Internet dating sites

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Diablo Loco

Well I just got back from a date . It was a surreal experience as it was my first date this year. What made it even harder was that no alcohol was involved!! I drove to a local Harvester...yes classy lol, and had a coke in the bear garden. Hopefully I didn't come across as too quiet :/

hope you had a nice time.
did she look like her pic/pics?

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by Defiance

as long as your pics do resemble you and you're not setting out to deceive people and make yourself out to be someone your not then you should be fine.

I know a guy that went on a date with a woman who had used totally fake pics. He turned up, saw her, realised she was not the woman on her dating profile photos, they greeted each other (so he knew it was definitely her), and he said "sorry but this is ridiculous, you've wasted my time" and walked off. lol! He said it was just very embarrassing for both of them. Yikes!

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Defiance

and i know people like to put their best foot forward when taking pics and show the best ones ..and i don't really consider this too bad, but seriously, this girls picture was so deceptive it was unbelievable. in hindsight i should have recognized the warnings signs, in that she had only 1 pic, and the pic was only a head shot and not a body shot. This girl deliberately set out to deceive..

she looked so unlike her picture that i could not even find her in the small train station and she kept texting me saying i had walked straight past her and even looked at her, then i went to look for her outside and she text me accusing me of looking at her and then running off. i was flabbergasted.

as long as your pics do resemble you and you're not setting out to deceive people and make yourself out to be someone your not then you should be fine.

I had this one time I met a girl. She had only taken face shots, which were well lit (she was an amateur photographer) and she was good with make up (pro make up artist). She was pretty. She said she was a little on the larger size, size 16 which I didn't think was anything too bad. In fact that is supposedly the average size of a british woman, so we're led to believe. So when I met her I was expecting someone quite average looking bodywise.

What she deceptively failed to mention was that she was only 4'11". So she was as wide as she was tall! Now to me this went beyond false advertisting, this was absolutely downright dishonest. I don't know how sizes work but I swear she was absolutely massive and more like a size 26 I was speechless when I first clamped eyes on her. She swore blind she was a size 16 though but she must have known she was giving a false impression because she mentioned several times that guys had just met her and literally walked off.

Seriously it's like telling someone you have a 12" cock and then pulling out your prize rooster

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Moomin

Did you ask to see her labels?

I think she probably was a 16, or 18. Just looks different on different heights and builds.
My very petite friends are on the curvy side, but still only wear a 8 at most. To look at their body it looks like the composition of a taller 12 but because of the height and frame their size in clothes is smaller.

ETA: Sorry still @ the stories. I hope this never happens to me.

Well I don't know about sizes I'll not make that mistake ever again if I'm in that situation and will ask for their body mass index instead

It happened to that girl I met up with. She said that a guy had come to meet her. Met her at her house, then after a while said he had to use her loo. Next thing she heard her front door closing and looked out of her front window to see him jogging down the road. I felt quite sorry for her

[HelloWorld]

Originally Posted by diplodocus

I had this one time I met a girl. She had only taken face shots

I had a similar experience. Upon meeting, the girl in question turned out to be a centauride. I'm open-minded but I don't do things by halves. Especially not bestiality.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by black_mamba

I know a guy that went on a date with a woman who had used totally fake pics. He turned up, saw her, realised she was not the woman on her dating profile photos, they greeted each other (so he knew it was definitely her), and he said "sorry but this is ridiculous, you've wasted my time" and walked off. lol! He said it was just very embarrassing for both of them. Yikes!

maybe i should of just split ..lol,
but the picture in question probably was her, and i didn't really want to just leave as that would probably destroy her confidence some, and tbh she didn't look like she had a lot of confidence.

she was so nervous that she started acting proper hostile towards me for a good 30 minutes. I seriously thought she didn't like me or something, but i gave her the benefit of the doubt and decided that it might just be nervousness. but i can seriously imagine a lot of people deciding to leave after her display of hostility. really it was quite bad. she definitely needs to get over the way she comes accross to people..

