#181
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Re: tell lies
I replace my chin every 3 years.
In ubermench camp we were taught how to rock climb using a rope composed of hundreds of royal pythons in a human centipede style poop chain. After we were done with the buggers, we would lay them down and use them as sewer piping from the camp's many toilets. They remained live throughout, because it was deemed 'funnier' if they lived in constant suffering. |
#182
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Re: tell lies
I'm a member of the East Anglian Mountain Rescue team
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#183
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Re: tell lies
^ (There's something very pleasing about that )
Noam Chomsky is to replace Cheryl Cole on american X Factor |
#184
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Re: tell lies
Swan Vesta matches were originally made from the legs of curried swans. The birds were marinated in a mixture of fiery spices before their legs were whittled down to produce the little fire starters we know and love today. Each swan, having two god-given legses, yielded two matches. The practice was stopped in 1979 as it was deemed bloody stupid and matches have ever since been made from tiny trees dipped in some chemical stuff.
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#185
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Re: tell lies
I am not.
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#186
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Re: tell lies
People always get the expression wrong, its -
"a tack is the best form of defence" |
#189
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Re: tell lies
On the first day God created the Heavens and the Earth.
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#191
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Re: tell lies
over the average lifetime an anxious person who suffers nervous leg twitching creates twice the carbon footprint as an anxious person who suffers nervous hand shaking
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#194
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Re: tell lies
I've done it!
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#195
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Re: tell lies
During the Cold War inspired space race the Soviet Union sent the famous folk trio Uniformed-shaped Comets (some critics have considered this a protest against nuclear weapons) to orbit the Moon for a 60 minute accordion, Gypsy guitar and garmoshka concert that meant NASA's plans to send Elvis into space to sing (Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear were shelved.
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#197
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Re: tell lies
My name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah so deal with it
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#198
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Re: tell lies
I don't like big butts and I can lie
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#199
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Re: tell lies
Amy Winehouse died after eating a pancake laced with peanuts cooked by her lover ELTON WELSBY. it was no accident - he knew very well that she has a peanut allergy, and he stands to inherit a fortune the bastard.
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#201
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Re: tell lies
Quote:
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#203
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Re: tell lies
My name is Martha Stewart and I am a serial killer. I've been murderering people for 20 years now. I like to lure victims into my home and offer them a cup of tea, laced with arsenic. I then cut up the bodies into tiny pieces and bake them in pies which I feed to the neighbourhood children.
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#206
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Re: tell lies
I love the government.
Our economy is booming. There is too much wildlife. We are dangerously underpopulated. Not enough people have degrees. House prices are far too low. There aren't enough different kinds of taxes. There are too many jobs to choose from. I have a really good feeling about the way things are going. |
#207
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Re: tell lies
I used to put Hellmann's mayonnaise on cardboard chicken and it turned into real chicken - it stopped happening when they dropped Bob Carolgees from the ads.
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#210
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Re: tell lies
When trying to think of something random and spontaneous to add to a games thread, nothing remotely obscene crosses my mind, especially not anything that would make me sound sexually frustrated.
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