Does anyone else do this?

[ladyredcap]

I know this is slightly ironic but does anyone get a bit anxious and shy posting in forums? I know it's easier to communicate with people because you're detached from a direct exchange but sometimes i'm genuinely afraid to read replies to the comments I make. Or am I just being weird?

I'll read any replies, promise!

[Detox]

Yeah that happens with me quite a lot.
Its just the same in every day life really I find, you worry what people think about you, will people just ignore you? etc.
Many times I've posted something and just hit the delete button right after doing it.

I used to post in threads and just give my opinion without thinking about it, but now I mostly avoid doing so due to the amount of times people pick apart what you type and start a heated debate for you having a different opinion and why yours is wrong.

[Sadpup]

Yeaah I used to be pretty anxious ot threads that I had to re-read them and delete them sometimes.. but Now I 'm not bothered the more you do it, the less you don't care. Same with talking to people but we choose the long path lol

[Mr Ploppy]

Sometimes if I post something a bit controversial i'll be reluctant to look at the thread, but I always do.

[Toxic]

yes!

if i need to ask a question somewhere...well my first port of call is sign up on the forum coz i aint using the phone

make my username..post my question...then i practically run away from the computer like a child as i darent look about my response

i do it with everything..if i have to ask someone something on msn..that isnt..normal..or hard for me i dont know like me suggesting to do something instead of waiting for a friend to suggest it..i actually turn my speakers off and close the msn window before manning up enough to check the response...

i do open up a bit the more time goes on...all my online relationships the girls usually get to know me enough and like my personality or something (wtf i dont know..i think im a right bore) before seeing me..which has obviously been an advantage..

and its the same with this forum..i was very nervous and kept myself to myself..ive been around a couple of months now and ill just type anywhere

[ladyredcap]

Phew, i'm sorta glad i'm not alone with it. I guess that although it is a little easier because you're not speaking to someone directly, you can still have the same worries as with real life.

And I think it does get easier with repetition. Thanks guys!

[karl-32]

i used to feel shy

i dont care now

[kastra]

I'm not so bad with posting now, I'd say it's only about a third of the time that I change my mind after writing out a response & decide not to post it. I hate starting threads though and have only done it once or twice.

[sarahsatsuma]

I do, I think people might be judging me. That's why I have only posted around 5 replies so far. I even get shy/paranoid in the chatrooms. ^^;

[lisa15x]

Yeah i do this quite alot, sometimes i want to put things and dont put it because im too worried about what other people will say, i usually think someone is going to put a negative comment or something.

[Jello]

Originally Posted by Detox

Many times I've posted something and just hit the delete button right after doing it.

.

I've lost count the number of times I've done this for fear of offending.

[westie11]

Yes.
Alot of it, for me, is down to how my comments may be interpreted. I'm not good with words. What i think maybe light hearted may to others seem rude or odd. the longer I
re-read a message before sending the more i feel that it doesn't make sense, I loose confidence and in the end i don't send it!

[Blumoon]

No, but the fact is people on the internet can say really nasty things, on forums, etc, esp on some forums I go on, I'm quite a contraversial poster it seems and what I say seems to provoke people to be nasty in their replies!
Some people are probably trolls with nothing nice to say anyway, so i really don't know why they even reply, waste of time.

[Comrade Joshua]

i too feel shy on the forums, i shouldn't thought we are all in the same boat.

[schneebeli]

Originally Posted by Rufus

Yes and I've used SAUK for over 10 years. I think its because many of the replies are needlessly quite nasty and cruel rather than helpful or sympathetic. There are always people trying to make out they are more intelligent,superior, know everything about SA when in fact they are just insecure and trying to boost their ego.

But it's okay for you to make spiteful comments?

[Dazanko]

yea i get this too i guess, i think too much about what im gona write n then end up not at all lol

[Detox]

Originally Posted by Rufus

I think its because many of the replies are needlessly quite nasty and cruel rather than helpful or sympathetic. There are always people trying to make out they are more intelligent,superior, know everything about SA when in fact they are just insecure and trying to boost their ego.

