How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by Eraserhead

I lost my job 3 months ago. I had been there for almost 20 years. I feel pretty terrified about my future. I know I need to make a cv, but keep procrastinating. I just keep watching films. I don’t know what will become of me, I’m so pathetic.

I'm really sorry to hear that. What kind of work were you doing before?

[Percy]

Get better soon 3stacks

[db838]

My first post in a while, my Dad is getting married tomorrow and for the first time in a long time I'm dreading a social situation. I have come a long way with my social anxiety but throwing a new step family into my life and having to explain why I am so behind in things like relationships scares me. Of course I want my Dad to be happy but I miss my Mum and tbh he wasn't always that nice to her (not physically, just snarky comments) though stuck with her and looked after her until the end, and seeing him all lovey-dovey with someone else makes me feel weird. I get on well enough with her so have no issue there.

It all makes me feel selfish but I needed somewhere to vent how I'm feeling.

[newbs16]

^ I've only just seen this post, I hope today wasn't too bad and you managed to enjoy yourself. It must be hard for you losing your mum and seeing your dad remarry.

Sent from my SM-A530F using Tapatalk

[3stacks]

Thanks to everyone wishing me well!

Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk

[biscuits]

^^^ hi, db! The changes in your family life might be a strange and confusing time because it's all different. Our families sort of know about the things we struggle with in our personal lives. You're not being selfish at all - the thoughts and feelings are you have are a natural reaction . It might take a while to adjust to it all and there may be parts that take longer to process and work through and that's completely natural too.

^ how are you feeling health-wise? Not too groggy, I hope. When do you need to isolate until?

[3stacks]

^ I'm not too bad apart from eye pain and a foggy brain. The annoying part is not being able to taste anything haha. I've had worse colds and flus but I did have my first jab so maybe that's helped

Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk

[Counterpoint]

Very down. I saw this wonderful quote by Anthony Hopkins posted by somebody on FB. Yet I always read these things as if from another's point of view, as the person, an ex perhaps, who learned to grow up and save themselves from me, because I am that person who is not willing to change. I am the negativity they had to escape from. I think I lost all love for myself years ago.

Let go of people who are not ready to love you. This is the hardest thing you'll have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing.
Stop having hard conversations with people who don't want to change.
Stop introducing yourself to people who have no interest in your presence. I know your instinct is to do your best to be appreciated by those around you, but it's an impulse that takes your time, energy, mental and physical health.
When you start fighting for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you in that place.
This doesn't mean you have to change who you are, it means you have to let go of people who aren't ready to accompany you.
If you're excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you dedicate your time to, you're not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer your energy and life to them.
The truth is you're not for everyone and not everyone is for you.
This is what makes encounters with people you have mutual friendship or love with so special. You will know how precious it is because you have experienced what is not.
The more time you spend trying to make someone who can't love you, the more time you waste depriving yourself of the possibility of that connection with someone else.
There are billions of people on this planet and many of them will meet you, at your level of interest and commitment.
The more you get involved with people who use you as a pillow, background option or therapist for their emotional healing, the longer you distance yourself from the community you desire.
Maybe if you stop showing up, they won't look for you. Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will end. Maybe if you stop messaging your phone will stay dark for weeks.
That doesn't mean you ruined the relationship, it means that the only thing that supported it was the energy that only you gave to keep it. This isn't love it's attachment. It's wanting to give a chance to those who don't deserve it!
The most precious thing you have in your life is your time and energy, as both are limited. What you dedicate time and energy to will define your existence.
When you realize this, you start to understand why you're so anxious when you spend time with people, in activities, places or situations that don't suit you.
You will begin to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you is protecting your energy more fiercely than anything else.
Make your life a safe haven, where only people ′′ compatible ′′ with you are allowed.
You are not responsible for saving anyone. You're not responsible for convincing them to improve. It's not your job to exist for people and give them your life!
Because if you feel bad, if you feel obligated, you will be the root of all your problems because of your insistence, fearing that they won't return the favors you granted. It is your only obligation to realize that you are the master of your destiny and accept the love you think you deserve.
Decide that you deserve a true friendship, commitment and complete love with healthy and prosperous people.
So wait and see how much everything starts to change.
-Anthony Hopkins

[Rocket Spud]

^ Yeah, very relatable - exactly how i started looking at it after the first few sentences. I've been pushing people away for a long time cos i feel like crap within. I'm completely lost, depressed, lowkey toxic and i don't know how to change.

[Counterpoint]

^ Weird isnt' it? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why have our good qualities, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, self-awareness, been turned so viciously as weapons to use against ourselves?

[db838]

Originally Posted by newbs16

^ I've only just seen this post, I hope today wasn't too bad and you managed to enjoy yourself. It must be hard for you losing your mum and seeing your dad remarry.

Sent from my SM-A530F using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by biscuits

^^^ hi, db! The changes in your family life might be a strange and confusing time because it's all different. Our families sort of know about the things we struggle with in our personal lives. You're not being selfish at all - the thoughts and feelings are you have are a natural reaction . It might take a while to adjust to it all and there may be parts that take longer to process and work through and that's completely natural too.

