#1
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Bullying
I wonder whether anyone else has experienced bullying as an adult? I recently plucked up courage and joined a writing group. The other people all had mental health problems. We had 10 minute writing exercises and then would read out and comment on each other's work. After a couple of months they started bullying me (talking loudly when I tried to read my work etc) so I stopped going. It was sad really. Because they had psychotic illnesses which were being controlled by prescription drugs they thought that social phobia was not really a mental illness so that I was the odd one out. It has really knocked my confidence because it has always been difficult for me to mix because of my social phobia which produces symptoms like getting a red face and difficulty in speaking up. I seem to be a bully magnet and this has confirmed it really would have been better for me to stay at home.
Last edited by Lilith123; 6th February 2019 at 14:13. Reason: Have social phobia rather than social anxiety |
#3
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Re: Bullying
I'm so sorry to hear that you were treated in this way Lilith as it must have taken such a lot of courage to join the writing group - it's certainly something that I would never have the guts to do!
I'm surprised that the other members who also suffered with mental health issues behaved so insensitively as although they might not have been suffering with Social Anxiety you would think that they would have felt some empathy towards someone else who is also trying to cope with their own mental health struggles. Was there a Therapist heading the group? If so, they really should have told the other members to allow you to contribute without being talked over. That's just common courtesy after all. I can totally understand why you would feel that you may as well not have bothered, but I do hope that you try not to let it dent your confidence too much and instead focus on the fact that you were incredibly brave to go a long in the first place. Please don't let this put you off joining other groups in the future as next time it may be a much more positive experience. Take care |
#4
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Re: Bullying
Thank you for both your replies. There was another writer who facilitated the group, she wasn't a therapist. It is surprising that others with mental health issues behaved like this. But I would say because they had psychotic type illnesses they were on drugs that regulated their problems and they did not seem to be suffering from shyness or social phobia related problems. They were all very sociable with each other and met outside the group plus phoned each other regularly. They had all been in the group for several years.
To take responsibility for what happened I think perhaps they found me standoffish because when a couple asked me to go to the pub after the group I declined. Also I wasn't sharing my symptoms in the way they were because my problems seemed relatively minor compared to theirs (they were paranoid etc when having a bad phase). So I can see that I may have contributed to the bullying because I wasn't talking about my feelings. I have just read a book called 'The Courage to be Disliked' by Ichiro Kishimi which is a discussion about Adlerian psychology, which was quite good. Adler believed that all problems are 'interpersonal problems in relationships'. I think this is a good example of what happened in my experience at the writing group. I would say my social phobia to a certain extent (perhaps some of it is being born an introvert) has been about being bullied by extroverts who seem to move to ostracising introverts because they don't understand our shyness in groups. I would be interested if anyone else agrees or disagrees with this? |
#5
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Re: Bullying
When you mention taking 'responsibility for what happened' and that you 'may have contributed to the bullying' it sounds like you are partly blaming yourself for what happened at the group when I don't think you did anything at all wrong.
It was unfortunate that the other members had known each other for years and were in contact outside of the group as this would have undoubtedly have made it even more difficult for someone with Social Anxiety to integrate. I do think the onus was on them to be more welcoming to you as a newcomer joining 'their' group, especially as you were introverted and shy and they evidently weren't. That said, you say a couple of members did ask you to join them for a drink at the pub afterwards which was clearly a friendly gesture. I may be wrong, but I do wonder if what you perceived as bullying was more a case of these people being totally ignorant of any other mental disorder apart from their own. I find it hard to believe that people who probably have to deal with a fair bit of ostracism themselves by a Society that often has no understanding of Psychoses would intentionally ostracise you for being quiet and shy. Years ago I also attended writing and art groups for people with mental health issues and, like you, found that I didn't fit in at all because I was the only person suffering with social anxiety. The other members suffered with bi polar disorders and Scitzophrenia which, although obviously equally as debilitating in other ways, didn't cause them to clam up in social situations. Consequently, while their voices got heard I naturally became invisible and ignored. Not sure what I'm trying to say here really! In a nutshell, I think this writing group simply wasn't the right one for you and that if you can seek out groups specifically for folk who suffer with shyness then your experience will be a much more positive one Good luck |
#6
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Re: Bullying
I think you are right Consolida, that this didn’t happen just because I was quiet and shy. There was also the problem of them all knowing each other for years, as you point out, making it so much more difficult for an introvert to fit in. Perhaps they also thought their problems were so much worse than mine and that I was an ‘imposter’ for being there in the first place. It is difficult to know exactly what is happening with others in a group until you have been there for a while.
I found it interesting what you said about having a similar experience yourself when you attended writing and arts groups for those with mental health problems and others had bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia but didn’t have the tendency to clam up. You with social anxiety naturally then became ‘invisible and ignored’. Although that was painful for you, thank you so much for sharing as this is really helpful for me trying to process what happened to me. I am beginning to see that this group wasn’t right for me after all. It really has helped me to talk it through with you. Many thanks. |
#7
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Re: Bullying
Thanks Change you have made so many points I can identify with. It was very lonely being in that group and the lack of empathy, because they thought I was standoffish. What tends to happen (I don't know whether you suffer from this) is the longer I don't say much, the worse it gets and the more you feel suppressed the more uncomfortable you feel. I then get symptoms like feeling very hot and wanting to run away. It's a vicious circle.
Also, they were all able to express what their problems were (like paranoia) and feeling nervous and clamming up seems mild compared to that, so I didn't say anything at all about it. |
#8
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Re: Bullying
Thanks for your reply biscuits. Being away from the group and thinking about it,they weren't up for someone without their kind of diagnosis being in the group. I will think about your suggestion about emailing the person who runs the group. The problem with doing that is that perhaps my ability to finish small stories of about 300 words did make me more 'able' in that sense than the other group members, who were not turning their work into finished pieces at home. May have thought that I was making the others feel 'inadequate' in terms of their writing ability so probably thinks it was the best thing for other group members.
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