People getting too close to you

firemonkey · #1 7th August 2018, 07:24

I am not talking as in close physical proximity but in terms of getting personal. I've had this a few times with email correspondence and I go into avoidant/panic mode. Like when people suggest to meet up/they'll visit you. The immediate thought is " If you see me in the flesh you'll see what a boring/not very good person I am" and "oh s**t entertaining someone face to face !" It's like I struggle to know how to interact face to face.

firemonkey · #2 7th August 2018, 10:21

Don't get me wrong . This is a rare thing. Outside of family I have very little email contact . Very few have suggested meeting but it throws me when they do . Most email contact that I have fades quite quickly.

gregarious_introvert · #3 7th August 2018, 12:03

I'm similar to jez in that I would like people to get closer. In the last three years, I have got to meet a lot more people (well, any would have been a lot more!) through meetup but I've had difficulty in turning those encounters into friendships (having said that, I met my girlfriend there - but my difficulty has always been in making platonic friends, not meeting partners).

E-mail and PM contact fades pretty quickly with me too; I think I'm just essentially a boring person.

Spectrelight · #4 8th August 2018, 20:27

I can meet someone and engage in general chit chat and have a laugh about random things with few problems these days but once it starts going beyond that it becomes a problem for me. I’m not worried about what they see on the surface but I always worry that if they really get to know me they’ll be put off because there’s only so long that I can try to gloss over things. I can go pretty quiet once things start getting too personal and this usually puts people off in the end.

Quote:

Originally Posted by biscuits

I don’t think I’ve ever been the first person to suggest meeting up because I just can’t tell if people like me. It’s a mind field. I tend to get these things embarrassingly wrong!

I only ever suggest meeting up first with people on dating sites and that’s only because I have to, I can’t remember the last time I suggested meeting someone for the first time for any other reason.

khs · #5 16th August 2018, 18:21

I don't have experience meeting people online at all (there's no way in hell I could handle holding a conversation with someone on the internet for that long), but just in general with people I know in real life, getting close to people is the most terrifying thing to me.

Yes my social anxiety certainly effects how I interact with strangers and acquaintances, but how it effects people I am more personal with is a whole other beast.

Familiarity is terrifying. I feel like I am being pushed further and further into a box. I have to act in the exact way that they would expect me to. I feel like I can't change my hair or clothes or talk about new things or do something different for fear of ruining the image they have if me. Even if I were to change something in a positive way, it still makes me uncomfortable to think that they might see me in a different way, even if it's better. I can never share personal things about myself with other people. I push people away even when I don't want to because the familiarity scares me. Because of this I am not close with anyone even though I want to be. The idea of being close with other people seems amazing, and I love watching videos or shows where people seem to have really close friendships. I want that so bad but it's also the most terrifying and uncomfortable thing to me.

Messer · #6 16th August 2018, 20:46

^ I'm like that too, I can't share personal stuff at all. Mundane stuff as well as deeper things. I just can't bear to be judged.

I hate chatting to people, it's so hard to think of things to say. I'm either quiet and boring or I talk too much under pressure, and hate myself for it later. So much easier not to bother.

DanielleGaresh · #7 16th August 2018, 21:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by firemonkey

I am not talking as in close physical proximity but in terms of getting personal. I've had this a few times with email correspondence and I go into avoidant/panic mode. Like when people suggest to meet up/they'll visit you. The immediate thought is " If you see me in the flesh you'll see what a boring/not very good person I am" and "oh s**t entertaining someone face to face !" It's like I struggle to know how to interact face to face.

I have this same issue but i have learned that the more you decide not to meet the individual it then becomes easier and easier to not meet them next time.

before you know it a chasm has grown between you and your friend and i feel more worthless.

I started just saying yes and thinking of conversations to have before handf. pretty much everyone loves talking about themselves so i just have a list of questions memorized in my head