Why do you think you suffer from social anxiety?

[helnhighwater]

I am interested to hear why other people think they suffer from social anxiety?
Whether you've had it from childhood?
Its come on over time?
Its originated from a particular experience?
Or whether its just in your nature?

I've often asked myself this question, how did I end up like this?
I've come to the conclusion its partly inherited from my parents, who both have social anxiety's, and partly, because my parents were not sociable people I perhaps didn't learn the vital social skills I should have done in early life. I love my parents, and they were brilliant at most things throughout my life but teaching/encourage social skills they were hopeless at. I feel bad for them because I now have children of my own so I know how hard it is to teach a child social skills when you have none of your own, but I do force myself into situations I know I'm not going to cope with well for the sake of my children in the hope they will be more sociable than I am. My own parents deliberately avoided social situations at all costs, and certainly wouldn't go anywhere where there was a lot of people or children around, and therefore never learnt how to interact with other people. By the time they realized they needed to do more it was really too late.

Why do you think you are socially anxious?

[DelicateFlower]

It runs in my family. My grandfather had it, so does my mother and my brother had it too. I don't know if it's genetic or whether it's just that none of us were bought up to socialize. I remember when I was very little wanting to be around people, I'd nag my mother to take me to her friends house. She never wanted to go. My mother always acted tense around people and I wonder if I picked this up. My social anxiety really start when I was about 10. I stopped being able to relate to the other children at school and started being bullied. As I got older the symptoms got worse. School became too much and by the time I was 15 I was hardly attending.

[Superfred]

Hey

I was always shy from a young age and when it became painful I don't know but by my teens it was really having an effect on my life.

My upbringing could have been better but I don't want to take away from my parents as I know they were only human and suffering from their own problems.

I also think that my nature is to be the responder and not the talker. I always find that I get on easier with talkative people...as they tend to carry the conversation. Quieter people I find more difficult as it requires me to initiate conversations more.

There's been other things along the way that haven't helped, like drinking and drugs, but thankfully they are things of the past now

I'm chewing on the debate now of whether social anxiety is something we need to change or or something we need to accept. It seems to be that a lot of my anguish come from fighting the fact that I am quiet and shy and painfully so.

Hope that answer your questions. Darren

[clyde33]

I'm sure my social anxiety is hereditary from my dad. My mum is really outgoing and sociable, but my dad is the opposite. I'm really like him in so many ways, and that's certainly something i've inherited from him. My mum had a tendency to over-protect me when i was small, she meant well but it left me scared to go to school on my own or do things when she wasn't there so that didn't help either. I was badly bullied for around 18 months when i was 9 by some people at school, and i'm sure that left an impact on me to this day. Horrible things like death threats (seems stupid now but at that age you believe things like that) and i was physically thumped almost daily at the end of the school day. I remember feeling like i wanted to die and i couldn't discuss it with my parents as my dad would just get so angry with me telling me to hit them back, my mum would get upset because my dad was angry and the school and teachers didn't want to know. Those three things are to blame.

[Between The Bars]

Looking back on things, I had it since an early age (early teens) but the term "social anxiety" was pretty unheard of at that time.
A build up of loads of things throughout my life made it worse, especially the death of my younger brother & party pills.

[Custard_cream]

Just completely stopping talking from the first day of secondary school, being called a freak, being told I am boring by a best friend from secondary school, being picked on for being along, having no friends, being ugly.

Suppose when you are alone for the whole of secondary school & sixth form you don't get to develop social skills and miss out on a lot so you also feel like you are behind a bit, like you don't have the experiences other people do, like people would just you badly for not having friends. You also question why you don't have friends and feel worthless, think that everyone thinks you are weird, stupid, boring, unlikeable.

^ That's just how I have felt and feel that lead to my SA.

[Some1]

Aspergers (what im diagnosed with), LLI (im pretty sure i have it, its often misdiagnosed with Aspergers too) and Alexithymia (or something like it). Im not entirely sure what names my problems have.

I've been shy all my life (not too long ik lol) but at the start of year 8 it just exploded.

[J Stabler]

Just unlucky I guess! In all honestly, think I would need to write a book to explain why I think I suffer from social anxiety.

[tryinghard]

Shame/failure.

Started when I was 16 as a result of feeling ashamed of the state I was in mentally (very poor mental health at the time - was a 'nutter' if you like). Very embarrassing...

I was largely excluded in primary school but interestingly this did not lead to SA, I think because I viewed it in a different way (i.e. did not think it was because there was something wrong with me, assumed there was something wrong with the other children. Arrogance is good for you).

[Some1]

Originally Posted by Some1

Aspergers (what im diagnosed with), LLI (im pretty sure i have it, its often misdiagnosed with Aspergers too) and Alexithymia (or something like it). Im not entirely sure what names my problems have.

I've been shy all my life (not too long ik lol) but at the start of year 8 it just exploded.

I also got bullied a bit before i went to my current school. Mostly for blushing easily, not being able to pronounce s's and r's properly and "walking like a penguin". I do walk slightly abnormally, but im pretty sure i dont walk like a penguin

[Gibson]

Originally Posted by J Stabler

Just unlucky I guess! In all honestly, think I would need to write a book to explain why I think I suffer from social anxiety.

