How is everyone feeling? (31)

[anxiouslondoner]

Like a worthless non-person. Why do I keep fooling myself into thinking that things might change? There's no reason they ever will and nothing I can do.

[kirbycrackle]

Bloated. I've had a binge this weekend on too many rich foods

[newbs16]

Tired and ready for my bed.

[Mo34]

meh and meh

[newbs16]

Originally Posted by Mo34

meh and meh

I hope you feel better soon.

[Mo34]

^ Thanks newbs .
Can't seem to shake it off today for some reason.

[Kevin Hodge]

just came over a bit weird, started getting visual disturbances like a migraine and my stomach went all weird. this sort of thing was a frequent occurrence before i stopped eating wheat, i used to be at work on a checkout with only about 1/3 of my usual vision, feeling wretched


gobbled a few paracetamols and a load of water, feel better but yknow...suspicious


played my guitar to take my mind off it tho

[Mo34]

^ Thanks jinny . Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by jinny

Hope you feel better soon, Mo & KevinH

I slept from about 4 til 6 before, feel really run down, but because I slept before I'll probably not sleep tonight.

aw thankyou, hope you still get a decent kip


whenever i nap i always just feel awful afterwards x/

[Mo34]

Originally Posted by biscuits

^ Thanks for your explanation earlier, Mo. I've more or less lost most of the day to it!

haha 'tis definitely a binge type of documentary.

[Merritt]

^ It's all the worse when there doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason to it, isn't it. I've mostly tried to stop making any sense of when and why my bad days hit.

Felt a bit shit today. Slept most of it, and comfort ate for the rest. I picked up a bag of doughnuts at the shop earlier and bought them, less because they looked nice, rather because I knew I'd feel bad after I'd scoffed them all, and I do. Don't know why I'm regretting it, I knew what I was doing.

Feel like I'm always agonising over trying to be depressed in the 'right' way. Like, there's a role of a depressed person I'm meant to play, and I have to fumble my way through guessing what the script is. Should I sleep all day? Should I binge eat? Should I not eat? Should I self harm? Should I just stare at the walls and barely move? Should I push myself to go out and get upset over it? Whatever combination I choose, I end up feeling like I got it wrong. I'll beat myself up thinking I've experienced an invalid form of depression, therefore it doesn't count, or something.

[anxiouslondoner]

^ sorry you're feeling crappy. There is of course no right way to be depressed, it all sucks, regardless.

I think my subconscious is pushing me to do something desperately crazy, to wake me up from my stupor of creeping timidly through life with my hands in my pockets, watching my shoes intently.

[Consolida]

^ Feel better soon Darth


Feeling crappy. I’ve been taking an anti-fungal medicine that the GP gave me for my sore throat but it’s not feeling any better - if anything I think it’s worse now. I’ve had a sore place quite far down on the left side of my throat for two months and it’s making me feel really low. I don’t have any other symptoms, like a temperature or a runny nose, so I don’t think it’s an infection. The GP said that she will arrange for me to have an endoscopy at the hospital if the pain continues but I’m SO scared. Someone told me to stop thinking about it and it will just go away. That was helpful - not

[Mo34]

Brighter but tired. I seem to have appointments/volunteering/things all over the place these days.

Did family centre volunteering the s'morning then had to go in to the council yet again, had my RF appointment then went to sign on at the job centre. He seemed surprised but pleased i'd done stuff (pretty basic stuff imo) it was like he expected me to not really have done anything as i'm waiting for my ESA MR. He's still told me to not to bother applying for stuff. What a warped system the DWP is
On a plus note the RF lady asked me if I would be interested in working as peer support as she thinks i'd be well suited (she said I had good common sense if only she knew!). I thought she meant as a volunteer position but I realise now she may have meant a paid one.

Not sure why i'm writing all this crap, just need a general off load I guess..

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by jinny

really anxious and wobbly.

I got attacked at work today by one of the pupils, he's severely autistic and regularly aggressive, but I've managed to stay out of his way until today, I was washing some stuff in the sink and he just ran at me out of nowhere and attacked me. I've never been physically attacked before like that, well not by anyone big enough to hurt me anyway. I feel really shaky and tearful.

wow jinny thats upsetting. sorry if this sounds a silly thing to say but when something like this happens you may get flooded with adrenaline, your heart pounds and you shake and can feel tearful, like you say. once the adrenaline clears out you will feel a lot better.

but it still remains an upsetting thing to have to deal with, adrenaline or no. were you hurt?