Originally Posted by diplodocus

I had this one time I met a girl. She had only taken face shots, which were well lit (she was an amateur photographer) and she was good with make up (pro make up artist). She was pretty. She said she was a little on the larger size, size 16 which I didn't think was anything too bad. In fact that is supposedly the average size of a british woman, so we're led to believe. So when I met her I was expecting someone quite average looking bodywise.

What she deceptively failed to mention was that she was only 4'11". So she was as wide as she was tall! Now to me this went beyond false advertisting, this was absolutely downright dishonest. I don't know how sizes work but I swear she was absolutely massive and more like a size 26 I was speechless when I first clamped eyes on her. She swore blind she was a size 16 though but she must have known she was giving a false impression because she mentioned several times that guys had just met her and literally walked off.

Seriously it's like telling someone you have a 12" cock and then pulling out your prize rooster

precisely. it is deception, they know full well that it isn't an honest depiction of themselves, and when you get there on your date and find out you've been duped like that it is not fun.

imagine thinking you're going on a date with Angelina Jolie and having Susan Boyle turn up. that's kinda what it's like.

ok, i'm probably exaggerating a bit here in my case, but it wasn't a million miles away from that.

[Defiance]

also why are there so many bi-curious women on okcupid?


when i look at the question. "Have you ever had a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex?" they either answer, "yes, and i did enjoy it" or "No, but i would like to"

i have never seen one answer "no, and i would not"

is bisexuality really that common in women?

[The Chosen One]

Originally Posted by Defiance

also why are there so many bi-curious women on okcupid?


when i look at the question. "Have you ever had a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex?" they either answer, "yes, and i did enjoy it" or "No, but i would like to"

i have never seen one answer "no, and i would not"

is bisexuality really that common in women?

I thought I was the only person to notice this, it's really strange

Also before you meet anyone you should at least get to see them on webcam or see their pictures on facebook so you can see what they are like generally. It's jot unreasonable to ask them for a current full length photo before you meet .

[Mr. Nobody]

,.......

on a less "gossipy" note,..

has anyone who's tried dating sites recently, found that it's greatly improved their SA ?

I personally, can't beleive how challenging it is to do the dating thing, and yet it can be very interesting meeting new people, and I really do feel that it's been a real help to tackiling, challenging, and improving my SA,...

anyone else noticed big changes ?

[The Chosen One]

Originally Posted by Alcoyne

,.......

on a less "gossipy" note,..

has anyone who's tried dating sites recently, found that it's greatly improved their SA ?

I personally, can't beleive how challenging it is to do the dating thing, and yet it can be very interesting meeting new people, and I really do feel that it's been a real help to tackiling, challenging, and improving my SA,...

anyone else noticed big changes ?

It had improved by confidence with women but i would say that's it so far . I still need another push to make more changes in my life before I can say my sa is improving. Going to more meets would help!

[Defiance]

i just got my report back from okcupids mybestface feature. my best photo was the one i predicted, but on that photo only 60% prefered it to the opposite photo ..which isn't that good is it, bah.

i just put two more photos in there to see what they will get. hopefully i'll get my report later.

when it did the breakdown of people who liked my face it showed about 75% of those who described themselves as introverts preferred me to the other one. however as only 8 introverts voted, and 6 voted for me ..i'm not really sure if i can call that statistically relevant just yet.

i'm just on there for fun now, internet dating doesn't that well for me lol

[The Chosen One]

I've had my two second dates now , one on Thursday and one yesterday. I just was not really feeling anything with the first lady it just seems like it was just two mates going out and I have told her that. But we are going to still be friends.

The date yesterday went really well! We went to a theatre and then the cinema and it was great and we are meeting again next week after she comes back from going home for a few days .

