Do you ever feel like you're talking to yourself on here?

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by choirgirl

I didn't realise there were cliques on here either!

There really aren't. I think the nature of SA can have some perceiving there to be some though. This place is probably as inclusive as any site you will find on the internet.

I've never felt like I'm talking to myself on here, but then I have no real expectations anyway. There are loads of threads/posts I don't reply to but that's nothing personal against the poster. I do far more reading on here than I do posting. There are certain topics I feel more able to respond to, and other topics less so. I do sometimes see a question going unanswered, but I'd only reply if I felt I actually had something of use to offer. I know that plenty of people feel very unsure about offering advice so hold back rather than posting a reply.

I think many of us just post on what we know or on topics we feel we have thoughts and opinions on. I thought I posted quite a lot on here, but a look at my stats tells me I only make an average of 1.81 posts per day. I've no idea how many posts/threads are made here on a daily average, but my measly 1.81 replies per day look like I'm 'ignoring' an awful lot of people, but in fact, I'm not really ignoring anyone at all.

[newbs16]

^ I agree with Biscuits.

[Vienna]

All the time.

Its a strange thing with me
I don't feel like anybody likes me here. Certainly not by the regulars. But then i think , well who can blame them. I have said controversial stuff or may have been rude. I know i don't do myself any favours.
Then again , sometimes I would rather be ignored then have someone dig at me . Sometimes i just need to vent.
I do find it disheartening when someone not well known gets ignored here when someone else can write 'everybody hates me' and gets 20 replies in sympathy.
Then again if i had all that attention , it would make me feel uncomfortable.
I do realise that alot here lack in conversational skills , me incl so i know sometimes its hard to reply.

[newbs16]

^^ If someone is ganging up on someone else I am the first to admit that it's wrong but the moderation team can't always be around to delete posts straight away. On occasions, I have disagreed with an opinion of yours but I wouldn't hold it against you after all life isn't all hearts and roses.

The forum is like life, you can't get along with everybody and I think that is something we all need to accept in life and on the forum.

You may class me as a regular but, even on occasions I have started topics and had little or no responses. I do accept that people are busy, or feel unable to reply and the world can't revolve around me. Also topics can be easily missed etc.

I am happy to admit that I will reply to the topics about what I am eating, what I am doing, what I am thinking, add random photos of things and I will continue to do this. The forum would be deathly quiet if it wasn't for sections of the forum like this.

[gregarious_introvert]

I do feel as if I'm talking to myself a lot of the time, but it's hard to tell. Most of my posts don't get directly answered and often I get the feeling that my presence here irritates people. I don't start threads any more because in the past, they've had little or no response. Similarly, I have stopped initiating PMs because most of those have been ignored too (except for PM buddies).

I admit that I don't contribute to the "what are you eating/thinking/doing/feeling" type threads, mostly I seek out the Social Anxiety Room to see if I can add anything (vaguely) useful to a topic and once in a while, I do get the sense that I've been able to help someone (my primary reason for being here). It would be nice to make a friend or two, but I also realise that I'm an opinionated so-and-so and that this is a social anxiety forum, so maybe I come across as too confrontational?

It may not help that it's often 2-3am before I get to visit the forum, or that I disappear for periods of time because of my travels; however, if I am indoors and awake, I am on SAUK and probably reading more than I'm writing (if I don't have anything useful to contribute which hasn't been said by someone else in the thread, I'll stay quiet - unless I feel that a point made needs reinforcing).

Just occasionally, there are times when I feel lonely and unwanted - that's when I throw my toys out of the pram and go away - but this is home so I can't stay away for long.

[Hayman]

Very much so at times, yes. I do feel under appreciated when I've spent somewhere in the region of 30 or 40 minutes typing a post/opening up to fellow sufferers for it only to be ignored or merely brushed to one side. Not by all members by any means and I do get some very nice replies, but I know in my heart half of what I do is wasted. I know I have 'enemies' on here even though no one has actually met me in person to form a fairer, better judged opinion. I just repay the favour by ignoring them. Going back a decade or so, I'd have been upset by this but I'm so used to being hated, regardless of what I say or do, that it's like water off a duck's back to me now. Ironically, situations like this only heighten both my Social Anxiety and regular issues with Depression in the first place.

I actively try to avoid coming to forums about my problems over the weekend, as I like to try and push that negativity (or sad truth, rather) to the back of my mind. There was a spell last year where I don't think I come here for about a month as I felt I needed to step back and recharge my batteries. I'll only try and post when I'm having an 'okay' day or week e.t.c... When I know I'm not in the correct frame of mind or feeling particularly down - I'll avoid coming here for that period.

I generally don't accept PM's unless I feel there's something I really want to say to someone away from the public forums - and I've only done that once during my time here. This isn't because I don't like communicating with fellow sufferers and I don't want anyone to think that. The main reason behind it is because on another forum I used to be a member of, I spent a lot of time replying to messages and by the time I replied to them, I didn't have much time left to post publicly in the forums. It got too much for me to deal with and I found myself spending downtime in work setting up draft messages to try and save me time later in the evening. I also used to receive some very unpleasant messages from people who, being a part of that forum thought may understand certain situations I face but obviously not. So when I joined up here, I made a general rule that I won't 'do' PM's any more.

