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  #20731  
Old 21st August 2019, 19:36
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

^ It's just ignorance. Crazy is a derogatory term for all kinds of stupid things that have nothing to even do with mental health as far as I can tell.

Maybe see if the doctor would prescribe a low dose of mirtazepine or quitiapine (both of these I've tried for depression and they knocked me out within an hour).

Does the diazepam put you to sleep? It's really addictive stuff and GP's are not meant to prescribe it.
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  #20732  
Old 21st August 2019, 19:57
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

I also think that crazy is just a derogatory term which means nothing.

Imo, while Benzos can be and often are addictive, the alternatives like quetiapine which are sometimes prescribed for sleep/anxiety/depression also have significant potential.. issues..associated with them if taken long term. If you have a doctor who gives a crap they will weigh up the “risk/benefit” issues associated with all these meds. Good luck
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  #20733  
Old 21st August 2019, 20:40
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Yeah quitiapine just flatlined my emotions even more, but would be good if you lose touch with reality at times (as you said you have done before due to fluoxetine).

I would listen to the doctors above everyone elses opinion, and a psychiatrists above any GP -- they seem to be quite accurate.
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  #20734  
Old 21st August 2019, 20:53
Rocket Spud Rocket Spud is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Wound up and tired.... too tired to care. Mum invited family here for dinner and it was a headache the whole way through. I give them too much credit thinking we may have a decent time together - the kids won't play up, we won't bitch about Dad, we'll converse like regular adults, etc. So many things wind me up with them all. I wish i had more control of my circumstances, i certainly wouldn't want to do this again anymore than once a month! Probably at a restaurant - everyone behaves a little better in public. Who boils water on a hob???! Ughhhhh, just heat the kettle up you dippet woman, don't get smart with me when i'm offering to show you the better method to cook some poxy rice!
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  #20735  
Old 21st August 2019, 23:46
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Why are mornings so horrible? I feel so rubbish in the mornings. As soon as I wake up I feel like I can't wait for it to be time to go to bed again so I can cry. But then I can sort my mood out in the day and I feel okay when evening arrives. Then in the morning I feel like that again. I should probably learn how to be normal and feel sad when I feel sad instead of trying schedule it for 12 hours later.
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  #20736  
Old 22nd August 2019, 00:00
Schmosby Schmosby is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

I'm feeling pretty good as usual.
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  #20737  
Old 22nd August 2019, 21:48
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

I've been feeling so low today :/

This is a bit morbid, but I went to visit my Nan's grave today and felt bad because it was in a bit of a state, so gave it a wash and made it look nice again. The person next to her is in an unmarked grave. And this evening... as I lay on my bed, with my cat... accidentally watching Murder, She Wrote... I turned the telly off and thought, "That's probably what will happen to me."

dunno whether to laugh or cry at that! Not that it will matter or that I will care when I'm dead. But I think now that my confidence in talking to people is a bit better, I need to work on getting a social life. And I need to sort out where I live. I'm just not sure how and it doesn't help that anxieties and insecurities keep getting in the way.

/feelings dump.
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  #20738  
Old 22nd August 2019, 22:30
Deer Deer is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

^ we can't know until we actually experience where we feel uncomfortable, Biscuits. But it seems I'm gradually (as well as reluctantly but determined) moving closer towards my fear. I feel I'm dipping my feet in anyway. It isn't easy like.
Just got to try not to be too hard on ourselves when we find ourselves unable to deal with a situation as well as we think we should. It will be awkward and clumsy at first but hopefully over time we can get better at it.
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  #20739  
Old 22nd August 2019, 23:28
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

I'm kind of alright, this treatment is helping to bring back emotions I've not felt in a long time. I think it will help me, but it won't solve all the problems I face. It's really tough to know how to best tackle the attitudes in society.

Obviously this doesn't change external reality, but I've noticed it's helping me with my assumptions of peoples intentions and I feel more in tune with the positive things in my environment also. You can't know what someone else is thinking and most people are thinking nothing about you whatsoever probably, but I guess the mind can't help but make some kind of assumption up. For me this would normally be negative, but lately I've noticed it's been more positive -- hard to explain -- it helps in this really odd kind of way.
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  #20740  
Old 22nd August 2019, 23:37
Jen. Jen. is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Feeling excited right now... my sister coming to stay this weekend, we've got lots planned and the weather is supposed to be good. We haven't seen each other for a while.
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  #20741  
Old 22nd August 2019, 23:59
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopia
I'm kind of alright, this treatment is helping to bring back emotions I've not felt in a long time. I think it will help me, but it won't solve all the problems I face. It's really tough to know how to best tackle the attitudes in society.