[Mo34]

Originally Posted by jinny

really anxious and wobbly.

I got attacked at work today by one of the pupils, he's severely autistic and regularly aggressive, but I've managed to stay out of his way until today, I was washing some stuff in the sink and he just ran at me out of nowhere and attacked me. I've never been physically attacked before like that, well not by anyone big enough to hurt me anyway. I feel really shaky and tearful.

That's awful. Hope your ok. And I hope they have some kind of support where you work for things like this.

[Kevin Hodge]

i think you'd be well within your rights to take a day off due to feeling shaken up about it, that has nothing to do with SA and would apply to anyone. your concerns about being exposed to violence generally are also valid, SA or no. Obviously I don't know the intricacies of this like you will but if this kid is lashing out like that perhaps their suitability for this class should be re-assessed? in no shape or form is it acceptable for you to be getting hit at work : /

but anyway i guess you gotta just try to calm down a bit after it all, worry about that stuff later.

[Rianne]

That sounds horrible Jinny. I agree with Kevin. It may be that this child needs a different environment or total one to one? Hoping you will feel better tomorrow. As you say, it***8217;s not this boys fault, and it certainly isn***8217;t yours. But you shouldn***8217;t be subjected to this treatment in the work place.

[hellotiger]

It must be awful to not feel safe to go to work. They should be giving you defensive training if you're expected to work with this pupil. I knew a lady who worked with autistic children, she showed me how to put an arm lock on someone to escort them from a room. She did it to me once and she was in her late 60s and I'm a bit of a she-hulk, worked though. She also did this thing to my thumb. Bloody hurt.

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by jinny

Thank you

The staff are doing their very best to sort out the situation, he is mainly 1-1 at the moment & they're trying to put evidence together to prove the environment is wrong, I just hope in the mean time he isn't going to start targeting me.

I hate working, this hasn't helped!

that sounds very positive, by the sounds of it they just got a whole lot more evidence today. : /

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by Kooky Monster

^ I'll have to have an endoscopy at some point too for symptoms including a sore throat like yours. Do you sleep on your left side? It could just be acid reflux caused by an ulcer and they are pretty easy to treat. Have you tried taking antacid medicine before bed, Muggins?

I***8217;m sorry to hear that you***8217;re suffering with poor physical health at the moment too. As alarming as an endoscopy sounds if it eventually brings peace of mind and helps to put things right the possible discomfort of any investigations will be worth it

Kooky Monster, I don***8217;t generally suffer with acid reflux although I have read (thanks to way too much googling on health sites!) that there is a kind of ***8216;silent***8217; reflux ***8220;where stomach acid flows back into the esophagus and irritates the throat. It is called "silent," because it does not necessarily involve the symptoms normally associated with acid reflux, such as heartburn. However, it can lead to hoarseness, frequent throat clearing, and coughing***8221; (all symptoms I***8217;m suffering from). Fingers crossed it***8217;s something like that and not the obvious most serious cause that seems to be on every darn list whatever the ailment!
I shall give your helpful advice a try by taking some anti acid before I go to bed Kooky Monster, as there***8217;s nothing to lose. I***8217;m also getting a lot of phlegm in the sore area of my throat and as I don***8217;t have a remotely runny nose it***8217;s definitely not originating from there - oop***8217;s this is way too much information! I feel kind of embarrassed talking about physical ailments on a mental health forum but as the worry of it all is making me feel even more neurotically crazy than usual I hope that makes it okay!

Originally Posted by Mo34

Brighter but tired. I seem to have appointments/volunteering/things all over the place these days.

Did family centre volunteering the s'morning then had to go in to the council yet again, had my RF appointment then went to sign on at the job centre. He seemed surprised but pleased i'd done stuff (pretty basic stuff imo) it was like he expected me to not really have done anything as i'm waiting for my ESA MR. He's still told me to not to bother applying for stuff. What a warped system the DWP is
On a plus note the RF lady asked me if I would be interested in working as peer support as she thinks i'd be well suited (she said I had good common sense if only she knew!). I thought she meant as a volunteer position but I realise now she may have meant a paid one.

Not sure why i'm writing all this crap, just need a general off load I guess..

It sounds like you are a very busy lady these days which must bring a fair share of stress but it does sound like it***8217;s also been working wonders in that you are now successfully confronting so many of your past fears.
The DWP is a law unto itself for sure But, it must have given your confidence a real boost when the RF lady suggested you do paid work in peer support. I think it***8217;s fantastic how far you've come Mo, and you should feel very proud of yourself

Originally Posted by jinny

really anxious and wobbly.

