Does anyone else find budgeting a problem despite not socialising?

[AuroraSky]

First things first I know I am speaking from a priveleged position compared to those who only get Universal Credit (I get ESA + PIP + disability premium which is a bit more), but I would say the last six months or so I have not been budgeting properly while others (mostly non-SAers) have been saying how much they are saving because they are not going out drinking, to restaurants etc. I am now wondering if a lot of that expenditure has been in an attempt to compensate for the social life I don't have, or to fill a void of boredom or lack of connection/ being listened to. I have rationalised to myself that some of the things are justified to stop my mental health/ moods getting too low, but I would be really interested if anyone could have a look at some of my spending and suggest things that cost less but which might fill the same need.

Spanish tuition or conversation group - To help get me through the time until my second vaccination/ restrictions easing, I bought some credits on the Skype/Zoom tuition site Italki.com and also several credits for a group Spanish chat (one tutor guiding a conversation of a handful of learners). The one to one tutor is fully qualified and is £20 an hour, I had two blocks of 5 classes last year and have signed up for another block of 5. When my sister hired a tutor to help my nieces maths it was £35 an hour through an agency, so in one way it's fair but like several things on this list it's no worse than those having a weekly pub binge + taxi home but, but cumulatively something's not right in my money management. I could have a chat with a less-qualified person (a "community tutor" in Italki terminology rather than a "professional teacher") for maybe £12 an hour, I have a good rapport with my current teacher though and she has taught people up to 12 years older than me which was a big reason why I chose her.

Takeaway deliveries - Going forward I would like one nice takeaway a week, let's say £20 including tip. Being honest, lately I have sometimes had more than one, individually less than £20, but in total more. Could be an attempt to stuff down my feelings of boredom and loneliness with emotional eating. Today I got a nice tapas one which was definitely cheaper than a holiday in Spain but was a fair bit pricier than a pizza. Probably I would be healthier if I reduced these too.

Books/ DVD's from Amazon. £30 a month. I could reduce this by waiting until one book is finished before buying the next, or getting my books online from the library with the Libby app, or by reading things that are on Kindle Unlimited and being selective about anything I buy in addition to that.

Sandwiches and coffees from takeaway. £40 a month. Apart from the pharmacy, this is pretty much the only time I leave the house, and it does give me some human contact however brief, and a change of scene. In theory I could walk to the park but I have never enjoyed that. I could get some of the same benefits by going somewhere cheaper like Greggs or by just getting a coffee and never a sandwich or sweet treat.

Skype counselling - a block of 8 @ £30 an hour is coming to an end on Monday, I had a similar block last summer, lately it was every second week but initially it was every week. Compared to what people pay in other cities the rate is very fair, and it is reduced vs her £40 rate for employed people, I wasn't great at following advice in between sessions though which probably limited the value I got from them, but it was nice having a different viewpoint about my issues and I guess I was paying for a confidante I could speak freely to as well. I don't have any immediate plans to get more counselling, the online way loses a little something although it is convenient, but I would consider getting counselling later in the year if there was somewhere local that I could see the counselor in person for a similar price. Again this is debateable, some people will say "I spent a lot on therapy and was just told things I could have read in a book" while others will say "I saw a good counselor and it was absolutely worth making sacrifices in other areas of my life to budget for it". I have discovered there is an in-person support group in my neighbourhood (permitted as essential), I haven't been yet but my impression is that it's not just a group for social company, and it might be therapeutic to a certain extent.

Support worker contribution. I get two phone calls a week plus one two-hour in-person visit from support workers (one person from a rota of a few) each week. The council contributes part of the cost but I need to contribute a means-tested amount of £41 a week (£178 a month). I think it would be the same amount if I was getting more hours, the cost seems to relate more to benefits coming in rather than number of hours. I have mixed feelings about this. In one way it's been good to have in-person company and not just have everything virtual/skype/zoom in my life. In another way it's hard to quantify how valuable it is and if it's value for money. Part of the time was meant to be spent with them keeping me company while I tidied but I have tended to use that time more to go out for a walk and get a coffee and have a chat because my tidiness standards are very low and I see my isolation as more of a problem.

Once restrictions ease I was thinking of going to an arthouse cinema once or twice a month, meet up with my few real life friends for coffee or drinks every six to eight weeks, and to go to a support group from one to two times a month. Some of these things especially the support group would incur costs for Uber cabs as I feel uncomfortable waiting alone at a bus stop at night. Not even that keen being on a bus at night if I am truthful. I'd rather be doing this last group of things and getting company that way than paying the support workers to be my company, though they do other things too (like monitor me to make sure I am not too depressed or unwell).

