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  #1  
Old 7th July 2018, 13:19
dave81uk dave81uk is offline
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Default How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

For the most part I manage to forget about this fact but occasionally it gets to me. Like many I don't have many on here I don't have any friends, I have a family yes but pushed them all away years ago, I am married but her family don't like me either. The only person that actually does like me is the Mrs, well I think she does.

How do you guys make peace with this? I think we all want to be liked by people but SA makes this extremely hard.
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  #2  
Old 7th July 2018, 13:41
dave81uk dave81uk is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by healingsoul
I don't really know tbh. It's like you have to accept your weaknesses I suppose and that seems really hard. I think maybe by not trying to be liked by others or focusing more on others than ourselves. The funny thing for me is that when I feel confident I usually see that peoples attitude a lot of times is a facade to hide what they really feel which is more complex than just a dislike for someone. It could be that they are hiding what they feel uncomfortable with.

Think about it, do you just dislike certain people? For me it is much more complex, I don't really dislike anyone, I dislike aspects of them but realise that they have strengths and weaknesses like me so can't completely dislike them.
To be honest yes there are a few people I really dislike, some people have really treated me like crap over the years so yes I do dislike them.
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  #3  
Old 7th July 2018, 14:08
dave81uk dave81uk is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freyja
Well I'm not here to be liked, I'm here to fecking enjoy my short existence, if other people like me on top of that then it's just a bonus. Striving to be liked just seems like a life of let downs and self consciousness. You do you, not fake you for other people.
For the most part I am happy but it occasionally gets to you the fact you've got no friends nor can you make any. It would be nice to do normal things like going to a pub for a drink and a chat for example, going to a party, going on holidays even, or I bet social media is so much more fun with people you actually know.
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  #4  
Old 7th July 2018, 18:24
lone*star lone*star is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by healingsoul
I don't really know tbh. It's like you have to accept your weaknesses I suppose and that seems really hard.

I think it's sad that we live in a society where not being popular or having many (or even any) friends is seen as a 'weakness'.

Because, of course, if everyone buys into that particular belief, then naturally, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy in society!

Friends - or should I say the concept of friends (because that seems to be what most 'friendships' are today; merely a conceptual idea) are vastly overrated in my opinion.
I'd even go as far as saying that it's the wanting, the needing and the obsessing over friends (or a lack of) that is the real weakness here, rather than the not having any.
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  #5  
Old 7th July 2018, 22:48
Sphinx Sphinx is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

It might be worth remembering that they might not necessarily dislike you but just don't know you. I think with SA there's often so many barriers that no-one ever really gets to see the real you or the relaxed you.
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  #6  
Old 7th July 2018, 23:15
lone*star lone*star is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by healingsoul
Friends and relationships are important for a persons mental health.
I agree. So why limit yourself then to being merely a person? Not only is it a false belief, but causes all kinds of problems and suffering in life for the believer.


Quote:
Why can't you accept that not being able to make friends can be a weakness?
Did I say that? No, of course it can be a weakness - if you let it. Anything can be a weakness if you believe it to be! In other words, yes, if you perceive not being able to make friends as a weakness, then clearly, that will be your outward experience in life. You literally believe it into existence - which is exactly what you are doing.


Quote:
It's true though, it's sad, when society doesn't notice that everyone had strengths and weaknesses and has a skewed perception as to their being an ideal type of person rather than many different types of people.
But the two surely go together? You can't have the individual 'strengths' and 'weaknesses' without people automatically valuing the strengths over the weaknesses and thereby seeing some people as more 'ideal' (and therefore more desirable as potential friends, for example) than others. In other words, the very 'strengths' and 'weaknesses' you're assigning to people, actually create the skewed perception you find so sad!
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  #7  
Old 8th July 2018, 20:50
Lord Lucan Lord Lucan is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Can only speak from my own experience but it was the fact that I believed I wasn***8217;t likeable that made people behave as though they didn***8217;t like me. As I started to like myself more I found that people either did like me or didn***8217;t have an opinion on me either way.
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  #8  
Old 8th July 2018, 21:29
Emmapixie Emmapixie is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