So I can safely say I'm dating someone now lol. And it's going really well

She even invited me to pop by her workplace sometime and say hi lol

[no0ne]

i've got a profile on pof and i sometimes send a few messages though not very often, most of the time when i send messages even if it's to girls who have instigated the conversation and sent the first message they usually don't make it easy to reply.

ie they will answer my questions but not put any leading questions in their reply

now i'm confused as if it was me who started the conversation and messaged them first i could understand it as possibly meaning "i'm not interested but i'll be polite and answer your questions", but as they've messaged me in the first place that shows they are interested so why do their messages have no questions in? how can i continually reply when they show no interest in finding out anything about me or what i do?

i end up getting bored and just giving up in the end. am i reading to much into it? to me they just seem up their own arse and uninterested in the other person. or is this how people interact?

or is this a male female thing that i've missed? is it the done thing for the bloke to keep showing interest chasing the girl and the girl to just be interrogated?

it's not just in dating sites though this is something i come across quite a lot with woman i speak to they have no interest in anything about me, nothing zilch zip they don't bother to ask about anything that goes on in my life. i could be an axe murderer but they will never lead the conversation and find out.

[Defiance]

^ often women on there who email first put very little effort into the first message. it could be as bland as "hey, how r u?" or even worse "hi",

they tend to leave it upto you to drive the convo. almost always within a 1-5 messages they buck up their ideas and start contributing and seeming more enthusiastic.

i don't know how you tend to drive the convo, but when i do it i do try to inject some personality into it and make it somewhat fun, not no boring interview type questions that she's probably been through 1000 times before.

only once did a girl who messaged me first never ever start acting enthusiastic. (after 3 messages she stopped replying), the rest of the times they were either enthusiastic from the start ..or after a few messages she became enthusiastic. If you do not see efforts being made on her part after a maximum of 5 messages then i personally would stop giving her the benefit of the doubt and just assume she isn't that into me.



If it's happening in real life to you too, then perhaps those particular women were not that into you either. do you go for a particular type of women?

[DoddyB]

I know a guy who met his current girlfriend using an online dating site. He did try a few grirls before meeting the one he is currently with. They now seem to be getting on really well and have been for a few years now. Just one success story. However there seems to be a load of dodgy sites out there that look more like 'one night stand' sites rather than 'dating' sites.

[SoulSeeker]

I think when that happnes BFG you just have to keep going for a while or so..until she starts showing real interest in you/your life too. If she doesn't ask anything about you after say 3 messages and not leaving any doors open to continue the convo then just stop messaging her altogether. If she was testing you and making sure you are truly interested, then she will message you and ask why you stopped talking to her.

The thing is lasses on there get tons of messages and some of the women may deal with interest in various ways. They may have been hurt in the past and this may be their way of being careful with any potential interest.

But yeah if it were me..I wouldnt bother after 3 or so messages and then leave it in her hands.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by BFG

haven't got a particular type of woman, but most of the ones i've spoken to on pof are dull as ****

Yeah, it does sometimes feel like a chore talking to some people.
i think i am going to try ofline again, probably speed dating. i did try it a couple of months ago and it's not a bad way to meet women, a few women i could damn tell were interested (i even saw one tic me for gods sake) but they never bothered to add their tics on the website the next day. this left me confused so i decided to never go back till i figured out what went wrong and how to play things next time.


did some research online, found many other guys with stories similar to mine. Finally i saw a new story written two days ago, and it kinda hit the nail on the head and now i know what needs to be done..

critical mistake was relying on the women to put in their tics the next day, it is likely they wont bother or if they do it still wont amount to a date. you need to get contact details from them that night!

another critical mistake is getting greedy and trying to put your eggs in all the baskets by never going for one girl. at the end when you all are socializing at the bar, yeah if you go for one girl you will blow yourself out with the rest, but if you try to spread your eggs out and try to get them all this means that you never really go for anyone and all you are likely to end up with is them not bothering to fill their forms out the next day.


i think i know what i am going to do next time..

[strange_paradox]

Originally Posted by Defiance

critical mistake was relying on the women to put in their tics the next day, it is likely they wont bother or if they do it still wont amount to a date. you need to get contact details from them that night!

No the critical mistake is assuming that all women are the same, think the same, and react the same way. Just because one women doesn't put in the effort doesn't mean the next will! Once you start analyzing behavior like this and obsessing over ways to counter it, you fall in the same trap that pickup artists and 'sargers' fall into. Women are human beings too.