Spotify £10 a month, Netflix £10 a month, Amazon Prime £70 a year, Audible audiobooks subscription £70 a year, supermarket annual delivery pass £60 a year, all these things add up too. I have had some savings (less than the amount to affect my benefits) which protected me a little but when I put all the number into a spreadsheet today and the numbers added up I got a bit of a fright it was clear I have gotten myself into a bit of a pickle. Again, I sincerely apologise to anyone who has genuine hardship or has been in situations of needing food banks or having to be using teabags twice (don't know why, there are lots of worse things when short of cash, but I really like my tea and would * hate * that). My question is a genuine one - I've been spending lots of money here and there to compensate for a year of being mostly isolated and alone in person though not online (until I got the two hour visits from support workers each week). My results have been mixed, I have kept my head above water compared to some others with the same condition as mine (bipolar) but I don't have a lot to show for it except lots of books and DVDs and in any event it's not sustainable as I can't keep spending more than I have coming in. I know it's a very subjective thing, but can anyone see things which could easily be saved on, or cheaper alternatives to what I have been doing, or even better have personal experiences where they stopped spending on something and didn't feel their quality of life went down? E.g. stopped going to cinemas and just use Netflix and am just as happy, get one takeaway coffee a week now and it feels more of a treat, started journaling instead of going to counseling but still got some of the same benefits and insights. I feel foolish for using money to try to buy happiness and know I need to make changes, any advice would be very welcome.

[newbs16]

Personally, if spending money on things that you have listed above makes you happy that's fine, if you are concerned maybe you could slowly reduce some of the treats you have.

[Merritt]

I have a similar setup with seeing a support worker each week. It can seem like a big expenditure when you add it up, but for me at least the alternative would be pretty severe isolation and not having a sensible counter to each week's build up of brain-nonsense.

Perhaps you could try focusing on chipping away at it a little at a time, a few quid here and there, and see how it goes? Like, instead of paying for Netflix all year round, skip every other month and catch up on what you've been missing. Set yourself rules for buying books and DVDs, you can only buy a new one when you've finished x amount from your backlog, that sort of thing?

I know it's hard though when you're very under-stimulated and getting a takeaway or buying something you'd like but don't really need gives you a much needed buzz.

[AuroraSky]

Thank you both for the prompt replies (wasn't expecting anyone to be up this time of night ). Newbs I think you are right, a gradual reduction is best - like a Spanish lesson every 2nd or 3rd week. And some of the food/coffee things I could reduce a little too without noticing too much. I think if I went for my own personal austerity campaign too quickly then my inner teenager might rebel and not be able to maintain the changes. Merritt I am really pleased to hear you are benefitting from your time with the support worker. As you say it can seem expensive but isolation from in-person contact is difficult and can lead to lots of other expenditures to compensate, as my initial post shows. I wouldn't drop that until I had regular in-person things to meet the same need, and indoor wellbeing centres or even in-person counseling are probably still a few months away. I will try to think about if there's anything I could do to prepare to make the appointment better, for example write down any mental health issues I wanted to discuss, rather than use the time in a sort of quasi-socialising situation talking about sports and such. Netflix every other month does seem a good way to save a little, I tend to watch a film or a few episodes of something at once, but equally I could manage fine for a month without it.

[Toxic]

I'm a bit of a nerd and have a spreadsheet of my finances.

Yet despite having no real life outside of work and having a few pay rises over the last few years...my total savings has either stayed the same or dropped

I can only imagine all the little things add up more than you realise! Something I must be guilty of but have never really broke it down.

Can you set a little side account up for savings? I used to use Chip which automatically took like £10 from my bank every couple of days, I then decided whatever was in that..I'd use for spending on toys (I don't use it now because I noticed they kept charging me a quid) If the money has left your main account and gone into a side savings pot..it stops you spending it on takeaways/coffees I guess!

I suppose my own situation is different, I am working full time, I have no kids/dependencies..I can spend it on whatever I want..but its quite alarming when if you get a grand paid in your bank every month..you can make it just about last..but if you get 2 grand paid in your bank..you don't end up with a grand spare!

[newbs16]

A while ago I set up a account with a local credit union, £25 a month is paid in to this account, I did this as I thought it would be more difficult to get assess to the money, I can do it online but haven't looked in to it as I am trying to build up a bit of money in there.