Obviously this doesn't change external reality, but I've noticed it's helping me with my assumptions of peoples intentions and I feel more in tune with the positive things in my environment also. You can't know what someone else is thinking and most people are thinking nothing about you whatsoever probably, but I guess the mind can't help but make some kind of assumption up. For me this would normally be negative, but lately I've noticed it's been more positive -- hard to explain -- it helps in this really odd kind of way.
This sounds very positive. Thanks for the articulate posts.
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  #20742  
Old 23rd August 2019, 02:14
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

^^^^^^ hope you feel better soon biscuits
I think quite a few of us on here can relate to feeling like that at times x
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  #20743  
Old 23rd August 2019, 04:03
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

@ Biscuits I'm sorry you've been feeling so low

It's lovely that you stopped by at your nan's grave and gave it a tidy and clean up. Even though your nan is no longer here, she's not forgotten and continues to live on in your heart and the memories of the happy moments that you shared. You are such a lovely lady Biscuits that there is absolutely no way that you will pass through this life without having touched the hearts of an awful lot of folk who will remember you warmly, so please try not to think morbid thoughts about something that is a million years away!

You are right to focus on the here and now and to use your growing social skills to continue to reach out to folk who would be extremely lucky indeed to have a kind, funny, beautiful 'Biscuits' in their life


@ Utopia - It's fascinating hearing about your experiences with your treatment. Although you have only just completed your second session I believe, it's amazing to hear how you are feeling subtle positive changes. Obviously, there's no instant magic cure but if something can somehow help you to see through the dark cloud of Depression then that's pretty darn awesome


@ Jen.m - Enjoy a lovely sunshiney weekend with your sister
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  #20744  
Old 23rd August 2019, 07:08
Deer Deer is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Can't wait to finish work for the bank holiday weekend
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  #20745  
Old 23rd August 2019, 15:53
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

^ It's good to hear you are feeling more relaxed today. I hope this feeling lasts Skittles


Feeling like a bit of a social leper.
Neighbours on both sides and opposite who are all on mine and hubby's Facebook list and who we chat with regularly (we even cut the grass for one of them) all went out for an evening meal together. They asked us a few years ago and we did go but the second time we had the flu and had to decline. They haven't asked us again since. Which is okay in a way because it's something we don't want to do - so why am I feeling horrid? I guess all the photos they have shared on Facebook of their together doesn't help matters. I feel like the only child at school that hasn't been invited to someone's party.

I 'like' a lot of their shares so should I 'like' this too and perhaps risk embarrassing them?

Wish I lived in the middle of nowhere right now
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  #20746  
Old 23rd August 2019, 16:59
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

^ perhaps they sense yours and your hubby's social discomfort and maybe thought you might not want to go? I think sometimes if you say no to people they get a bit scared about asking again. Maybe it's that and not anything personal

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deer
^ we can't know until we actually experience where we feel uncomfortable, Biscuits. But it seems I'm gradually (as well as reluctantly but determined) moving closer towards my fear. I feel I'm dipping my feet in anyway. It isn't easy like.
Just got to try not to be too hard on ourselves when we find ourselves unable to deal with a situation as well as we think we should. It will be awkward and clumsy at first but hopefully over time we can get better at it.
You're right. You're right. I haven't really pushed myself socially for a while. It doesn't greatly help that I find it hard to connect with most people and feel so weird and different and I don't know what to say/do. Thank you for your encouragement and positivity, Deer . It sounds like things are going well for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Purplesnarf
^^^^^^ hope you feel better soon biscuits
I think quite a few of us on here can relate to feeling like that at times x
Thank you. Sorry that you feel like it too

and Consolida

I'm not so sure about that! But thank you for being sweet :]

I need kick up the arse really!
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  #20747  
Old 23rd August 2019, 20:19
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

For the third session of rTMS the psychiatrist was in double checking my unusually low motor threshold, and I'm pretty sure the guy lowered the power because of it. Although there are now less side effects (no odd headache) I feel that it isn't improving my mood anymore and that my best improvement was after the 2nd session. I think he had it too high causing bad side effects, but I feel I would get more benefit from the high power. The maximum effect will be after the full 20 sessions and apparently there is a sustained effect in some patients after this. I'm still depressed but I notice a slight difference for the better that will likely build with more sessions at the lower power.
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  #20748  
Old 23rd August 2019, 20:32
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

