Do you think you have a Victim mentality???

[Amara 94]

I think I do.

But then it's kind of not so black and white.

Being autistic, I think a lot of times I am unintentionally socially awkward and this has made me an easy target for certain people to act condescending to me, a lot of passive aggressive behaviours, the silent treatment, infantilization. So this makes me feel angry and like a victim.

However, I think the main problem is communication. Misunderstandings lead to passive aggressiveness and stuff. I have been shouted at for being shy and told it was my fault if peers bullied me. I think with better communication or awareness in public certain situations like I have mentioned would still happen but less and would be less severe.

But accountability feels scary because I think if I was open about saying I am autistic, I would need to know about autism more explain it to others. But I fear that people would be nice to me on purpose, not out of authenticity and then I wonder if infantilising behaviour would increase.

I think in the past I haven't always minded infantilization because it's the rare time someone might seem nice but it leaves a toxic after taste because it doesn't make me feel heard or listened to.

[Sudoku]

Only because I didn't stand up for myself in the past and made myself one. I was trained to respond a certain way to certain behaviour from childhood and didn't realise that was abnormal until fairly recently. So that made me a walking target for certain types of people and led to some not great situations.

But the human brain is pretty 'elastic' and you can work on changing behaviour patterns as an adult. You might still have an ingrained response to specific things, but you are aware of that response and can override it. If someone insults me now, my innate response is still guilt, but I understand why that response happens and I can then stop and question what they are saying, if there is any justification for them to insult me, or if they are over-reacting because they are having a bad day or just because they are that sort of person. Then replace my initial response with one that matches the conclusion. If someone tries to humiliate me or blame me for their own mistakes, I won't just go along with it to 'keep the peace' or because I automatically assume 'I must have deserved that because why else would they say it'. I'll question if the mistake was actually mine or if they or someone else was partly/entirely responsible and just covering their own ass and then I'll adjust my response to fit that and defend myself if need be. I no longer put everyone else at a higher status than myself and accept the blame for everyone and everything.

Your past doesn't have to define who you are in the present. I get a bit frustrated with people who take that stance. You can choose to be a victim and make that your core identity, or you can think 'f**k it, I was forced into bad situations in the past but I'm older and wiser now and have the ability to fight back and not let people treat me like that any more'. If people try the same shit with me today, I would respond very differently. I'm allowed to get angry and defend myself, I'm allowed to burn bridges with toxic people, I'm allowed to say no and let people deal with their own problems without feeling guilty. Now that I'm more aware and have more control over my life, if I still make the same mistakes and accept being treated a certain way then I'm the only one responsible for it.

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Sammy_uk

Only because I didn't stand up for myself in the past and made myself one. I was trained to respond a certain way to certain behaviour from childhood and didn't realise that was abnormal until fairly recently. So that made me a walking target for certain types of people and led to some not great situations.

You can learn, I did.

[Sudoku]

Exactly! I'm very different these days. And I know other people can also reprogram their brains if they want to.

[Sunrise]

I've been accused of having one numerous times, but I don't like the term at all. It tends to be gaslighting language used by not very nice people. It's not a helpful term at all, and it tends to be used as a way of invalidating people's trauma and absolving abusers of blame.

I can take responsibility for my own actions, but I refuse to accept that everything is all my own fault. That's not a healthy or realistic way to look at a situation.

[choirgirl]

Interesting stuff, Dean.

I have one now! In the past, subconsciously I think I had one, but not consciously.