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  #991  
Old 12th September 2019, 17:38
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Achy here too...
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  #992  
Old 4th October 2019, 17:02
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Bored and Very hungry
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  #993  
Old 28th July 2020, 22:41
T T is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Not been doing good recently since the lockdown been furloughed in work and still haven't gone back but some of the other people have gone back.... just want to get back into a routine and help my mental state abit the good thing is i know when i'm on a downward spiral so i can least try to combat when i'm like this... one thing which helped before this pandemic/lockdown began was indoor climbing/bouldering it really helped with my mental state i've only been doing it since January 2019 but in that time i don't think i've felt as bad with my mind but since the lockdown i haven't been able to go to the climbing center my mood/mental state has changed for the worst i can imagine alot of people will feel the same though...


Hopefully i'll get back to climbing soon as the climbing center is back open but totally under new rules and its by appointment too i really need to get back there soon...



Its my birthday in a few days so i'm going to treat myself and spend abit of money on myself i haven't done that for a few years, i did a clothes sort out when i was in lockdown and most of my clothes don't fit me anymore so i kinda need some new clothes so gonna have some retail therapy and help lift my mood if i can!
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  #994  
Old 28th July 2020, 22:56
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Retail therapy sounds good T, I hope you feel better soon.
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  #995  
Old 29th July 2020, 22:29
T T is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Thanks Azalea



Yep i just need to get out of the house hopefully will be this weekend!
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  #996  
Old 5th September 2020, 23:30
T T is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Well i'm finally back in work which is a good thing... still need to clothes shop still wary of it with the changes involved....


need to get back to climbing which i haven't done due to being furloughed but once i'm up and running then i'll be back!
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  #997  
Old 6th September 2020, 15:19
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

^ Glad you're back in work again.
Good luck with the clothes shopping but I understand your wariness, I'm not ready to brave shops yet.
Climbing the stairs is enough of a challenge for me
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  #998  
Old 10th October 2020, 10:27
T T is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Still nothing has changed still haven't been climbing and at the mo don't think i'd want to with the spike in covid cases by here still haven't been clothes shopping and again don't think i'd want too.... well and truely stuck in a rut!
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  #999  
Old 10th October 2020, 18:43
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

I don't blame you for not wanting to go out and do those things, nothing feels safe any more.

Tomorrow I have to travel home by train for a hospital appointment so feeling very anxious, not helped by having to stop beta blockers yesterday in preparation for the tests.
Also worried about what will show up, if I need an operation it will be at the hospital my dad died in.
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  #1000  
Old 11th October 2020, 18:51
Messer Messer is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Good luck Azalea, hope it went well x
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  #1001  
Old 11th October 2020, 20:42
T T is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Azalea - Good luck with the appointment and hope you get the news you want Azalea fingers crossed let us know how you get on please!
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  #1002  
Old 11th October 2020, 23:26
Mo34 Mo34 is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Hope it went well.
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  #1003  
Old 13th October 2020, 22:43
Introspheric87 Introspheric87 is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Feeling generally rubbish. I have had social anxiety for 17 years starting from my late teens. I feel iike I am at an impasse in my life. Trying something new is pointless as I always fail at it. I am not intelligent and no one respects me at work. I am unable to compartmentalise my life, that is to say when I am feeling sad in one area if my life be it with a friend or in the workplace,it feeds into my entire being. I have only ever had three proper jobs in my life and in all of them I failed because I end up bullied and isolated from my peers because of my anxiety. I want to do well in my job so I listen to the people who train me, try to be friendly in my own way, try to ask different people for help, avoid rocking the boat and still I end up in the same situation as before. Its to the point where I don't feel normal, I feel embarrassed to be the shy loser all the time. Even when I use techniques to appear friendly and confident people can still see through it and treat me as if I'm pathetic or incapable. I notice that I have very few happy or positive days, I am always low or negative in mood. I have had so much cbt before but while I use the techniques it never lasts for long. I had intensive cbt last year and recently worked with able futures since lockdown but the breakthroughs I have are always brief. I wake up and just want to stay in bed for the rest of the day. I just have no motivation. I blame myself for the way people treat me, I should be stronger and not so soft then I would be a better person and I would not be bullied so much. People have said this to me even telling me that I would live a good life if I weren't so soft. My social anxiety has ruined my life.
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  #1004  
Old 14th October 2020, 19:51
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

^I wish I knew what to say, but try not to blame yourself for the way people treat you.

