#361
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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You are wanted though and definitely not pointless ... |
#362
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ You made perfect sense Rebka , I get the everyday thoughts too and it seems like I'll just go through life always 'wanting' to die.
I'm sorry you get these thoughts, but least they go away at some point, I wish I had some advice ha! Just know you're not alone. |
#363
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^^ I think I know what you mean about the suicidal thought but not being depressed. I used to have moments like that as a child at times when I was so god damn bored and didn't have many friends and just felt like such an outsider, but they soon passed and I was my happy, hyper self again. I'm really so sorry about the way you're feeling.
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#364
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
if it's not depression, then maybe it's a kind of sadism of the mind. To realise you are vulnerable, then it turns into a mind-kink. And then reasoning adds itself to it. I have some weird ocd as well- and one trick I used to use is to think 'thank you brain' for that. To sort of disconnect myself from that thought.
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#365
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
(Ignore this, testing second account)
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#366
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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#367
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
If it wasn***8217;t for all the thoughts of how it would affect my loved ones and knowing that I can***8217;t put them through it, there***8217;s still no doubt whatsoever in my mind that suicide is what***8217;s best for me and it***8217;s something I should have gone through with the first time I attempted it in my teens.
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#368
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ In my opinion the world would be a worse off place if you’d succeeded all those years ago. I wish there were more warm hearted folk like you in this world
I hope these feelings pass Clem I know it may not seem much, but you know you have lots of SAUK friends who are here for you |
#369
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Thank you, Muggins. You***8217;re always so kind.
I think I***8217;ve been suicidal for however long I***8217;ve known it was an option so I don***8217;t think I***8217;ll ever be without these thoughts, obviously they fade sometimes though. I don***8217;t think I***8217;ve ever not felt that I***8217;m not supposed to exist, that I***8217;m a mistake. |
#370
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I find it quite sad that someone as warm, caring, and gentle as Clementine is, should feel that the world would be better off without them, when the world is full of folks who have inflated ideas of their own importance who never give a thought to anybody except themselves and who feel that we are all better off for them being here when in reality the exact opposite is true! When we feel so totally worthless I know that it is very hard to see our value in society but I can assure you Clementine, that you are certainly valued here, and I'm pretty sure amongst the people whom know you everywhere else. You always give thoughtful and considered advice with a measure of empathy and common sense. I endorse every comment that has already been made. Stay strong Clem.
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#371
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
What is it Bertrand Russell said?
The trouble with the world is the stupid are full of confidence and the intelligent are full of self doubt Surprisingly true, that one!!! |
#372
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Thank you all so much, it really means a lot.
I don’t think I'm ever going to be completely free of these feelings. |
#374
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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#375
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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#376
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ I know It really is. Try and have faith that it can get better, even if you can***8217;t see how right now x
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#377
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^^ I’m so sorry you are feeling that way John, I think most of us here can relate and have felt that way more than a few times during our lives Well meaning platitudes such as things will get better, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, blah blah blah.. sound so meaningless and empty when you’re in the depths of despair or simply have had enough of living, but countless folk have passed this way who have gone on to find a little happiness and purpose. Of course, (as I think the oh so wise Gregarious introvert will agree ) these better moments can ebb and flow and sometimes you’re back thrashing against the rocks, but there are things that can make life feel a little bit more worthwhile. You say that you have liked life in the past? What was it about that time that made things seem more worthwhile?
I hope that you can find something to bring you a little happiness again John Keep posting here too , I know it’s helped me |
#379
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ I'm sorry to hear that,Skitz. Is there anything in particular that upset you? Can you not talk to the crisis team about your fears and feelings? I hope things improve for you soon
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#380
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Oh skitzs that's not good. They're there to help you thru a bad patch they don't mean to upset you further. Feeling q low myself too and wishing it would all end since I have no family support. U can start to feel better though if you can start to find your inner self. It'll be in there somewhere. Chin up...
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#381
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ That sounds terrible, I remember feeling like that. I had to add another antidepressant (Mirtzepine) and that stopped me getting quite that low so often. My life is really shit for my own awkward reasons, so it's hard to feel great, but I basically don't think I should give up. There was a time when I thought that however so you need to realise that sometimes this changes with mood.
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#382
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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I’m truly glad that you are still here I’ve been in a similar situation in the distant past where I could see only hopelessness ahead and felt like I couldn’t tolerate yet another day of misery, but I’m so glad that I lived fo tell the tale as things did eventually improve for me hugely and I experienced many moments of happiness again. And you will too Skitz I can understand how hard it must be for you talking to the Crisis Team about such personal issues, but they are there to support you during this difficult time. Please let them help you and reach out to others for support too because you are definitely worth it even though you may not believe this at the moment. There’s always folk here who will be able to relate and who you are welcome to PM, myself included x Take good care of yourself Skitz, you are worth it! |
#383
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Hi Skittles, Hope you are feeling better and get some mental energy thinking of you ashleyxxx
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#384
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Lately I wake up feeling consumed by an internal sickness beckoning me to stay in bed. I feel worried even when there isn't anything to be worried about. I am a burden. I am a burden on society, on my parents, on any partner that chooses me and on anyone that tries in vein to get me to attach to them. I'm sick of getting "how are you" texts and having to lie through my teeth to fake any sense of normality when I am as ****ed up as always. I'm exhausted of silently wanting to die. I'm tired of feeling so alone in this world but every time I try to make friends, I can't cope with their need to like me as if I am likeable, even ****ing lovable. I fell in love and within months, I was plotting ways to coach him into killing me. This is me. The coward who wants closure but can't grant it to herself. I can never allow myself to be too happy. I can never allow myself to actually believe someone can love me, can want me, can need me and that it's okay to need them back. It has to be some kind of exploitation plot. It has to be some trickery to allow me to get happy only to pull the rug from underneath me. I am angry. I'm angry that I'm writing this. That I'm an ungrateful, spoilt ,little brat that thinks the world owes her happiness when she is blessed to have everything she physically needs. I'm angry at myself for hurting people- over and over- as if I can change- when the only thing I need to change is to grow some balls and pull the plug myself. And most of all I am angry for questioning my faith in God. For questioning his purpose. For questioning if he actually wants me to kill myself too- if in fact that's the big test- that actually he doesn't want me to find the courage to be brave but that he wants me to find the path to my end- that he wants me to swallow my tears and realise that is my truth, not the tiny flame of hope that occasionally re-ignites itself as if to only prolong the inevitable. I want to ask for help but I'm sick of being the little girl that cries wolf when she needs someone to hold her up while the real world- people with real problems- fall down beside her because no one gives them a hand. And here's me the one who least deserves it, receiving "how are you texts".
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#385
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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#386
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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#388
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^^ I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been admitted to a psychiatric hospital Skitz, I know from experience that they aren't particularly nice places to be stuck in
However, it sounds like your Consultant really has got your best interests at heart. If you are still feeling that suicide is the only option then it’s definitely safer for you to be where you are until you receive the treatment that you need. I’m sure that you have family and friends who love you very much and while you may currently feel that your life doesn’t have much worth your loved ones certainly won’t agree with you and will want you to be kept safe. Hang on in there Skitz, you will get through this very difficult time in your life and feel better again Look after yourself |
#389
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ Its my hope that in time you will be very thankful that they did stop you. I have no idea of what to say to you but there are loads of us who, despite not knowing you, are saddened that you felt that low and if there was any way that any one of us could make those feelings go away we would. Some of us know how bad you feel and some of us can only imagine. But every one of us cares, and sincerely hopes that you can find the inner strength that you need to get through this.
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#390
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
hi skitz will pm you.
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