BBC article on "pee shyness"

Medea · #1 26th November 2005, 19:36

I know a few SAers suffer this so I'm posting a link to the article.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4471750.stm

ren

#2 26th November 2005, 19:49

Hmm, I have this to a certain extent, ie I can't use public urinals but always have to use a cubicle.

jimmi · #3 26th November 2005, 20:00

Me too kind of. I know why it started too. I was at a motorway service station and I went to use the toilets (which are always crowded in these places) went to the urinal and this kid (probably about five or six) just stood there staring at me. For the life of me I just couldn't pee - and ever since I use the stalls unless there is no option. Doesn't really effect me though - why is it considered that men should use urinals anyway? Does anyone normal enjoy pulling their dick out in public?

(cue coarse remarks

)

Sios · #4 26th November 2005, 20:19

Yeah I have this big time. Luckily at work theres only one urinal per toilet room, so there's a good excuse to use the cubical.

i've had some bad experiences in clubs though, when i went to the toilet and there was someone in there I knew and they just expected me to join them at the urinal lol. They thought i was going for a crap when I went in the cubicle, which looks pretty strange at 1.30am in a club.

Once i was on a college trip and me and a bunch of us had been going around pubs drinking and then ended up walking around the town.

Me and this other lad were dying for the loo after drinking so much , but we couldn't find any toilets. We ended up going down this alley way to go. I was absolutely desperate to go, but as i stood there up against the wall with him just i few feet away, i just seized up and couldn't go.

Luckily we walked past a pub a bit later and I sneaked in there without anyone noticeing.

But this problem had definitely caused me alot of stress.:embarass:

milesmartin · #5 26th November 2005, 20:22

Omg ive had this problem for years! I thought i was just a bit stupidand have never told anyone!! I feel so much better to know im not the only one!!!

jimmi · #6 26th November 2005, 20:28

I don't know if this is really a problem - you know preferring to use a stall is just that, a preference. Its not a mental condition or anything. I think the BBC article may be refering to people who can't use public toilets at all - maybe a fear of germs etc. However, I do find it a bit awkward waiting for a toilet to become free when there are plenty of urinals. Also, I don't think this is uncommon at all.

#7 26th November 2005, 20:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimmi

I don't know if this is really a problem - you know preferring to use a stall is just that, a preference.

I have to say that it's not a preference for me. No, it's because I'm far too self-conscious to use a urinal where there are other people who can see me.

I can't, ahem...perform otherwise.

Sios · #8 26th November 2005, 20:42

Thats right its not a preference....I literally can't go when standing at a urinal...Well maybe if I'm confident there's nobody else there, and I push on my bladder lol.

jimmi · #9 26th November 2005, 20:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Intro Guy

I have to say that it's not a preference for me. No, it's because I'm far too self conscious to use a urinal where there are other people who can see me.

Thats fine, what I meant is that some people can't use public toilets full stop - and I think this is what the article is talking about. But there are also people, like those who posted here, who can use public toilets but use the stalls because of shyness or whatever.

#10 26th November 2005, 20:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimmi

Thats fine, what I meant is that some people can't use public toilets full stop - and I think this is what the article is talking about.

Yes, I understand. The article does suggest that it's about people who can't use public toilets at all.

Jessie Phillips · #11 26th November 2005, 23:20

I don't think there's a distinction. Sure, cubicles give you a bit more privacy, but not much. If you've still got people queueing outside the door, and there's gaps at the top and the bottom and everyone can hear everything, it can be a bit nerve-wracking.

The thing that's frustrating is that in so many public places, loos are so thin on the ground! Especially in central London. The best shopping centre I've been in for loos, in my opinion, is St Nicholas Way in Sutton, there's loads of them and you never have to queue.

Pee shyness means longer queues, which means visitors that don't come back, which means lower takings for local businesses. Local authorities take note.

english-ice · #12 27th November 2005, 00:40

I sometimes have trouble peeing in a urinal but I don't know if its pee shyness or just the cold weather?

Xaeryx · #13 27th November 2005, 01:18

I never pee in a urinal. Firstly due to pee shyness, but secondly because I'm not accurate, and I tend to spray. So I'd rather not look like I've just wet myself.

krankenshaft · #14 27th November 2005, 03:27

I can't use urinals at all. MUST use cubicles.

I tired to go at a urinal and ended just just standing there for a few seconds, nothing went, and just pulled my zip up and left. It was pretty embarrassing since the guy standing next to me would've been thinking, 'what was all that about?'

#15 27th November 2005, 18:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by krankenshaft

I tired to go at a urinal and ended just just standing there for a few seconds, nothing went, and just pulled my zip up and left. It was pretty embarrassing since the guy standing next to me would've been thinking, 'what was all that about?'

That's happened to me too.

krankenshaft · #16 27th November 2005, 19:04

It's terrible at football matches, when the only toilets are rooms with metal urinals along all the walls with people queing out the doors at half time. I always remember to go before i leave the house.:D

#17 27th November 2005, 19:54

Oh yes, I could never use those. :hidesbehi

morristheferret · #18 28th November 2005, 01:59

Hi guys

I went to the Anxiety conference this weekend, and there were some talks about it there.

Shybladder syndrome doesn't really cover the germ aspect of public toliets, to much, but more the anxiety of being around other people when having to use the toliet.

I went along to one of the support sessions at the conference, becuase I suffer sometimes from it, It's a mild case for me, i.e using urinals when others are around, while it doesn't effect my life to bad, it's annoying at sometimes.

