Arrgh!!! Mother And Baby Groups....Again!

Hi there (Emote: smile)

I can relate to so many of the messages here, especially those concerning the fear of attending mother and baby groups.

Now that my little boy is almost 14 months old, I feel that it is time for him to start meeting other children of a similar age. So far, the average age of the people he has socialised with has been 30- 40 plus!! (Emote: rolleyes) Sadly, I don't know any mum's with children, and, as anyone here will know, when you have social anxiety it's not that easy to just go out and make friends. Everybody says that I should go a long to a mother and baby group, but I don't know if I can (Emote: sad) This probably sounds silly, but I worry about attending a local group incase I make a fool of myself then have to avoid bumping into the other mum's in the Street. I feel so guilty for imposing my restrictive lifestyle onto my son and when I hear of other children having lots of little friends I can't help feeling that I am short changing him. But, the thought of walking into a room of strangers and making small talk is absolutely horrifying! I've chatted to one or two mum's on the internet who so obviously DON'T suffer with social anxiety and they agree that it can be a daunting experience walking into a mother and baby group. If they find it hard, then what hope is there for the likes of me!! One of the mothers doesn't live too far from me, and although she barely knows me, she has already mentioned that it would be nice to meet up. Although we don't seem to have anything in common apart from being mothers she seems very friendly and chatty and I guess online I can come across the same. Of course, it's a completely different story if you meet me face to face. Although it's nice to be able to chat with other mum's online unless I can force myself to meet them it won't be helping my little boy to have some friends of his own which, I guess, is the whole purpose of it all. I confided in one of the mum's that I am cripplingly shy (I don't think she would understand "social anxiety") and she said that she is also quite shy, but then precedes to tell me how she attends this group and that group, used to run some kind of youth club, etc, etc, etc.............. Well, if that's shy then I'm a flying pig! Why does everything have to be so hard in life when you have Social anxiety?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only mother in the world who has severe SA. I feel very guilty for inflicting my sad life onto my child's (Emote: shake)

This is probably a long shot, but if there is another mum out there who also has social anxiety, and preferably lives in the Essex/London area, then I would love to hear from you! As I'm feeling a bit alone at the moment, just having an online buddy to chat to would be nice.

Hmmm, it sure is tough being a mum, but of course I also wouldn't be without my little boy either (Emote: smile)

L

P.S Please feel free to email me at: two_four_tea@hotmail.com. I also have MSN Messenger, if anyone would like to chat.

Oop's, my address should read: two_four_tea@hotmail.co.uk :o

I can't even remember how to edit my posts? (Emote: shake)

Hi Scottidog (Emote: smile)

As I've said, I've had some good experiences with mother-baby groups so if you can do it, then I do recommend it. You're not going to get on with everyone but just find a few moms you can talk to is the trick.

But if you can't do it right now, I don't think you should worry about it severely affecting your son at this point. The babies at 14 months don't really play with eachother anyway. If they pay attention to the other babies at all, they just yank toys away from each other and pull eachother's hair (Emote: wink) They don't really play together till they're a bit older.

I get together with a few moms (3-5) at the park about once a week. It's nice to watch the other babies and talk to the other moms about how to get your kid to eat (mine is sooo picky, it's driving me nuts!)

Also, I've been taking my daughter to mother-baby swim lessons this month. It's sort of a pain but we get out of the house and she's getting used to the water. At the first lesson, all she did was cling to me, but today she had her 5th lesson and she's crawling around on the stairs and when I put her on the edge of the pool she jumps right in.

There are also mommy-baby music classes that I'm going to look into. You might meet a mom at one of those types of things and you wouldn't feel so pressured to socialize. The downside of swimming/music classes is the cost. It's a bit pricey here. But it might be worth it.

I'm basically repeating what I've said in other threads. Good luck and take care.

Hi Scottidog

You are not alone! I could have written that post. I relate to everything you said and Ive been through all of that, including message boards with other confident mums who suggest things that are often too advanced for me. Ive tried running stalls at the school fair and helping out at school, helping at the playgroup, helping run the drop in, digging the school garden with other mums, etc, etc, but just as soon as I overcome one event, another event presents and its just as hard as the first one (and I am usually very anxious in these situations). Advice givers often think that social situations and groups get easier with time - the truth is that they do - but only when you are in a supportive atmosphere where you feel genuinely welcomed and appreciated, not tolerated, and you can really be yourself and show a few vulnerabilities that wont be misunderstood as weak. And if the event goes well, confidence grows. If things are tense, it doesnt make us want to go back to more tense situations. I will definitely email you properly. I live in London. I'd love to say more, but I just spotted this post but my son is waiting for me! downstairs right now!

Take care.

Smita XXXX (Emote: smileyellow) [1 edits; Last edit by Smita at 10:11:50 Tue Mar 8 2005]

'Mother and Baby groups'? I'm a househusband with SA, how do you think i feel? Nobody cares about fathers who stay at home with thier children , - i could possibly go to a 'Parent and Baby group', but i'd be the only bloke there, and i'd be looked upon as more of a freak than usual! (Emote: sad)

My dad was the same. He was a househusband (and depressed) and so couldn't manage Mother and Baby groups. I can't help but wonder if that was a factor in my development of SA.

But I think you should try and go. I don't think they'll think you a freak.

I don't know, the thought of it scares the hell out of me.
But then again, one of my biggest fears is that i would pass on my problems to my son.
It's something i'm going to have to give serious thought.
If only i had the balls!

I wouldn't have a problem with a dad coming to a parents group. I'm sure many others feel the same way. It's important for kids to get used to each other. If you can, I think you should give it a shot.

My hubby always used to take our daughter to mother and baby as I just could'nt do, They always made him feel welcome!(Emote: smileyellow)


Hello Shawa (Emote: roundnround) glad to see your still around, Hows things with you? well I hope (Emote: smile)