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Old 18th April 2018, 09:23
anewyear anewyear is offline
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 245
Default Physicality and SA

I had an interesting experience at work yesterday. I have a new role (same company) with a different manager post a re-org. Really not looking forward to it as there is a lot of presentation work and networking involved. Eurgghh Can't think of much worse.


My new boss is about 6'4'' (literally) and confident, e.g. there was a company session with 80 people in the room and he was coordinating one of those panel discussion on stage things.

I was talking to him afterwards. Now I'd generally find that anxiety inducing anyway (new person, I'm sure you understand ) but him being physically a lot bigger makes it worse. I'm a 5'9'' 11 stone fella so smallish average.

But here's the thing.

On the first day I was standing when I was talking to him and the height difference seemed huge and affected me negatively.

On the second day, I happened to be sitting and he was standing. Now obviously the gap is more significant, but I felt less negatively affected which surprised me.

Maybe that's because in that scenario I look more "normal" and he looks more unnatural, not sure..

There is definitely something primeval though about confidence and physicality, like we're about to break with modern taboos and start whacking each other with wooly mammoth bones.
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Old 18th April 2018, 09:35
Melangell Melangell is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 4,874
Default Re: Physicality and SA

I think it might be the other way around, kind of, if you see what I mean.

If you are secure in yourself then I don't think other people's physical make up would affect you at all, but being low in confidence means that we are very sensitive to other people, whether it's their personality or behaviour or physical appearance.

I'm quite tall & big boned for a woman, if I'm with a smaller, petite woman I feel like a big freak, but if I'm with a woman quite a bit taller than me I feel small and stupid. can't win. I don't think it's a primeval thing, not for me anyway, I just think it's my subconscious negatively comparing myself to other people & feeling like I'm 'wrong'.
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Old 18th April 2018, 09:37
Marco Marco is offline
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 236
Default Re: Physicality and SA

I have a recurring dream about being surrounded by very tall people...
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Old 18th April 2018, 19:01
clyde33 clyde33 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 458


Default Re: Physicality and SA

At 5' 9" you're not small. I certainly don't think so as my husband is that height and I've never thought of him as small even though I'm just an inch shorter.

Your boss is just a giraffe.
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Old 30th April 2018, 12:59
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: near Bolsover, Derbyshire
Posts: 752
Blog Entries: 12
Default Re: Physicality and SA

I'm also 5'9" but I've never felt that my physicality contributed to my anxiety (of course, I have been alive long enough that I wasn't below average height for a male when I became an adult, although I am now!); strangely enough, the closest person I have to a friend at present (I do feel there is a real friendship blossoming) is 6'8" and his height gives him more insecurities than mine gives me (he is sick of hearing jokes about "the weather up there", for instance), although he manages to overcome these, for the most part.

I'm with jinny on this issue, I do feel that it's a confidence issue rather than one of physicality. When we have low confidence, we look for reasons to justify that lack of confidence and if we feel that we are too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, strange-looking or whatever, that will feed into the vicious cycle in which our lack of confidence highlights our appearance and our appearance reinforces our lack of confidence.
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