Anyway I went along to one of the support sessions @ conference / I doubled it up with my SA exposure

i.e. Going along and talking about this kind of thing, in front of people.

The people there were really good and gave great advice
their website is:

http://www.shybladder.org.uk/

They also run residental courses as well, next one in manchester in january so I believe.

There are varying degress of bashful bladder, ranging from completly unable to urinate in public ( even a cubicle ) therefore the people need to self catheter, to anxiety about using urinals.

It is reported that people like Justin Timberlake orders his bouncers to clear out public toiliets, before he goes in, also other famous people.

NB: this problem also effects many women also.

Jessie Phillips · #19 28th November 2005, 10:55

yeah I agree, so far this thread has been almost exclusively about men being embarrassed at urinals, but for some it goes further than that. For some, it's difficult even using cubicles in public toilets, especially when it's busy and lots of people are milling around outside. And for some it's difficult to use toilets at a friend's place, because you know they're only in the next room. And the result is that you can be locked in the cubicle / bathroom for ages, and people are starting to wonder what's going on.

A pee shy person might even be worried that people think they're taking drugs, self-harming or are bulimic, especially if they have a known history of any of these things. When someone yells through the door "You alright in there?" it usually doesn't help.

scarlet_diva · #20 28th November 2005, 11:44

I've always wondered how the heck men do it, I certainly couldn't, I'd be far too embarrassed to do it in public with no wall separating you from your neighbour. I'm not surprised there's a lot of pee shyness going on. My ex-hubby always used a stall; even though he wasn't SA, he just had a real problem with this. As a woman, i think it's kind of different because you don't have everything 'down there' in plain view since you're sitting down (girlfriends will sometimes use the same toilet while continuing to chat) but even so, if we had didn't have cubicles in a public loo, I would have some major probs with that-- I'd probably have to hold it in until I got home!

nemesis20 · #21 28th November 2005, 18:07

I'm glad people are finally realising that we don't live in medievil times anymore! To think in this day and age that some men still pee next to eachother against a wall

I've always thought it was strange and unhygienic and more and more people are uncomfortable with the idea. In many work places now the toilets are unisex, and EVERYONE is provided with cubicles. I think it's quite sexist to expect men to 'parade themselves' whereas it is considered 'private' for women and so they use cubicles. In my work no-one seems to use the urinals at all lol

If you think this is bad mind; try the toilets at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris - the men have to pee in full view of the women -

Although this seems to be the norm in quite a few toilets in France. Shocking.

jimmi · #22 28th November 2005, 18:55

When I was an undergrad at Sheffield uni I used to go to the midweek student night at the Roxy. Anyway, they gave out free beer from 9pm-11pm (Hoffmeister - ugh!) - so loads of people showed up. Once when I was in the toilets some of the girls from my halls came into the mens toilets checking out the men at the urinals and making loud comments. Thankfully I was using a cubicle - so no problem for me

. Just think if the opposite happened, I'm sure the men would have been carted off for sexual harrassment or something. Urinals are just a bad idea full stop.

#23 28th November 2005, 19:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by nemesis20

I'm glad people are finally realising that we don't live in medievil times anymore! To think in this day and age that some men still pee next to eachother against a wall

I've always thought it was strange and unhygienic and more and more people are uncomfortable with the idea. In many work places now the toilets are unisex, and EVERYONE is provided with cubicles. I think it's quite sexist to expect men to 'parade themselves' whereas it is considered 'private' for women and so they use cubicles. In my work no-one seems to use the urinals at all lol

Good post!

pob · #24 29th November 2005, 01:09

I think a lot of the time when this happens, particularly with people with SA, is because when they go to the toilet, they dont actually need to go that badly. People with SA (speaking from my own experiences) use the toilet as an excuse to leave a social situation. This is fine if the toilets are empty, and it doesnt matter if anything comes out or not. But when someone comes along, stands right next to you, starts merrily peeing away before you've even started, thats when the anxiety kicks in and you seize up. The longer it takes you to start peeing the more the anxiety kicks in. When the other chap has finished and you still havent done anything you just feel awful. I try and make sure I really need to go, if i go to a urinal.

Jessie Phillips · #25 29th November 2005, 21:14

Quote:

When I was an undergrad at Sheffield uni I used to go to the midweek student night at the Roxy. Anyway, they gave out free beer from 9pm-11pm (Hoffmeister - ugh!) - so loads of people showed up. Once when I was in the toilets some of the girls from my halls came into the mens toilets checking out the men at the urinals and making loud comments.

That's one of the occupational hazards of venues where there's a lot of alcohol flowing. People who've drunk a lot generally want to pee quickly, and don't want to wait long - that's the way it is. They're also more brazen. As a result, when women's toilets are overcrowded and the queues are too long, drunken women will invade the mens and try to intimidate them into vacating the toilets so they can use the facilities themselves - and there's not a lot you can do about it.

But I disagree that it would have been different if the tables had been turned. I think you'll find that if anyone complains about women in the men's toilets, or men in the women's toilets, then the bouncers might kick them out onto the street - but beyond that, they don't really care. They'll be perfectly happy to let them in again on the next night unless their memories are very good, and the bouncers don't have more serious problems to deal with, eg fist fights.

To be honest I never use urinals, I don't even consider it a problem, because cubicles are usually available except in the most crowded places. But I do consider the complete inability to use public toilets at all to be a problem.