I have epically ****ed up my life, so I'm feeling shit.
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  #1005  
Old 15th October 2020, 11:23
Mellie Mellie is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Introspheric87, I can relate to everything you are saying, I have always been bullied in jobs due to being too shy and awkward too and I lack intelligence. I never last long in jobs (longest was a year) I really hope you get back to your cbt therapy and you can get help from that. I know how it is to not fit in with life.
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  #1006  
Old 15th October 2020, 19:01
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

^That's good advice. Finding niceish colleagues and a reasonableish boss does make a huge difference. Makes the whole work thing a lot more bearable. Of course you often have no way of knowing ahead of time. I do think so much unhappiness can be caused by people being arseholes at work, because you can't escape until you find a new job.

Yeah, I'm all right. In a way, instead of plodding on, waiting to magically morph into a superwoman or for the world to get more sane (which is clearly not going to happen) before anything can improve, I've got something to actually do, i.e. work on the deep recesses of my soul lol. While also earning money. And then see if I can get ADHD diagnosis and if I can get medical aid that can turn me into a more functional and focused human.
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  #1007  
Old 15th October 2020, 20:35
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Messer
Good luck Azalea, hope it went well x
Quote:
Originally Posted by T
Azalea - Good luck with the appointment and hope you get the news you want Azalea fingers crossed let us know how you get on please!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mo34
Hope it went well.
Thank you. It was a bit scary but everyone was in full PPE and most of the waiting room seats were taped off.
The worst bit was going into a recovery ward for half an hour, some of the nurses were talking about covid and I had to take my mask off for a few mins.
The hospital featured on the news that night too, glad it was after my appointment and not before!
The results take 3 weeks so will have to see what they show, hopefully nothing too urgent.
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  #1008  
Old 17th October 2020, 21:55
Introspheric87 Introspheric87 is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by choirgirl
^I wish I knew what to say, but try not to blame yourself for the way people treat you.

I have epically ****ed up my life, so I'm feeling shit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skittles88
Introspheric87, I can relate to everything you are saying, I have always been bullied in jobs due to being too shy and awkward too and I lack intelligence. I never last long in jobs (longest was a year) I really hope you get back to your cbt therapy and you can get help from that. I know how it is to not fit in with life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanuq
^^ Hope you're ok, Choirgirl

^^^ This post makes me feel so sad. You're not to blame for how you're treated, Introspheric87.
A lot of work environments have a bullying culture, some more obviously than others, but I think it is inherent in the way our work and society is structured and I think it starts with high school.

I genuinely believe that if children stayed in the same schools from 5 to 16, with proper support and familiar staff, then people wouldn't grow into assholes. It's the 'sink or swim' nature of chucking a 1,000 plus kids all in the same place, where adults don't know one from the other that perpetuates these social dynamics.

I don't think you 'should' be any other person than the one you are, but you should be in a place where people treat you with respect and kindness. I have been bullied terribly over the years, lots of times I felt desperate from it. In my last job everyone was really nice to me, even though I was exactly the same Finding a nice work environment isn't easy, but they are there. What kind of job do you do? Maybe a different kind of job would put you with people who were nicer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by choirgirl
^That's good advice. Finding niceish colleagues and a reasonableish boss does make a huge difference. Makes the whole work thing a lot more bearable. Of course you often have no way of knowing ahead of time. I do think so much unhappiness can be caused by people being arseholes at work, because you can't escape until you find a new job.

