help for husband please

[xNelliex]

last night my hb said that he was at the end of his tether with my sa and had had enough

i spoke to my gp this morning who said that this was common with long term episodes. he suggested relate but i know i would find that far too difficult

does anyone know of any support that specifically could help him understand the sa and how to help me?

i need to make him undertsand that this is not my choice, its an illness

grateful thanks

nell x

[stripeymouse]

aww i'm so sorry! that's a tough one. Are you getting any help for your SA? And has he read up about it at all?

[xNelliex]

i do get help yes ty

ive showed him website, told him stuff but he clearly has no real understanding

ty for caring mouse x

[mattty]

In what way is he having difficulties?

Unfortunatley it's very difficult for someone who hasn't experienced it to understand SA. It's a bit like trying to commuicate with someone who doesn't speak your language.

All i can suggest is to do as much reading and reseach into SA as you can and share it with him.

[xNelliex]

cheers guys

i expect its cos hes so laid back that anything to do with anxiety freaks him out

he cant understand how a bubbly confident successful person can turn into a scared shell with a cold heart

hes not one to ask for help, and rarely visits the gp, but i spose hes going to have to

nell x

[Azi]

Men also like to 'fix' things - is there anything you'd like him to do to aid your recovery; perhaps some support pushing yourself socially, or helping with cbt type exercises? Maybe him feeling useful to getting you back to the bubbly confident person you were would help him, and you move forward?

[stripeymouse]

i think it's hard for anyone to see their partner suffering. I have SA, but i also get extremely frustrated with my partner and his issues with SA and a disability. This doens't make me a bad person (though i certainly feel like one sometimes!) or insensitive or mean i dont understand what he's going through, but when you're in a relationship you can't help feeling that way with your partner sometimes when you get to the end of your patience.

However, he is with you, so if he's gonna stay he has to accept your issues and limitations and try to get some help to understand you and to help you both live with it or get better.

[Lone Dog]

I think it's hard for people to understand things like sa, and mental health issues. If you had a physical disease I'm sure your husband would not be able to support/help you enough. But he is having trouble getting to grips with this. Are you able to discuss it with him in a satisfactory way?

[SoftlySpoken1]

Originally Posted by xNelliex

long term episodes. he suggested relate but i know i would find that far too difficult

I think I am going to sound really hard - but I do think you should try Relate - it will be hard but hopefully they will be sympathetic to how hard it is for you and your husband might get an insight into how you are feeling. My husband and I went to Relate and it was the best thing we ever did - not a magic solution - but a step to understanding each other better!

Good Luck :hug:

[xNelliex]

i wouldnt be able to talk

with my avpd i just would find criticism, or perceived criticism too much

i really dont want to go down the route of s h again

i struggle to be able to speak outside the house

we tried relate several times before my illness became so bad, and my hb was not keen then either

[SoftlySpoken1]

this is hard - I wonder if perhaps your husband does have to go...if it's too much for him to deal with...I don't know...good luck with it anyway.....

[xNelliex]

ty softly spoken

hes made an appointment at the gp

not sure if its for his health or to talk bout me

least its a step forward

nell x