Do people make fun of you?

[disarm1234]

I find that people make fun of me for being so quite and timid. What they don't understand is that them making fun out of me tends to make me worse I wish I could just ignore them but I can't.

In my home town people say "That's him who doesn't talk" when I walk by. Even people I have never met before in my life treat me this way, makes me feel like such a freak.

I would like to know if anybody else has experienced this kind of thing?
When I see or hear people making fun of me my SA gets worse.

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

Yes, since my schools days I have been molded into an easy target because I find it hard to assert myself and fight back, I've suffered the same in some places of work also. Certain people will unfortunately pick up on individual weaknesses or traits that are not so common and play around with them for their entertainment.

[calypo]

Originally Posted by BFG

not unless they want their legs broken.

Haha, perfect!

OP, I know how you feel. When I was a bit younger I used to be the same. In a less extreme way, I'd have teachers make comments on my report about being so quiet and I remember receiving a stupid award once at the end of school for "being so quiet you don't even realise she's there!".. Er, great, thanks guys! At the time it REALLY, and I mean REALLY got me down, but I'm no longer like that at all, cause I kind of decided to repel and break free of this image, I guess. I thought, you know what, I'm not going to be stereotyped into this pigeon hole anymore. And I started acting how I WANTED to act around people.

It's really hard. I'm not going to lie. But you should just use this attitude people have as ammunition to change things for the better

[Dandelion10]

Ha Good one BFG.

Having SA doesn't give people permission to treat us like shit.

You don't have to travel far to see other people prove your sense of inadequacy is unfounded!

[VeryQuietGuy]

I got it a lot in high school for 6 years people were saying things like " he's so quiet " or saying to new people " he doesn't talk keep away ".

It was gutting to repeatedly hear it over and over.

[Pink*Lady]

Yeah disarm1234 I get this a lot too. It ranges from name calling, loud comments being made as I walk past people and comments about my face and about how I walk. I put on a front to get through the day but it batters your confidence and is soul destroying. Calypo has the right attitude about how to handle this. I'm still working on trying to be more confident and assertive. I'd rather keep trying than give up.

[no0ne]

Originally Posted by Boo Radley

boy you have lot anger going on!

no anger just giving my honest answer, i'm not one for taking shit from people.

should people just sit there and take it? bugger that for a laugh, make fun of me and expect to get shit back be it verbal or physical, in my job when i was working on building sites you either stood up for your self or you may aswell give up and go home or go cry in a corner, not so much as i got older but being an apprentice taught me to stand up for myself.

[HCT]

Originally Posted by calypo

I remember receiving a stupid award once at the end of school for "being so quiet you don't even realise she's there!"..

I was given a similar award, 'silent but deadly', yeah, that helped me feel a lot better about myself....

[nessa456]

Originally Posted by BFG

no anger just giving my honest answer, i'm not one for taking shit from people.

should people just sit there and take it? bugger that for a laugh, make fun of me and expect to get shit back be it verbal or physical, in my job when i was working on building sites you either stood up for your self or you may aswell give up and go home or go cry in a corner, not so much as i got older but being an apprentice taught me to stand up for myself.

I've tried challenging people when they've said stuff about me within earshot though and they invariably deny it - they say things like "What?" and "What you on about?" so it's a non-starter. No one is going to admit to saying nasty stuff, they just make out you're the loony for challenging them. The only way to do it would be to hurl an insult back but that's just not in my nature. The irony is, if I were the type to be able to hurl the insult back, they wouldn't be picking on me in the first place.

I know this as I did once manage to challenge some lads who squirted a water pistol in my face as I walked past them down the street. I said "Piss off!" to them and one said "It is piss" and I said "It's about all you're worth them". And I heard one of them mutter "I didn't expect that" as they walked away. That was an unambiguous action against me though, not a spoken derogatory opinion to their mates which is much harder to call a person out on.