Yeah, I'm all right. In a way, instead of plodding on, waiting to magically morph into a superwoman or for the world to get more sane (which is clearly not going to happen) before anything can improve, I've got something to actually do, i.e. work on the deep recesses of my soul lol. While also earning money. And then see if I can get ADHD diagnosis and if I can get medical aid that can turn me into a more functional and focused human.
Thank you all for the kind words, Choir girl, Skittles88 and Nanuq.
I work in human resources supporting healthcare recruitment. I think my problem comes down to anxiety and trying too hard to fit in. No one wants to talk to a fake and after nearly a year into my current role I feel isolated and undervalued. Being able to work from home helps but when I have to be in the office that's when my anxiety flares up. I could be feeling fine and thinking positive thoughts but my body language shows my tenseness and hidden anxiety and people reject me. This is why I blame myself for the situation I am in. People start talking to me then rush off in the middle of the conversation or start smirking when I try to say something in a meeting or add an opinion. You read things in self-help books about communication being 90% body language and that people mirror other speakers. I notice people mimicking me when I talk or being jumpy around me more often. Therefore I feel like it must be my fault because of my anxiety.
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  #1009  
Old 10th November 2020, 19:06
Katie25 Katie25 is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Today which was a day off work I was thinking about how i don't fit in at any workplace that I have worked at. I currently work in housekeeping at a nursing home and honestly when it gets to lunchtime I try to talk to my colleagues and there are times when colleagues will blatantly ignore me. This sounds silly but there is a new colleague there that has just started and she has added a few of my colleagues to her friends list but not me. Not sure what this is all about. I enjoy the job that I do though which is good.
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  #1010  
Old 15th November 2020, 15:28
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

I am struck by a sense of the absurd. I am having a raging midlife crisis, but at the same time I feel I have been regressing over the past few years into my much younger self. I am doing the young gay person things (acceptance, a label, coming out) while also having a midlife crisis and being an older generation gay. So I am having my dark night of the soul, where I realise toxic shame has been running my entire life. And I am doing so while still living at home as an ageing adolescent. Can't I have my midlife crisis in peace, in my own home? Not with the way I've been running my life, apparently. (And not helped by the structural changes of the 21st century.) I feel very weird about everything. The sense of the absurd is strong.
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  #1011  
Old 17th November 2020, 13:54
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

When you are as much of a disaster at life as I am, over time, you acquire more things that become your biggest regret and that move other things down the list. So here we are for the top few:

1 a) You are totally gay, you buffoon. Accept it and move on to b) you have toxic shame as a result of your adolescent experience. You need to start dealing with it or it will ruin your life. Knowing about the toxic shame is the most important thing.
2) Yes, still the not buying a home when they were affordable even for chumps like me.

And I'm not sure about the ranking of some of the others.
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  #1012  
Old 22nd June 2021, 00:39
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Okay, no, I'm back to the not getting the job-finances-home stuff sorted in a timely fashion. That would have left room for freedom of action. Feeling in charge of one's own life. Things could have followed on from there. Feeling trapped in your 30s is bad.
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  #1013  
Old 22nd June 2021, 13:17
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

^^ Realising that you have toxic shame and starting to let go of it is really important I think.

I wonder if you're putting too much pressure on yourself to sort out all the big things that are making you feel stuck immediately? Maybe starting with some much smaller steps could be a way of feeling you're making progress without getting overwhelmed by the enormity of it all?
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  #1014  
Old 24th June 2021, 23:04
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Hah ha I wasn't expecting an answer to my moaning! I'm moaning I didn't sort it all out before. Bah. I just got knocked over one more time, darn it and didn't recover because of the dreaded Avoidance and feeling hopeless for a few years. Things went Awry. I super regret it. Now I'm just unmotivated. Which is silly. You are of course correct about the smaller steps. That's what I did back in my mid 30s. Its' the only way, really. I should have never let my savings run low.
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  #1015  
Old 23rd July 2021, 14:02
indignant misanthrope indignant misanthrope is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

I wish I had this guys social skills
https://www.youtube.com/c/KurtCaz it's a good example of a person having random encounters with complete strangers.

in fact anyone who is that good at making connections, it seems to come naturally to a lot of people this sort of social skill. even a base level social skill. every youtuber I watch seems to be adept in a way that I am not, watching their interactions with other people unplanned spontaneous conversation, most people just know what to say when plonked into unfamiliar circumstances and I end up saying something stupid and offputting by comparison. it's cringeworthy how some conversations put me at odds with some people at my age.