^ how are you feeling health-wise? Not too groggy, I hope. When do you need to isolate until?

Thanks for your replies, it actually went really well in the end and my new step brothers and step sister seem really nice and easy to chat to which was a relief.

[Rocket Spud]

Originally Posted by Counterpoint

^ Weird isnt' it? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why have our good qualities, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, self-awareness, been turned so viciously as weapons to use against ourselves?

For me, i don't think i was ever suited to modern living. I never had the motivations that you're pushed to have (or inclined to have) and now i'm just a bitter bastard, heading into midlife turmoil.

[Counterpoint]

Originally Posted by Rocket Spud

now i'm just a bitter bastard, heading into midlife turmoil.

Do you want to get a flat together?

[Rocket Spud]

^ ... Where?

[genovese]

^^^^^ That a great quote. Everything about it is codependency. It's wonderfully articulated.

[Counterpoint]

^Yeah, it's brilliant isn't it?

I think a very small percentage of the population master healthy relationships that are not codependant in some way. I notice quite a significant number of colleagues in their 40s have ended up living single lives. They escaped the hell of co-dependency, but they now live alone and more for themselves, travelling, partying, having experiences. They have switched from codependency to individualism. Both are childlike coping mechanisms in their own way: codependency often arises from fear of being alone or abandoned, but a single life can be a fear of commitment and working through problems together. It is very difficult being an adult!!!

[Dougella]

^ It certainly is! I think that too many people get into or stay in relationships for the wrong reasons. It is surprising the number of adults who never stay single for more than a short time. It's healthy to wait to be with someone until you find a healthy, happy, supportive relationship. Or to not want to be in a relationships at all is absolutely fine!

[Counterpoint]

Originally Posted by Rocket Spud

^ ... Where?

Somewhere where there is a good view of a ladies' gym?

[Dougella]

^ Also expecting just one person to provide everything that the other person needs and wants is not rational or realistic.

[choirgirl]

Interesting quote. I believe Anthony Hopkins is autistic.

I'm feeling needy these days. I don't think my holiday has helped all that much. I feel like I can change my life when I am away but then back home I'm back to blah. I suppose it's the combination of being in charge of things and not having to work that makes me feel that way.

[Percy]

Battling dark thoughts while watching naked attraction and browsing sauk

[firemonkey]

Waiting for referral to see a specialist team, re my balance and thinking I'm going to fall over. Some of it might be psychological, but my balance and coordination have been rather crap for over 6 decades.
Chronic lower backache and an achy right hip doesn't help.

Mentally not too bad, apart from the 'Twitter effect'. By that I mean the number of people mentioning all the wonderful things they're achieving while having the worst symptoms you can imagine. 'I got the PhD'/'I got a 1st class degree'/'I've just got a fantastic job'/'I'm having a book published'. etc

In comparison I'm a totally inadequate failure.

[Tembo]

Just want to thank people for your replies to me back on the previous page. I did read them at the time, but I wasn’t sure what to say so apologies for not replying. It does mean a lot!

I feel a bit bad for bad mouthing Liverpool. Maybe it’s something common in big cities, or specifically UK towns/cities where taking the piss is a popular pastime. Anyway, I think the problem is I’ve become over sensitive since Covid has hit. Mentally, I feel similar to how I was in my late teens at the moment which isn’t good.

Anyway, if you do visit Liverpool, it has some incredible beaches which surprised me, in nearby New Brighton and Formby. I also sat in a craft beer pub and chatted to the owner (at least that’s something I wouldn’t have been able to do a few years ago).

[Professor Willow]

Feeling pretty rough, horrible sore throat that's been going on for a week and now dizziness and a stonking headache.
Ooh and a good dose of IBS just for fun.

[Counterpoint]

^Lots of vitamin C for you!!!

[Dougella]

^^ I hate to be that person but here I go anyway, have you done a covid test? Hope you feel much better soon!

[3stacks]

Recovered from covid and I'm now free so good on that part but I'm feeling anxious about meeting a friend from online tomorrow because they're coming with people I've never spoken to before. I knew they were but now I'm worried I'm going to be super awkward haha

Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk

[Professor Willow]

Originally Posted by Counterpoint

^Lots of vitamin C for you!!!

Thanks I shall get an orange or two.

Originally Posted by Dougella

^^ I hate to be that person but here I go anyway, have you done a covid test? Hope you feel much better soon!

Yes I have had two tests, a PCR and a lateral flow both negative, my GP says its most likely due to acid reflux.
Not sure I agree though.

[Dougella]

^^ Oh that's good news, you're very responsible (well not good news that you're ill, just that it's not covid!)

[Pia]

My tomato plants have got the blight. So frustrating after six or so months of looking after them having grown them from seed. We've had to chop down 40ish plants all with green tomatoes growing on them. We've kept some to see if they'll ripen and be ok to eat. Obviously things could be so much worse, but it really is ****ing disheartening. So happy I sowed so many mini cucumber plants - been munching lots of those instead at least.