[hellotiger]

When you budget you need to prioritise. If you say to yourself eating takeout every week and having coffees are a necessity then fine but you aren’t going to save money or as much money.
I’m saving at the moment so have cut my mobile package down to the cheapest one and am making do with the smallest data. I stopped having coffees ages ago, only have takeout when it’s a birthday celebration or similar. All my meals are planned and have to cost less than a certain amount also no more ice cream or cake. I am depriving myself of things that give me momentary happiness but I do appreciate them more when I have them.

[Jen.]

Some things might sound pricey, but are probably worth keeping. Spotify being £10 is nothing when you consider how much you get access to. CDs used to cost £10-15 each, and not everyone wants to listen to music via YouTube like a 12 year old. Skipping every other month of Netflix is a good idea though, especially these days when hardly anything is being added to it.

Do people still tip with takeaways? I never have. I don't have them often, but when I do I order through an app and pay online so not tipping is easy and never awkward. Depending on what you have, one thing you could do is order twice as much as you need so that you can freeze half and not have to pay the service charge/delivery fee next time. Chinese and Indian food is good for this, and you could save even more by making your own rice or whatever to go with it. Obviously it wouldn't work with a pizza.

I like torrenting, but that's mostly because I hate "clutter" (I would rather never watch a film again than have shelves/piles of DVDs in my house). I have Amazon Prime, but I clicked "Yes" when they kept asking me if I was a student, so it doesn't cost too much (I think it's £3.99 a month?). I'm not sure if that's something you could do - they never me asked for proof, only what year I graduated (so I put a few years in the future). I only use it for the delivery perks though. If there are any shows or films on there I want to watch I wouldn't know since the player is so terrible that I just torrent everything that isn't on Netflix. This isn't really a money-saving tip though, it's like recommending somebody steal sandwiches from a shop if they no longer want to buy them. If you are willing to do that then you can get free illegal access to almost any tv shows, films, books or music you can think of.

Are there any libraries where you live? I don't know if it works the same elsewhere, but I can get pretty much any book from my library since if something isn't in stock it's almost definitely located in another branch in the county and I can just pay 30p to have it transferred and ready for collection the following day. I know the selection is crap, but some library apps include audiobooks and you can also borrow audio CDs from the library and make a copy. Not buying a book until you've almost finished the one you're currently reading is also a good idea. There's no point spending money on something that sounds good if you're not going to enjoy it until six months later, especially when the time arrives for you to start reading it you might actually be able to buy it for even less.

There are some Discord groups for language exchange that do audio chat. It obviously won't be as formal or structured as one run by a teacher who charges, but they are completely free. You can usually find them listed on Reddit.

[Dougella]

You could certainly save some money by using your local library and their online services rather than Amazon and audible etc. (Also good not be giving Amazon as much business in the current climate!)

I am on ESA and the only thing I spend money on that is a sort of extra is Netflix, because me and my partner like to watch a few episode of something in the evenings.

But I live with someone so I am getting social contact in a way that people who live alone aren't so definitely seeing your support worker must be very important to you, aswell as online counselling and support groups. I wouldn't see those as extras.

[newbs16]

It's quite sad that you have contribute to the cost of seeing a support working but it sounds like it's worth £41 a week, have you found it difficult to receive extra financial support from the government.

[AuroraSky]

Thanks for this latest round of responses everyone, I promise not to thread-sit. Looking at the things I've spent on, it's interesting that so many others are living (I'm assuming) quite happy lives without many of the things I have come to rely on to lift my mood and which I now need to wean myself off. Yes, constructive criticism very welcome, I agree that lots of them are not necessities at all or they gave short amounts of pleasure but which have now given me a sort of "financial hangover" feeling.

In which case, having seen some things which I can cut out and save money, my new question would be "how can I either enjoyably spend time alone or spend time with others without spending much money?". The things I am cutting back on leave a bit of a void (though there are easy to spot cheaper treat alternatives like a coffee bag instead of a takeaway coffee). Thinking through the responses and making priorities what I need is either to meet up with my few IRL friends for inexpensive things like a coffee, and not have coffee shop coffees or takeaways by myself, or to find ways to be talking to people in real life (when permitted again) where I might pay for a coffee or an exercise class but not be more or less paying people to talk to me, though I did have genuine motives to learn Spanish and work on myself in counselling too. The free Spanish language exchange seems a great idea I will look further into that. I really don't want to take even a small risk of a virus or malware so I don't feel comfortable torrenting, I'd feel better alternating months on and off with subscriptions. Any other ideas for low-cost mood-boosters welcome.