I don't hate people because of that. it seems a petty thing to hate someone for all things considered. it's just annoying because I have tried very very hard in the past and I always done my best to try and not put people off. every time I think about my own interactions all I remember is the failures I am making in conversation to maintain it and have it go the way it needs to go so the other person is comfortable with carrying on the conversation. I cringe when I look back at some of my interactions, it's embarrassing especially as an adult.
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  #1016  
Old 11th August 2021, 16:22
MissKatie MissKatie is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

As I rapidly approach 40, have ballooned in weight and sleeping a minimum of 9 hours a day (more is better), I've started to notice how flipping tired my body is
My knees ache, there's weird tendons in my legs that twinge for no real reason, my feet throb.
I have weird blotches, marks and spots in bizarre places

Mentally, I'm the happiest I've been, but physically my body is ready to retire í*¾í´£
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  #1017  
Old 11th August 2021, 18:48
slrrrrp slrrrrp is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Could be better, could be worse.
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  #1018  
Old 21st October 2021, 19:49
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Ugh, my motivation is so low since hitting 40. I always either went through phases where I felt I was moving forward in some small way to finally getting somewhere, or doing things/learning things just for fun. I know I need to get out and finally become myself, but I'm finding it very hard. I feel very fragile and irritated 60% of the time. I know it's just putting one foot in front of the other when I'm in this state.
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  #1019  
Old 19th December 2021, 02:55
Percy Percy is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

Sorry to hear your having problems cavewoman
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  #1020  
Old 27th February 2022, 19:04
Finlay Finlay is offline
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Default Re: The 30+ how are you feeling thread

I know that unofficially there's the concept of taking a Mental Health Day off work (so basically a sick day that when you feel you can't face work that day, due to depression or anxiety or whatever) but right now I could do with a Mental Health Month off. I feel so overwhelmed at work, because since the New Year I've been moved jobs and I'm trying to learn a much more complicated job than I did before (for no extra pay, I should also add). I can't even talk and joke around with my one close pal in work as much anymore too, because she's in the same boat as me, and I don't want to distract her because I knew she's up to her eyes in the new job too.

I think normally I'd be able to cope if it was just this alone, but I'm already not in a good headspace, coming off the back of a rubbish 2021 with me having the two punch of my relationship ending and then my Dad getting diagnosed with a serious illness. Plus the whole enforced lack of communication with the outside world for the past 2 years (been working from home for 2 years come March) seems to have reverted me back to a hermit state, so I feel like in a particularly low ebb at the moment.

On top of all that, I've noticed that I seem to have become a beacon again for people looking for someone to vent to. I don't mean this to sound cold or horrible, but since my relationship ended I feel like life has replaced the void with random people who want to come to me for help, or advice or a place to vent or talk. I try to be nice and listen and help these people, but right now I feel like I'm not strong enough to take on their problems on top of my own. I already cancelled on a catch-up coffee with someone today because I knew that I'd probably spend most of the catch-up listening to them and trying to be shoulder to lean on. I feel like such a bad friend, but I just can't hack it the now.

I just want to hideaway for a month, and not deal with anyone apart from the reception staff at the gym (the gym is my one release from all this - thankfully recently I've found my motivation to go again). But going off sick for a month is just not realistic: my work wouldn't let me just disappear for a month, no questions asked, as I'd be getting chased every other day by work, getting asked what I'm doing to make myself better and how soon will I be back to work, and yadda yadda yadda. The thought of that alone makes me feel even more stressed for it to be worth it.

Sorry, this is just a vent again. Right now I just feel like I want to quit my job and give up any hope of a future. But I know I won't, and I'll get up tomorrow and keep going. By by god it feels particularly hard to do at the moment.
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