[gregarious_introvert]

^Hayman, this is the first time I have replied to one of your posts in some time but, like every one of my previous replies (and this will be the last), I am writing this in the hope of helping you. You talk of "enemies" and given that I have been reported for my replies to your posts in the past, it would be reasonable to assume that you consider me one of those; you claim that your posts are "ignored" or "brushed aside", but this is also untrue - the reason that you get so few responses (and some of the responses which I have written to you in the past have taken considerably longer than 40 minutes) is because of the hostility you have shown to those who have responded previously. I read every one of your posts and some have evoked strong emotional reactions within me, not least because you remind me of myself when I was younger.

You also mention your preference not to communicate via PM and this is fine, however when I have tried to help you in the past, it has had to be through the open forum rather than more privately, possibly the reason you have taken offence - there are things I have had to say here which I would have preferred to have said one-to-one. These days, I don't reply to you because I don't want you to feel persecuted, not because I don't care.

You are correct in your assertion that I don't know you, but I have mentioned in previous posts that I would enjoy the opportunity to rectify that situation and meet face-to-face (I understand that can be a daunting prospect, especially with my face!) and as none of us do know you in real life, we can only respond on the basis of the Hayman we know from your words; just as you believe there are people here who have an inaccurate impression of you, there will be many here who would be surprised by how I am in person, were they to meet me. By the same token, I have some kind of mental image of many of the regular posters on here, which would probably be dispelled, in part at least, by removing the barrier of the keyboard.

You say that you are "so used to being hated...that it's like water off a duck's back" and that you would have been upset a decade ago, but I know that you have been upset much more recently than that and I can say, unequivocally, that the remarks which upset you were not borne out of hatred but out of a desire to help and to prevent you wasting as much of your life as I did of mine. I know that I am not the only person on this forum who feels this way, that many of us would like to see you achieve the life you wish for yourself - but (and of course I can't speak for everyone) I believe, as I'm sure (from reading other replies made to you during the time I have been reading your posts) do others who care about you, that will require a change in attitude from you (the same change in attitude which I needed, along with a greater degree of self-awareness - and I say that about myself as I am unable to ascertain the level of self-awareness you have).

In recent times, I have seen several responses to your posts from newer members of the forum, to which you have responded with less hostility than in the past and I have been delighted to see that; it seems that you are now able to listen to the opinions of others and if not act on advice, then at least consider it. Of course, one of the issues with giving advice to strangers is that none of us know the person to whom we are giving such advice and therefore how relevant or useful that advice is to that person; in order to assess what might benefit someone more accurately, dialogue has to take place so that a more rounded impression can be formed and in the past you have chosen not to engage in meaningful dialogue.

After your reaction to my last response to you, I did vow never to respond to you again; however, the first paragraph of the post to which I am responding now compels me to reply to you one last time. I have been on this forum, in one guise or another, for more than five years now and (being an opinionated so-and-so) I have had clashes with some people (although some of those have been resolved via PMs and despite the lively debates which have taken place on the forum, mutual respect has been established "backstage"), felt resented and/or disliked by others, formed bonds with a very small minority of people - but whatever has happened, I have never felt hated or that I have enemies and neither should you; my time here has taught me that there is a lot of love in this place and that anything which is said is said in a spirit of trying to help and understand (I admit, I have seen things addressed to me which I have found upsetting, but we are all communicating in a way which can be both liberating and limiting, which from time to time means that things will be misinterpreted). You probably won't like this next sentence any more than you have liked what I've written in the past (and as with everything I have written in the past, this is my own opinion based on the little I know of you through your writings), but the opening of your post here shows that you are focussing far too much on your belief that others want to affect your life in a negative manner; this is untrue and for you to believe that you have enemies here, to my mind, just shows the extent of that negativity. I have yet to read one reply to any of your posts which was not positive in its intent but, as with so much in life, it is not what is said to us but how we interpret that which is most important. I can say that, had you been here five years ago, when debate was a lot more lively and a lot more people were a lot more forthright in giving their opinions, you would have felt even more persecuted than you express in your post here; however, it was those forthright opinions (and possibly 1% of the advice given to me, even thought the other 99% was given in the right spirit) which saved my life and helped me on the road to dealing with my anxieties and other issues.

You have no enemies here, Hayman; there will be some who are frustrated that there seems no way to reach you but there are so many here who want to reach out to you, to help you, to befriend you and to see you post something more positive than what we're used to seeing (again, I have to say that I have seen a glimmer of light in some of your recent posts and that delights me).

Henceforth, I won't be responding to your posts, but not because I am ignoring you, brushing you aside or have nothing to say, but because I don't want to feel the way you express in your opening paragraph; you don't have enemies here, Hayman, you have would-be friends.

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by Hayman

Very much so at times, yes. I do feel under appreciated when I've spent somewhere in the region of 30 or 40 minutes typing a post/opening up to fellow sufferers for it only to be ignored or merely brushed to one side.

