#2
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Re: tell lies
I procreated with a mutant, some time ago in the murky past. and today I gave birth to a mutant sproglet. and i'm calling her Sindy. She has gills. and green claws. i'm putting pink ribbons in her hair. and feeding her titanium
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#4
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Re: tell lies
if you print all of my sauk posts out on A4 paper and lay them out in order in the shape of a square, it produces a square with sides 3 miles long. when viewed from 3 miles above, my text forms an image of myself pushing a lawnmower across the deck of the fully-crewed Mary Celeste.
viewed from a mile up you can see the follicles of my hair, and from half a mile up you can visually discern the structure of my dna. further zooming in reveals my constituent atoms with fully visible electron energy clouds etc. this post corresponds to a hangnail on my left ring finger. if the text is printed out in comic sans, the 3 mile square image is of myself brushing my teeth, wearing just a fez. in times new roman the image is a magic eye picture* which, when focussed on correctly, yields a three dimensional image of a fully functional crystal ball, capable of foretelling any future event subject to a 3% degree of error. lastly, if the accumulated posts are converted into morse code and printed out, and wrapped around a sphere of radius (3/3 of 3miles), at the centre of the sphere a small portal will form. if you put your hand thru this portal, you will feel the back of your own head. the final shock is that i didn't make my posts do this on purpose, i just found all this out on hogmanay 2010 when i left my printer on overnight by accident. *some have claimed that if you look at the times new roman image in a 3 mile by 3 mile mirror, a different magic eye image is formed. when correctly focussed on, this magic eye image reveals yet another magic eye image, ie a magic eye within a magic eye. when focussed upon correctly, this second magic eye reveals a 3d picture of two dolphins frolicing. |
#6
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Re: tell lies
Even though Isambard Kingdom Brunel, Hue Hefner and myself share the same birthday, we are all equally worth knowing.
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#7
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Re: tell lies
From 1979 to 1981 I worked as Peter Andre's official advisor in all his dealings with the DVLA. My grandfather invented the door.
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#8
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Re: tell lies
Quote:
Me and the Queen once got caught in a drugs bust in Morocco. I found Saddam first I got sacked from BP when I was dared to push the big red button on that oil rig. The French are a good bunch of people |
#9
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Re: tell lies
This one time, I bounced on my space-hopper so hard that it altered my DNA. Doctors said it had got all jumbled up on account of the bouncing I done.
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#10
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Re: tell lies
I have fallen out with Tara Palmer Tomkinson and you can read all about it in this weeks News Of The World.
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#11
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Re: tell lies
My doctor prescribed me midget gems for my social anxiety.
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#12
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Re: tell lies
Quote:
i have squashed dna too, in my case caused by bad posture. |
#13
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Re: tell lies
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#14
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Re: tell lies
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they tested my dna but abandoned the study because they quickly established that my dna "was not correct" |
#15
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Re: tell lies
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#16
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Re: tell lies
I hate this topic ALOT!
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#17
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Re: tell lies
Quote:
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#20
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Re: tell lies
In 1872 there was a shortage of exclamation marks due to a strike by the National Union of Typesetters. Excitement was severely rationed and nothing extraordinary occured that year.
My uncle invented cheese in an effort to avoid the butter tax. |
#21
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Re: tell lies
I'm not the man you think I am at all, oh no - I'm a Rocket Man!
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#22
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Re: tell lies
I was the first person to successfully breed dairylea triangles in captivity.
You know peanut butter? - doesn't contain peanuts, fact. |
#24
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Re: tell lies
The Haribo corporation was founded by disgraced nazi war criminal Heinrich Haribo.
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#25
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Re: tell lies
'A la recherche du temps perdu' was an unexpected success in the world of publishing arising, as it did, from an incorrectly translated leaflet enclosed in a shipment sent from the dunlop factory in Swindon to a Raleigh Bicycle franchise in Ballycomeuppance, Sligo.
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#30
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Re: tell lies
I know the secret of life but I'm not telling anybody.
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