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  #271  
Old 16th September 2018, 22:03
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Oops, only just saw these replies

I know what you mean, Biscuits. It's worse to feel like you've actually tried and still fell short (even if only in your own view) I'm always afraid of dressing too nicely, or at least trying to dress nicely, because I think it'd only create this weird contrast between the clothes and me.

I tend to dress as boringly as possible. Boring clothes and simple hair (never a style, just hair) If I tried wearing something smart or got a proper haircut, I imagine it'd look almost sarcastic on me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deadbeatunderadustymoon
not quite as noone has ever put a positive spin on how i look. I think everyone can see what I see
Positive spin's probably a bit much, what I meant was that general 'Nah, you're fine' thing people do if you ever have attention drawn to your appearance, the sort of thing people would probably do even if you were profoundly deformed.
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  #272  
Old 17th September 2018, 22:51
3stacks 3stacks is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I thought I had this but I think I'm just genuinely ugly, I have a huge nose and kinda bad acne scars on both sides of my face
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  #273  
Old 29th September 2018, 01:09
Deadbeatunderadustymoon Deadbeatunderadustymoon is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3stacks
I thought I had this but I think I'm just genuinely ugly, I have a huge nose and kinda bad acne scars on both sides of my face

Me too. I mean people say I’m ugly so I guess I must be, So I guess this means i dont have bdd, but then I cant bear to look in a mirror so is that bdd or just a normal reaction to not wanting to see how ugly I am?

I mean Im balding, medically obese, old, have freckles, acne scars, bug eyes, big nose, big ears, red blotchy skin, small ... well you get the picture!
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  #274  
Old 29th September 2018, 10:21
T T is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I've not been diagnosed with it but i've struggled over the years regarding about my looks... when i was growing up i had a few comments on being ugly thrown at me which prob didn't help with it...but learnt to grow to like me when i was in my mid 20s but now i'm struggling with it again ggrrr i try not to dwell on it and just think of the positives i'm doing as i used to wear a hat everywhere i went but this year i've hardly worn it which is a big deal for me.. i've started to wear it again recently though just like my comfort blanket thing i guess.
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  #275  
Old 11th April 2019, 21:48
Laurel Laurel is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Good watch on TV regarding this- called Naked Beach. It involves basically people with big hangups about their body spending a week with naked hosts, and eventually they turn around their low confidence about their body and go naked themselves.
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  #276  
Old 12th April 2019, 12:55
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Lol, that sounds quite an extreme treatment approach (I assume the "rude bits" were censored for TV?)
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  #277  
Old 12th April 2019, 20:35
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Nope, should I have?
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  #278  
Old 14th April 2019, 02:03
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

In the past it's been suggested to me that I may have BDD because all my life I've loathed my appearance - my chubby face, my badly proportioned body, everything. Not a single feature is okay.

I've never agreed that I have BDD because anyone I've known of who has this (including many on this forum) have always been extremely attractive but, despite assurances to the contrary, frustratingly continue to believe that they are ugly.

But If you are ugly in reality and make it known that you realise this fact then it's not BDD is it?? In my case, I'm simply stating a true fact.

The other day I regretfully watched 'Naked Beach' on TV.
'Experts' were attempting to help a selection of people suffering with poor body image into liking their bodies by accepting that in reality we all come in various shapes and sizes and not everyone has the perfectly toned bodies that bombard us on so many of todays trashy reality TV shows. One 'expert' said something like, if we look at our naked selves in the mirror regularly, in time, we will learn to feel more comfortable with the way that we look. Well, that has certainly never worked for me! The more I looked the more repulsed I felt to the extent I'd avoid mirrors.

Another thing. The participants on the show were surrounded by naked men and women (all so enviably happy in their own skins) of various shapes and sizes - some very skinny some very overweight - but I don't think any of them were over the age of 40!!
Perhaps I'm a rarity and it's assumed that middle aged people don't suffer with poor body image because they have ceased caring about their appearance. They have learnt to accept their ever expanding girth and saggy bits. Or maybe anyone over 40 (especially women) are deemed non entities in our youth obsessed Society. Or...maybe...it would be too vomit inducing for viewers

Instead of finding 'Naked Beach' helpful the programme caused me to feel even more depressed about my appearance. All of the participants, skinny or overweight, looked a million times better than I've ever looked in my entire life (or maybe it was the aura of positivity surrounding them that made them appear more attractive outwardly - if this is the case then I'm forever doomed!)

I'm now the fattest I've ever been but am squeezing into a size 12 so am apparently still no larger than the average female in the UK who is a size 14 - but whatever size I've ever been I've always looked ruddy awful. Whether you lose weight or gain weight I've discovered that you can't change a badly proportioned body/face. This all sounds so pathetically vain and self obsessed, especially when coming from an older person, but it nevertheless causes me considerable anxiety.

Year after year I dread the Summer months when it becomes too warm for me to hide beneath my big coat or a cardigan. I would love to have swimming lessons but I can't bare the thought of wearing a revealing swimsuit. When I used to take my son to the pool I had to wrap myself in a huge towel until I was right at the waters edge.

My husband says that a persons outward appearance isn't important, it's what's inside that matters, and wishes that I didn't hate myself but he is kinder than anyone I've ever known. In contrast, my ex used to tease me for having chubby 'hamster cheeks'.

