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#1
4th July 2019, 19:24
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How do I improve social skills
Hey all,
I’ve had social anxiety for as long as I can remember which I coped by avoiding all social interactions possible, the situations I couldn’t avoid I just put my head down and tried too be invisible. Long story short now I’m older (30years old) and really want to break out my shell I’m really lacking in interaction and conversational skills, I just really can’t get in the flow of things. I’m wondering if anyone has any tips on how to improve on this? Over the past 8months i’ve Got myself back in to work, tried a few clubs, went on some dates but I just really feel awkward in all social situations. My mind just goes blank and I feel really self conscious, all in all I just feel even more enclosed after I do try. I hope you guys get what I’m saying.. even writing out what I’m trying too say takes me a lot longer than what it should words are definitely not my forte. Any tips or advice on steps I could take to break out of this and really feel like I can converse like others find so easy would be much appreciated, thanks . 
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#2
4th July 2019, 20:00
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Re: How do I improve social skills
Hey Jones89y, welcome
Firstly well done on what you've achieved over the last 8 months. Thinking about those situations (work, clubs, dates), which is the one that you've been at longest, work maybe cos you mentioned it first? How's it there.. are there people there you can say "how's your weekend been" to and have a couple of sentences and a smile with?
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#3
4th July 2019, 21:32
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Re: How do I improve social skills
Thank youanewyear. Yes I’ve stuck to work for the longest, the clubs I just felt too uncomfortable so I didn’t stick them out at all tbh. With work I do try too make small talk as I work in a big kitchen so there’s plenty of chefs and waiters etc, the thing is I’m ok at asking questioning where I can it’s just I don’t seem to have much in put too add in general conversation especially if it’s joking around/ banta kind.. I’m just always the quiet one on the side. Whether it’s due too being shy so I go blank or because I’ve not experienced much in life due too how I’ve coped, I don’t know tbh. But I find it hard concentrating as if I’m always multitasking rather than being able to focus on one thing and be in the moment
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#4
6th July 2019, 18:13
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Re: How do I improve social skills
Hello
Congratulations, it sounds as if you are facing your fears!  Sounds as if it's mainly the mind blank you're dealing with/worrying about. Maybe try not to think too hard in terms of what you are going to say, which is easier said than done. You may be going blank because you're over-analysing everything you could say before you've said it. Don't be too hard on yourself! You don't have to express yourself perfectly or say anything amazing. Try to drop the safety behaviour of censoring what you say and see what happens. Or practice just focusing on what others are saying rather than worrying about having to say anything yourself. Also yes, you don't have to stay in interactions too long, especially at first. I imagine that you probably do have things to say, it's just the anxiety. For me, I know that I used to I start a social event having things to say, but as time went on and I'd not actually said anything, I'd just be less and less able to concentrate on what was going on. Mindfulness and meditation can help with increasing focus so you can be more in the moment, and also reducing the anxiety, if you are interested in trying them.
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#5
11th July 2019, 11:04
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Re: How do I improve social skills
Thanks for the replies guys much appreciate it!
Sorry it took a little while to get back it***8217;s just i***8217;ve Felt a little disheartened and unmotivated recently and quite frankly wasn***8217;t sure what to reply. Tbh something55 I feel my general trivia is definitely lacking and unable to contribute as much as I***8217;d lack in that area but too hear that works for you! With the groups they do sound like they***8217;d be exactly what would help in the area but I also don***8217;t feel ready for them yet either.. I guess I***8217;m going too have to really get my motivation together and dig deep working on me. Selkie I agree I do overanalyse everything and I have done for so long I***8217;m finding it hard too concentrate even when not in social situations, i think I should try mindfulness and or meditation because my mind seems scattered and thinking 100 thoughts at the same time. I feel I do have to work on this as if I can***8217;t concentrate even when I***8217;m relaxed (like watching tv I don***8217;t seem to be digesting it fully) then there***8217;s no way I can concentrate when I***8217;m feeling uncomfortable in social situations.
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#6
13th July 2019, 15:16
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Re: How do I improve social skills
Jones89y I reckon jump into some of the threads with comments here and there and use it as a bit of practice. Although I'm sure a large number of people here (myself included) can fully understand and empathise with what you say.
One thing.. the asterisks and numbers in your post.. that'll be down to a settings thing on your iphone. Settings, General, Keyboards, Smart Punctuation I think.. just checked mine and the slider is off. I think that's what I had to do to fix it.
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#7
20th July 2019, 20:25
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Re: How do I improve social skills
Quote:
Thanks again all my sliders were on so I will switch smart punctuation off and see if that works ***128077;
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#8
20th July 2019, 20:29
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Re: How do I improve social skills
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