and gets the person out of "why bother" mode.