Local Community Rumour Mongering

[Percy]

Possibly not the best place for it but I'll stick it in the SA section since it could be a big issue for SAers.

I'm curious to know if other people on here have, or have had, the same problem. I've lived in my area most of my life and over the years have become something of a local pariah (at least from some quarters).

For years local gossip has created all sorts of malicious nonsense about me, most of which fizzled out over time but some still persists even after all these years. Not all the locals are like this of course and it does seem to be contained within a viscous or gullible minority but it has been a long standing problem for me, the problems of growing up in a close knit community and never finding it easy to fit in I suppose.

Being on the ADHD and autism spectrum and previously having had severe SA made it very difficult to fit in at school which if course only added to my local reputation.

Has anyone else had this problem? I'm often reminded of the case of Colin Stagg (the man originally accused of the Rachel Nickell murder) who apparently was already considered a pariah before the killing. His accusation make it worse to the point where he couldn't even leave his flat.

[Rocket Spud]

No.

I've had an unconventional life, lived here since before my teens, but receive no unwanted attentions from anyone in my locality. I can imagine people speculating - i'm not stupid - but until it's actually substantiated then i'm not bothered. And i won't dwell on it neither.

[Percy]

^Just out of interest were you ever bullied at school or as a child in that area?

[Mo34]

I haven't lived in this area all my life but for a goodly while. I was agoraphobic for a long time so people gossiped about that esp as when I did push myself out I came across as a weirdo as I felt so disorientated and anxious an avoident. I also get gossiped about because of a past incident (before the agoraphobia) when my dad attempted suicide rather publicly. So in essence I was for quite a while the village weirdo. I've actually (and occasionally still do) have people stare at me. I've also in the past had people whisper behind my back, talk openly about me in front of me and passive abuse. Lovely lot aren't they? Anyone wonder why I was agoraphobic? It has eased off, though I still occasionally see people staring or not wanting to catch my attention (my ex neighbours spring to mind)

The village I live in is a strange mix of some ordinary nice folk, middle class snobs, proper money snobs and chavs . On the whole though it is as you might say a village of two halves. The chavs and the snobs. They have much more in common than they think - ignorance, intolerance and bigotry.
Happy days. I ignore the whole sorry lot of them.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Percy

Possibly not the best place for it but I'll stick it in the SA section since it could be a big issue for SAers.

I'm curious to know if other people on here have, or have had, the same problem. I've lived in my area most of my life and over the years have become something of a local pariah (at least from some quarters).

.

Oh god yeah, I know exactly what you mean Percy. I am 42 and still live in the family home. I avoid all the neighbors, who I know talk about me behind my back. Two or three of them have known me all my life. The road I live on is a dead end and was once an old farm track, so it's quiet, rural, isolated. That makes everything worse. I cope by going everywhere in the car and only jogging, or walking the dog, after dark. Of course, never talking to anyone just makes them more curious and nosey.

I have often wondered whether living in a quiet, rural area made me worse. I'm sure it makes me more self-conscious and avoidant. I know I wouldn't be so bad if I lived in a crazy, arty, bohemian area of London or New York - somewhere full of artists, gays, hippies, etc....Camden, Greenwich village, that kind of thing.

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Mo34

I haven't lived in this area all my life but for a goodly while. I was agoraphobic for a long time so people gossiped about that esp as when I did push myself out I came across as a weirdo as I felt so disorientated and anxious an avoident. I also get gossiped about because of a past incident (before the agoraphobia) when my dad attempted suicide rather publicly. So in essence I was for quite a while the village weirdo. I've actually (and occasionally still do) have people stare at me. I've also in the past had people whisper behind my back, talk openly about me in front of me and passive abuse. Lovely lot aren't they? Anyone wonder why I was agoraphobic? It has eased off, though I still occasionally see people staring or not wanting to catch my attention (my ex neighbours spring to mind)

The village I live in is a strange mix of some ordinary nice folk, middle class snobs, proper money snobs and chavs . On the whole though it is as you might say a village of two halves. The chavs and the snobs. They have much more in common than they think - ignorance, intolerance and bigotry.
Happy days. I ignore the whole sorry lot of them.

