Perceived

[Ezio]

Hi All. Just curious but have you had many experiences of doing something because you were anxious which then led to alot of people perceiving as you reacting differently to a situation. In work in the last 6 months this happened a lot with different people where I was slightly anxious so avoided etc. Then it was perceived differently to how I really felt. Plus a lot of people in work know I'm shy as have told people I'm a shy guy. Maybe I don't look as if I'm anxious a lot of times. Though I thought if people know I'm shy they would least understand more. A few do but a lot don't.

[biscuits]

Sometimes I feel so anxious and then people say, "you're so calm all the time."

Maybe I don't have a very expressive face. I can't move my eyebrows veery well.

Do you mean that people think you're not interested rather than thinking that you're feeling anxious about taking part?

[Ezio]

Yep that happens a lot with me too.
I think for me its because I'm very quiet too so people don't know how I feel.
Yep that's one example. Alot of time people at work ask me if I'm happy or having a good time when out/at work. Though I did mention to some colleagues that most of the time I am happy even if I don't look it. Then one replied its because I'm quiet that people are maybe just checking in. Its confusing.

[biscuits]

That's sweet that they check in to see that you're okay. They must like and care about you

But yeah - I'm similar in that I'd prefer it if they didn't ask

[Ezio]

Haha. Guess your right. Maybe I'm overthinking it a little.

[Mr. Nobody]

I tend to be okay one-to-one in a working environment,
But I find it hard to deal with an entire office of people,
So, I generally don't engage much with groups,
But I've noticed that most other people do manage to somehow engage with an entire office,

But what's happened is that it's become the case that nobody replies if I ask a question, or helps out or anything,
I think it's somehow turned into a case of, "well you never talk to us, so, we have shut you out"

Anxious behaviour is probably always going to be misinterpreted, it's a pity, as I probably could engage with most people perfectly fine just face to face,

Good for you though, on telling your work colleagues that you are shy, that's brave to put that out there.

In my workplace, showing any weaknesses would just make you an even bigger target,

There really are some dreadful people in my workplace,

[biscuits]

^ that's really sad how a lot of workplaces don't prioritise creating a welcoming environment where everyone feels valued and part of the team. Even if they don't look at it from a mental well-being viewpoint (which they should) -> happy and valued employees = better productivity.

[Mr. Nobody]

^
I think it's just a case of reciprocal behaviour,
I have unfortunately not been keen on greeting everyone in the offices and making small talk etc.
I tend to zip in and out of there quickly and just for business,
I suppose all they're doing is giving the same behaviour back to me,..

I don't blame them, it's just another annoying quirk of being anxious around groups of people,
I've just never really learned my way into normal social behaviours, I've missed out on all that,
So, all I really have is being busy with my job,

But, fundamentally it's just that old SA classic of anxious behaviour being misinterpreted as aloofness or enmity even?

[Amara 94]

^ I’m thinking that you don’t need to please others though. You need to be honest but real honesty is hard and scary. I’m realising that I can’t please everyone. Even those I want to please.

[Mr. Nobody]

^
yeah,.. one or two of them, I must admit, I don't really have any time for them or any real feeling of respect,
But there's a few I'd quite like to chat to, one woman is really pleasant and I'd really like to chat to her more,
But, again, it's the whole "group " thing I can't quite get past,
And it would seem ignorant of me just to chat specifically and exclusively to the same one or two,. That would feel wrong somehow, like I'm pointedly excluding other people somehow?

And it would all be within earshot of other people and I'm not a fan of those conversations that are kind of open to everyone, but not, in a sense?

I'm probably over-complicating everything in my mind,

Urgh, communication is a minefield in my mind

[Amara 94]

The behaviour is also not reciprocal imo. It’s what they might interpret your behaviour as but it’s based on misunderstanding, not the truth.

It’s easier said than done like most things, but yeah you do find it easier to speak to certain people. It doesn’t make you a bad person. I feel like we are expected to be completely fair when in all honesty we honestly aren’t. I think it’s best to acknowledge that you are more comfortable speaking to certain people but that the people you and I find it difficult to speak to aren’t bad or worse in any sense usually.

I feel sometimes a politically correct society causes us to be more dishonest about certain feelings that are seen as abnormal or negative because they are stigmatised rather than acknowledge and work through the feelings.