Originally Posted by Defiance

at the end when you all are socializing at the bar

Why does dating always involve 'socializing at a bar'? I HATE bars and meat markets. Expensive drinks, loud music and forced conversations. It may be the stereotypical way to date women but I can't see it working really. Sounds more like desperation.

Ask people in successful relationships how they met their partner and most will tell you that they met him/her in college, or at work, or in some other social setting where the objective was NOT hook up with someone. Very few successful relationships (ie. NOT one-night stands) are begun between drunken strangers in a badly-lit bar. At least I hope that's not the case.

[Mr Ploppy]

Originally Posted by strange_paradox

Why does dating always involve 'socializing at a bar'? I HATE bars and meat markets. Expensive drinks, loud music and forced conversations. It may be the stereotypical way to date women but I can't see it working really. Sounds more like desperation.

Ask people in successful relationships how they met their partner and most will tell you that they met him/her in college, or at work, or in some other social setting where the objective was NOT hook up with someone. Very few successful relationships (ie. NOT one-night stands) are begun between drunken strangers in a badly-lit bar. At least I hope that's not the case.

Good points. Meeting at bars seems the most SA hellish way possible, way is it always promoted by some here ?

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by Dragnet

Good points. Meeting at bars seems the most SA hellish way possible, way is it always promoted by some here ?

Watching too much TV? (sorry, couldn't resist)

[Mr Ploppy]

"Why Don't You Just Switch Off Your Television Set And Go Out And Do Something Less Boring Instead?"

[Johnni]

Reading this thread worries me about getting back into the dating game but then i reliaise that i should really just stay clear of PoF.......or internet dating all together as it seems it's just one big mind **** for someone with SA related issues. I don't know why you lot put yourself through it all.

[strange_paradox]

Originally Posted by Dragnet

Good points. Meeting at bars seems the most SA hellish way possible, way is it always promoted by some here ?

Because it's an easy answer and an easy target for the sargers and PUAs. I think PUAs have a lot to answer for because they make the situation worse by objectifying women and filling desperate guy's heads with bs.

Also I feel that even though sex is pushed everywhere in the media today, being honest about relationships is still very much a taboo. So those of us not in the know are forced to fall back onto stupid stereotypes.

Whenever I meet a couple (and the situation permits) I try to ask them how they met. Often the answers have surprised me. I don't remember anyone saying they met in a bar; The closest thing was a couple who met at a 'dance' which isn't the same thing.

Bars/clubs don't work (although they profit on the assumption that they do).

Sarging definitely doesn't work (and is a great way to get a bad reputation).

Dating sites I think can work if you're willing to put in the effort but I still think the chances of finding 'the one' on those sites is very low and very much biased towards women. I know at least one couple who met via a paid site.

But seriously, most people find their partners spontaneously though college classes, student unions, friends of friends and via work. The problem those of us with SA have is that we lack the social connections upon which to build a relationship. Let's focus on that first!

[strange_paradox]

Originally Posted by Johnni

Reading this thread worries me about getting back into the dating game but then i reliaise that i should really just stay clear of PoF.......or internet dating all together as it seems it's just one big mind **** for someone with SA related issues. I don't know why you lot put yourself through it all.

Exactly

[Mr Ploppy]

Good points but what are sargers and PUAs ?

[Mr Ploppy]

Originally Posted by strange_paradox

Because it's an easy answer and an easy target for the sargers and PUAs. I think PUAs have a lot to answer for because they make the situation worse by objectifying women and filling desperate guy's heads with bs.

Also I feel that even though sex is pushed everywhere in the media today, being honest about relationships is still very much a taboo. So those of us not in the know are forced to fall back onto stupid stereotypes.

Whenever I meet a couple (and the situation permits) I try to ask them how they met. Often the answers have surprised me. I don't remember anyone saying they met in a bar; The closest thing was a couple who met at a 'dance' which isn't the same thing.

Bars/clubs don't work (although they profit on the assumption that they do).

Sarging definitely doesn't work (and is a great way to get a bad reputation).