There are quite a few like this yes, I've come across a few nasty two faced types here. But thats what the ignore/block, whatever you want to call it button is for!
But thats only a few out of so many decent people.

[diplodocus]

Yeah when I first came on this forum many years ago I was scared to post and then when I did, I felt invisible for a long time. Now I just post anything and don't look back. Even after arguments I'll won't go back and delete things. If I did that I think I'd be guilty of pretending to be something I'm not and I don't fear getting a reputation after all that is the real me. Why pretend to be all nicey nicey if you're not? lol No point in being fake imho as not being true to myself is what got me here in the first place!

[Phool]

Originally Posted by diplodocus

Yeah when I first came on this forum many years ago I was scared to post and then when I did, I felt invisible for a long time. Now I just post anything and don't look back. Even after arguments I'll won't go back and delete things. If I did that I think I'd be guilty of pretending to be something I'm not and I don't fear getting a reputation after all that is the real me. Why pretend to be all nicey nicey if you're not? lol No point in being fake imho as not being true to myself is what got me here in the first place!

:hmmm: Isn't part of the reason for being on SAUK because we are unhappy with the way we are and want to learn and grow and mature? Social interaction of any sort whether online or in real life is about becoming more self aware and one of the tenets of self awareness is knowing when you've made a mistake and apologising for it. Not all of us like arguments and aggression and when I slip into that mode then I don't feel like I've been true to myself I feel like I've let myself down by allowing anger to get in the way of reasoned argument. Having the self awareness and humility to apologise is a strength not a weaknees in my humble opinion.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Phool

:hmmm: Isn't part of the reason for being on SAUK because we are unhappy with the way we are and want to learn and grow and mature? Social interaction of any sort whether online or in real life is about becoming more self aware and one of the tenets of self awareness is knowing when you've made a mistake and apologising for it. Not all of us like arguments and aggression and when I slip into that mode then I don't feel like I've been true to myself I feel like I've let myself down by allowing anger to get in the way of reasoned argument. Having the self awareness and humility to apologise is a strength not a weaknees in my humble opinion.

Hey who mentioned anything about not apologising? I think apologising is a very important trait but I also believe that whitewashing over your failings isn't helpful either. I leave my mistakes up as well as my apologies because that's how I gain maturity, humility and self-awareness. I realise this isn't the way every one else operates though.

[Phool]

:hmmm: going back to the op I think our online personas reflect our real personality. So for example, I am much more comfortable posting on politics or art or reading as I know how I feel about these things. I am so much less sure of my opinions in the social realm and so I might post something and someone posts something else and I think oh yeah that makes more sense and become more insecure about my own thoughts again.

The best threads for me are the ones where someone has a specific problem and advice and support is given. A lot of my threads are like 'how do you deal with working in open plan offices' or 'how do you deal with confrontational people' I like getting advice on issues I am struggling to deal with. I find the abstract, hypothetical ones much more difficult to deal with and have started to avoid them.

[talk.09]

Originally Posted by ladyredcap

I know this is slightly ironic but does anyone get a bit anxious and shy posting in forums? I know it's easier to communicate with people because you're detached from a direct exchange but sometimes i'm genuinely afraid to read replies to the comments I make. Or am I just being weird?

I'll read any replies, promise!

Yes at times, although as you point out it's easier than having to communicate in-real-life,, face to face.

Dettox makes a good point about being ignored too, that can really crush self-esteem and demoralise. More so when you personally know the people doing the ignoring.

Shawty ,also, makes a good point about some people just being trolls.

I knew a group of people [members of a sort of club] that got their kicks by going on various forums pretending to be different people [different genders/ages/ethnics etc] and winding people up by whinging and whining and being generally grumpy and contrary!!!

[talk.09]

Originally Posted by Cynic

I've known of organised gangs of trolls who have done that too.

That's the kind I of thing I mean actually. So you know of this as well - I wonder if we know some of the same people?

[hallstar]

I do this all the time, I am worse on Twitter when I click to reply direct to someone. I will type a message and then think its stupid and delete it.