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  #181  
Old 11th June 2011, 02:25
Jimmytightlips Jimmytightlips is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I replace my chin every 3 years.

In ubermench camp we were taught how to rock climb using a rope composed of hundreds of royal pythons in a human centipede style poop chain. After we were done with the buggers, we would lay them down and use them as sewer piping from the camp's many toilets. They remained live throughout, because it was deemed 'funnier' if they lived in constant suffering.
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  #182  
Old 11th June 2011, 09:20
schneebeli schneebeli is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I'm a member of the East Anglian Mountain Rescue team
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  #183  
Old 11th June 2011, 13:19
Jimmytightlips Jimmytightlips is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

^ (There's something very pleasing about that )

Noam Chomsky is to replace Cheryl Cole on american X Factor
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  #184  
Old 11th June 2011, 16:07
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Swan Vesta matches were originally made from the legs of curried swans. The birds were marinated in a mixture of fiery spices before their legs were whittled down to produce the little fire starters we know and love today. Each swan, having two god-given legses, yielded two matches. The practice was stopped in 1979 as it was deemed bloody stupid and matches have ever since been made from tiny trees dipped in some chemical stuff.
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  #185  
Old 11th June 2011, 16:09
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I am not.
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  #186  
Old 11th June 2011, 17:19
Jimmytightlips Jimmytightlips is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

People always get the expression wrong, its -

"a tack is the best form of defence"

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  #187  
Old 13th June 2011, 00:28
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

If a wasp mates with a bee their offspring is called a wee
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  #188  
Old 2nd September 2011, 20:15
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

i wrote and performed all the saxophone ad libs from the start of the simpsons.
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  #189  
Old 2nd September 2011, 21:28
Dougie Jones Dougie Jones is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

On the first day God created the Heavens and the Earth.
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  #190  
Old 4th September 2011, 15:47
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

New research shows that headaches can actually be good for you. They exercise the brain muscles, therefore increasing IQ without the need for mental exercise.
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  #191  
Old 11th September 2011, 15:40
Stanley Rainbird Stanley Rainbird is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

over the average lifetime an anxious person who suffers nervous leg twitching creates twice the carbon footprint as an anxious person who suffers nervous hand shaking
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  #192  
Old 13th September 2011, 23:34
VeryQuietGuy VeryQuietGuy is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I went to put petrol in my car and the station has cut fuel by 15p a litre in line with rapidly falling wholesale prices
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  #193  
Old 24th September 2011, 19:31
Grogoch Grogoch is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

This is my uncle Ned hurrying through the sky. He sometimes turns into a ball of flies when he is late for things.

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  #194  
Old 24th September 2011, 21:23
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I've done it!
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  #195  
Old 27th September 2011, 13:40
Stanley Rainbird Stanley Rainbird is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

During the Cold War inspired space race the Soviet Union sent the famous folk trio Uniformed-shaped Comets (some critics have considered this a protest against nuclear weapons) to orbit the Moon for a 60 minute accordion, Gypsy guitar and garmoshka concert that meant NASA's plans to send Elvis into space to sing (Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear were shelved.
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  #196  
Old 29th September 2011, 14:48
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

^

To become a moderator on this forum you have to take an exam. I failed which is why I am not a moderator.
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  #197  
Old 3rd October 2011, 16:37
Stanley Rainbird Stanley Rainbird is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

My name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah so deal with it
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  #198  
Old 3rd October 2011, 20:29
slrrrrp slrrrrp is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I don't like big butts and I can lie
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  #199  
Old 3rd October 2011, 21:49
Mr. Spaceman Mr. Spaceman is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Amy Winehouse died after eating a pancake laced with peanuts cooked by her lover ELTON WELSBY. it was no accident - he knew very well that she has a peanut allergy, and he stands to inherit a fortune the bastard.
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  #200  
Old 7th October 2011, 16:35
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I am having frog curry for my tea. A ready meal I found in Leeds Market.
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  #201  
Old 7th October 2011, 19:37
slrrrrp slrrrrp is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Winnie57
I am having frog curry for my tea. A ready meal I found in Leeds Market.
I know, I saw you there - I was the woman with the moustache and the pet elephant.
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  #202  
Old 9th October 2011, 18:50
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

^ My pet elephant is bigger than your pet elephant
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  #203  
Old 18th October 2011, 00:32
Ashtray88 Ashtray88 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

My name is Martha Stewart and I am a serial killer. I've been murderering people for 20 years now. I like to lure victims into my home and offer them a cup of tea, laced with arsenic. I then cut up the bodies into tiny pieces and bake them in pies which I feed to the neighbourhood children.
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  #204  
Old 18th October 2011, 11:04
Mr_Bean Mr_Bean is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

my favourite programme is X-factor. I tune in without fail every Saturday evening. I even watch every supplementary program about Xfactor on ITV2.
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  #205  
Old 19th October 2011, 09:30
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I received an enormous bunch of roses this morning. The label read: "Winnie, my heart's desire, let me take you away from your miserable life".
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  #206  
Old 19th October 2011, 12:37
Akira Akira is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I love the government.
Our economy is booming.
There is too much wildlife.
We are dangerously underpopulated.
Not enough people have degrees.
House prices are far too low.
There aren't enough different kinds of taxes.
There are too many jobs to choose from.
I have a really good feeling about the way things are going.
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  #207  
Old 23rd October 2011, 21:11
slrrrrp slrrrrp is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I used to put Hellmann's mayonnaise on cardboard chicken and it turned into real chicken - it stopped happening when they dropped Bob Carolgees from the ads.
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  #208  
Old 24th October 2011, 01:48
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

the principle ingredient in chicken nuggets is actually chocobo
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  #209  
Old 24th October 2011, 02:48
Mortigantoj Mortigantoj is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

^ what do they make out of moogles...? Kupo!
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  #210  
Old 13th May 2012, 00:50
Oatmeal Oatmeal is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

When trying to think of something random and spontaneous to add to a games thread, nothing remotely obscene crosses my mind, especially not anything that would make me sound sexually frustrated.
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