I live in what could be described as a chavy snobbish area albeit with plenty of nice people as well. The local Sainsbury's is a big problem for me since some of the local gossips work there and I often get dirty looks or sneers when in there. There's one woman who's often at the kiosk who routinely watches me with suspicion, despite the fact I've only ever spoken to her when she's served me. The security guards at the door have also been caught nudging each other when I walk in.

Originally Posted by Melangell

Do you think you’d be happier somewhere else?

I plan on moving to a bigger town/small city when my kids have been through school. Somewhere where there’s a bit more to do and a bigger mix of people.

Undoubtedly but for that to happen I'll need to work through some issues.

[Percy]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-48154578

Not quite the same thing but you can bet your bottom dollar this family have had their share of malicious BS.

[Percy]

^Indeed.

[Percy]

Thinking on it a bit more I remember there was a couple near our neck of the woods who had Asperger's and were also hounded out of the area. Autism does seem to attract scum.

[Mr. Nobody]

Oh Cool,...a thread to allow my insane ideas about people whispering about me behind my back free reign,. Woop-ee

I've actually imagined that the local population was created simply as a viewing platform for the minutiae of my life
A lot of my experiences were SO similar to the Truman show
*I should probably be strapped down on a stretcher right now being examined for brain abnormalities *

[Percy]

^Just to emphasize my issue. Although I'm undeniably prone to paranoia at times, I've also had confirmation repeatedly that this rumour mongering and general nastiness takes place. It isn't simply in my head.

[limey123]

I regularly get called a twat by strangers, people serving me, etc. Or stared at. It's not in my head, either, Percy. It really does happen. I still to this day haven't worked out just what I'm doing so badly wrong. All I have is theories.

[Percy]

^People who are serving you are actually calling you a twat?

I can sometimes relate to the weird looks from strangers and occasional stares. Used to routinely get abuse from strangers although it's not so common now.

[gregarious_introvert]

I left the area in which I grew up when I was 18, so don't have to suffer the residual comments of people who knew me from childhood; however, I'm still not "normal", so there have been reactions in most places I've lived. To be honest, though, I managed to be fairly inconspicuous in London, until I appeared on some television shows in the 1990s, after which I suffered some comments from people who didn't like what I had to say, although most who recognised me were supportive and interested to know more.

Moving to Darlington (18 years ago now) was hell. I was an outcast from day one and couldn't wait to escape the place; that was also where I experienced the worst bullying at work too - and I know what was said about me there because it was repeated to my face.

When I moved to Derbyshire, it was to a street where everyone was part of a tight-knit community, so much so that when people left the family home, they would move to another property in the same street, or just around the corner. It didn't help that my first three years there were blighted by agoraphobia and I had numerous visits from the police, because they apparently wanted to check I was still alive. Because my landlord still had friends and relatives living locally, this led to bullying from the landlord and my eventual eviction - this was exacerbated after a neighbour wrote off my car by reversing into it, then blamed me because the car was there (fortunately, the insurance company didn't share his view), after which his family and friends would gather by my gate regularly, in an attempt to intimidate me.

Two-and-a-half years ago, the council rehoused me where I live now, since when things have been relatively peaceful; the neighbours are pleasant enough to my face, but there have been a couple of police intrusions, including one whilst I was away from home when they broke in because I didn't answer! I'm pretty sure the locals must think I'm some kind of criminal, but I don't seem to get the strange looks and sideways glances anymore, perhaps because my autistic traits aren't so obvious these days (which infers that living close to a criminal is preferable to living near an autistic person, I guess!).

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[Percy]

I had an incident in a Soton centre cafe today where two women (emphasis on women, probably in their 30's) at the table next to me were causing me some problems.

Shot me dirty looks as I walked in, watched me with suspicion as I sat at the table next to them (my usual table), repeatedly glanced at me and were whispering behind their menus after I asked the waiter if my milkshake was still coming.

Some people are shits beyond belief. Even worse this type of thing is condoned in some quarters.

[Percy]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

I left the area in which I grew up when I was 18, so don't have to suffer the residual comments of people who knew me from childhood; however, I'm still not "normal", so there have been reactions in most places I've lived. To be honest, though, I managed to be fairly inconspicuous in London, until I appeared on some television shows in the 1990s, after which I suffered some comments from people who didn't like what I had to say, although most who recognised me were supportive and interested to know more.