[disarm1234]

I'd love to give some of them a kicking but I'm only 5'5" and about 11 stone. I can handle myself but sometimes you just know when the battle is lost before its even begun. A lot of people need a good kicking in my opinion, just I'm not the one to do it. My world would be a better place if I could just kick someones head in if they give me a hard time. I would enjoy that
Well now I think I gotta take all that anger out in the gym later

I just read all that back to myself and it sounds so school yard

[Ajax Amsterdam]

No. Not to my knowledge anyway.

[Michael2014]

Yes

[Undecided]

Originally Posted by HCT

I was given a similar award, 'silent but deadly', yeah, that helped me feel a lot better about myself....

When I was finishing year 9 my form tutor left the school and gave everyone in the form a card and each of us had a different 'title'. Mine was inevitably 'the one who spoke the least' It's not like I was a loner at school. I had plenty of friends but I didn't push myself to contribute in class.

I had bad teeth when I was younger(didn't get braces until I was 17) so I got teased quite a lot about that and called 'vampire'. Some friends of friends had a problem with me and slagged me off to my face at every opportunity. Complete strangers in town or on the train have made nasty comments about me. Even on this anxiety management course I went on someone there was making fun of me

[Puppet]

Yeh, if I get this job at the factory they will instantly see me as an easy target and probably pick on me, I wish I developed thick skin but I'm pretty sensative. I will hopefully learn to just get on with my job and ignore them.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by abc2

People have made fun of me throughout my life for a variety of reasons. I'm used to it now and think of it as something that just happens.

I try to just ignore it. I find that challenging it can sometimes make it easier but can also make it much worse. It depends on the situation really. If it's just banter then joining in and giving them some back helps and shows you're not a spoilsport. However if it's real malicious abuse then it can make things worse the more you try to challenge it. Everytime you hit them they'll hit you back twice as hard. I've learnt this from painful experience. Much better to ignore it in those sort of situations.

sometimes if you stand up for yourself and show you're not such an easy target they will back off. especially if you are physically bigger than them, just go for as they are less likely to want to try fight you. if you start embarrassing them infront of their friends they really don't like this, nothing is more embarrassing for them when someone who is considered odd/strange/not part of the group starts giving them some lip back in a way they would never imagine.


example: at school a group of 3 guys from the year below suddenly decided to take the piss out of me one day. it took me off guard and i did not do much about it.

a few days later the group approached me again, and one of them started giving me lip, his 2 friends with him were smirking at me.

after he had finished saying his peace, i turned to him and said, "oh .. i would hit you for that, ...but i don't want to be reported to the RSPCA..."

his friends thought this was hysterically funny for some reason and now all three of us were laughing at him, he stood looking embarrassed, they teased him about it each time they saw me. clearly they thought of me as some kind of soft touch so the effect of me cussing him back had a far greater impact than if they thought i wasn't. the group (and kid) for that matter never bothered me again. the kid was aware now i was able to make him look bad infront of his peer group and he wasn't prepared to risk that again..

[pinkwafer]

yeah they do. **** everyone, no bugger lives forever anyway.

[nessa456]

Another situation that showed me how utterly crushing it is for a bully to have it thrown right back in their face:-

I was sitting on the metro (like a tram) going into work and trying to read a newspaper but as I'm horrendously self-conscious around other people I am too aware of the people opposite and feel they're staring at me (which they often are). I looked up and this lad who incidentally had a BT uniform on, was giving me this horrible smirking, ridiculing look as he realised he'd managed to discomfort me. I then mouthed 'WANKER' at him slowly and you have never seen anyone crumple so much! Hitting him wouldn't have had such an effect. I marvelled at the effect of such an insignificant, not even spoken response and also that no one else had even noticed!

