psychologist :-(

[IRIS]

Hello there.
Sorry if my moaning is similar to other threads - but I'm so stressed I feel ill.
I have been waiting about a year to go to see a psychologist and now I am finally seeing one, and it is awful. Sometimes it seems that she is getting frustrated with me. She is asking me questions about how I'm feeling and why, and I can't find the words to answer her. She said I seem scared of opening up to her and she says we are not getting anywhere, this makes me feel even more useless than I did already. She has been saying today that she is doing all the talking and putting words into my mouth and I am not talking to her enough. I tried to explain that my whole problem is that I get nervous with people, especially one to one. And she just says why why why, what are you nervous about? I dunno , my mind goes blank then.. perhaps if I thought about the question for an hour I'd be able to answer but I can't do that there. I am finding it near enought impossible to put my feelings into words - well I find it hard to put ANYTHING into words, that is my problem. I just can't cope with this therpy anymore-- do you think it is wrong for me? Is there anything else I can try, I suppose it all involves talking a lot, I am incapable of it. I am trying my best, but I just keep going blank.
Sad Lucy

She doesn't sound like a very good psychologist if she can't understand why you get nervous around people.
I have seen a few psychologists in my time and never had such a reaction.
I think I'd be looking elsewhere.

[peppermint]

Sounds like you need a more understanding psychiatrist.

[Medea]

I can identify with how you feel (especially the one to one problem) and I've had my fair share of crap councillors/psychiatrists. Unfortunately in the NHS there are a fair few psychs who are just not up to the name, sounds like you might have stumpled across one. Quite often I've been forced to lie to therapists in order to end the silence, unfortunately it does me no good but with the pathetic lack of understanding of SA by therapists cause these problems.

I think the therapy industry is still in its infancy. Despite proporting to be a science I think it's more of a guess and "let's see what happens if we do x" and "well x worked for tony so it must work for all people with his problem". We're all just guinea pigs.

sorry for the rant,

ren

Originally Posted by AnonymousLaura

Quite often I've been forced to lie to therapists in order to end the silence, unfortunately it does me no good but with the pathetic lack of understanding of SA by therapists causes these problems.

Oh god yes, I've done that too.

[willow]

Hi Iris

Judging by what you say I would try and get another therapist as it appears this one is not understanding you enough and so you will never open up to someone who is like that. You will find someone you will feel better with I am sure. Don't give up! Good luck. Sammy x

[Anxiety]

[QUOTE=she says we are not getting anywhere,[/QUOTE]

She shouldn't be saying this to you.

With my psychodynamic councellor i find that he makes me feel like im ill or that he is looking at me as at an object. An object that needs fixing. He doesn't make me feel good either. Makes me feel like im ill.

There are many therapists around and you need to find the one that suets you. The best thing to do is to follow your instinct.

[incommunicado]

Hi sad Lucy, i've seen several clinical psychologists most of them have been exellent at their job. I prefer one to ones and can be quite open, to a point and see the lack of communication as my fault. The most recent psychologist was on the same wavelength and i think a bit frustrated in the end that i don't say what i feel. She thought i was always "hiding", trouble is i don't know how to explain how i feel but was aware of when i did it by her body language. I could almost see the trust diminish as i blanked her out, looked abit offended. Whilst i thought i was being spontanious it immediately became apparrent to me on video/audio playback that there was always a pause before my guarded response which surprised me.

Don't know how you overcome this problem, think it would need a lot of trust built up over a period longer than she had available.

[Innerspace]

I'm a bit surprised at the way therapists are being portrayed in this thread. Unfortunately they can't read minds. Again, unfortunately, this means that the client has to open up in order for any progress to be made. I understand how difficult this is with SA, and I've been there myself too, but this is a fact we can't deny.

Therapy requires a certain level of openess and honesty if it is to be beneficial. If this is not present, the therapist is duty bound to voice his/her observation that it is not progressing anywhere. If no therapy is taking place a therapist is ethically bound to at least raise this issue with their client.

When progress is thin on the ground it is easy to scapegoat the therapist and absolve all personal responsibility by blaming said therapist. Many people have very unrealistic ideas of what therapy is, and what it will do for them, so when they actually have it they get easily disillusioned and dejected.

IRIS, I feel for you. I was like that myself when I saw a psychiatrist many years ago. I couldn't articulate myself at all, so never got over what I was actually feeling. Those sessions were wasted on me unfortunately. I now realise that we have to engage on some level if therapy is to be useful. I understand that this can be extremely difficult though. Maybe marki's suggestion of writing things down as a starting point might help. If you've got the basics down on paper you may be a little more comfortable elaborating later.

