Coping with Loneliness

[Xseonaid]

Hi

I just wondered if anyone else has problems with, or struggles to cope with loneliness?

I find that I am so isolated I can go for days without speaking to anyone and it makes me really depressed. I am a mature student but can sit in lectures and interact with no one. If I force myself to interact I usually panic and run away a few moments later. I want to overcome this as it has led to me feeling really isolated and lonely but don't know what to do. Has anyone else experienced this loneliness? How do you cope with it? Is there an easy way to overcome it or do I just have to keep forcing myself to interact?

[companioncube]

are there any societies at your university? i know it's terrifying but if there are any try join one.

[greenman]

Try not to isolate yourself quite so much. Learn to be more comfortable around people. Try to push yourself. Go to a cafe, take something to read. Try to find a place where you feel comfortable. Try striking up a conversation to a complete stranger, say someone in a shop or someone on the checkout. Try and look up when you are out, try smiling or saying hi. Little things but they help to break the pattern of isolation. Also be aware that lonely people are often invisible, there are people out there like you and it would make their day if you were to say hello ***55357;***56842; Worth a try anyway. Also do some research on loneliness as that in itself can be empowering. Use forums and chat apps too. ,***55357;***56842;

[hollowone]

I know that lonely feeling when you get home and relate to it. You mentioned not being able to talk to other people in the lecture. Can you identify any specific barriers? Where you not sure what to say or how to start a conversation? You could always ask about a specific bit of the lecture that you might have missed or talk about something in the lecture that interested you.

Regarding other avenues to meeting people, how do you feel about things like meet-up, or the societies and clubs that might be on offer at your uni. I know that some of these suggestions might bring-up fears and second thoughts that are not always easy to identify. Can you identify any barriers and second thoughts? For example, are you worried that you won't know what to say, are you worried that you'd be surrounded by people who you won't have things in common with, are you worried that the topic of your social life will come-up, is there something that you just can't put your finger on yet? It's understandable to have these concerns if you've been socially-isolated. Take your time.

[Hayman]

Loneliness isn't nice. It's demoralising and it's something I've learnt over the years to deal with. I try and keep myself busy by doing things that I want to do within my ability to take me away from the mundane reality in which I 'exist', rather than live.

I think it's a case of having to force yourself, unfortunately. I done this a lot over the course of last year and whilst in some cases it did actually work, in many cases it only served to confirm why I choose to not bother in the first place… (i.e – subsequent negative reactions/actions)

I've hung out with work colleagues and attended a horse racing meeting with last May. I even bought myself £250 worth of new suit. Whilst I thought I done well during the time I was there, it was clear people's negative stigmas against me are so ingrained that no matter how hard I try, I'm still treated in the same manner in which heightens my Social Anxiety in the first place. Ignorance, refusal to treat me respectfully simply because I don't have the 'gift of the gab' and often jokes in which I'm made to feel three inches tall. I have no such issue with family but take me outside of that 'inner circle' and that's it… All the issues creep in no matter how hard I try to combat them.

Sometimes loneliness is the lesser of the two evils... I really wish it wasn't.

I feel the only way around this would be to literally find people like ourselves to meet up with. I honestly don't know how else we can cope.

[Xseonaid]

Thanks for the replies.

I think that, for me, when I am around people I am terrified of ridicule and making a fool of myself. I think that if I say anything it will appear stupid so I say nothing. I also find that if I'm put on the spot (someone talks to me - they may not think of it as putting me on the spot ) my mind just goes blank. I have nothing at all to say. I get so nervous in any interaction that I just can't think of anything at all to say. I blush and I stammer and I become so conscious of these things I find myself thinking that the other person must notice them and wonder what's wrong with me. I also find that I can't follow up on any suggestions as I always wonder if they've been done out of charity or pity - does the person really want to talk to me again or are they doing it because they feel sorry for me? Then I end up avoiding them because I don't want to put that pressure on them. From writing this I realise that I'm making a lot of assumptions about what other people are thinking.

I have looked into clubs, societies and meet ups. There are three things in my area which I am considering going to including a meet up event tomorrow evening. I fear having to make small talk though. I just don't know how to do it. I intend to try though as I just can't put up with this loneliness any more. Like one of the people who responded, I have no difficulty in engaging with my family but really struggle with anyone else. Someone somewhere on these boards commented that there is pain in changing but there is also pain in carrying on the same way. I am really intending to try changing my behaviour and thoughts. I just hope the people I come into contact with are responsive.

[Aelwyn]

There are lots of good suggestions above. I also wonder if it might be worth talking to your GP. He/she could talk to you about options like counselling/CBT/medication. (There might also be a student counselling service at your university). You're not alone, quite a few students post here with similar issues, it is quite a big step going from home/school to a university. And if you come from a fairly sheltered home, or one where there's not much socialising, it can be quite daunting.

I understand that a lot of people are reluctant to take medication, but I know it has helped me a lot. I feel nervous and shaky in a lot of social situations, and have found that slow release beta blockers - which I only take occasionally when I feel the need - have made a big difference to my life. They actually helped me be less anxious even when I wasn't taking them, as they gave me confidence as a result of more positive experiences. Of course there are other types of medication that can be prescribed to help with social anxiety.

Please feel free to pm me if you like.

[Angelina]

Do you have family or anyone close you can talk to? Do you have a partner? We all get lonely, even extroverts get lonely.. I didn't talk to anybody for over a year apart from my 3 year old son and my partner but I didn't realise I was suffering a deep depression. I've suffered social anxiety since I was 12 years old. I'm now 49. I've tried medication,CBT, counselling, therapy the job lot. No amount of outside help as made it any easier. It's a battle everyday just to interact with people.I could be in a room full of people and still feel lonely and isolated because they just think don't get you and don't understand why you are the way you are. Concentrate on the people that matter. I have learned that the majority of my social anxiety is centred around the same sex and certain situations like rowdy workplaces which consist of a lot of women. You're no less important than they are. You are just different. Sorry I can't be of more help. I hope you find a special person you can lean on

[Angelina]

Anti anxiety meds did help me and for a brief period, I felt quite normal but I hate taking synthetic medication because no one knows the long term effects on your body so I came off them and back to feeling truly anxious again