Totally feel the same, don't think there's enough space (and I don't think anybody would be bothered to read it) for me to put all the reasons why I feel I am the way I am. But you have just prompted me to start trying to write everything out, instead of sitting here procrastinating, so thanks for that

[J Stabler]

Originally Posted by Carrera

Because my mum has it (learnt behaviour)

I had a panic attack when giving a presentation in front of class aged 11.
I developed a social avoidant behaviour after that.

I had difficulty finding job (interviews), talking with an audience (during work mostly) so always find it difficult settling in workplace.

Diagnosed with SA around 25.

Diagnosed with depression in 30s as a result of years of SA. (Although had depression since teens but hadn't let gp know).

Ah presentations in school, managed to stutter about four words out before I walked out on my first one then after that I just didn't turn up to classes when I knew I was going to have to give a presentation. Remember being in a class of about 20(this was in high school doing an apprenticeship in sport) and I was the only one who hadn't done a presentation, the teacher kept telling me for weeks I hadn't done it then eventually I was allowed to just do it infront of the teacher which was still nerve wracking but a lot better than infront of a whole class, think pity was taken on me!

[J Stabler]

Originally Posted by Carrera

At the beginning of every year I used to dread English classes with a new teacher, he/she mentioning that we would be asked to do a presentation in the year ahead, because I used to live in fear for the following months.

I know that feeling, reading out in class was another dread for me would barely get through a sentence, that was enough for me. Its horrible when you know something that's coming up that will bring on your anxiety in a major way because that's all that's on your mind constantly and its impossible to get out your head! Think I had no other way but to avoid them situations in school as best I could.

[neilm]

Originally Posted by Carrera

I remember crying myself to sleep when I knew I had to make a talk in front of the class and then in the morning trying to convince my mum I was too Ill to go into school.

At the beginning of every year I used to dread English classes with a new teacher, he/she mentioning that we would be asked to do a presentation in the year ahead, because I used to live in fear for the following months.

Yes , I was the same, Used to dread being forced to read or talk in front of the class too. didn't have to do it very often thankfully, but the dread of it was always there.

Best Days of Our Lives......... NOT!!!!!

[sam1w2e]

These days I would say it's largely centred around how paranoid I am about my appearance.

If you asked me a few years ago I probably would have said things more related to my personality; but I think I've come to accept the things I used to hate about myself. E.g. I used to hate that I was always a lot quieter than others; but that doesn't really bother me anymore, I know I'm just not a huge talker.

[purplerose]

No idea but I have had it since I was a child !
I remember on a few occasions crying because I didn't want to be around groups of people and I didn't want to go to school. Over the years it got worse and worse

[umm]

Originally Posted by helnhighwater

I am interested to hear why other people think they suffer from social anxiety?
Whether you've had it from childhood?
Its come on over time?
Its originated from a particular experience?
Or whether its just in your nature?

Why do you think you are socially anxious?

I think it's a combination of a naturally sensitive (bleaurgh! ) temperament coupled with parents who were well-meaning and very good in many ways but were of a generation that said I just needed to toughen up and beat my way out of it. I feel I might have benefited from having it less considered a personality defect than just a characteristic, and working with it. There may be a genetic component as well, as my sister is a little SA too but seems to have lucked out a bit more. I'm pretty sure it's always been there.

[Armadillo]

I know exactly why I have SA

Being an extremely sensitive child who was always told by mother, "leave me alone, you get on my nerves"......"you can't do anything right"...."god why cant you just grow up and leave home"...and the punchline...."your dad left because of you"

It wasnt just what she said, it was the lack of affection and the fact that she never bonded with me..I was her first and she hated me from birth, never bonded. My younger sisters she adored, and was always telling me why couldnt I be like them.

She would look at me with disgust, tell me to go away if I tried to get any affection.

That kind of shit sticks.

[goku]

nature + nurture for me I think.
Genetically predisposed to it I guess but nurturing played a big role.
I wouldn't blame anyone else for it though, born to a young mum who was new to the country and a young dad who couldn't stay out of prison.
Meant me and my brother would often tag along with our mum to her several cleaning jobs rather than playing with other kids outside of school etc.
School was a nightmare too having said that, HATED IT!

[umm]

Originally Posted by Armadillo

I know exactly why I have SA

Being an extremely sensitive child who was always told by mother, "leave me alone, you get on my nerves"......"you can't do anything right"...."god why cant you just grow up and leave home"...and the punchline...."your dad left because of you"

It wasnt just what she said, it was the lack of affection and the fact that she never bonded with me..I was her first and she hated me from birth, never bonded. My younger sisters she adored, and was always telling me why couldnt I be like them.

She would look at me with disgust, tell me to go away if I tried to get any affection.

That kind of shit sticks.

Gosh, that's horrible. Wish there was some way I could click my fingers and make stuff like that never happen to people.

[Armadillo]

Originally Posted by umm

Gosh, that's horrible. Wish there was some way I could click my fingers and make stuff like that never happen to people.

Me too - but on a more positive note, I made damn sure my kids are not subject to the same insecurities.

[ghost.of.an.englishman]

well, having to deal with too much death and illness in my early teens and my peers at the time treating me like crap. It could have been worse I suppose.