It sounds obvious, but the talking therapies depend on the client talking. Without this it is difficult to see where progress can be made. If it were me I think I'd write a short note explaining to the psychologist that I find it incredibly hard to find the right words to explain how I feel, but if she takes things gently I'll do my best to be as open and honest as I can. I'm not saying you should do this, but that is what I'd probably do.

With NHS therapy, time is of the essence. Unfortunately, trust and openess in therapy takes time to build and establish. Sometimes the alloted sessions are over before progress takes place. Maybe this psychologist is very impatient and lacks understanding of why you struggle to get your feelings out in words. I'd not write the therapy off just yet though. There is plenty of scope for improvement. It's took a long time to get your sessions, so I'd see them out if you can.

All I can add personally is that since I learned to engage with my therapy, I've got so much from it. No therapist should sit in judgement of you, so if you can muster up the strength to open up to just one person, let it be the person who may be able to help you explore your issues... your therapist. If you manage this and feel the therapist is still no good for you... move on if you can.
It pays to remember though, that in therapy it is really the client who does all the work, the therapist is just the facilitator.

I wish you well, IRIS.
What I said on therapy is general; not aimed at you personally.

Take care.

[Ceridwen]

Originally Posted by AnonymousLaura

Quite often I've been forced to lie to therapists in order to end the silence, unfortunately it does me no good but with the pathetic lack of understanding of SA by therapists cause these problems.

Me too, my psychologist was a bully. Actually, I was scared of him. I'd start getting bad anxiety ten days ahead of my appointments. I thought it was just me at first until I found others that felt the same way about him. I used to write my lies down in a little work book that I had to show him........'a progress report'.

[hardy]

sounds like not a very good therapist . She may be more used to the usual kind of mental problem where the patient can't help droning on for hours never short of words!!
I would try somone else more skilled in patience and empathy. They do exist!!

[ProzacChick]

Hello Lucy

Sorry to hear the therapy is not going so well. But then again therapy is a hard and painful process. The first lot of councelling I had was arranged by my GP and he said it would be difficult which it certainly was. For the first few sessions I really didn't think much of my councellor and thought I was wasting my time. However, I realised that he was okay really, and that I was kind of projecting all my painful thoughts and emotions onto him and judging him negatively cos he was making me think about and say things that were extremely difficult. He was making me face all kinds of situations that I had swept under the carpet, when the reason I'd avoided them was cos I just didn't know how to deal with them. Then there was this councellor making me tackle stuff I was frightened of and stuff that I just didn't understand. Now Lucy, I'm not saying this is what you are doing, I just thought I tell you my experience for you to think about.

As for putting in to words the problems I have, well once I get started these days I can go on for ever, but it was a different story a few years ago. Then I didn't understand anything. I didn't know who I was, I didn't understand my problems in the slightest. I was just a confused and lost soul. And if someone had started asking my questions about myself I would have been stumped and mute. But then I started reading all sorts of material in books, newspapers, magazines, on the internet etc. Plus I've had a couple of stabs at therapy and now I understand myself and why I am the way I am much better.

I'm inclined to say stick with this psychologist a bit longer cos it does take time to build up a rapport and trust with someone. I think Mark's idea about writing down your thoughts and feelings etc to prepare yourself for your sessions is a really good one. Another thing I was thinking of, you could ask you psychologist beforehand what the general focus of your next session is going to be and perhaps get a list of questions that she'll ask in this session so you can give yourself time to think things over and prepare yourself for the session.

Good luck with it all. And let us know how it you progress.

ProzacChick xx

[scarlet_diva]

I had a therapist who was quite similar, in that she often acted impatient & frustrated with me, even angry at times, because it was so difficult to change my basically screwed-up mentality despite my best efforts. She also turned up late to virtually every session, and made me feel like I was just another 'number'. I now wish I'd left her a long time before I did. I brought up these issues with her on a couple of occasions (and it was really, really awkward) but it made no difference. I remember coming out of her sessions feeling 10 times more depressed than when I walked in, which was obviously not a good sign! The therapist I went to after her was completely different; calm, understanding, patient, and I made a lot more progress in the few months I was with her, than in the whole year I'd been with the other one. I think sometimes it's a case of shopping around before you find a therapist that's right for you.

[Medea]

Originally Posted by scarlet_diva

I remember coming out of her sessions feeling 10 times more depressed than when I walked in, which was obviously not a good sign!