^ woah - so what are they actually doing? How do they adjust the power?
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  #20749  
Old 23rd August 2019, 20:54
anxiouslondoner anxiouslondoner is online now
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Mostly rubbish. We got the afternoon off from work today, but I felt tired so I went home and had a nap, but now I still feel like rubbish. How does that work? And now I'm trying to think of something to do for the next three days and failing. My mum and dad want to visit me on Monday but I don't have it in me to do social family things so I'm trying to gently dissuade them.
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  #20750  
Old 23rd August 2019, 22:08
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
^ woah - so what are they actually doing? How do they adjust the power?
It's basically an electromagnet with an alternating current which can be directed at a specific brain area to induce activity there, which should then hopefully reverse one of the major differences in the brain of a depressed person vs non depressed. I'd imagine the machine simply adjusts the current in the electromagnet, generating a stronger alternating magnetic field, and therefore providing more energy/stronger current to induce the neurons in this area of the brain to fire. They need to figure out the correct power for the individual by stimulating the area of the brain involved with moving your hand; it turned out that my hand would twitch at an usually low power, meaning my nerves need less energy to fire -- although this is probably the cause of my life long anxiety disorder. I think he felt safer stimulating at a higher power given the range of possible powers available on the machine and the tolerance of the higher power given to the other patients on the study. He wasn't meant to do this, it is meant to be at 120% of the motor threshold (minimum power to induce a hand twitch).

At the higher power I noticed a definite improvement -- but it felt like it was only a specific abnormality that was being reversed. I was feeling really confident, it was like my assumptions about myself and the world around me were more biased towards the positive and I was feeling more emotionally alright -- for the first time in a long time. I think at that power there might have been a risk of mania if he kept doing it, and that the correct level would be somewhere in the middle.
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  #20751  
Old 24th August 2019, 00:29
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

^^ crikey! Is this a relatively new treatment? Are the positive effects long lasting?


[Maybe you should make a thread about it - to keep everyone updated and so we can ask 63783812 questions.]


^ hope you're okay, skittles? What's up?
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  #20752  
Old 24th August 2019, 09:17
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Yuk

9hrs sleep, wake up with most my joints aching and a headache.

Where is all this waking up feeling refreshed bollocks the media has told me I'd definetly have with a new mattress. I've had a new mattress for a year now..I've never once woke up feeling peachy but I came to terms with it having 4-5hrs of broken sleep..theres no excuse when I actually have a decent night
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  #20753  
Old 24th August 2019, 10:05
Deer Deer is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Have you any idea what you plan on doing like, Biscuits?
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  #20754  
Old 24th August 2019, 10:23
Rocket Spud Rocket Spud is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toxic
Yuk

9hrs sleep, wake up with most my joints aching and a headache.

Where is all this waking up feeling refreshed bollocks the media has told me I'd definetly have with a new mattress. I've had a new mattress for a year now..I've never once woke up feeling peachy but I came to terms with it having 4-5hrs of broken sleep..theres no excuse when I actually have a decent night


I feel exactly the same with the headache and aching, drives me ****ing nuts!
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  #20755  
Old 24th August 2019, 13:02
James42 James42 is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Feeling kinda low and this heat is making everything even worse
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  #20756  
Old 24th August 2019, 13:21
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocket Spud


I feel exactly the same with the headache and aching, drives me ****ing nuts!
Good aint it

I rock up to work feeling dogshit knowing I've got 10hrs of idiots ahead

I'd go for a nap but its too bloody hot
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  #20757  
Old 24th August 2019, 13:39
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
^^ crikey! Is this a relatively new treatment? Are the positive effects long lasting?


[Maybe you should make a thread about it - to keep everyone updated and so we can ask 63783812 questions.]


^ hope you're okay, skittles? What's up?
Yeh, I might write a blog.
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  #20758  
Old 24th August 2019, 14:48
Percy Percy is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Crap as usual nowadays.
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  #20759  
Old 24th August 2019, 15:20
D1662 D1662 is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Bitter and resentful
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  #20760  
Old 24th August 2019, 15:49
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)

Overwhelmingly tired and wishing I could go into hiding all week
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