#1
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How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
For the most part I manage to forget about this fact but occasionally it gets to me. Like many I don't have many on here I don't have any friends, I have a family yes but pushed them all away years ago, I am married but her family don't like me either. The only person that actually does like me is the Mrs, well I think she does.
How do you guys make peace with this? I think we all want to be liked by people but SA makes this extremely hard. |
#2
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
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#3
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
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#4
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
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I think it's sad that we live in a society where not being popular or having many (or even any) friends is seen as a 'weakness'. Because, of course, if everyone buys into that particular belief, then naturally, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy in society! Friends - or should I say the concept of friends (because that seems to be what most 'friendships' are today; merely a conceptual idea) are vastly overrated in my opinion. I'd even go as far as saying that it's the wanting, the needing and the obsessing over friends (or a lack of) that is the real weakness here, rather than the not having any. |
#5
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
It might be worth remembering that they might not necessarily dislike you but just don't know you. I think with SA there's often so many barriers that no-one ever really gets to see the real you or the relaxed you.
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#6
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
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#7
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
Can only speak from my own experience but it was the fact that I believed I wasn***8217;t likeable that made people behave as though they didn***8217;t like me. As I started to like myself more I found that people either did like me or didn***8217;t have an opinion on me either way.
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#8
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
It's not that i find it hard that im not liked by loads of people but i struggle to understand why i seem to fail with them, especially as i don't come across as having SA as i tend to be friendly and outgoing in order to hide how i truly feel when confronted with social situations, so maybe they can see through the act...i don't know
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk |
#9
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
Nope. If anything I'm liked well beyond anything I deserve by most, taking into account my lack of a winning personality and general '**** off' attitude.
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#10
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
It gets to me sometimes. I've never had trouble getting into relationships but I can't make a friend to save my life, especially female. My boyfriend finds it weird and encourages me to find friends - but how does a 25 year old woman go about making friends? You can't meet new people unless you already know people, and even when I'm in situations where the opportunity is there, it never happens. I feel like an embarrassment to him. I get along with people I see on a daily basis. But having actual, proper friends is an alien concept to me. People just never seem interested in getting to know me unless they want to **** me. I think there's just something inately offputting about me. What that is exactly, I don't know. I try not to think about it.
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#11
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
I'm in a line of work where I'm not exactly liked by many people. Whilst I seem to get on well with my colleagues, this is more because I'm a push over and will do whatever people want for a quiet life, pretty much. There's times I've got really angry with myself after I've sold myself short or got a rough deal - there's times I've even asked for things/pieces of work which are really complicated because I want to be liked and well thought of, but lived to regret it. In terms of friendship, I only really have one friend - we knew each other since school and barely see each other as we don't live near each other now. I don't have any real friends and whilst at times, I feel I crave friends, the bulk of the time I know I would struggle with the time and constant commitment that entails. As I get older, I see friendships as even less do-able for me. I don't relish the option of feeling alone, but I know I couldn't handle the commitment to sustain a friendship anyway, so I guess that's how things have to be. I've become more accepting of this as I grow older.
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#12
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
As long as the small group of people I like still like me I'm fine. It is impossible to be liked by everyone and trying too hard to be comes across as off putting. I have a close group of friends I see often, at least once a week so my social life is pretty good, I'm also lucky enough to have family that I get on with and see as much as I can.
I lack confidence but I don't think I am inherently unlikeable. I don't think anyone is. I sometimes don't warm to others quickly and that can be taken as being cold. I'm far from this though. Everyone wishes they are slight better at whatever. Acceptance and kindness to one's self but also challenging those feelings is important. There are two things to making friends I find, chance and effort. One of those you can't control directly and the other happens the more you try. |
#13
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
A lot of people waste a lot of time running around kissing each others butts for approval, even though that approval is worth nothing.
Just think of it as a lot of time saved, brown nosing is time consuming. |
#14
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
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Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk |
#15
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
I don't think I have enough of a personality to really like or dislike. I'm basically nonexistent as far as the rest of the world is concerned. This is frustrating but I would probably hate the attention if I had it.
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#16
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
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Regarding OP's question, it's not something that really bothers me. I think part of it is the usual SA paranoia and distortion anyway: most people don't actively dislike me, it's just that I clam up so often it makes it difficult to form friendships. You can separate worrying too much about what most people think about you (or what you think most people think about you), and trying to have a vaguely satisfying social life. I just try to focus on the latter, and if that still isn't enough for some people, like you don't have enough friends, enough contacts on facebook, then so what, who cares. |
#17
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
Thankfully, those paranoid ideas of magnified self importance and the hate-filled thoughts of those 'others' isn't something I need to contend with much nowadays,
In reality, nobody really bothers with you much, not enough to warrant mass-dislike anyway. (can anyone truly be such a pariah, merely by existing? ) Feelings of being disliked by many possibly point to self-obsession, rumination and a skewed version of reality, i.e. it's probably not actually happening or real. But if "reality" means facing the fact that you're not as important or on people's radars as much as you think, then maybe having 'haters' appears better than nothing? |
#18
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
I don***8217;t think people dislike me, although I***8217;m quite sure I***8217;m sometimes misunderstood and thought of as stand-offish or ignorant. I***8217;m just a quiet, introverted bloke who isn***8217;t able or, for the most part, willing to make the effort to make friends and be liked by lots of people. I suppose there are times I wish I was different, that I could be Mr Popular whom people love to be around, but I think I***8217;m simply not on the wavelength of most people to be able to engage, be entertaining and interesting. I guess for most people I***8217;m simply boring. It***8217;s indifference rather than active dislike that greets me.
