Do You Like Working with People?

[Formershyguy]

Some places I've worked at, I have kind of made friends and its been good. Its been a real pleasure to go in each day but in other work places I've alsmost dreaded going in either because its awkward and I felt like the work was too hard and I was too scared to ask for help.

What makes it really awkward is how everyone in the office already have that rapport and banter with each other. They've obviously all know each other a while.

I've just started working at the last job I left as they wanted me back. SO I should be happy that I am held in such high regard but the only issue is I just feel so awkward. Its a small office and based out in the country.

I worked with this woman who was a temp like me and she was very extroverted. Now after 2.5 months I have returned and things have changed. I am only working in the office 2 days a week and the rest at home. But she has been given a contract so she is no longer a a temp. It feels like she is really part of the team as the time I was away she has fully integrated but I am now the outsider.

Ideally I would love to work from home fully remote and not have to have much dealings with people, only when its absolutely essential.

Tuesday I had to accompany everyone for a walk round the grounds. For some unknown reason, someone had the bright idea of making everyone walk round the grounds. I only had that woman to talk to as she was the only one I really talked to.

They don;t know how long the work will take to complete. I'm just hoping I'm not there long enough to be thought of to ask to come to any events.

I mean if I'm awkward enough at work, why the hell would I put myself through that by going to the pub or the Christmas Party with these people?

And the other day I choked a little on my water. It went down the wrong way and everyone noticed. Jesus and they were talking about it and branching off onto other topics from it! I wish people could just show empathy and not go on about it.

Another issue is when people at work try to talk to me, asking me how I am and expecting a longer conversation than I can give them lol Like my first day, the guy who was showing me what to do tried to make conversation and I know he was expecting more conversation out of me but I just made the minimum because I just didn't have that much in me.

I just wish people could understand that I don;t need to join in on anything. I just want to be left alone. The office is too small but I believe they are moving to a bigger premises.

Right now I'm trying to find more side hustles so I can make more income so I don;t have to work in an office with people.

It hasn;t been all bad through out my working life though. I have met some really nice people but because of the nature of my work, I am often entering new environments where it feels scary because people already have this established relationships and history.

The job I had up until last August was probably one of the best jobs I had. All I had to do was Scanning lots of paper documents and archiving. At first I was upstairs batching up the papers and I was sat with other people but it was a much more quieter relaxed environment. I then moved downstairs to spend the last few months and it took a while, to scan everything.

I was left along to my own devices and I loved it! I could even listen to music on youtube and things like that. I had an office all to myself. There were people but they were all mostly quiet and just worked on their own stuff.

I also managed to get talkign to a couple of people. And that was good because it was virtually on my own terms. But jobs like this are very few and far between.

[biscuits]

Yep. I love it. I’d hate to work from home or to work alone.

[Seagull]

^ this

[Amara 94]

No, I like working alone

[anxiouslondoner]

Not particularly
I get negative feelings from social interaction
I go into work once a week by choice to avoid the isolation
But it doesn't help much because IDK, I just find it unpleasant

[Merry]

No, work has been extremely difficult for me.
My anxiety working in a busy, social environment is the same if people are unkind and bully me or if I get along with people and they're nice and there's a lot of nice conversation and laughter. In fact it might have been slightly higher in environments where I've been valued in any way.
Though when I have been bullied at work, that has had more of an impact when I've been at home, I worry about it more. When people are nice to me I have been able to leave the anxiety at work and relax at home, but then the next day the anxiety would start just the same.

It wasn't really finding the right environment for me, my social anxiety is just too severe to be able to cope with multiple people over any length of time.

If I didn't have such bad social anxiety disorder then I would much prefer to work with people as I don't like being isolated and also, I don't have any skills to work alone, so it just means that now I'm not working at all and that's isolating and a financial strain.

[Jen.]

Apart from a few different things during a year abroad back when I was a student, I've always worked alone from home so have no idea what it's like working in an office environment or with the same group every day. I'm sure I would hate it though. If I spent all day around people at work I would want to be alone in the evenings and at weekends. Being alone while working and then spending my time outside work with people I actually like seems better to me. I don't think I could do both.

[Sudoku]

Yep, it's the one thing that constantly makes me consider going back to 9-to-5 work. I used to enjoy the social side of working in an office with other people. At the same time, office politics can make the work much harder. 99% of people I've worked with have been great. But you get one person who decides you're a threat to their control and suddenly you're being given false information, being left out of meetings, not given updates, being gossiped about and having to dodge those bullets. That one person can ruin it completely. It's difficult to find a happy medium.