One of the main reasons I haven't attempted to meet my birth mother is not because she's by all accounts an utterly horrible person but because I'm afraid she will take one look at me and be disappointed. Now how pathetic is that

Most embarrassing of all (and something I may delete so please don't quote) is that despite all the reassurances in the world, I can't get dressed or undressed in front of my other half. I know it's sad and irrational but I have this fear that if my husband sees the 'whole' me he might be so repulsed that I'll lose his love. Of course, if my husband suddenly became horribly deformed I would still adore him but my own fear of rejection is so great

I honestly don't know if this is all part of some mental health condition like BDD or if I should just stop being so self obsessed and be extremely thankful that I have two working arms and legs and am still fully mobile
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  #279  
Old 14th April 2019, 02:57
Change Change is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ It sounds like you have an opinion of yourself that is more than just genuinely thinking as fact that you are "ugly".

Even if someone truly believed this and could prove it was true, it's still possible for them to have a healthy view of themselves and not be ashamed of their looks. Considering the things you say you avoid, it does suggest that's not healthy and it could be some type of disorder. Whether that's BDD or an extension of SA due to low confidence/self esteem I can't say.

I think you're right that someone can generally have the opinion that they are objectively ugly so that doesn't mean they have BDD.

Although, please remember that even if someone is objectively unattractive, attraction is much more complicated than that. People will still have very attractive qualities, physical ones, to some people. Your husband can both love your personality and also genuinely find you physically attractive, even if most of the world doesn't. Characteristics and facial expressions, the way you move, can be very attractive even if a lot of people wouldn't describe someone as "pretty" or "handsome".

Having said that, I think the things you say you avoid are much more common than you might think and they are things I've heard several times before. From people of all shapes and sizes. And plenty of people genuinely believe they are unattractive or ugly.

In all cases none of them were. You're probably one of them so try not to be too hard on yourself. And please go swimming!
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  #280  
Old 15th April 2019, 04:46
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Thank you Change and HermannHesse for your very helpful feedback

Change, I think you are right when you suggest that the loathing I feel for myself may stem from deep seated self esteem issues rather than from suffering with BDD. The rational part of my brain tells me that although I'm no oil painting, neither am I so grotesque that I'd frighten small children but those feelings of being vile still persist. It's like flogging a dead horse at times


Hermann, can I say that it would be great if you were able to apply some of the helpful thoughts that you've shared here to yourself. I remember you posting that you've had relationships in the past so that must be proof right there for you that some girls have and will find you attractive even though you, and only you, look upon yourself as ugly and with nothing to offer.


Anyhow, all of this is something I find very embarrassing to post about but if just one person can relate to any of it and think 'I'm not the only person who feels this way' then I'm 'happy' to share
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  #281  
Old 16th April 2019, 03:23
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Aww, I think you need spectacles (or if you already wear them stronger ones) but thanks all the same Melangell

Yes, I know exactly what you mean about being 'old and fat and lumpy and saggy' (NOT that you are any of these things!) and one would have hoped that over time such feelings would naturally lessen but for me they haven't. There's just the joys of wrinkles and grey hairs to add to the damn mix!

I think it's ingrained into most women from early childhood that they are lesser people if they don't look attractive and its happening even more than ever to girls AND boys now. And the biggest critics and judges are not necessarily men but women towards other women and to themselves.

Even when I was young, much slimmer and less ugly, I still loathed myself so something tells me here that the core problem is extremely low self esteem. Let's face it, if we looked like 'insert name of some ravishing beauty here' we still wouldn't be one bit happy with the way that we look

Lol, yes, I wouldn't mind being a magnificent big female Elephant too - accept aren't they and their babies hounded by poachers and trophy hunters

Ah, perhaps being middle aged lumpy and saggy isn't so bad after all
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  #282  
Old 29th November 2022, 02:19
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

BDD has started to rear its ugly head for me again. The problem is that I'm in denial a lot of the time and pretend to myself I look better than I actually do so I can try and function normally, but at the end of the day I am just in denial.

Developing feelings for someone recently seems to have started this off again. It's reminded me that someone who looks like me isn't capable of being loved.

I looked in the mirror earlier and I felt physically sick. I get so much shit from people about the way I look and I try and laugh it off, but it does hurt and it does make me feel like a lesser person.

I'm getting very upset tonight about this. And reading advice isn't helping. The idea of 'body positivity' is a joke, and I don't need condescending advice about how it's what inside that counts. And I'm not comparing myself to perfect celebrities, I just want to look normal. I look bizarre. So many people do a double take when they see me because I'm so unusual looking. Every day there's some sort of jokey comment about the way I look.

I didn't leave the house today and I'm thinking of quitting my job now so I don't have to deal with this anymore. That would cause a whole load of other problems as I have bills to pay and need a roof over my head, but I can't live as this freak anymore. Sorry if that's offensive but that's how people see me.
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  #283  
Old 29th November 2022, 16:21
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I wouldn't think anyone should have less human rights because of their appearance and I wouldn't judge anyone as harsh as I do myself, but I would also acknowledge their struggles and recognise the difficulties they would face navigating life.

Even if well intentioned I find a lot of body positivity stuff incredibly condescending. Telling people to embrace their flaws and change their attitude whilst completely ignoring the difficulties they will face and the struggle for acceptance from others.

I'm actually disfigured. Not as much as some people are but enough for it to significantly affect my life. For that to be dismissed as a bad attitude and that it shouldn't matter is just so disheartening. There are no upsides to it, it hasn't made me a more resilient person, it's made me bitter and resentful.

I honestly think all of my mental health problems stem from the way I look. Every single one of them can be traced back to that.
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