It's not that i find it hard that im not liked by loads of people but i struggle to understand why i seem to fail with them, especially as i don't come across as having SA as i tend to be friendly and outgoing in order to hide how i truly feel when confronted with social situations, so maybe they can see through the act...i don't know

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  #9  
Old 8th July 2018, 21:48
kirbycrackle kirbycrackle is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Nope. If anything I'm liked well beyond anything I deserve by most, taking into account my lack of a winning personality and general '**** off' attitude.
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  #10  
Old 8th July 2018, 22:11
A Whimsical Stranger A Whimsical Stranger is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

It gets to me sometimes. I've never had trouble getting into relationships but I can't make a friend to save my life, especially female. My boyfriend finds it weird and encourages me to find friends - but how does a 25 year old woman go about making friends? You can't meet new people unless you already know people, and even when I'm in situations where the opportunity is there, it never happens. I feel like an embarrassment to him. I get along with people I see on a daily basis. But having actual, proper friends is an alien concept to me. People just never seem interested in getting to know me unless they want to **** me. I think there's just something inately offputting about me. What that is exactly, I don't know. I try not to think about it.
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  #11  
Old 9th July 2018, 01:10
I Love My Cats I Love My Cats is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

I'm in a line of work where I'm not exactly liked by many people. Whilst I seem to get on well with my colleagues, this is more because I'm a push over and will do whatever people want for a quiet life, pretty much. There's times I've got really angry with myself after I've sold myself short or got a rough deal - there's times I've even asked for things/pieces of work which are really complicated because I want to be liked and well thought of, but lived to regret it. In terms of friendship, I only really have one friend - we knew each other since school and barely see each other as we don't live near each other now. I don't have any real friends and whilst at times, I feel I crave friends, the bulk of the time I know I would struggle with the time and constant commitment that entails. As I get older, I see friendships as even less do-able for me. I don't relish the option of feeling alone, but I know I couldn't handle the commitment to sustain a friendship anyway, so I guess that's how things have to be. I've become more accepting of this as I grow older.
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  #12  
Old 9th July 2018, 08:10
endo_endo endo_endo is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

As long as the small group of people I like still like me I'm fine. It is impossible to be liked by everyone and trying too hard to be comes across as off putting. I have a close group of friends I see often, at least once a week so my social life is pretty good, I'm also lucky enough to have family that I get on with and see as much as I can.

I lack confidence but I don't think I am inherently unlikeable. I don't think anyone is. I sometimes don't warm to others quickly and that can be taken as being cold. I'm far from this though.

Everyone wishes they are slight better at whatever. Acceptance and kindness to one's self but also challenging those feelings is important. There are two things to making friends I find, chance and effort. One of those you can't control directly and the other happens the more you try.
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  #13  
Old 9th July 2018, 13:19
Schmosby Schmosby is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

A lot of people waste a lot of time running around kissing each others butts for approval, even though that approval is worth nothing.

Just think of it as a lot of time saved, brown nosing is time consuming.
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  #14  
Old 9th July 2018, 14:02
Emmapixie Emmapixie is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead Wife
It gets to me sometimes. I've never had trouble getting into relationships but I can't make a friend to save my life, especially female. My boyfriend finds it weird and encourages me to find friends - but how does a 25 year old woman go about making friends? You can't meet new people unless you already know people, and even when I'm in situations where the opportunity is there, it never happens. I feel like an embarrassment to him. I get along with people I see on a daily basis. But having actual, proper friends is an alien concept to me. People just never seem interested in getting to know me unless they want to **** me. I think there's just something inately offputting about me. What that is exactly, I don't know. I try not to think about it.
Exactly the same experience for me, never had a problem getting boyfriends but female friends just don't seem to work out and I've never understood why

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  #15  
Old 9th July 2018, 19:00
anxiouslondoner anxiouslondoner is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

I don't think I have enough of a personality to really like or dislike. I'm basically nonexistent as far as the rest of the world is concerned. This is frustrating but I would probably hate the attention if I had it.
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  #16  
Old 9th July 2018, 23:36
ghost.of.an.englishman ghost.of.an.englishman is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
I***8217;m painfully awkward and shy and don***8217;t have much of a personality, so I***8217;m not particularly surprised that people don***8217;t want to be friends with me
That's not true at all

Regarding OP's question, it's not something that really bothers me. I think part of it is the usual SA paranoia and distortion anyway: most people don't actively dislike me, it's just that I clam up so often it makes it difficult to form friendships.

