Dissociation

[Ryjo]

Anyone else experience (non-drug-related) dissociation to any degree? I do. I sometimes detach from myself. Often it's just as if my brain powers down and I disengage from my immediate surroundings - I won't take anything in and I'll forget what I am doing - but I've had other experiences too. Sometimes I feel like the room is swallowing me up. Sometimes I go on autopilot and feel as if I'm someone else completely - either someone I know, or some fictional character, and my words don't feel organic - almost as if someone else is speaking through my mouth. Sometimes I feel as if I'm floating, or as if my body feels heavier than it is. And sometimes I just feel like I don't conform to my environment - as if where I am at the given time just doesn't make any sense. It's hard to explain, but I've given it my best shot...

[Mo34]

Yes, I do know what you mean. I find it very difficult to explain, it's more when I'm under stress these days, I kind of 'separate', the real me is hidden away and almost un accessible (to me aswell) and the rest of me is in some weird autopilot. I often get very clumsy when I'm like this and struggle to string sentences together, or I trip over my words/don't make sense.

I've tried to discuss dissociation with my GP but she keeps banging on about depersonalisation which is common in anxiety disorders. I think I finally experienced depersonlisation when I was waiting for my DWP assessment and realised that it is not the same as the dissociation that I experience/have experienced.

It's an arse of a thing to articulate

[Raven.]

I am increasingly experiencing depersonalisation and it's quite scary.

Often when I'm giving a lesson in front of a class, I get the feeling that I am observing myself and that the person speaking isn't me. The scary part is if I feel that this other person isn't me, then I don't have any control over him and that he may say something completely inappropriate.

I've read that it can be a feature of social anxiety, and as my anxiety has increased, so have the episodes of depersonalisation.

[Franz of Franzylvania]

Originally Posted by Ryjo

I sometimes detach from myself. Often it's just as if my brain powers down and I disengage from my immediate surroundings - I won't take anything in and I'll forget what I am doing - but I've had other experiences too. Sometimes I feel like the room is swallowing me up. Sometimes I go on autopilot and feel as if I'm someone else completely - either someone I know, or some fictional character, and my words don't feel organic - almost as if someone else is speaking through my mouth.[...] And sometimes I just feel like I don't conform to my environment - as if where I am at the given time just doesn't make any sense. It's hard to explain, but I've given it my best shot...

Originally Posted by Mo34

I kind of 'separate', the real me is hidden away and almost un accessible (to me aswell) and the rest of me is in some weird autopilot. I often get very clumsy when I'm like this and struggle to string sentences together, or I trip over my words/don't make sense.

I've never quite got to grips with the differences between derealisation, de-personalisation and dissociation, but the above describes how I feel the majority of the time. It gets worse around people but is almost always there to some degree and has been at least since I was at school. It's hard to imagine feeling otherwise tbh, though I have been trying to use mindfulness to break out of it recently, but it's like there's this big part of my brain that doesn't want to. It's so strange because I know reality is real and I know I'm me, but that doesn't correlate to feeling like that's true.

[Tembo]

I can relate to this thread, but I can't really explain my thoughts about it.

Whatever it is, its got worse for me in recent times. I'm increasingly making bizarre mistakes, because I seem to be in a different world.

[Kevin Hodge]

i guess i dont really think about how dissociated i feel, its been going on so long.

for whatever its worth, i really like nostalgia and also going away trips to beautiful places, as a way of kind of re-focussing. perhaps listening to old music and watching old films i loved lets me reconnect to a time that was a bit easier to wrap my head around. and the trips away, unfamiliar surroundings catch your eye and hold your attention that much more than the same old sights, and it helps you(or at least me) to be more engaged and in the moment. ive been through phases where i'd much rather be sad but connected, than just blank and dissociated