Moving to Darlington (18 years ago now) was hell. I was an outcast from day one and couldn't wait to escape the place; that was also where I experienced the worst bullying at work too - and I know what was said about me there because it was repeated to my face.

When I moved to Derbyshire, it was to a street where everyone was part of a tight-knit community, so much so that when people left the family home, they would move to another property in the same street, or just around the corner. It didn't help that my first three years there were blighted by agoraphobia and I had numerous visits from the police, because they apparently wanted to check I was still alive. Because my landlord still had friends and relatives living locally, this led to bullying from the landlord and my eventual eviction - this was exacerbated after a neighbour wrote off my car by reversing into it, then blamed me because the car was there (fortunately, the insurance company didn't share his view), after which his family and friends would gather by my gate regularly, in an attempt to intimidate me.

Two-and-a-half years ago, the council rehoused me where I live now, since when things have been relatively peaceful; the neighbours are pleasant enough to my face, but there have been a couple of police intrusions, including one whilst I was away from home when they broke in because I didn't answer! I'm pretty sure the locals must think I'm some kind of criminal, but I don't seem to get the strange looks and sideways glances anymore, perhaps because my autistic traits aren't so obvious these days (which infers that living close to a criminal is preferable to living near an autistic person, I guess!).

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What was the TV program from the 90's if you don't mind me asking?

I'm often flabbergasted at how grown adults can behave towards other human beings, particularly those of us on the ADHD and/or autism spectrum. It's as if we are somehow threatening to them. I know some of my out and about behavior can seem a little odd but certainly not dangerous, as anyone who knows me will testify. Sadly some people like the power trip that you get from being a complete tosser.

[gregarious_introvert]

^ I don't mind at all. I appeared in an episode of Modern Times for BBC2, Wednesday Night Live & Central Weekend Live for ITV. I did a couple of programmes for satellite channels, but I can't remember what they were called, or the channels. I was supposed to something for Channel 5, but I wasn't sensational enough for them, so I was cut and my millennium eve appearance on the Big Breakfast was cancelled at the last minute, as was a subsequent appearance on Trisha.

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[Percy]

Oh OK. Did you work in television or was this some sort of talent show?

[gregarious_introvert]

No, they were chat shows on which I was asked to appear because of my lifestyle at the time and the organisations I represented.

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[Percy]

Fair enough. Am I allowed to know what those organisations and lifestyle was about or would that be too nosy?

[gregarious_introvert]

^ I think that would be covered better in a Basement thread - but no, you're not being too nosey, I just don't want to be responsible for getting the thread moved.

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[Percy]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

^ I think that would be covered better in a Basement thread - but no, you're not being too nosey, I just don't want to be responsible for getting the thread moved.

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OK, fair enough.

I am naturally curious so apologies if it seems i'm putting you on the spotlight.

[gregarious_introvert]

Originally Posted by Melangell

Kilroy??

I never sank quite that low, although Nicky Campbell was a challenge! No, I was never invited to Kilroy.

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[Laurel]

Living in a houseshare, there's one old guy talking to the neighbours all the time and hushes his voice as if talking about someone in close proximity(me) Used to piss me off, now I ignore it. I do hate gossips, concentrate on your own damn lives! Only reason someone talks about other people's lives is because theirs is so shit.

[limey123]

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

[Percy]

River Island in Whiteley had an excellent saying on the stair leading to the men's section.

"The only thing worse than being talked about, is not being talked about".

[Laurel]

Originally Posted by limey123

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

That's a good one

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Percy

^Just to emphasize my issue. Although I'm undeniably prone to paranoia at times, I've also had confirmation repeatedly that this rumour mongering and general nastiness takes place. It isn't simply in my head.

when did I say it was?

are being a little paranoid perhaps?

[Percy]

^Your comment mentioned "a thread to allow my insane ideas about people whispering about me behind my back" and "I've actually imagined that the local population was created simply as a viewing platform for the minutiae of my life".

Since i'm the thread starter I thought I had better emphasize that this isn't all my imagination and have had confirmation of it from other people. I assumed that was the point you were suggesting or trying to make.

[BritishPeace]

I'm not really known to gossip about as I don't really talk to people. But my neighbour across the street reported my dog for barking at 4am and keeping him awake when my dog doesn't bark at 4am because he sleeps in the bed with me.