You can separate worrying too much about what most people think about you (or what you think most people think about you), and trying to have a vaguely satisfying social life. I just try to focus on the latter, and if that still isn't enough for some people, like you don't have enough friends, enough contacts on facebook, then so what, who cares.
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  #17  
Old 10th July 2018, 22:27
Mr. Nobody Mr. Nobody is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Thankfully, those paranoid ideas of magnified self importance and the hate-filled thoughts of those 'others' isn't something I need to contend with much nowadays,
In reality, nobody really bothers with you much, not enough to warrant mass-dislike anyway. (can anyone truly be such a pariah, merely by existing? )

Feelings of being disliked by many possibly point to self-obsession, rumination and a skewed version of reality, i.e. it's probably not actually happening or real.
But if "reality" means facing the fact that you're not as important or on people's radars as much as you think, then maybe having 'haters' appears better than nothing?
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  #18  
Old 11th July 2018, 11:47
Marco Marco is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

I don***8217;t think people dislike me, although I***8217;m quite sure I***8217;m sometimes misunderstood and thought of as stand-offish or ignorant. I***8217;m just a quiet, introverted bloke who isn***8217;t able or, for the most part, willing to make the effort to make friends and be liked by lots of people. I suppose there are times I wish I was different, that I could be Mr Popular whom people love to be around, but I think I***8217;m simply not on the wavelength of most people to be able to engage, be entertaining and interesting. I guess for most people I***8217;m simply boring. It***8217;s indifference rather than active dislike that greets me.
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  #19  
Old 12th July 2018, 00:51
Bertignac Bertignac is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

I still don't accept it and struggle with it every time it hits me in the face. The main environment where it happens for me is my kids school. I kind of manage the school runs now, but a couple of days ago was transition day when parents and pupils get to visit new class and meet new teacher, etc. I stood there again, on my own and mute, while groups of parents chatted happily. My son is going to Year 3. Shouldn't I have made a few parents friends by now ?
I spent the rest of the evening crying.
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  #20  
Old 12th July 2018, 01:45
catlover catlover is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm not the type of person that others enjoy being around. Previously, I tried to be that kind of person but it was all an act and never really succeeded.

Given that humans are social animals, I would much prefer being likable and having friends to hang out with on weekends and holidays, but it's never happened and I don't see it happening. Thankfully, my spouse and I do enjoy each other's company, and I get along well with my parents (but not my siblings).
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  #21  
Old 16th July 2018, 09:52
Bertignac Bertignac is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Thank you Urszula.
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  #22  
Old 25th July 2018, 11:28
clyde33 clyde33 is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

I don't care if people don't like me, it really doesn't bother me. I've never been the type to need friends or depend on people. I've had people in the past who I thought of as friends turn out to be anything but, and I guess it's a self-defence mechanism of mine to not bother with people then they can't hurt me. However, I do sometimes feel a bit hurt when I look on Facebook and see contacts of mine liking other people's things and sending birthday wishes, when I get none. Social media is good at that though. People have never bothered with me.
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  #23  
Old 1st August 2018, 20:59
Blackflies Blackflies is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Mostly, from a detached perspective, i'm indifferent to whether I am liked or not by the masses, but I crumble at the thought of being hated, truly hated.
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  #24  
Old 1st August 2018, 21:37
BritishPeace BritishPeace is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

I***8217;m liked by loads they tell me all the time
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  #25  
Old 10th August 2018, 23:04
Mr. Nobody Mr. Nobody is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Get up to that bell-tower and unleash that Barret .50 wrath upon the infidels
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  #26  
Old 16th August 2018, 22:06
DanielleGaresh DanielleGaresh is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dave81uk
For the most part I manage to forget about this fact but occasionally it gets to me. Like many I don't have many on here I don't have any friends, I have a family yes but pushed them all away years ago, I am married but her family don't like me either. The only person that actually does like me is the Mrs, well I think she does.

