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  #1  
Old 14th November 2018, 20:33
hollowone hollowone is offline
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Default What's it like to have depression?

Just want to say that by depression I'm not necessarily referring to feeling low, I'm referring to feeling depleted, drained, losing motivation, not feeling like doing anything, waking up feeling like a zombie every morning and struggling to get out of bed. I've noticed I feel like this most often when I've been socially-isolated for too long or had long periods of boredom and when you hear nothing but bad news and negativity left right and centre.

Here's what's it like to experience depression;
-You wake up every morning feeling exhausted and fogged-up; like someone's sneaked into your room and injected you with a general anesthetic
-You find everything incredibly heavy
-It’s like running a marathon through a mud flat
-You find it very difficult to get any interest in anything
-You have to FORCE yourself to do everything
-You get FRUSTRATED at yourself for being unable to force yourself to do things & running out of steam
-You feel like SLAVE and a HOSTAGE to this desire to do nothing/heavy feeling; you know that you and only you are going to change things for the better, yet you can barely muster any willpower to make any dent, you feel paralyzed
-You start to feel guilty for being 'lazy' and struggling to motivate yourself (this makes the heavy feeling worse) & you start to view yourself as 'lazy', 'useless', ,incompetent' and other labels (both from within and from what you hear from outside)
-You start to wonder whether you've got any potential at all; since you struggle with little things that were once easy and run-out of steam quickly, it destroys belief in yourself (those words 'discipline' and 'willpower', few words harm my self-esteem more when I'm experiencing this)

Worst of all, it's an incredibly LONELY experience, in that it feels like NO-ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD relates to ANY of this.

Imagine if no-one else in the world related to what it was like to be tired? Imagine if I forced someone to hold a plank for an hour and when they struggled said 'come on, what's the matter with you, you're just being a bit lazy'. Then imagine sitting on them when they really start to struggle. That's how we treat people who're experiencing what I'm experiencing,

I know damn well that it's a sign of 'wilting' due to many of my emotional needs not being met (our society doesn't have that compassionate view). If you put a tomato plant in a dark cupboard and don't water it, don't be surprised if it wilts and doesn't give you a bumper crop. Human beings are the same. The above signs are a sign a human being is wilting; too much social isolation, boredom, monotony. Anyway, that's a topic for another post I'll drone on about.

For now just needed to get this off my chest. If anyone relates to these experiences or has had or has been through any of these struggles please feel free to share. Just to know that there's people out there who're listening would be a great help.
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  #2  
Old 16th November 2018, 18:40
hollowone hollowone is offline
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Default Re: What's it like to have depression?

I don't see depression as an 'illness', but as I see it as a sign that life's getting a bit too much & that you're sort of shutting down. There's several things can can cause the motivation drainage. Once that happens, these experiences are some of the things you have to put up with. You have to take a battering, this world has a NASTY habit of kicking people when they're struggling.

There's two parts to depression;
-Precipitating factors; things that drained the motivation in the first place
-Patterns that keep it going

I'm sure many people have had periods of their life when motivation has started to drop and everything has become heavy as a reference point to relate to.
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Old 17th November 2018, 12:05
indiegirl1980 indiegirl1980 is offline
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Default Re: What's it like to have depression?

I call it 'Brain Fog'. I literally can't think straight and forget how to do even the simplest of things.
When I was younger, I used to get very angry but now I just feel incredibly tired.
This time of year is the worst as the dark mornings and evenings mess with my head, plus there's the stress of Xmas coming and also this time of year is the anniversary of things I don't particularly want to be reminded of.
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  #4  
Old 17th November 2018, 13:23
T T is offline
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Default Re: What's it like to have depression?

I've had depression on and off in my life... i call it the black clouds forming sometimes i don't like getting out of bed but i have to for work... sometimes i feel like everyone hates me and i try to distance myself from everyone but over the years i try to cope when its about to happen sometimes it works but sometimes i does overwhelm me and it takes over for abit...
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Old 17th November 2018, 21:53
hollowone hollowone is offline
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Default Re: What's it like to have depression?

RE
Quote:
sometimes i feel like everyone hates me and i try to distance myself from everyone but over the years i try to cope when its about to happen sometimes it works but sometimes i does overwhelm me and it takes over for abit.
That sense that everyone hates you (or is looking at you) I've notice that this is MUCH STRONGER during those times you're feeling isolated & lonely, and also in the winter. It also tends to be worse when you're feeling tired. Have you noticed this?
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  #6  
Old 24th December 2018, 16:01
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: What's it like to have depression?

There are different types of depression and causes; if for a moment, we leave aside forms of depression which have identifiable causes beyond our control (psychotic depression, bipolar disorder, postpartum depression, SAD, PTSD etc.), there is still depression which is caused by an identifiable life event (what a former GP of mine termed reactive depression) and depression which just bloody happens, for no apparent or discernible reason.

My doctor was convinced that I was depressed because my life was shit; he had no inkling that perhaps my life was shit because I was already suffering from depression and that caused everything to fall apart. I've suffered numerous depressive episodes throughout my life and yes, some followed something which went wrong in my life, others may have been the cause of whatever went wrong in my life (eg. did I get depressed because I was fired from that job, or was I already depressed and my behavioural change caused me to get fired?) but others have happened when everything seemed to be going really well (decent job, great relationship, social life, no financial worries, Charlton Athletic in the Premier League etc.). There have even been other points in my life when everything has been going wrong and I've remained optimistic! In my opinion, it is an illness, one which creeps up and enters your life uninvited when you least expect it (now looking around for some wood to touch - it's been absent for a while and I hope for good).