I came across this lad on another occasion but didn't recognise him straight away. I saw him looking at me in what I'd call a wary, defeated type of way and wondered why,then I saw the BT logo on his shirt and realised it was the same lad lol. I again marvelled at the long term effect of my action. I still don't fully understand why me just mouthing 'Wanker' at him would have had such an evidently devastating effect on him and if he was at risk of such an effect, why was he provoking people in the first place??

I've done it several times since to similar effect - they seem to not be able to cope with their bullying target giving it back.

The question is though, have I now become no better than the bully?

[smog]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

Who insult me racially . A woman has never called me a racial name , just males.

I've had women insult me racially before, though not recently. I do agree that most of the time it's men who do it.

For some reason it's more cutting to hear an insult from a woman...

[Dandelion10]

It's a hollow victory perhaps Nessa?!

Maybe he was just smiling, but good for you if he thinks he's so mighty he can intimidate people in a single glance.

If he was that bad though, he wouldn't have crumbled so easily.

I also second Cave Girls mention that it's men that often say the cruellest things. At least women have the decency to say it behind your back

[Stanley Rainbird]

In my mind they do all the time. Even on here they do it. It's so hard to keep telling yourself you're being stupid and people aren't laughing at you. One of the big factors in me leaving was after posting my forehead I couldn't control the thoughts that people here were now just laughing at me whenever I made a post. I know it's not true but I can't stop it. Even coming back to use the forum I felt so humiliated and kept picturing everyone ridiculing me. Even the blog and the flickr signature go because the thought soon comes that people are taking the piss out of them.

I don't know why I do this to myself because the last time I was really made fun of because of how I look was age 14 or 15. Not sure if this is the SA probably more the BDD and chronic lack of self esteem

[nessa456]

Originally Posted by Cynic

Not at all. You were playing by his rules - only better - a major victory for an aspie, IMO.

I do wonder how something like that could crush someone. It probably shows what a weakling he is.

Did it never cross your mind to have another dig at him?

No, I'm not sadistic, I was quite content just to get him off my back.
I also don't have the imagination to be able to think up anything else to do - mouthing 'wanker' just came to me as a flash of inspiration but that hardly ever happens with my brain!

[nessa456]

Originally Posted by Dandelion10

It's a hollow victory perhaps Nessa?!

Maybe he was just smiling, but good for you if he thinks he's so mighty he can intimidate people in a single glance.

If he was that bad though, he wouldn't have crumbled so easily.

I also second Cave Girls mention that it's men that often say the cruellest things. At least women have the decency to say it behind your back

He wasn't smiling - it was a look of pure derision.

I think men are probably more inventive with their insults but women can be just as nasty.

[talk.09]

Originally Posted by nessa456

Another situation that showed me how utterly crushing it is for a bully to have it thrown right back in their face:-

I was sitting on the metro (like a tram) going into work and trying to read a newspaper but as I'm horrendously self-conscious around other people I am too aware of the people opposite and feel they're staring at me (which they often are). I looked up and this lad who incidentally had a BT uniform on, was giving me this horrible smirking, ridiculing look as he realised he'd managed to discomfort me. I then mouthed 'WANKER' at him slowly and you have never seen anyone crumple so much! Hitting him wouldn't have had such an effect. I marvelled at the effect of such an insignificant, not even spoken response and also that no one else had even noticed!

I came across this lad on another occasion but didn't recognise him straight away. I saw him looking at me in what I'd call a wary, defeated type of way and wondered why,then I saw the BT logo on his shirt and realised it was the same lad lol. I again marvelled at the long term effect of my action. I still don't fully understand why me just mouthing 'Wanker' at him would have had such an evidently devastating effect on him and if he was at risk of such an effect, why was he provoking people in the first place??

I've done it several times since to similar effect - they seem to not be able to cope with their bullying target giving it back.

The question is though, have I now become no better than the bully?

In reply to the part of your quote that I've bolded:

Maybe it had the effect it had because you'd touched a bit of a nerve. Maybe that was the only 'love life' he had.

Good for you, by the way!

