Here we go again - the 'you're so quiet' comments

borg1210 · #1 17th February 2011, 12:22

Got my first one from a colleague in my semi new job. I always thought I was getting chattier.

Doesn't help my role has little work interaction to break the ice...

oh well, nothing i can do about it.

AutumnLeaves · #2 17th February 2011, 12:27

There's nothing wrong with being quiet. People are always a little unsure of those who are different from the crowd in any way and for some reason feel the need to comment on it. Just keep doing your best at your efforts to socialise, and don't let comments like this put you off

catlover · #3 17th February 2011, 12:54

I think that in such situations, the onus is on the established employees to make the new person feel comfortable. They should be stopping by your desk to say hello, introduce themselves, and ask how you're doing. They should be asking you to lunch or to any other off-work activities. That is simple hospitality and respect.

Rachel87 · #4 14th March 2011, 16:09

I hate this so much - my collegues would always say things like "stop talking so much!", "you're so loud!", etc, and I try to laugh it off but it makes me so upset. I know I am well liked at work and they are just joking, but it makes me just want to run off and do something stupid.

The_Fr33_Man · #5 14th March 2011, 16:47

You are, who you are. I know many confident, quiet people, not to mention conutless fictional cahracters who display the silent type, you find they are the most interesting.

As for someone calling you quiet? Who cares!! I found when you expect yourself to talk more but in reality you'd rather not you create this false expectation of yourself, which only makes you sad when you dont fulfill it. Try not to care about peoples expectations.

wjfox · #6 14th March 2011, 17:18

Just realise that you have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about. Give yourself permission to be quiet. Accept yourself as you are. If your colleagues don't like it, that's their problem.

pinkwafer · #7 14th March 2011, 17:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by borg1210

Got my first one from a colleague in my semi new job. I always thought I was getting chattier.

Doesn't help my role has little work interaction to break the ice...

oh well, nothing i can do about it.

Someone commented on me not so long ago saying something along those lines, and it bothered me too, because I know not so long ago I literally could not say one word to people, so I thought I didn't seem as bad anymore.

I wouldn't feel bad about it because these people did not see you previously.

LittleRo · #8 14th March 2011, 18:47

People tell me I'm too sensitive over comments like this, but last year my boss was constantly having a go at me for being too quiet and not asking any questions - she even told me I HAD to ask at least two questions every meeting. So I sat for through the presentation stressing about having to ask questions and not listening to a word being said. No questions were asked and it just made me more and more aware of how inadequate I was. She just made me 10 times more quiet!

cavedin · #9 14th March 2011, 18:51

I've had these a lot before, some said in a nice way but it's still annoying. 'Why do you never talk?' 'Are you always so quiet?' 'She's so quiet isn't she?' Arghhhhhh!

Terence · #10 14th March 2011, 19:02

I'm too bloody quiet me so I am. I need to start talking more honest to god though there's no way I'm talking to him he can go ? his good self for like the rest of eternity !

Kosness · #11 14th March 2011, 21:56

I hate when people say this to me, especially as I am actually a lot chattier than I used to be. Sometimes I think at work if everyone was so loud and talkative would any work ever get done! I really am starting to see that there is a place for quiet people in this world and we shouldn't feel ashamed. Would just love to have a witty remark to say back to the "you're so quiet" comments.

Mr. Nobody · #12 14th March 2011, 22:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kosness

I would just love to have a witty remark to say back to the "you're so quiet" comments.

" I was just waiting for the conversation to come up to my level,...it hasn't yet "

Kosness · #13 14th March 2011, 22:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alcoyne

" I was just waiting for the conversation to come up to my level,...it hasn't yet "

Ha ha I like it

Rachel87 · #14 15th March 2011, 16:10

Once some idiot asked me if I ever spoke. I wish I'd said "Only if there's someone worth speaking to!"

sweep · #15 15th March 2011, 16:47

i get these comments :/

once when i was around 13 i went to visit my aunt and uncle, there super rich and live in a massive house, we turned up in our scruffy car and scruffy clothes, everyone was sat in the living room, there really out going and confidant and i was so quiet, and my cousin said to me in front of everyone 'do u even speak?' i felt so small and didnt no what to say, just makes it even worse and i squeeked out 'sometimes'.

years ago when i was able to work people used to say 'your so quiet', my supervisor was good in a way cos he gave me the job of training the new staff, and he used to walk past and do a hand gesture to say do more talking, and i was thinking like im doing lots of talking for me, made me feel bad cos i thought i was doing well.

im very quiet and dont need reminding :/ i get so anxious about speaking, cant get my words out.

Wheelie Bin Bird · #16 15th March 2011, 17:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by borg1210

Got my first one from a colleague in my semi new job. I always thought I was getting chattier.

Doesn't help my role has little work interaction to break the ice...

oh well, nothing i can do about it.

I used to love this when I was a kid and out with my dad...people would comment on how quiet I was and he'd just say " It's ok, She's an arsehole"!!

