Do you ever feel like nothing you do is good enough?

[Sunrise]

As in you'll set yourself some sort of goal, but when you finally achieve it you belittle it and don't see it as much of an achievement at all.

I get this with just about everything I do. In some ways I've achieved a lot, but I don't feel much of a sense of pride from any of it. I always feels like I should have done better. I think I could achieve world peace and find a cure for all known diseases but I'd still feel like it wasn't good enough and I should have somehow done better.

Can anyone relate to this? I think it's how I motivate myself, but I'm not sure if it's really a positive thing as I never get much of a sense of satisfaction from the things I've done. I should probably be a lot more proud of myself, but I'm really not, I can't help but think I should be doing much better. I wonder if this is mostly a self-esteem thing.

[biscuits]

I experience more of an, "I can't believe I did that!" thoughts and a strange feeling of worry because I'm not sure how I did it and would I be able to do it again without having that understanding of how I did it. And a worry that other people will think I'm able to do it so why can't I do something else similar.

That's a bit vague without specific examples, but I know what I mean

It's like if I say something silly, I worry that people will want to know me and expect me to be able to be chatty and good to be around - when I can't always maintain that.

[Mr. Nobody]

I think I get this when I'm basically doing something I feel is expected of me by others, and consequently something I'm not really into fully,

Like, at work, I can do quite a lot, but always basically diss it, as it doesn't really do anything to get my juices flowing, as it were,

But if I do something creative, that I'm actually passionate about and really feel a part of, then it's very different, I can get a real buzz from it

When I am doing things for other people,
or because it's seemingly expected of me,
then, my heart's not really in it.

but if I'm doing something because I really feel I want to, it's really quite fulfilling,
you feel as if you've suddenly found your place in life

[Sunrise]

I'm someone who doesn't have any passions or any real strong interests and I see most things as a chore, which might explain why I don't find anything rewarding.

Life to me is more a fight for survival. I often feel like everyone wants me to fail so I need to do everything I can not too. It's probably why I can't make friends. I've never found anyone particularly supportive or encouraging, even therapists I don't think are there to help me, quite the opposite I've always felt they're trying to punish me almost.

This is why I'm a terrible person. It's not a good way to see the world and it doesn't do much to win me any friends.

[Mr. Nobody]

^^
It doesn't need to be a typical hobby activity or interest to ignite your passion though I don't think,

Could just be feeling empathy for someone or something and that could stir an instinctive drive?

I recall being out a countryside walk in the evening and coming across a ewe stuck in a big pile of barbed wire from a broken fence, and it's lamb nearby.
It had obviously been trying it's best to get free, but in the process, had wrapped itself completely in barbed wire round and round it's body.

The ewe couldn't look after it's lamb and both were very agitated, there was no farm in sight,..
so, when I got back home I looked out some thick gloves, some pliers and snips and went back out up the hills,
I worked away for about an hour cutting all the wire and untangling it from around the ewe,
It was pitch dark by the time I finished, but when that ewe was freed and sprang up and collected it's lamb again, I felt such a huge powerful surge of purpose after doing that,..it just felt SO fulfilling seeing them both together again.

You can find that feeling in the most unexpected of places.

[Mike.Kzov]

I do, I relate very much to your first post. I often have this lingering sense that nothing I do is good enough, that everything I do sucks.

It can be a motivating force, strangely, and has pushed me to high standards in e.g. education and work.

It's draining and can't be good for your overall mental health. But like you I have mixed feelings about it, it's a large part of what makes me care so much about work etc.

[Sunrise]

I try and do small random acts of kindness whenever I can. I suppose I get a sense of reward from it in as much I know I've done the right thing. Although I don't really do it for my benefit, it feels good helping others but it's really a selfless act. I do it because it feels like the right thing to do, I never really think I've done anything special or remarkable.

[Counterpoint]

Always. It's related to being dependant on approval from others, but you are the only one who can believe in yourself.

[biscuits]

^ welcome back, counterpoint! How have you been?!

[Counterpoint]

Hey Biscuits , I've often been lurking but I haven't been posting much. I don't think I'll ever abandon SA-UK completely. It's full of peeps who go through the same thing I do on a daily basis!

[Hayman]

I can certainly relate to this.

I'd say one of the biggest frustrations I've had is the business of "going out". I accept up to my late-ish 20's, I hardly ever went out. That was down to having no friends and some particularly bad experiences I had when I did venture out.

At the end of my 20's, I started to ignore my own warning signs, took bits of advice and started going out. I felt quite proud of myself as I felt my life went from 0-100mph pretty quickly by comparison to what I was previously.

To this day, aged 37, getting on for a decade after I started taking advice and now doing things off my own bat, setting my own little goals, literally no one acknowledges any social improvements I know I've made. It doesn't make me doubt myself as I know what I've done, it's just that because I'll never be an outgoing person, people see me as being no different now.

If I sit back and do nothing (even though I may have a valid reason), it's my fault. If I go 'flat-out' ignoring all my own warning signs, I'm accused of trying too hard. If I try a 'let's meet in the middle' approach, I'm told I'm not trying hard enough - and that's my fault too. If they set me a goal which they know is way beyond my capabilities, that too is also my fault when I try to compromise or explain why it's likely to be too much for me.

Cutting a long story short - I can't do right for doing wrong. That's regardless of how much I take-up on advice.

[choirgirl]

It doesn't make sense that everyone wants you to fail. Most people couldn't give a stuff either way if you fail or not. The only time someone might want you to fail is if they're hoping you take the heat off them, you're up against them as a rival, or you're in some frenemy dynamic. OK, that's quite a lot of things, but it's not everyone wanting you to fail all of the time.

What a lovely tale, Mr Nobody. I think sometimes one does want some instant feedback in life that one has some agency and purpose, since most things in life take so damn long to achieve and the results of effort are so uncertain. And the instinctive drive thing is quite true.