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#1
16th May 2019, 20:07
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I should be doing stuff.
I feel this all the time. I'm not necessarily depressed (well not clinically, anyway) but there's this constant nagging feeling: I should be doing something. People often don't talk in online groups I'm in and it's because they have active social lives. They're doing things in the evenings and at weekends. They're finding ways to meet people, maintain those relationships, and their friendships don't slowly die off and fade to nothing every time. When they want to try something new, they're able to and don't procrastinate like crazy because of the feeling of almost-certain embarrassment at something that will happen when said new thing is tried. And they have success with the opposite sex, with not all of their approaches coming to naught.
It's coming into summer, and I want to be doing something that makes best use of the nice weather. Sure I could walk around nice places on my own but it's not the same. I wanna be invited to BBQs (and not too terrified to invite people to my own), I wanna be having dinner with a nice woman, I wanna be drinking on pub patios with friends and laughing, I wanna be making the most of life. I don't wanna be watching an online conference on some new software technology and regularly thinking that virtually everyone at that conference, dull as it is, will be going off to their happy social lives, spouses, and kids afterwards, taking it all for granted. Switching their persona from watching presentation after presentation, bored, to happily going back to what they know is their rich, full, social life... an oasis to which they can escape. Not a dull, lonely, mediocre, sterile...... existing. / random insight into my mind 
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#5
16th May 2019, 21:37
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Re: I should be doing stuff.
The world is your oyster.
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#6
19th May 2019, 18:19
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Re: I should be doing stuff.
How is the meetup thing going? You organised a group, didn't you?
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#7
19th May 2019, 18:37
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Re: I should be doing stuff.
Your mind is like mine, Jez.
I suppose I have suffered this terrible case of 'should be doing' for years. Somewhere in my mind I had a vision of what I should be doing by this age, a lot of this stems from dreams as a young teenager. I remember then I couldn't wait to be an adult, doing adult things also being successful and earning lots of money. Obviously I currently fall well short, and this is rather depressing. Many days I feel the same as I did as I was 19, except minus the prospects. The young me never really anticipated social anxiety happening. It felt that it rather snuck up on me over a period of time, gradually increasing over the years without really noticing. I get that same pang of longing when I see a group of people out having a laugh, although it could be said we assume a lot when we look in as an outsider. For instance I could be out with a group of my partners friends and still feel like an outsider. Anyway, gotta keep trying. A way out is to just keep working hard, not giving up and making progress even though it can be demoralising on the way.
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