I've had this a few times. Usually it would be worse when I was seeing someone for the first time, especially if I thought "this time it might be different".

Don't get me wrong, there are some good therapists out there, but having seen more than a few in my time (into the double figures) I think they might be in the minority.

Once I realised my therapist(s) liked to talk about my messed up childhood I would talk about this during the session, even though it wasn't helping me (but it seemed to make them happy). I'm not someone who has difficulty talking about emotions, I know the therapy drill (been doing it since I was 8) but after a while you do become disillusioned when you realise they've obviously all read the same text book which starts "talks about their childhood".

sorry, I have a bit of a downer on therapists, especially after my last psych kept banging on about me having a drinking problem (I haven't had a drink since the last meet I went to) and it turned out he got sacked for... having a drinking problem (I think he was projecting a bit).

ren

[Innerspace]

Sometimes it's quite natural to come out of a therapy session feeling worse than you went in, simply because if the session was a 'deep' one, a lot of emotions will have been exposed and looked at. This can often be disconcerting when you actually went in there expecting to feel better when you come out. Unrealistic expectation can lay a part in this.

I wouldn't argue with anyone's individual experiences of therapy; they are what they are. I'm just balancing out the thread a bit because it has quite a downer on therapists generally.

AL, you touch on a common thing in therapy. The desire/need/compulsion etc to please the therapist by talking about what you think they want, rather than what you want.
Many people feel they want/need to please the therapist for some reason or another. It's also a good way of avoiding the real issues that need to be addressed.

I'm glad that my method of therapy does not involve digging around in the past. Frankly I don't like the idea much. So thankfully, the books I've had to read don't begin with... "talks about childhood".

I think that there are so many types of therapy out there that the client really does need to get some information on each so they understand the differences, then can match themselves with what they feel may be suitable to them personally.

I acknowledge that there are bad therapists out there. Some of us may well have experiences of them. On the other hand, I do feel that many others do have wildly unrealistic notions of what therapy is, and what it has to offer. I'm not suggesting you are one of those people though.

Sometimes it's difficult to figure whether the problem is with the client's expectations or with the therapist not really being that good, when the therapeutic relationship is not working.
In SD's case it looks like the first therapist she mentioned was a rather bad one, whilst her next one turned out to be very good. Ironically, both could well come from the same therapeutic approach. Like most things in life, you can have all the knowledge in the world, but unless you're good with people it won't come over, particularly when it's people you are dealing with, like as in therapy.

AL, it looks like your drink-obsessed therapist had more issues than you did. Quite funny on one hand, but of course, not funny in the slightest to you who were looking for much needed help at the time. Therapists are actually trained not to bring their own issues in to the therapy room, but it appears your therapist failed miserably.

It looks like you and SD come out of sessions feeling worse with good reason, but I just wanted to get across that many people can come out of sessions feeling less than happy because they've explored painful things in order to address them. All I'm saying is that it pays for the client to recognise which is which. otherwise some may feel that something quite useful was not beneficial at all, simply because it was difficult.

[hardy]

i think Inner has a good point . talking therapy does require talking!.

Try to bear in mind that the therapist may get frustrated at slow progress but they are trained to listen and not JUDGE or Critisise what you say . Its not like a normal world conversation where people have there own issues and may condemn what you say.
You can tell all and admit the most dreadful evil thoughts but its all confidential.

[IRIS]

Hi - thanks people for the replies.
It's not like I don't want to open up to my psychologist, it's just that she asks me a question and I am stumped ! I don't know why I'm stumped, it's like I have all these feelings and I just don't know what they are, so if she asks, how do you feel about such-a-thing, I'm just blank. perhaps I am worried about saying the wrong thing and her thinking... wel Lucy isn't 'mental' enough to be here talking to me, or I don't know if it is simply that i don't know how I feel so I can't tell her, I just know I feel bad. A big thing is 'what are you feeling when you cut yourself' and I honestly can't answer her. 'why do you cut yourself?' I don't know exactly.
Anyway - she keeps trying to go back to my childhood and find something wrong there - but I can't come up with anything. She says, well you weren't born like you are so what has happened to make you feel so bad about yourself? And I say, well it's just coz I'm ugly is why i feel bad about myself. If I said I'd been abused as a child I'm sure she'd be over the moon as she would have something to latch onto then.
Oh dear

[Cheekychap]

Reading all this doesnt feel me with confidence for when i see my psychiatrist soon