How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Dougella]

^ Wouldn't it be nice to feel as relaxed about things as some teenagers seem to ,

[Consolida]

^ It was one heck of an evening that's for sure!

We rushed round like headless chickens looking for suitable interview clothes, me and my other half showed ourselves up by falling out with one another in the middle of some stuffy suit shop, and my son had to change into his new clothes in a public toilet because there was no time to return home before the interview. He was actually the only one who managed to remain calm
The poor lad probably won't forget his first ever interview in a hurry but I guess, whatever the outcome, it can be notched up as experience and hopefully someday we will be able to laugh about it

[Dougella]

^^^ Your son is lucky to have parents who make that much effort to help him! Hope he gets a good result from his interview

[Dougella]

^ No, don't say that about yourself! You wouldn't have been there in the first place making sure your son had appropriate clothes for his interview if you weren't a caring mother. I think everyone gets a bit short tempered when they're stressed.

[Dougella]

^ That's really great biscuits, I hope you have many more anxiety free days

[Utopia]

This treatment is kind of working, but I'm still feeling utterly terrible and isolated.

Friday was the best day for my depressive symptoms in a while, although there are other things that have been bringing me down and it is making it hard to feel motivated to want to mix with others if they are just going to reject and/or attempt to hurt me at some point. Unfortunately, this is a very common theme in my life, and it's only the fear that literally everyone is like this that leads me to suicidal feelings; I know for a fact that this isn't the case, because I'm not like this. Personally, I want the majority of people to feel more happy and confident within themselves.

[Utopia]

^ I definitely am very selective of the people I 'have' in my life, this is part of the reason I'm so alone, I simply don't mix with anyone and have rejected most of the people myself -- I've given up with people almost entirely. That's not to say most people don't reject me, because it's quite common, I just seem to have a very unique outlook.

What is it about me that makes you feel I lack the confidence to change something? Growing up I feel I lacked confidence, but now my anxiety doesn't stop me doing anything tbh. Anxiety and lacking confidence are different things, I feel and look nervous doing things, but inside I honestly feel very confident. I still feel and show the physical symptoms of anxiety in public, but it's not as if it completely paralyses me and makes things completely unmanageable.

It's also worth realising that I have a very chronic from of depression that saps all my energy and makes it hard to smile or feel motivated and excited by things, so I end up not really feeling in the mood to do anything. I mean a girl said to me once that I just had to go to the pub and I would be fine, but really it doesn't work out like that for me, people are rejecting each other all the time and there are simply too many negative things in my life to expect people to react positively, but this is related to my illnesses. I am making attempts to work on my depression, as you can tell from my blog posts on rTMS -- this has helped the depression slightly -- but it really doesn't seem to be improving my attitude at all.

[Dougella]

^ It seems like you might have got in to a bit of a cycle, the depression making you feel very negative and unable to enjoy things then you view things negatively which affects your depression more...and so on, would that be accurate at all?

There's a book I keep recommending to people called Lost Connections by Johann Hari, about depression which might be worth you reading, it's interesting if nothing else.

[Utopia]

^ Yes, you are absolutely right, it is tough to fight against this viscous cycle, and unfortunately it isn't generally within our nature to be accepting of any kind of weakness or difference it seems, although many people want to be. It's a tough kind of processes to fight against given the way it can snowball.

I will take a look at that book.

I am unusually introverted as it is tbh, this is just the person I am, but I feel it's yet another aspect of who I really am inside that people seem to dislike.

[newbs16]

Your son is lucky to have a mother who cares so much about him, you cared enough to go rushing around the shops to make sure he looked presentable for his first ever job interview, I take my hat off to you and how you always put other people first.

You just need to stop putting yourself down, you are kind and caring lady but you can't see it at times.

Biscuits, I'm pleased that you're feeling more positive about things

[3stacks]

Meh

[Rocket Spud]

Fresh, spritely, frisky.

We'll see how long that lasts!

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by newbs16

Your son is lucky to have a mother who cares so much about him, you cared enough to go rushing around the shops to make sure he looked presentable for his first ever job interview, I take my hat off to you and how you always put other people first.

You just need to stop putting yourself down, you are kind and caring lady but you can't see it at times.

I'm not sure anyone else would agree with you (in the offline world) about me being kind and caring and always putting others first but thank you anyway for your kind words - they mean more to me than you could know. You are such a lovely online friend newbs

[Rocket Spud]

I've just gotten back from clearing out a neglected garden and am in need of a sit down and a cuppa, feeling tiredness starting to kick in..