I don't believe that your posts are ignored or brushed to one side. As is often the case on this forum, many more posts are read than they are replied to.

I have also felt that when some have replied to you you have dismissed their posts because they offer an alternative viewpoint to what you are saying. You seem unwilling at times to detour from your own narrative and take on board on what others are saying to you. This is not a criticism. I am merely trying to provide some sort of explanation as to why you feel your posts are being ignored. People will withdraw their support and advice if they feel it is unwanted.

You have no enemies here. We are a supportive community that offers advice and a place to build friendships/relationships.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

chatroom can be an alternative, as forums by nature can be quite slow, and an indirect form of communication.

[Womble]

All the time. I find it difficult to relate to people full stop, nevermind here. I think most people probably view me as quite arrogant too.

[gregarious_introvert]

^One thing I would never consider you is arrogant, Womble; I find most of your posts quite self-deprecating!

[genovese]

I read almost everything by GI & Hayman.

By jingo, they're two of the most articulate sob's on the forum.

And I rate GI's emotional intelligence. If GI was offering an olive branch of
help/advice to me, I'd snap that up consarnit.

[limey123]

No.

[gregarious_introvert]

^^For articulate (in my case) read verbose - I would love to be able to express what I do more succinctly!

Also, be wary of taking my advice - I managed to waste the first half-a-century of my life in one way or another, so any revelations I am experiencing now have yet to stand the test of time; I've been a social creature for a mere two-and-a-half years so I'm still learning.

Thank you for your kind words, though!

[Rianne]

^^^ I agree!!! G.I is especially insightful and very articulate.

[gregarious_introvert]

^Clearly I'm not talking to myself as much as I thought I was! Now stop it, please, I have small door frames and need to get my head through them.

[alpha]

In answer to the original question, yes I sometimes do feel like I'm talking to myself on here. I also worry quite a bit about how what I've written will be interpreted.

I do feel like an outsider but then I've felt like an outsider throughout most of my life, bar a couple of somewhat fleeting periods. I've also returned here after an extremely long absence so I'm effectively new which is a situation I always find difficult. I'm not blaming anyone on here though (I think the forum is very welcoming and supportive), I just find it pretty difficult to judge how to join in on discussions when people are already acquainted with each other and get quite nervous about this.

And I don't wish to stop GI getting through any doors but yes I can't help but agree that his posts are very insightful and feel like it would be rude not to give credit where it's due!

[Sphinx]

Yep, but it's because I post so sporadicly so don't have chance to really get to know anyone.

The odd person might PM me and then I end up withdrawing ha, why do you do this to me brain.

[snoo]

I find kind of. But no more than any other forum I post on.

At most times I don't write anything for fear that my words might not be worth that much. Which is a bit like real life conversations I suppose. Fear of rejection.

Hard to say but at some times I feel really close to people even though we've never met, simply because they have written something that I can totally empathise with. I wish I had more answers, but I guess I wouldn't be here if I did.

[alpha]

Actually, forget most of what I said earlier (the first part of it), it does feel like there's a bit of a clique on here these days and that you sometimes only get replies if you're certain posters. It may just be me being over sensitive but I'm thoroughly pissed off with feeling excluded in life because I'm not in some "in crowd" that I never even want to be in. Nothing personal to anyone in particular by the way.

[kirbycrackle]

All the time.

[Clockface]

Yes I feel like I'm talking to myself on here and while it makes me feel isolated and ignored in my hour of need I also realise that because I sound so negative and dramatic it probably puts people off replying directly to my messages.

I post on this forum because I get so engulfed by paranoid, depressing and upsetting thoughts, especially regarding socialising, friendships and family, that I simply have to vent and allow other sufferers to see, and hopefully understand, how awful I'm feeling. I am isolated in real life so have nobody to vent to and receive support from, but because my mood is up and down as opposed to being at a constant low I don't feel I can go to the doctors to get help in the form of counselling, so I am living with these upsetting thoughts and have to get them out on here, in the hope that others will either be able to relate or offer constructive support to help me see a way forward.

Yet there have been many occasions where a post of mine has ended up being the last on the thread which makes it appear as if I have destroyed the conversation and that it has been ignored. This may sound two faced of me because there are a lot of posts that I read and while I can relate to them it is hard to know what to reply with. I genuinely want to offer support to people but I don't feel able to offer advice when I believe so much in my own demons.

[redste73]

I'm still new here so no body knows me. I'm still getting used it all.

[Sphinx]

I think that we're more sensitive can make this forum a nicer place. I've posted on other sites and been shocked at how horrible people were!

[Seagull]

As already mentioned, it's a feeling we've all felt at some point on here I imagine. In totally unrelated news - one thing seemingly unique to SA-UK compared to any other forum I've been on is people using ^ rather than using the quote facility. What is that about?

[gregarious_introvert]

^some people don't like to be quoted.

[alpha]

It's less effort than using the quote function too Particularly if you're posting from a mobile device etc. I think I've seen this convention used on other (non-SA) forums, maybe it varies from forum to forum.

[limey123]

I only learned how to do multi-quote just the other day.

[A Whimsical Stranger]

I am talking to myself on here.