[Chris P]

No, people don't make fun of me. If they do, it's behind my back. I can be quite an aggressive person if pushed, plus the fact that I've got a face like thunder 99% of the time. So people don't tend to bother me.

[GoldFish]

the really sarcstic/arrogant sorts of people in my family and where i work do make fun of me in a very direct way ...like they'll point out my obvious flaws and use it for sarcasm all the time. but they are that self confident that they don't care what i'm thinking or that it may be going a bit overboard. like there is doing it in a subtle way and there is going too far and some people dont know where to draw the line.

nessa456: calling someone a wanker or a fool is only ok if you do it so the other person knows you are truly joking. it isnt exactly something you'd just say to anyone.

[Effervescing Elephant]

I used to get this a lot- almost always by young people about my appearance. It happens less now - I think as you get older you sort of fall off their radar and they don't bother so much. The damage has been done though and I'm always uncomfortable around young people.

I wonder if it will resume again when I get really old when they realise I can't fight back any more?

I got a lot of name calling from girls - usually from girls who didn't feel secure about their own attractiveness and who were out to make themselves feel good- and from blokes with girls to impress.

I've never had the experience Defiance mentions whereby a quick comeback can turn the tables on the name caller. In my experience it's not so easy to change the balance of power and the group of attackers (and it always is a group) just sneers and twists my words.

[talk.09]

I've had fun made of me at various times in my life and for various reasons. For instance, at one place I worked whenever I arrived at work or appeared in the staffroom or something, one of my co-workers used to say: "And here she is now!" then sing the start of the chorus of the Roy Orbison song: 'Pretty Woman' to the hilarity of whoever of my other co-workers that happened to be there. (She was being sarcastic of course.)

And at this same place another co-worker loved to point out that I looked like actress Jenny Tomasin who played the part of Ruby, the scullery maid, in the old TV series Upstairs Downstairs.

http://sharetv.org/shows/upstairs_do...s_uk/cast/ruby

[nessa456]

Originally Posted by talk.09

I've had fun made of me at various times in my life and for various reasons. For instance, at one place I worked whenever I arrived at work or appeared in the staffroom or something, one of my co-workers used to say: "And here she is now!" then sing the start of the chorus of the Roy Orbison song: 'Pretty Woman' to the hilarity of whoever of my other co-workers that happened to be there. (She was being sarcastic of course.)

And at this same place another co-worker loved to point out that I looked like actress Jenny Tomasin who played the part of Ruby, the scullery maid, in the old TV series Upstairs Downstairs.

http://sharetv.org/shows/upstairs_do...s_uk/cast/ruby

In attempting to devalue others these people show themselves up for what they are.

They are best just forgotten about in my opinion. I know it's very hard but I think we need to concentrate on just not giving them brain space.

Whatever anyone else says about us we will always be the better person by not being like them.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Cynic

Walking through town yesterday, I passed 2 lads. I didn't notice them until one of them made some stupid juvenille noise in my direction. I stopped, whipped my head round. As I looked at them, they both turned around with vacuous grins giving me the middle finger. I defiantly gave the finger back, all the while staring at them, motioning them to come over and say it to my face, but did they come back to have a go? Did they fuck, the shitebags!

What is it with such wee fannies?

probably for some reason they thought you were a soft touch. i'm not trying to say you are a soft touch, you probably arn't as you do boxing etc..., but people who make fun of others in the street usually do it to people they think will not do anything much back.

the more of them compared to you also the braver they get. some of them are just looking to start up beef to make themselves look "hard" infront of their friends and they also know that they can get away with a whole lot more if they outnumber you, because if push comes to shove and there is like 4/5 of them vs you then the odds are very much in their favor (assuming they are actually men)

[nessa456]

I think ignoring these idiots is the best policy. They are looking for a response and if you give it they have exerted control over your behaviour.

I usually feel better generally if I ignore people than respond.