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  #1  
Old 3rd January 2011, 00:04
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default tell lies

i found my entire childhood experiences from ages 6-10 on youtube.
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  #2  
Old 3rd January 2011, 01:25
Grogoch Grogoch is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I procreated with a mutant, some time ago in the murky past. and today I gave birth to a mutant sproglet. and i'm calling her Sindy. She has gills. and green claws. i'm putting pink ribbons in her hair. and feeding her titanium
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  #3  
Old 3rd January 2011, 03:55
Mortigantoj Mortigantoj is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I'm ok (trust me!)
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  #4  
Old 3rd January 2011, 04:28
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

if you print all of my sauk posts out on A4 paper and lay them out in order in the shape of a square, it produces a square with sides 3 miles long. when viewed from 3 miles above, my text forms an image of myself pushing a lawnmower across the deck of the fully-crewed Mary Celeste.

viewed from a mile up you can see the follicles of my hair, and from half a mile up you can visually discern the structure of my dna. further zooming in reveals my constituent atoms with fully visible electron energy clouds etc.

this post corresponds to a hangnail on my left ring finger.


if the text is printed out in comic sans, the 3 mile square image is of myself brushing my teeth, wearing just a fez.


in times new roman the image is a magic eye picture* which, when focussed on correctly, yields a three dimensional image of a fully functional crystal ball, capable of foretelling any future event subject to a 3% degree of error.


lastly, if the accumulated posts are converted into morse code and printed out, and wrapped around a sphere of radius (3/3 of 3miles), at the centre of the sphere a small portal will form. if you put your hand thru this portal, you will feel the back of your own head.


the final shock is that i didn't make my posts do this on purpose, i just found all this out on hogmanay 2010 when i left my printer on overnight by accident.



*some have claimed that if you look at the times new roman image in a 3 mile by 3 mile mirror, a different magic eye image is formed. when correctly focussed on, this magic eye image reveals yet another magic eye image, ie a magic eye within a magic eye. when focussed upon correctly, this second magic eye reveals a 3d picture of two dolphins frolicing.
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  #5  
Old 3rd January 2011, 04:33
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mortigantoj
I'm ok (trust me!)

hope you are big chap, and thats no lie
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  #6  
Old 3rd January 2011, 05:20
Rane Rane is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Even though Isambard Kingdom Brunel, Hue Hefner and myself share the same birthday, we are all equally worth knowing.
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  #7  
Old 3rd January 2011, 08:49
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

From 1979 to 1981 I worked as Peter Andre's official advisor in all his dealings with the DVLA. My grandfather invented the door.
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  #8  
Old 3rd January 2011, 11:06
xTKsaucex xTKsaucex is offline
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Dreaming

Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fatty Arbottle
My grandfather invented the door.
Don't know why that's so funny.


Me and the Queen once got caught in a drugs bust in Morocco.

I found Saddam first

I got sacked from BP when I was dared to push the big red button on that oil rig.

The French are a good bunch of people
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  #9  
Old 3rd January 2011, 11:41
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

This one time, I bounced on my space-hopper so hard that it altered my DNA. Doctors said it had got all jumbled up on account of the bouncing I done.
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  #10  
Old 3rd January 2011, 11:52
marki marki is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I have fallen out with Tara Palmer Tomkinson and you can read all about it in this weeks News Of The World.
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  #11  
Old 3rd January 2011, 11:53
marki marki is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

My doctor prescribed me midget gems for my social anxiety.
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  #12  
Old 3rd January 2011, 12:01
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fatty Arbottle
This one time, I bounced on my space-hopper so hard that it altered my DNA. Doctors said it had got all jumbled up on account of the bouncing I done.

i have squashed dna too, in my case caused by bad posture.
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  #13  
Old 3rd January 2011, 12:11
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by seth brundle
i have squashed dna too
It's no biggy. NASA asked if they could study mine, for the rocket stuff they do, but I had a dentist appointment.
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  #14  
Old 3rd January 2011, 12:13
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fatty Arbottle
It's no biggy. NASA asked if they could study mine, for the rocket stuff they do, but I had a dentist appointment.

they tested my dna but abandoned the study because they quickly established that my dna "was not correct"
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  #15  
Old 3rd January 2011, 12:16
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by seth brundle
they tested my dna but abandoned the study because they quickly established that my dna "was not correct"
bummer. my uncle works for NASA, actually he owns it, so maybe I could have a word.
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  #16  
Old 3rd January 2011, 12:16
Nuff Nuff is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I hate this topic ALOT!
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  #17  
Old 3rd January 2011, 12:18
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nuff
I hate this topic ALOT!
I don't get it
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  #18  
Old 3rd January 2011, 12:26
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

i dont want nobody else, i love you
(she's lying)
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  #19  
Old 3rd January 2011, 12:27
Mortigantoj Mortigantoj is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

^
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  #20  
Old 3rd January 2011, 12:58
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

In 1872 there was a shortage of exclamation marks due to a strike by the National Union of Typesetters. Excitement was severely rationed and nothing extraordinary occured that year.
My uncle invented cheese in an effort to avoid the butter tax.
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  #21  
Old 3rd January 2011, 13:11
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I'm not the man you think I am at all, oh no - I'm a Rocket Man!
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  #22  
Old 3rd January 2011, 14:40
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I was the first person to successfully breed dairylea triangles in captivity.
You know peanut butter? - doesn't contain peanuts, fact.
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  #23  
Old 3rd January 2011, 15:56
Mr_Bean Mr_Bean is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I was the first man on the moon. I pop to Mars occasionally on holiday.
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  #24  
Old 3rd January 2011, 20:14
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

The Haribo corporation was founded by disgraced nazi war criminal Heinrich Haribo.
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  #25  
Old 3rd January 2011, 22:07
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

'A la recherche du temps perdu' was an unexpected success in the world of publishing arising, as it did, from an incorrectly translated leaflet enclosed in a shipment sent from the dunlop factory in Swindon to a Raleigh Bicycle franchise in Ballycomeuppance, Sligo.
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  #26  
Old 3rd January 2011, 23:22
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fatty Arbottle
The Haribo corporation was founded by disgraced nazi war criminal Heinrich Haribo.
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  #27  
Old 5th January 2011, 05:12
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

i am sound asleep.
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  #28  
Old 5th January 2011, 05:13
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

...nor am i disturbingly addicted to mass effect 2
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  #29  
Old 5th January 2011, 06:56
Mortigantoj Mortigantoj is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

She loves me!
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  #30  
Old 5th January 2011, 11:10
Admiral Fool Admiral Fool is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I know the secret of life but I'm not telling anybody.
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