[Spuggy]

Not now.

I had the kind of role where Id know most of the 400 staff at my workplace. Working IT, I got to chat and meet n greet most folk where I worked. This was nearly 15 yrs ago. A time when my SA would sit in the background and only peak in certain social situations.

I have run a business over the past 15 years, mostly on my own in an office space from home. I have a part timer who works 2 days a week.

I gotta say, that my SA has seriously gone wild during this time and I've come to realise that it was probably the worst move I couldve done in an SA sense. Having to work with so many people on a daily basis kept my SA in control. It rarely got the better of me but now it can run rampant. So much so, that I could not work with any groups of people now.

I've become so used to being on my own, working in a quiet section of my house with no face to face interactions has nailed my ability to keep my SA in control.

I can handle short bursts of people, made easier if alcohol is involved but I couldnt now work daily usual office hours with groups people. Id just crumble.

[Marie8]

Hi Formershyguy, how are things going for you at work this week? I am struggling a lot in my current office/reception role for similar reasons and wanted to let you know I can relate.

[Appear]

I like working in an environment with other people, and my current team couldn't be better. But I don't especially like actually doing work with others. I much prefer just getting on with things myself. Generally in my sort of role everyone has their own tasks to do, so I get on fine. But sometimes we have to work on one together and that can be quite difficult - trying to establish who does what and when is another task in itself.

For the last year or so I've been leading on a work stream, which means I have to plan and divvy up work for others. I find that quite hard because I know I could do most of it myself, and often quicker than others that are newer to the work and less experienced with coding. It ends up being a lot more work trying to get others up to speed and help out when they get stuck. I do actually quite like doing that sort of stuff and can see myself in a more 'knowledge sharing' role, but when we have strict deadlines (most of the time), it's really difficult and I find it hard not to just be like 'have a break - let me do it'.

I've worried it's a bit of an issue with me (I know I can be a bit know-it-all-y and generally prefer doing stuff myself), but a few others I've spoken to also have the same issues and struggle with delegation in our area. I also seem to get good feedback, so I guess I'm doing alright with it. If things weren't so pressured I think it would be fine and I'd be much happier to let people get on with stuff on their own. It's definitely a learning curve.

[Tembo]

Well the majority of people I work with are lovely. But I find working with other people incredibly overwhelming.
I find it baffling that others like to go to the staff room for their break, and chat some more! I tend to take my breaks alone just to get a proper break. But I know people think that’s strange.

[Marco]

I’m fortunate to work with a small and friendly team of people, but even then I need to have my own space at lunchtime, i.e. get outside for a lunchtime stroll. Working with people seems to exhaust me no matter how nice they are. I do wish I was less of introvert, but my colleagues seem to accept this in me.

[Formershyguy]

Just started a job in a big open plan office but the job itself has its issues because I'm processing invoices. I'm having to use the codes that other people give me and if they arent able to go through I have to email them.Sometimes they try to call me via Teams but I wouldn't pick up as I am seated close to other people.

Also I find it hard to ask for help. Now logically asking for help makes perfect sense because if I make mistakes there is a risk of being shouted at. But strangely I'm more scared of asking for help because I feel too self conscious as I'm not able to use people's names. I feel using people's names is a very personal thing. So the times I have tried to ask for help I might say "Oh this error message has come up" or "sorry but how do I do this?"

I mean the girl who was training me seems nice but I guess I don't want to bother her and I like a nice flow of work where I can just get on with it! So I've tried to just make guesses on some of the invoices and hope it works.

This job again is through an Agency! I hope it ends soon, ideally before Christmas! If I walk out, the Agency probably will take me off their books but If I'm let go I have more chance of them keeping me on their books. I mean I've already done a job for them which I did really well and the company were happy with me but it was really easy work and the company are moving anyway. They even had more work which wold have lasted a few more weeks atleast but then I got a call from the Agency saying that they had to let me go but it was nothing against me but because they were moving.

[Formershyguy]

Felt like crying today! I just feel so awkward at work and the work itself has so many issues!

