Staying at home

I've had this on my mind since this forum first started but it's been hard to come up with the words I want to say it. And I'm much better at replying to other people's posts than starting threads on my own. But here goes.

There have been many times when I thought going back to work would be almost like a vacation. It can be so hard to stay home with the baby all day long. There are days when time just seems to drag on and on. You are always doing something, but at the end of the day it doesn't feel like you accomplished much.

Lately I've been going very stir crazy, getting impatient with things that normally don't bother me much, that sort of thing. I like some solitude, and I'm hardly ever alone anymore.

If I had relatives in the area it would be easier for me to drop her off at grandma's and take some time to myself every so often but we don't have any family here. We occasionally get a babysitter and I suppose I could ask her to come once a week or something so I could go out and do something on my own but really I have nowhere I have to go and it is another expense.

If I do go back to work, my entire paycheck would go to taxes and child care so there would be little point. If I was doing something I really loved, I'd consider it anyway, but I didn't like my job that much. I'm not motivated enough at this point to look for a new job. I really don't know what I want.

I feel a little guilty complaining since there are so many people who don't have the option to stay at home. I do seem to be getting a bit depressed though-so maybe we should try hiring a babysitter on a more regular basis.

Anyway, I'm rambling and going in circles now. [1 edits; Last edit by Shawa at 22:26:45 Sun Nov 2 2003]

Hi Shawa,
i think you said it very well, when i was off on maternity leave looking after zeb i found it vary hard, the relentlessness of childcare, not being able even to go to the toilet or have a cup of coffee when i wanted to, and amusing a little one was exhausting especially when you are constantly worrying -like all new mums- if you are doing it all right. For me (although obviously its not right for everyone) going back to work has been a saviour in many ways (although very difficult dealing with everyone whivh is another post entirely....), before, if my partner was even 10mins late from coming home from work, i couldn't cope as i had tried desperately hard to hold out til then and felt that i would lose it if i didn't have 10mins to myself.
i too don't have any relatives near by (partners parents were near but aren't anymore) and i think it would be amazing if anyone in that situation didn't get depressed - i know my doctor thinks i have some post natal depression. I read on a message board somewhere that it takes a village to raise a child so if you can survive a day on your own you're doing bloody well.

i know this isn't much help except to say that i would have completely fallen apart if i'd had to do a year ( happy birthday for clara for tommorrow by the way!)
oh and my employer does this voucher scheme thing where you don't end up paying national insurance on the childcare costs so it saves you about 11-12% (whatever NI is these days i can't remember). which means that its more worthwhile working its a national scheme that any employer can subscribe to and any childcare provider (including relatives) can redeem the money from them - your employer has to be part of the scheme though and it might be a pain getting them to subscribe as i expect it costs them something - details are at http://www.busybees.com - so maybe working part-time could be an option for you? I think that is what i would like to do if i could - with zeb in the nursery full-time LOL - this week off sick has got me used to being a lady of leisure!

i think if not then the babysitter thing is a good idea even if its only for one hour a week to keep your sanity so that you can sit down and read a book or watch tv or go for a walk a something (NO HOUSEWORK!)

sorry to drone on... hope you're having a good day

lucie [1 edits; Last edit by verbena at 11:10:25 Tue Nov 4 2003]

That voucher thing sounds good, but I'm in the US, unfortunately (Emote: wink)

I know what you mean about your partner being 10 minutes late. I look forward to my husband taking over for a while and giving me a break so I get upset if he instead wants to do other things when he gets home.

Hello Shawa,

Hope you and your Daughter enjoyed her first birthday!

I do feel for you shawa as I know how frustrating it can be being at home. I felt exactly as you said during my leave - almost robotic as everything became so routine. Unlike you though, I am very fortunate enough to have my mother look after Ella while I work part-time. I work only 16 hours a week (minimum requirement following maternity leave over here) and earn very little, although this isn't a paramount to my concern as the although little (and little earning!) time I spend at work helps me greatly in terms of maintaining my (although lacking a great deal!) social skills and basically giving me a break from the nappy changing routine, however much I love being with her.
Are there any workplaces close by which house creches for working parents, Shawa? Maybe that would make things easier for you.
Financially I know work probably doesn't seem worth it but I know it has benefitted me by saving me from feeling as I guess you must be feeling now Shawa.
I probably haven't helped you at all! but just really wanted to offer you my empathy.
I hope things work out how you'd like them Shawa.
Don't you fret if you find you're unable to work - before we both know it we'll be packing their lunch boxes and preparing them for their first day at school! (Emote: smileyellow)

Take Care,

Wendy x

Quote: Wendy
Are there any workplaces close by which house creches for working parents, Shawa?

I don't know what creches means so probably not (Emote: smile)

We had a good time on Clara's birthday. She enjoyed her new toys and her little birthday cupcake. (Emote: smile)

Hard to believe she's one year old. A little depressing too
(Emote: confusedpurple)

Hope Ella had a great birthday too.

Hi Shawa I can't believe a year has gone by already!
I understand where you are coming from, Don't feel guilty about wanting some time on your own, After all it is a normal thing to want, As much as we love our children,We all need time to ourselves,There's nothing to feel guilty about, When I had Sarah all those years ago I suddenly felt that I didn't exsist as a person in my own right any more, It was always we have come to see the baby and then I was an after thought, As much as I loved Sarah I still craved to have a bit of a life for myself, So you are not alone in this thought, Would your hubby mind if you went out for a couple of hours in the evening maybe once or twice a week, Even if you only go for a walk, At least you can think of you for a little while.
Sorry I can't offer anything more but I just wanted you to know, That most new mums feel the same.
Take care Shawa and I hope you manage to sort something out.(Emote: smileyellow)

Thanks for that Shaz, good to see you (Emote: smile)

My husband doesn't mind me going out every so often. And on the weekends he takes the baby for stroller rides so I can have a break. I think my problem is what I've had for a long time, before the baby. I can handle going out anxiety wise. I just need somewhere to go. Or maybe I don't even need that. Maybe I just need a hobby. I look at classes and things that the local college offers the public but nothing stands out. Well, anyway, the holidays are coming up so I'll be a little busier perhaps.

Take care (Emote: wave)

Hi Shawa why dont you have a go at drawing, It's the only thing that helps me relax, A blank sheet of paper and pencil and away you go, Try drawing Clara while she sleeps, You will then have something to treasure for ever, It's the one thing that makes me feel good about myself, It does'nt matter if it's not a picaso as long as you enjoy doing it, I hope you have a go when you have some time, You could also go out and about and do some drawing, It's amazing what you can with a pencil!!! (Emote: smileyellow)
Take care Shawa (Emote: roundnround)