Just this morning I listened to a podcast that had a fun take on loneliness, different from the usual "it's as bad as 15 cigarettes a day and is going to kill you". If anyone is in the same boat and is isolated with lockdowns or was isolated before, you might enjoy it.

https://srslywrong.com/podcast/209-t...of-loneliness/


EDIT: Just to quickly respond, I don't have any faults or complaints at all about the amount I'm getting in financial aid from the government, though I was initially refused PIP when transferring from DLA, the process of appeal including a legal tribunal was incredibly stressful I would never have got through it without a representative from the local law centre being able to come with me that day. All the more important I simplify my life as if next time I lose PIP on appeal my income would go down to something much less, maybe £500 a month or so, in which case all bets are off and it would be just be nicer coffee at home, Netflix, Spotify, and free online support groups and library books as luxuries (plus the support worker which I don't consider a luxury, but if I was getting much less money I wouldn't need to contribute nearly as much for that either). In case anyone was wondering, I have a bit of inheritence money left over from years ago, not enough to rule me out of getting ESA, they just reduce my ESA monthly payment by a little (I send the DWP bank statements each year to update and they reduce it according to a formula), which is fair enough. Soon I will be below the £6,000 threshold and they won't claw back that little amount each month. I do want to live within my means ASAP though, because I always kept the savings aside in case either 1) the DWP cut off my benefit or sanctioned me and I had to appeal/ adjust to a new lifestyle or 2) the neighbour from hell moved in and I had to move to another housing association flat which would incur moving expenses plus some new ones - for example it would be unfurnished and I doubt my carpets from here would fit the shape of a new flat) and ideally 3) to have a little left when I pass towards the cost of my funeral/ cremation.

[newbs16]

Personally, I agree the coffee and takeaways are probably an expense that you may be able to reduce or stop but if you enjoy taking part in Spanish lessons, seeing your support working, or watching Netflix why does it really matter, this is something that you clearly enjoy and it seems that you are managing financially also if you have too many savings you may be over the limit for benefits.

[gregarious_introvert]

Hi NFL fan, I've had a look at your expenditure and it doesn't seem particularly excessive to me, but perhaps I am missing something? Of course, there are some unknowns (you don't mention the cost of the Italki.com credits or the group Spanish tuition, just the one-to-one tutor) and your list doesn't include essentials such as energy bills, council tax etc. (as you're receiving the disability premium, I'm guessing that you live alone and that your rent is covered by housing benefit?), but I have a similar income to yourself (ESA with disability premium + PIP) and those expenses as a percentage of my income would not concern me unduly. I wonder if the savings you need to make are on your "essential" outgoings (eg. energy bills, mobile telephone contract) rather than the non-essential ones? However, as has been mentioned, you could consider getting books from the library and reducing the number of takeaways.

I'm sure that you don't want to discuss your total income and expenditure in the thread, but you can, if you wish, always message me to discuss things in more detail; I had to budget carefully for many years, but in recent times my income has been more than sufficient that it exceeds my expenditure so I don't keep such a careful eye on things these days, other than to ensure I'm getting the best deals possible.

[biscuits]

Perhaps there are things you can do at home to replicate the things you enjoy, so it doesn't feel like too much of a sacrifice to give them up completely.

Buying a panini press or sandwich toaster, then you can still enjoy similar sandwiches at home for a fraction of the cost.

Buying some of the coffee sachets to make a cappuccino at home. I bought a cafetière and make coffee at home because I didn't want to go out too much in the last lockdown.

You could also bake. You can make microwave mug cakes of you don't want to bake a big cake.

The price of coffee in this country is incredible! In Portugal you can get a latte and a nata for around 80c in a bakery!

There are also apps for takeaways where you have log in at a certain time and cafe's and restaurants sell their food for a cheaper price to reduce waste. Some supermarkets have boxes of food on there too. It's not something I've used and some of the reviews aren't great! Perhaps it's only good if you live in a city?

[hellotiger]

One thing that I’ve been doing ever since my student days is finding the best deals when I need to buy things. https://www.hotukdeals.com is the website I use to look for voucher codes for websites and any sale items. So if I need a new blender or whatever I can search for blender and see if anyone has posted a good deal on one or if a website that sells electronics has a voucher code. Really useful around Christmas time when I’m buying gifts. They also post when there is a money off code for justeat, deliveroo etc.
The only drawback to going on here is you have to stop yourself from buying things you don’t need just because they are a good price.

[biscuits]

Also - I'm shocked that you have to pay for a support worker!

