Hi

[Calli]

Hi this is my first post and I find it hard to talk about but struggling with friends and family understanding me right now. I have a wonderful husband and two kids and have just moved to the USA from the UK. I have a business on both sides. While in the USA I really struggled being there and had what I know now anxiety attics pretty much every day for hours. I just wanted to get out of the USA and return to the UK, Having been back in UK for a few weeks now I have been diagnosed with SAD which totally makes sense of how I am and have been for the past 42 years, ( I wish I knew earlier) I have started group CBT and started meds today. I know I can work on this and want to, but my biggest anxiety is returning back to the USA were my family are at the moment. The thought of this gives me huge attacks and it scares me how out of control I am of my own mind. Trying to explain this to my family is so hard, we have worked so hard to get there and now all I want is for them to come back to the UK. This is so new to me and my husband wants to work at it and try and keep our family in the USA but I don't know realistically if I can do it. My children our in their teens so the longer is takes to sort out the more we are messing them around, I feel so trapped. I have suffered for many years but never this bad, in away at has been a good thing as now I know what I am dealing with. I just we I knew what to do, and the thought of all the years my mind has been playing tricks on me saddens me and scares me, what is normal thoughts ? x x x x

[umm]

Moving to a new country is a big change, so it is reasonable to have some wobbles. Just try and think of all the good things - good weather (generally), more space for your buck as it were and of course the, ahem, wonderful new President! I lived in the USA for 3 and a bit years and, thinking back, I remember the very first time I went there I felt finally free of SA - unjudged and I dunno, sort of in demand as a person. God it was a blessed relief.

It's such a big country though that it is easy to feel isolated and the familiar touchstones we have here - pubs, rain, rolling green hills, old buildings and whatnot - are absent in many parts. But on the flipside there is a very positive mentality, very open and creative and dynamic that can really help with anxiety, I found. I think it could be useful to enumerate the things that are bothering you most about going back (if you can, if there are things) and then think about ways to circumvent them and head them off, or things you can look forward to and be excited about. I find having positives to stuff my head with helps with the anxiety. It's as if my brain has to think something, anything, and if I don't give it good, nutrutious happy thoughts, it will binge on crappy ones.

I was in the same boat recently - my wife is from the US and I really didn't want to go because things were OK here. In the event though the decision to stay was made for us. But the worst case scenario is you go back, hate it for a few years and when when the kids are older you come back. Merrie old England and her charms will still be here, and you'll have some unique set of experiences.

[Seagull]

Good luck with it Calli, similar to Umm above, I lived and worked in the USA on and off for many years, longest solid stint being four years and I found it easier there, people less judgemental and cynical etc. I also went to a fantastic SA support group over there and made many lifelong friends through it. Massive upheaval I appreciate, but you've got your family by your side.

[stixape]

Hi Calli,

Welcome!

Everyone's advice here has been great, and I certainly don't want to discourage you from addressing your fear of moving back to the USA (if you feel up to it!)

However, I also want to offer you the alternative side, which is to say that if you really feel that you need to be in a safe place for now, while you begin to deal with your anxiety - that's OK too!

I know family pressures can be hard, but if they truly love you (as they no doubt do) then your wellbeing will be the most important thing. For myself, I spend my time hiding in my room, where I feel safe. From that place of safety, I can step out and expose myself in a manageable, escalating way without having to face the worst fear up front.

If you need some time to do the same sort of thing, to build up to your return to the USA, I think that's fine.

This is just my very limited opinion, of course. I hope you start to feel better soon, and that the treatment is life-changing for you. And I hope you feel comfortable in this forum - it's a safe place to share our vulnerabilites.