If we can identify that we suffer only from reactive depression, the answer seems simple: avoid the cause, avoid the depression, so if you know that being indoors is likely to make you depressed, ensure that you get out for a walk every day (it's my current strategy); of course, we can't stop bad events from entering our lives, like losing a loved one, being made redundant, suffering illness or accident, but we can mitigate it as far as possible. Of course, that means being able to identify the cause and then that begs the question of whether it might come, even if we avoid the cause (the chicken and egg, argument if you like: are we depressed because we stopped our daily walk, or did we stop our daily walk because we were depressed? - to continue the example I used earlier).


Anyway, I am digressing from the question: what's it like? for me, it's viewing life through a fog, like the world is there but it's not quite real and I'm not part of it. I have absolutely no motivation (even to the point where I'm not sure that I can get off the sofa to use the loo). I could play my favourite music and feel nothing, I could watch my favourite comedy without laughing, I could recall my most-treasured memory without smiling - in fact, I can't even remember what happiness feels like. I crave solitude whilst at the same time yearning to be with people, I can find no reason to exist; I'm not happy, not sad, not angry (and I had a period of depression when Thatcher was in power and anger was my default state!), I just don't care about myself, the world, hunger, poverty, anything which would normally arouse my passions (what passions?). I've gone a month without changing my clothes (if I was wearing any at the onset) or washing; I've had no energy. I didn't seek help because there was no need, I didn't understand the need to change, to start living instead of merely existing - and therein lies the danger, that the removal of all motivation includes the removal of the motivation to change (hence why it's almost impossible to "snap out of it"). Depression has cost me jobs, relationships, money, (not friends because I never had any), all sorts of things. I guess the upside was that these are the only times I have been anxiety-free, because there was nothing left to be anxious about.
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  #7  
Old 24th December 2018, 20:14
genovese genovese is offline
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Default Re: What's it like to have depression?

Quote:
Just want to say that by depression I'm not necessarily referring to feeling low, I'm referring to feeling depleted, drained, losing motivation, not feeling like doing anything, waking up feeling like a zombie every morning and struggling to get out of bed
Quote:
for me, it's viewing life through a fog, like the world is there but it's not quite real and I'm not part of it. I have absolutely no motivation (even to the point where I'm not sure that I can get off the sofa to use the loo). I could play my favourite music and feel nothing, I could watch my favourite comedy without laughing, I could recall my most-treasured memory without smiling - in fact, I can't even remember what happiness feels like. I crave solitude whilst at the same time yearning to be with people, I can find no reason to exist; I'm not happy, not sad, not angry, I just don't care about myself, the world, hunger, poverty, anything which would normally arouse my passions (what passions?). I've gone a month without changing my clothes (if I was wearing any at the onset) or washing; I've had no energy.
Yeh, clear & precise examples of low functioning depression.

If you got depression, christ you really wanna win the lottery and be a high functioning depressive.
High functioning depressives are able to maintain (to various extents) healthy & meaningful aspects of their life : employment, friendships, hobbies, relationships, family.
All aspects which are detrimental in giving you a foundation of resilience and motivation in the times when you start sinking lower - as you'll have created a good resource network of people around you, who love you/care for you/actually give a shit about your mental & spiritual well being.
I'm convinced the rate of high functioners is way way way more than the "1 in 4 people at some point will suffer from depression" ratio that's normally bandied about.

Low functioners are screwed.
Google low functioning depression....99% of the results revert to high functioning.
Google non high functioning depression...99% of the results revert to high functioning

Ha no one's interested the low functioners.

Low functioners (because of the condition) can get hostile to people trying to help them.
And the motivation to seek help via the GP/NHS is equivalent to the aforementioned 'Everest in yer pants' climb.

I suppose most LF's need a bucket load of self resilience and maybe meds.
And I think also a massive amount of acceptance - about what's happened, and what stage they are at.
Low functioner's who come out of it, or even, somewhat resurface, have my utmost respect
If you're in that pit, it's gonna take continual small steps of low level achievements, to refire and remould that neural plasticity into a more functional & useable mindset. And that's a full time job right there.

Merry Christmas Everybody!!
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  #8  
Old 26th December 2018, 00:25
Austere_Lemur Austere_Lemur is offline
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Default Re: What's it like to have depression?

The sad thing is that depression isn't always 'validated' on people who do not, as a prerequisite, suffer from mental disorders. The fact is that, most - if not all - suffer from depression at least ONCE (if not a lot more, I think) in their life.

Depression is real. It affects everyone (or at least can do). I really wish there was a lot more recognition and representation of this. I started self-harming at 13 and suffered depression as a side-effect of my social anxiety (although it was all incorrectly diagnosed until I went to university much later). But I've noticed that my Mum has suffered from depression these last couple of years even though she didn't recognise/want to admit it - she was going through her own things (work, moving house etc).

Anyone is prone to depression and it's no less valid for those not predisposed to mental disorders (sorry if I'm repeating myself; I just wanted to reiterate that point since there is a lot of stigma).
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