How do you guys make peace with this? I think we all want to be liked by people but SA makes this extremely hard.
I've started just to take ownership. In my last role the whole team did not like me...

At first I would tell me self it was them - that didnt help. I just became withdrawn and the gap between us grew

The reality is im just not a fit in my team , personality wise we have nothing in common.... they are 'lads lads' love going out , being loud and I am in introvert

I accpeted that and also accepted the fault is not with them

Over the next few weeks i privately set myself challenges. Asking one to go for lunch, asking another what they did last night.. and having topics of conversation ready when situations arose...

I wouldn't say this has been a great success.. but it has worked a little bit for sure

no one can be liked by everyone... and some will be liked more than others...

what us with SA can do is accept we are different from the rest of the world unfortunately and if we chose to try to be more like them

shitty i know... :-|
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  #27  
Old 16th August 2018, 22:39
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

I've never really worried about being liked by others, just about liking myself, which for the most part, I always have (notwithstanding that there are things about myself I have always wanted to improve); when my anxiety was at its height, I was so reserved and introverted that I came across as stand-offish, which led to me not being liked by colleagues.

Now that I am able to function more as a social being, I find that I am liked more than I would have expected - although I am a naturally caring person who enjoys helping others, so being able to show that side probably helps. I still have difficulty in cultivating meaningful friendships, but I do have two people I consider friends, which is two more than I've ever had previously, so I know it can be done. There are those who don't like me, but that doesn't really bother me as nobody can be universally liked and my "enemies" are either people who've tried to take advantage of me and I've called them for it, or superficial types who don't like the fact that I refuse to conform to their version of normality.

Basically, I concentrate on being the best me I can be and if people like me on my terms, that's great and if they don't, then they don't have to be part of my life.
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  #28  
Old 22nd August 2018, 05:55
GoldFish GoldFish is offline
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Default Re: How do you guys accept you're not liked by many people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thousandmiles
I honestly don't understand how so many of you are saying you are not liked? Most of you come across very likable, kind, sensitive and caring people. Those qualities show and appear beyond, let's say anxious communication or a sad face, you are being too hard on yourselves.
I think what it is, is this...
it's an intimidating factor that sensitive types while facing highly functional socialites. It's a very difficult thing to endure for the objectively indifferent quiet type personality. Especially if they are more into art/music/nerdy stuff, rather than to only being focussed on mainstream stuff.

Suddenly you are faced with people who are in that "show-off" mode, of trying to be the most liked or popular at that group situation, and that is either something you can deal with ok, or something that can be projected back to ourselves, as in, "should i be doing what they are doing, to be seen as cool", or should i not care and be happy being more mild mannered, depending.

Chatty confident types have this ability to be a few things at once...

1. charming, witty, confident, knows what to say all the time
2. fashonable, classy, sometimes sexy as well.
3. status obsessed, somewhat shallow, superficial.
4. good at office politics
5. socialises based on heirarchal importance or popularity focussed.
6. somewhat narcissistic, heavily into social media, mainstream stuff...

Now just say you are at a dinner with a lot of highly functional socialites, it's bloody hard for the introvert to endure, even if the introvert is way nicer, cooler than they lead on, the mindset is usually different from person to person.

but certainly, there is an intimidating factor to highly functional individuals.

This is why i think introverts who are cool, get on better with non-initimidating social types. As in, people they don't mind being silly around without feeling narcissistically judged.

I personally enjoy being around nerdy/artsy/music types, weird types i guess, not weird to me, but perhaps weird to the more shallow/mainstream type persona.

It's all tricky to analyse though, because what if the highly functional socialite is a nerdy non intimidating type underneath all the facade of their public persona..

It's all sort of complex and hard, human beings i mean, it's like trying to figure out a rubix cube half the time.

Which is why i suspect, people kind of like simplicity. uncomplicated people i think tend to be more attractive to introverts, maybe some extroverts as well.

The confusion of a social occasion is that extroverts seem to enjoy complexities of difficult interactions where as introverts are drained and need space.

I've worked in busy retail for years, and i've given up trying to figure it all out, too complicated, people are too diverse and complex to bother getting a headache over half the time. But still that contrast of introvert and extrovert does exist and is a real thing.
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