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#19
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
I still don't accept it and struggle with it every time it hits me in the face. The main environment where it happens for me is my kids school. I kind of manage the school runs now, but a couple of days ago was transition day when parents and pupils get to visit new class and meet new teacher, etc. I stood there again, on my own and mute, while groups of parents chatted happily. My son is going to Year 3. Shouldn't I have made a few parents friends by now ?
I spent the rest of the evening crying. |
#20
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm not the type of person that others enjoy being around. Previously, I tried to be that kind of person but it was all an act and never really succeeded.
Given that humans are social animals, I would much prefer being likable and having friends to hang out with on weekends and holidays, but it's never happened and I don't see it happening. Thankfully, my spouse and I do enjoy each other's company, and I get along well with my parents (but not my siblings). |
#21
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
Thank you Urszula.
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#22
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
I don't care if people don't like me, it really doesn't bother me. I've never been the type to need friends or depend on people. I've had people in the past who I thought of as friends turn out to be anything but, and I guess it's a self-defence mechanism of mine to not bother with people then they can't hurt me. However, I do sometimes feel a bit hurt when I look on Facebook and see contacts of mine liking other people's things and sending birthday wishes, when I get none. Social media is good at that though. People have never bothered with me.
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#23
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
Mostly, from a detached perspective, i'm indifferent to whether I am liked or not by the masses, but I crumble at the thought of being hated, truly hated.
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#24
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
I***8217;m liked by loads they tell me all the time
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#26
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
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At first I would tell me self it was them - that didnt help. I just became withdrawn and the gap between us grew The reality is im just not a fit in my team , personality wise we have nothing in common.... they are 'lads lads' love going out , being loud and I am in introvert I accpeted that and also accepted the fault is not with them Over the next few weeks i privately set myself challenges. Asking one to go for lunch, asking another what they did last night.. and having topics of conversation ready when situations arose... I wouldn't say this has been a great success.. but it has worked a little bit for sure no one can be liked by everyone... and some will be liked more than others... what us with SA can do is accept we are different from the rest of the world unfortunately and if we chose to try to be more like them shitty i know... :-| |
#27
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
I've never really worried about being liked by others, just about liking myself, which for the most part, I always have (notwithstanding that there are things about myself I have always wanted to improve); when my anxiety was at its height, I was so reserved and introverted that I came across as stand-offish, which led to me not being liked by colleagues.
Now that I am able to function more as a social being, I find that I am liked more than I would have expected - although I am a naturally caring person who enjoys helping others, so being able to show that side probably helps. I still have difficulty in cultivating meaningful friendships, but I do have two people I consider friends, which is two more than I've ever had previously, so I know it can be done. There are those who don't like me, but that doesn't really bother me as nobody can be universally liked and my "enemies" are either people who've tried to take advantage of me and I've called them for it, or superficial types who don't like the fact that I refuse to conform to their version of normality. Basically, I concentrate on being the best me I can be and if people like me on my terms, that's great and if they don't, then they don't have to be part of my life. |
#28
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Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?
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it's an intimidating factor that sensitive types while facing highly functional socialites. It's a very difficult thing to endure for the objectively indifferent quiet type personality. Especially if they are more into art/music/nerdy stuff, rather than to only being focussed on mainstream stuff. Suddenly you are faced with people who are in that "show-off" mode, of trying to be the most liked or popular at that group situation, and that is either something you can deal with ok, or something that can be projected back to ourselves, as in, "should i be doing what they are doing, to be seen as cool", or should i not care and be happy being more mild mannered, depending. Chatty confident types have this ability to be a few things at once... 1. charming, witty, confident, knows what to say all the time 2. fashonable, classy, sometimes sexy as well. 3. status obsessed, somewhat shallow, superficial. 4. good at office politics 5. socialises based on heirarchal importance or popularity focussed. 6. somewhat narcissistic, heavily into social media, mainstream stuff... Now just say you are at a dinner with a lot of highly functional socialites, it's bloody hard for the introvert to endure, even if the introvert is way nicer, cooler than they lead on, the mindset is usually different from person to person. but certainly, there is an intimidating factor to highly functional individuals. This is why i think introverts who are cool, get on better with non-initimidating social types. As in, people they don't mind being silly around without feeling narcissistically judged. I personally enjoy being around nerdy/artsy/music types, weird types i guess, not weird to me, but perhaps weird to the more shallow/mainstream type persona. It's all tricky to analyse though, because what if the highly functional socialite is a nerdy non intimidating type underneath all the facade of their public persona.. It's all sort of complex and hard, human beings i mean, it's like trying to figure out a rubix cube half the time. Which is why i suspect, people kind of like simplicity. uncomplicated people i think tend to be more attractive to introverts, maybe some extroverts as well. The confusion of a social occasion is that extroverts seem to enjoy complexities of difficult interactions where as introverts are drained and need space. I've worked in busy retail for years, and i've given up trying to figure it all out, too complicated, people are too diverse and complex to bother getting a headache over half the time. But still that contrast of introvert and extrovert does exist and is a real thing. |