[alvar]

Out of sorts....perhaps a little reckless and unconcerned.

[Utopia]

Mood has gone quite bad again... I was making good progress due to this treatment, but something someone said to me has made me feel temporarily worse -- although I tend to naturally bounce back from this kind of thing after a while.

This week will be the first full 5 days of treatment after I missed one last week.

[3stacks]

Lonely

[Utopia]

Originally Posted by biscuits

^^^^ (Oh no...sorry, I wasn't trying to put you down or anything like that , I'm not great with words and seem to dig bigger holes with my explanations!)

Like I said, I don't know you, but you said that you don't have the motivation to mix with others (relatable) and I meant maybe your treatment will help you with confidence in that...but maybe confidence is the wrong word? I mean give you the feeling that you can do it?

No, I definitely have anxiety in public, which turns me into a bit of an idiot at times, and I show the physical symptoms, but I have grown in confidence a lot tbh. In fact I have the certificate for our team winning the presentation competition, which was given to a full lecture theater of first years and the full computer science academic department. After doing this I realised my problems are something else, I think I'm just a bit bitter and struggle to mix with others -- I'm just a bit rubbish with people.

I'm so derpy in person it's almost funny tbh, I just laugh it off nowadays.

In fact the only reason I joined this site was at the suggestion of my psychologist and I've never been this active on a forum; I thought I would listen to her advice.

I'm wondering if your lack of motivation is the fear of mixing? The problem is if you are not that sociable as it is and you have had nothing but pain from mixing, then it is harder to feel motivated to overcome any anxiety that you do have. I don't think my SA is too bad nowadays -- it's more the physical symptoms and (some) fear but without the avoidance tbh.

[Rocket Spud]

^ You will feel worse (If you don't go)

[Rocket Spud]

[Mo34]

Not great on the physio front. I'm still in the acute stage (no shit!) so at the minute I just need to avoid anything that will agriveate everything. She has given me some gentle exercises and I'm too see her next week but time is pretty much the answer. I've got a few things going on similtationsly. Nerve type pain, muscle spasms and a slim chance of disc issues. Fml. Guess I'll have to go back to the doctors and get some more painkillers if it's going to carry on for weeks.

Apparently I have hyper mobility. She was like have you always had that? I was like ay? I didnt realise I was any different from anyone else!

[Dougella]

^ Atleast the physio was able to give you some answers. Sounds like you will be needing those pain killers unfortunately!


That's interesting. It seems to be quite common for people to be diagnosed later in life as having hypermobility and for it to also go along with an autism diagnosis for some reason.

[3stacks]

Originally Posted by Melangell

Loneliness is horrible. Sending you kind thoughts

Thank you! I agree it's not a great feeling

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by 3stacks

Thank you! I agree it's not a great feeling

I'm sending you hugs and kind thoughts.

[Mo34]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ Atleast the physio was able to give you some answers. Sounds like you will be needing those pain killers unfortunately!


That's interesting. It seems to be quite common for people to be diagnosed later in life as having hypermobility and for it to also go along with an autism diagnosis for some reason.

Yeah seems like it *sigh*

Really? I'm still not sure what she really meant. I mean I'm not double jointed or anything. But she noted that the range of movement in like my elbow was far more than normal.
I dont have hypermobility syndrome (as far as I know!) or anything. Its interesting you mentioning the link with autism.... I didnt know that.

[Dougella]

^ Oh maybe hypermobility syndrome and hypermobility are two different things, I have no medical training whatsoever so I have no idea

Ofcourse there are lots of things that can be diagnosed alongside autism, but just something I've noticed.

[Schmosby]

Tired.

[Mo34]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ Oh maybe hypermobility syndrome and hypermobility are two different things, I have no medical training whatsoever so I have no idea

Ofcourse there are lots of things that can be diagnosed alongside autism, but just something I've noticed.

well your more in the know than me, I hadn't heard of hypermobility at all till the smorning! All I know is from a very brief Google.

[char1ie]

Rubbish - had to go into the office today and it was super rough anxiety wise.

[Utopia]

Really bad the last couple of days, something has almost completely negated the positive effect this new treatment has had on my depression and I'm just feeling a bit exhausted. I do usually bounce back from this kind of thing over time, but what really gets me down are the thoughts that it's a deliberate attack. It's all quite personal, so I don't want to go into any detail, but I'm only human and I am gripped by depression and lack of energy as it is, but then people do or say things and it brings me down even more.

Aw well, I guess it will just take time to heal.