And today the Woman from the Agency called to ask me how I'm doing and I just cleared the air and told her I was finding it overwhelming. I didn't allude to saying I feel socially anxious but she did try to take less responsibilities. She was trying to make me stay, not in a pushy way but I understand she must be a little put out as she found me the job.

But atleast this time I've given the Agency a weeks notice and I will finish on Friday. The only problem is she said she would have to tell me boss.

Later on I could hear my Boss on the phone to the Agency. I wish she could have had that call away from me so I couldn;t hear.

[Hopeforme]

In hindsight, do you think it would of been better to talk to the agency discreetly about your social anxiety before definitely ending the job? No judgment, I am just thinking about your welfare in terms of money etc. Where do you see yourself going forward from here in terms of work?

The name thing...if people introduce themselves via that word then that's what they want us to call them. I have a weird irrational thing about it. It's more like saying their name will get their attention and that's what I want to avoid, IE remain invisible. But its irrational. Could also be beliefs that its bad to ask for help etc.

[Formershyguy]

Getting nearer the time to start work and I'm feeling the anxiety in my stomach. Having to walk through that door and walk into that big open plan office all the way to my desk where I'm flanked with a person either side of me.

I don't feel I can trust people if I tell them I have social anxiety. You just don't know if they will be understanding or play it down.

People see things like being social in the office, asking lots of questions as easy. It would never occur to them that some people find that impossible.

I have this fear sometimes that if I ask for help, the other person might be in a mood and get annoyed because they're stressed and explain to me something in an aggressive tone. So this would make me reluctant to bother them but if I make mistakes I will get told off.

Logically you would think its better to ask questions but my mouth just becomes paralysed. Sometimes it takes all the strength I have to say Morning.

In other situations I'm much more confident. Like sometimes I'll talk to shop staff.

[MissKatie]

I like working WITH people but I like to do my own work.

Sometimes when there's very little to do, the boss will try to put two people together to do the same job, which doesn't half the time taken but doubles it as you get in each others way.

I don't like working in close proximity with someone too because...once again, you get in each others way.

[Hopeforme]

Originally Posted by Formershyguy

Getting nearer the time to start work and I'm feeling the anxiety in my stomach. Having to walk through that door and walk into that big open plan office all the way to my desk where I'm flanked with a person either side of me.

I don't feel I can trust people if I tell them I have social anxiety. You just don't know if they will be understanding or play it down.

People see things like being social in the office, asking lots of questions as easy. It would never occur to them that some people find that impossible.

I have this fear sometimes that if I ask for help, the other person might be in a mood and get annoyed because they're stressed and explain to me something in an aggressive tone. So this would make me reluctant to bother them but if I make mistakes I will get told off.

Logically you would think its better to ask questions but my mouth just becomes paralysed. Sometimes it takes all the strength I have to say Morning.

In other situations I'm much more confident. Like sometimes I'll talk to shop staff.

Yes I agree that people don't often understand or find it hard to imagine how people can struggle with basic social things like having a quick chat with someone in the office. Do other people agree with this or disagree?

Were you punished or in some way negatively "rewarded" for asking for help when you were younger? Yes it is definitely rational and logical to ask for the help than be told off but the anxiety itself doesn't seem to understand logic. It is irrational and completely out of proportion to what is happening. I can relate to the paralysed feeling - it sounds to me like very intense social anxiety.

[MissKatie]

Originally Posted by The Devil, Probably.

I like the idea of it. In practice though it's too burdensome, and I'd prefer not to. I am another one that finds a place to be by myself at lunch and other such things. In previous jobs I have walked to the park. At my worst I've spent lunch breaks in the disabled toilet to stay out of sight when other options for avoiding people were not available. I work in an environment of hundreds of acres and thousands of rooms. So It's not difficult now to find a private spot. I just wish I could avoid everyone forever.

I'm mostly over SA and I've spent breaks in the toilets before. It's nice to sometimes have a complete break from people.

It's not just you

[gregarious_introvert]

I used to enjoy working with people, although this was at a time when I had a very solitary lifestyle and people at work were the only social contact I had; however, with a few exceptions, it wasn't the company of my colleagues I enjoyed, but that of the general public (I've had quite a few customer-facing jobs).

I did, as this thread seems to indicated is common, tend to spend my lunch breaks away from my colleagues, partly because I needed some time alone and partly because I have always had difficulties with eating in front of others.

[Sunrise]

My problem isn't that I don't like working with people, it's more that people don't like working with me.