Self sabotage?

[bluemaus]

I suppose it's a combination of low self-esteem, anxiety and depression which causes me to think I'm no good for whatever reason - boyfriends, jobs, w/e.

I just can't find a way to stop messing things up. A placement (and potential job) went down the drain because of anxiety. I've just shut myself off from people today - going to lose them to uni soon, I should be seeing them more. I guess it's my head telling me I'm going to be alone again anyway so why bother. I'd be reliant on them coming back home once in a blue moon because I've got no income to pay for transport.

I'm more than able to do things, I just don't give myself the chance. I'm scared about the future - it's not looking bright at all right now. I'm never gonna get a job etc. because I just keep screwing things up for myself.

Is there actually any solution to this self-sabotage?

[Nat88]

I know it's looking bleak right now, but have you tried looking at the positives? You probably think there aren't any, but there always is Have you just left college? Did you get good A-level/GCSE results? Don't beat yourself up about losing a job opportunity; a hell of a lot of people are in the same boat right now. Competition for jobs is tough but eventually you will make the right impression on an employer and they will be glad to have you work for their company.

Your friends will be home for the christmas, easter and summer holidays, most likely. I only ever saw my friend during the summer when I went to uni, yet we've still remained best friends as she only lives round the corner now.

Life is always moving, always changing. And even if you don't keep in touch with your friends, you will move and and meet many more people in your life. Keep your chin up and keep telling yourself when something happens that "It's not the end of the world." I did this and gradually found it easier to stay positive. Good luck

[bluemaus]

Thanks for your reply Nat88.

I'm actually at uni already - the people I know were younger students (or retaking their A-Levels) and I'm a home student, so we managed to stay together pretty much until now. Though I think I'm just pushing them away... they'll just make friends wherever they're going and not want to come back. It's such a backwards, irrational way of dealing with things and I don't know why I can't deal with it more positively.

I appreciate everyone is having a tough time jobs wise, like you say. Though being in my 20s and not having a first job is pretty heartbreaking, especially when my family keep going on about how they were working at 16 etc! I've been rejected even from crappy jobs which require little or no experience. Completing my degree and still not having any paid work is gonna look really stupid imho.

I know I have skills to use... I know that I've got at least two brain cells to rub together too and I'd be a good employee if given the opportunity. Though I just can't get my foot in the door. Or even if I do, I start thinking I'm not good enough to be there so end up screwing it up. I just wish I could snap out of it.

Sorry for ranting.

[Nat88]

Well being at uni is an amazing opportunity. At least you have that over all the students who got rejected this year because there weren't enough places. I am also rather jealous as well; I dropped out of uni in my second year and I think I would really like to give it a try again. Even if you can't get paid work, have you considered doing voluntary work? This really makes you stand out to employers, plus with voluntary work you can choose which area you want to volunteer in, thus gaining valuable experience. And if this is not up your street, why not put those extra hours from not working into studying and getting a better grade at the end of it all? Loads of students have not had paid jobs so you definitely won't be at the bottom of the pile

[liberateourworld]

When we are low we look at all the negative, ive recently had an ongoing depressive mood for weeks, all i could see was negativity.
Go out, meet your friends, they want to see you, it will make you happy so why not go for it?
Volunteer work is a great idea, i struggle my self with paid work but volunteer work seems to go ok for me, it looks great on your cv, allows to mix for others and gives you a reason to go out when your having a bad day.
Your at uni (im just going off to uni myself), think how many others haven't, its an amazing achievement, think what you did to get there, don't put yourself down it is an acheievment in its self and you know it!
So give a friend a text and see how it goes (you know you want too)!

[bluemaus]

I volunteer already, and I enjoy it if I'm honest. It's padded my CV no doubt, though I guess I need to do more of it, or try harder or something...I dunno... my brain's fogged over. it's not helped me get any interviews or w/e so far. I guess I'll just have to put it to the back of my mind now a new semester is starting...

I hid away again today. Might try get in touch with people tomorrow...

Thanks again for your replies anyway. I hope you get to try uni again someday Nat88, and good luck with it savingtheworld.