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#1
18th January 2019, 23:07
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Loving yourself, some thoughts
I don't know if any of you have ever heard of or tried that old technique of trying to identify good things about yourself, things you've recognized in your personality that could be of value to other people. I just want to talk about that.
When you're lonely and socially-isolated it's harder to focus on the good bits that you might have going for you & easy to believe that you have nothing going for you. When you're feeling lonely you may well be focused on the reason why, what's wrong with you, what things real or imagined, that people might not like about you. The role of social experience The reality is that a lot of what we know about ourselves is formed by interactions with other people & it can be helpful to have hindsight to look back to. On that note I acknowledge that some people reading this will be socially-inexperienced & may not have much in the way of evidence from their lives. Even if that's the case, it's not the end of the world. We've all got to start from somewhere. What to do Start with the smallest thing you can recognize that could be of value. Practice focusing on the smallest thing that goes right, not in social situations but throughout life. Start taking note of any positive things that happen to you, compliments, people reacting positively, being able to grasp a concept, being able to learn something new, being able to do something that you were too scared to do before. What things in other people do you like and dislike? More you know the better. Keep asking the questions. It takes time & practice You may find that if you take yourself to your room and sit there with a notebook, your mind goes completely blank. That's OK and normal. Identifying the positive in yourself is something that takes practice. Mini rant; why I think saying 'no-one will love you unless you love yourself first' is not always appropriate for people feeling lonely Here's why; if you're feeling lonely and are really struggling to see things in yourself that others might value being told this can imply that because you're struggling makes you less of a person, makes you less valuable, less lovable. That's why this platitude often makes people who're feeling lonely feel like shit. To round up Starting from today, start taking note of any positive things that happen to you, compliments, people reacting positively, being able to grasp a concept, being able to learn something new, being able to do something that you were too scared to do before. All these little things really add up. 
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