Past bullying

Cognitive · #1 13th February 2016, 10:14

Hi there everyone,

I recently was in a situation where I found myself being ganged-up on (virtual setting). This wasn't overtly malicious, but just unthinking. However, as soon as it happened I got all these images and feelings back from when I was being bullied as a kid and felt pretty deflated. It made me think that a part of me was still that kid, feeling alone and out-casted.

I don't think I've ever really recovered from it and was wondering if people here feel the same way, or, that they have been able to move on from the past.

Lucilia_Caesar · #2 13th February 2016, 11:11

I still feel the same way and I don't think I will ever not be sensitive to behaviour that reminds me of being bullied until I can improve my problem of low self esteem (which was most likely caused by being bullied in the first place).
If I felt better about myself other peoples behaviour and their possible, negative views of me wouldn't matter so much.

Ali29 · #3 13th February 2016, 11:45

Everything that kenny1973 said above,I was bullied relentlessly,I was quiet and shy and had acne so they got at me,the memory has stayed with me I'm 34 now and it hasn't really made me stronger,more bitter and cautious around people really.I am a nice person (everyone I meet tells me!) and I was a lovely sweet kid,why did they have to bully me?

Ali29 · #4 13th February 2016, 12:09

Thanks kenny

yeah one day I went and sat in my local cemetary,I didn't go to school and when I went home in the evening the police where there not sure how my family knew I wasn't at school but I was very embarrassed and couldn't take another day of other kids making me miserable.i didn't do that again but at the age of 13 after transferring schools 3 times I was home schooled.so my education was ruined because of the bullying.

Mo34 · #5 13th February 2016, 13:09

Yes the effect of bullying still has a profound effect on me. I moved schools a lot and my name always initially caused a problem (its Gaelic) however mostly when I was at primary school I was bully free. I was not an introverted kid at all, very shy to begin with but past that mostly a tomboy and a chatterbox. Unfortunately my home life went belly up with my mothers mental health and alcoholism and my father just shrugging his shoulders and ignoring it all. Then becoming a heavy drinker himself.

The last couple of years of secondary school were a living hell. I used to miss 1 - 2 days a week of school. The teachers instead of trying to help me just verbally laid into me (usually in front of other kids). I became very withdrawn. Not one person asked me what the problem was. For me it was bullying on all sides - school/peers (&teachers) and also severe parental bullying (I suppose in reality neglect and abuse is the correct term). The latter unfortunately continued on into adult hood.

I usually think the worst of ppl and their motivations (I'm always amazed when ppl show me genuine kindness and concern) and seem to have a great avoidance of attaching to ppl. I currently have withdrawn away from the world with sa, though I'm working on changing that.

I'm having long term counselling and have been telling her a lot of things I never could before (or anyone for that matter), though still in a somewhat emotionally detached manor. I suppressed a huge amount both emotionally but also memories. It is prompting me (between sessions) to remember all sorts of things I had forgotten. Remains to be seen if this is the right thing to do or not. However, although difficult, it does feel freeing to talk to someone. And helpful to try and re-evaluate things and situations which seem to still be impacting on me today.

Cognitive · #6 13th February 2016, 13:58

I'm very sorry to hear you had to go through all that Mo (and everyone else for that matter). That sounds pretty unbearable, at least I have a good relationship with my folks. Wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them.

Yeah, I remember just being in a state of fear a lot of the time. I would have to walk around the outside paths of the school when changing lessons and lurking in some corner on the play-ground. I used to find it almost impossible to raise my head.

I think one of the most difficult memories I have was when I was in sixth form, and was walking through the year 7 playground (youngest kids of the school). I saw this kid being surrounded and picked on. I really wanted to step in and help him, but I couldn't, just stood there watching. I wonder what happened to that kid and if he is ok.

Dub · #7 16th February 2016, 16:10

I was an obvious target. Irish lad living in England @ times of The Troubles. It had a different affect though. One fellah crossed the line & I saw red & ripped him to shreds. 2 teachers had to pull me off. School called police but they effectively suggested the lad's comments toward me were racial & so there was mitigation re my actions.
Good news = no-one messed with me after that.
Bad news = years of intense seclusion/depression/anxiety really kicked in.

indiegirl1980 · #8 19th February 2016, 19:41

I'm sure that bullying about my looks is the reason why I've never had a relationship.

Cognitive · #9 20th February 2016, 10:09

I hear you Indiegirl. Those comments can literally change the course of one's life. I guess its about trying to build a bit of confidence, in any shape or form, so if those sort of comments occur in the future, they don't hit so bad.

db838 · #10 22nd February 2016, 06:28

I got picked on quite a bit, I'm not sure I'd call it bullied so much as I've seen kids get it a lot worse than I did, but there's no doubt all the comments chipped away at my confidence for years until I basically withdrew from everything, and gradually was left with no friends and completely isolated. It's taken me a long, long time to recover from it and even now I get doubts that I'm 'good enough' or normal.

Cognitive · #11 22nd February 2016, 10:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by db838

I got picked on quite a bit, I'm not sure I'd call it bullied so much as I've seen kids get it a lot worse than I did, but there's no doubt all the comments chipped away at my confidence for years until I basically withdrew from everything, and gradually was left with no friends and completely isolated. It's taken me a long, long time to recover from it and even now I get doubts that I'm 'good enough' or normal.

Likewise db, takes a long time to piece it back together.

BigD · #12 22nd February 2016, 15:20

I'm nearly 50 yet the sound of children laughing still makes me panic. Purely the result of that laughter usually being directed at me for 12 years at school, over 30 years ago. I've been known, even quite recently, to get off my bus home and walk the last few miles rather than share it with boisterous schoolkids.

Cognitive · #13 23rd February 2016, 17:44

Yes, ever since the bullying, a sort of hyper-vigilance has been bred into me, especially around that age-group. It is improving as I'm working on my confidence.