I got attacked at work today by one of the pupils, he's severely autistic and regularly aggressive, but I've managed to stay out of his way until today, I was washing some stuff in the sink and he just ran at me out of nowhere and attacked me. I've never been physically attacked before like that, well not by anyone big enough to hurt me anyway. I feel really shaky and tearful.

Oh, poor you, that must have been terribly scary especially when it came so out of the blue and the lad was big enough to hurt you
I echo what other folk have said here. As the pupil***8217;s Autism makes him prone to aggression it certainly sounds like he needs to be in a different kind of environment where he is less able to hurt himself or those caring for him. I do hope those in charge resolve the situation quickly, for the lads sake and everyone elses, as you should***8217;nt feel that you're in physical danger when you are at work. Take care Jinny and this is probably a naughty suggestion but I think you should treat yourself to a glass of wine tonight, you certainly deserve it! xx

[Toxic]

Ahhh comments about endoscopys

I've still got to decide if I want a colonoscopy

Obviously the answer is no but

I'm very indecisive, I'd like to just curl up and die somewhere but no my asshole work stuck me on a first aid course this week just to add to the stress

I do feel I could just snap at some point, I don't know if it will be a pathetic sort of event or more hulk smash

[anxiouslondoner]

I hate everything today, especially me.

[Mo34]

Originally Posted by Toxic

Ahhh comments about endoscopys

I've still got to decide if I want a colonoscopy

Obviously the answer is no but

I'm very indecisive, I'd like to just curl up and die somewhere but no my asshole work stuck me on a first aid course this week just to add to the stress

I do feel I could just snap at some point, I don't know if it will be a pathetic sort of event or more hulk smash

I've had quite a few colonoscopies there really not as bad as ppl imagine, not a fun day out i'll grant you! but tbh the worst part is the bowel prep before hand. It's by far the worst bit, lol.

I've had them with sedation and without. Neither were bad but if you feel anxious go with sedation - they don't put you to sleep you just get a shot of Midazolam and a shot of Pethidine. Without sedation they give you gas to self administer.

[Toxic]

^ To be fair in my last few weeks of worrying I've been more bothered about the potential results than the actual procedure.

I've got to decide if I want to wait for one on the NHS (6-8 weeks) or pay privately and have one in a week (why do I pay NI again!) I almost made my mind up earlier then thought no, who am I kidding..I'm actually terrified of the procedure too I've read enough into it, I know a few people who have had one and say they are generally fine but your going to have a bad time the day before...but the most I've ever had in a hospital before is an x-ray and I have a massive phobia of them (I carried on with a broken ankle in agony for nearly a week hoping it was just a sprain and would sort itself out so I didn't have to go, obviously when I was close to tears putting any weight on it and my whole foot was bruised/black..it clearly wasn't and I was dragged there kicking and screaming)

Hospital...illness..things, I'm a massive wimp

[Tembo]

I***8217;m feeling pretty low as it is, but I went to my local Wetherspoons this evening to meet a friend, which was nice . But a group of young women were sat on a table next to us. I clearly overheard them wondering how ugly I was out of 10, and how drunk they would have to be to get into bed with me. I know I***8217;m no catch, but didn***8217;t think I was that repulsive.

Perhaps this explains why a grand total of 0 women have ever replied to a message I***8217;ve sent on online dating websites which I***8217;ve been on for years.

Over the last few months, I***8217;ve really been losing trust in humans, and this doesn***8217;t help.

[Vienna]

Worried
I hope I get my period

[Kevin Hodge]

Noble, benevolent, gorgeously detached from unease, everyones facial expressions look pleasantly absurd, i wanna buy a homeless guy some whisky or something. I feel nice! I wonder what I'll do

[Merritt]

That's awful, Aleks They sound like an absolute bunch of arseholes. Try not to take it to heart, the opinions of bullies means nothing, especially ones who are old enough to know better. They're cruel just for the sake of being cruel.

[snoo]

Most groups of girls or guys with drinks tend to be like this.

But let's reframe that. Just as well for guys that looks isn't everything, confidence and personality are bigger factors, as well as the good old cash.

I too remember getting put-downs in my previous attempts to chase some fluff which hurt, but in retrospect I was fishing in the wrong lakes.