Dating sites I think can work if you're willing to put in the effort but I still think the chances of finding 'the one' on those sites is very low and very much biased towards women. I know at least one couple who met via a paid site.

But seriously, most people find their partners spontaneously though college classes, student unions, friends of friends and via work. The problem those of us with SA have is that we lack the social connections upon which to build a relationship. Let's focus on that first!

Good points but what are sargers and PUAs ?

[strange_paradox]

Originally Posted by Dragnet

Good points but what are sargers and PUAs ?

PUAs = PickUpArtists
Sargers are PUAs in training who try to pickup random girls in the street, based on a 1-10 rating scale. The theory is that these girls aren't expecting to be 'hit on' outside of the bar or club scene (itself a HUGE assumption) and so are more approachable. They have all sorts of convoluted terms to identify expected reactions like BFR (boy friend rejection) and counter tactics. It's almost a science.

It's also fundamentally flawed in that it assumes all women think and behave exactly the same with the only differentiating factor being their looks. It really pissed me off that so many men buy into this crap.

[strange_paradox]

Also a female friend of mine on LiveJournal found herself the target of one of these sargers recently and it really freaked her out. He literally followed her around, trying to get her number when she was just out doing some shopping

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by strange_paradox

Because it's an easy answer and an easy target for the sargers and PUAs. I think PUAs have a lot to answer for because they make the situation worse by objectifying women and filling desperate guy's heads with bs.

Also I feel that even though sex is pushed everywhere in the media today, being honest about relationships is still very much a taboo. So those of us not in the know are forced to fall back onto stupid stereotypes.

Whenever I meet a couple (and the situation permits) I try to ask them how they met. Often the answers have surprised me. I don't remember anyone saying they met in a bar; The closest thing was a couple who met at a 'dance' which isn't the same thing.

Bars/clubs don't work (although they profit on the assumption that they do).

Sarging definitely doesn't work (and is a great way to get a bad reputation).

Dating sites I think can work if you're willing to put in the effort but I still think the chances of finding 'the one' on those sites is very low and very much biased towards women. I know at least one couple who met via a paid site.

But seriously, most people find their partners spontaneously though college classes, student unions, friends of friends and via work. The problem those of us with SA have is that we lack the social connections upon which to build a relationship. Let's focus on that first!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!! The voice of reason and real life experience.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by strange_paradox

No the critical mistake is assuming that all women are the same, think the same, and react the same way. Just because one women doesn't put in the effort doesn't mean the next will! Once you start analyzing behavior like this and obsessing over ways to counter it, you fall in the same trap that pickup artists and 'sargers' fall into. Women are human beings too.

i realized all women were not the same a very very long time ago thankyou, and i don't treat women like robots using lines and routines etc, ..i just want to be myself. I still stand by what i said though about how it is a mistake to rely that they'll put their tics in the next day. why? because i actually saw one woman blooming tick me, and i am quite sure a few others were pretty interested as well, but come the next day only 3 women out of 18 bothered to put their tics in. and also i read up on a lot of speed dating experiences.

Why does dating always involve 'socializing at a bar'? I HATE bars and meat markets. Expensive drinks, loud music and forced conversations. It may be the stereotypical way to date women but I can't see it working really. Sounds more like desperation.

Ask people in successful relationships how they met their partner and most will tell you that they met him/her in college, or at work, or in some other social setting where the objective was NOT hook up with someone. Very few successful relationships (ie. NOT one-night stands) are begun between drunken strangers in a badly-lit bar. At least I hope that's not the case.

I agree, but speed dating isn't exactly quite the same as meeting a random woman at a bar, even though it takes place in a bar.

but yes, most people don't meet their partners in a bar, but i'm not in college, not in work, have no female friends (have one or two male friends), and the only other social session i attend with no intention of hooking up are SA meets. I tend to see SA meets primarily as a place to socialize and not search for a partner, not much women go there anyway...

Originally Posted by Dragnet

Good points. Meeting at bars seems the most SA hellish way possible, way is it always promoted by some here ?

online dating doesn't work for me. I personally do find bars better. besides apart from bars i don't really have that much other avenues.