[AuroraSky]

thanks all especially the offer from gregvert, actually I plan to print out the different parts of my expenses spreadsheet and discuss it with my key worker (the more senior support worker who I feel most comfortable talking with) next time he is on the rota to visit me at home. I do appreciate the offer though and your reassurance from being in a similar situation. I think lots of non-disabled people must think "must be nice not having to work all day" but the way so many people declined mentally when on furlough shows it's not really like that.

The support worker is a big expense but if my health got worse they could really prove their worth, and I think some face to face contact is really valuable. Just having someone in my life checking in person who would know what to do if I showed signs of a manic or badly depressed episode helps - it wasn't great realising I was referred for the support beginning last summer because I was now a "vulnerable person" but eventually I had to face the facts that that was what I was/am. Actually I think the council is paying around £60 a week to the service provider, a third sector organisation, so it's a good deal that I just have to top up the rest. It's kind of like if you had a cleaner and you bought that service through a company rather than a self-employed individual, you would be paying more because of the costs of admin and management etc. In an ideal world people wouldn't have to pay towards support worker costs but I live in a really unhealthy city (deep fried everything! with many disabled people needing support and fewer workers paying in to the system to cover the costs.

I didn't intend to reply so often but I am genuinely chuffed that despite not being one of the regular posters here so many of you have take the time to help me. Thanks everyone.

[biscuits]

^ (I'm ever so sorry - I meant that I was shocked that this is something that isn't offered as free support!)

[Dougella]

^ it's quite shocking to realise how many support services people are having to contribute to out of their benefits, but it must be to do with cuts to council budgets etc.

[AuroraSky]

No, don't worry at all, I took it as coming from a place of kindness and compassion. I think I see what you mean - my disability isn't my fault and we are used to the NHS being free. I accept paying a bit towards this cost though because my PIP benefit is meant to help with extra expenses caused by being disabled, so it's sort of being used for what it's meant for. I don't know if it's the same all over the UK but my council is broke and struggles to pay for basics like proper bin collections. Fewer people paying the full rate of council tax of course. I can't even necessarily say "Oh the central government should give the city councils much more" because of course Covid has cost mind-blowing amounts of money which will take who knows how many years to recover from.

[Dougella]

^^ That's a good point about PIP actually, it is supposed to help with extra costs that might come with the person's disability so some extr forms of support would come under that. I stand corrected!

[Toxic]

Originally Posted by hellotiger

One thing that I’ve been doing ever since my student days is finding the best deals when I need to buy things. https://www.hotukdeals.com is the website I use to look for voucher codes for websites and any sale items. So if I need a new blender or whatever I can search for blender and see if anyone has posted a good deal on one or if a website that sells electronics has a voucher code. Really useful around Christmas time when I’m buying gifts. They also post when there is a money off code for justeat, deliveroo etc.
The only drawback to going on here is you have to stop yourself from buying things you don’t need just because they are a good price.

I'm glad you added that bit!

The amount of tat I've seen on hukd thats a bargain and I've bought....and I didn't even want/need

It's good though, you can put keywords in so you get emailed when certain words come up, I snagged a Simba Mattress a few years back when it popped up on HUKD when amazon was doing a few hundred quid off, I doubt I would have noticed otherwise.

[biscuits]

This is really interesting, sorry for my ignorance. Thank you, NFL, Dougella and Nanuq for explaining, I had no idea at all .

Nanuq, you should apply if you’re entitled to it. Perhaps someone from Mind of Citizens Advice would be able to talk you through and support you with the application process? (I feel like a hypocrite saying that because I freak out about people helping me with personal things! So completely understand any hesitance, but you should go for it if it’s what you need x)

[newbs16]

^^ it's worth a try, they can only say no. I wonder if you could apply online to see if you can get some financial support.

[Bored]

you could look at the money saving expert website for tips and ideas

[Tonkin]

I use a spreadsheet and write down everything I spend.

At the beginning of covid I went through everything to see what I could cut back.

When I went through to cancel Audible, the app offered me 3 months for £3.99 - might worth trying? You can also pause Audible for a few months if you have enough to listen to.

You can sign up for Spotify via the Philippines and pay under £3 a month for a family account. I think it must be even less for a single account. It's a bit of a faff to set up but once you've done it, it just runs along each month.

I think there's a similar thing for Netflix but not sure if that still works....?

If you get a Kindle (about £40 on eBay) you can download eBooks from some libraries and transfer them to the Kindle for free.

If you don't mind "breaking the law" then you can also download eBooks and audiobooks, and anything else, from a range of websites, including via torrents.