Then when I got older I was dubed the 'Miserable bitch' By the ex mother in law!!...All Good in my book!

scarletts · #17 15th March 2011, 18:28

Yes I get this a lot, usually in a nice tone but it's still annoying. One time at an anime convention (lol geek) a group of us were stood in a circle and I was listening to everyone else talk, before this guy spoke up to me "You are allowed to talk, you know" rather sarcastically. After that I was completely closed off and it ruined the entire weekend for me really.
Now as other people have said, I think it's best to just accept yourself as the quiet one and know there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Defiance · #18 15th March 2011, 23:01

I have been so quiet before, and one time i overheard two girls discussing me. one was speculating if i was ******** and the other just seemed to think i was quiet.

talk.09 · #19 16th March 2011, 13:57

When I was at school [many years ago!] one teacher in particular [that I never really liked] valued the quiet, serious, studious types.

One of her [the teacher's] often used old adages, which she spat in a contemptuous way at the more outgoing [boisterous] pupils, was: "Empty vessels make most sound!!"

I never liked her much but I have to admit that quite often that is the case.

A few years on and another term I heard in relation to quietness was when two people were discussing a third person and one of mentioned the third was 'very quiet and doesn't say much'. To which the other person replied: "But she's thinking all the more..." giving a 'knowing look' which hinted there was something furtive/dodgy about the 'quiet person'.

I think sometimes being quiet can unfortunately be taken for being 'deep' and scheming.

It's hard to know which of the two above is worse....

GentleGuy · #20 22nd March 2011, 23:07

condescending tone grrrrr

i hate these comments cos they always set me back... just as i think i'm doing ok...

and because it comes across like an insult, it's like there's no reply i can give...

I think perhaps (if you are able) the best reply can be to say "yeah, i'm always quiet, it's not personal" in a bit of a jokey way.

That way, it kind of gives you control over what's being said... but also lets them know that being quiet is an option and a valid one.

Potential · #21 23rd March 2011, 00:13

IMHO the comment "You're so quiet" is a faux pas - it's difficult to imagine a way for the conversation to go well after it's been said.

Regardless, I believe it's in my best interests to just produce some small talk in the first place, which avoids this question as a side effect.

scarletts · #22 23rd March 2011, 00:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Potential

IMHO the comment "You're so quiet" is a faux pas - it's difficult to imagine a way for the conversation to go well after it's been said.

Regardless, I believe it's in my best interests to just produce some small talk in the first place, which avoids this question as a side effect.

this is so true. And what response are they expecting? I almost think they want you to *apologise* for being so quiet. I always just manage to laugh it off, when really I'm so annoyed inside.

GentleGuy · #23 23rd March 2011, 18:26

I wish people had more tolerance and understanding sometimes. Grrr

sillybilly · #24 27th March 2011, 12:36

I got the last one on Thursday from someone quite senior at my company. She said 'You are always so quiet, you will never change, will you ?' Needless to say I hated her straight away; I responded politely that there is nothing wrong with me and that I do not need to change. I am OK.

That left her slightly lost for words. Also, I think her comment was wrong; it just does not apply to every day work situations. There are always people who try to get attention and others that do not; I belong to the latter. I interact well with my colleagues, we do small talk etc. - I do not know what planet that woman is on. Also, we are open plan, so everyone, including higher management is in the same place and she usually is the one telling people off for being a bit noisy (but you cannot tell her off for listening to a telcon with loudspeaker in an open plan office of course, because she is oh so senior).

Do not believe everything other people tell you. You can decide what you want to believe. This woman has been telling me 'you are always so quiet' since I started at this company and until three months ago I only saw her once every few weeks. Obviously, she has an image of me in her mind that is not realistic and she is the one who is not prepared to revise that image of me. Her problem.

borg1210 · #25 27th March 2011, 14:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by scarletts

this is so true. And what response are they expecting? I almost think they want you to *apologise* for being so quiet. I always just manage to laugh it off, when really I'm so annoyed inside.

I'm just going say "Is it illegal now?" if they ask me that again.
or "maybe you're too loud"

I dunno, who cares. my attitude is now do my work to best of my ability and go home.

meinemonkey · #26 27th March 2011, 21:24

yeah had this lots myself. it's hard not to take offence even if someone says it innocently. it always feels like an insult. i guess because im so self conscious about it and id rather not be so quiet. i envy people who have an endless number of things to talk about

chatty is always seen as a good thing. i guess quiet is seen as odd.

Blumoon · #27 28th March 2011, 12:24

People need to seriously get over themselves :s ****ing hell i actually have a mental health problem, if they really wanna know. Not that i'd ever tell that to people in real life. Maybe i could be what they wanted, if i wasn't ****ed up too much.

moneysaver · #28 28th March 2011, 12:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by sillybilly

I got the last one on Thursday from someone quite senior at my company. She said 'You are always so quiet, you will never change, will you ?' Needless to say I hated her straight away; I responded politely that there is nothing wrong with me and that I do not need to change. I am OK.

That left her slightly lost for words.

Well done

I wish I had said that to a few people in the past.