Do you feel like you are underachieving or overachieving?

Sunrise · #1 30th June 2023, 13:16

I get the impression a lot of people here think they are underachieving and would be capable of doing much more given the right circumstances.

I actually feel the opposite. I feel anxious and stressed because I think I'm overachieving and put far too much pressure on myself and expect far too much of myself.

I get annoyed about my lack of ability to do certain things I want to do, but it's nothing to do with a lack of motivation or laziness. My problem is that I try my hardest but at the end of the day I'm just not capable of doing certain things.

I don't feel like I've not fulfilled my potential or that if I had made more effort things would have been different. I'm not sitting safely in my comfort zone, life for me is a constant battle and I'm constantly feeling stressed and exhausted just trying to survive. I think the answer for me is to change my outlook on life because constantly beating myself up for being lazy doesn't help me.

Sunrise · #2 30th June 2023, 16:34

I'm not getting what I want out of life, but a change in perspective is probably the solution rather than trying to do more. I don't really have the skills or ability to successfully achieve many of the things I want to do. I'm not sure if they would make me happy anyway as I tend to find the process of actually trying very stressful.

I see so many people bemoaning opportunities they've turned down and things they regret not doing. I can't really relate to that. There are things I wish I could have done, but they were never realistic goals. I'm always going to be a failure if I compare myself to others.

Sunrise · #3 30th June 2023, 19:28

I think I just find the typical aspirational self-help stuff very deflating. I'll watch some American YouTuber bang on about "what's stopping you??!!" Well, serious mental illness for a start mate.

But is any of that really aimed at people with long-standing mental health issues? I can't stand all those clickbaity "THESE ARE THE 10 REASONS WHY EVERYONE THINKS YOU'RE A LOSER!" things that are everywhere these days. It's just preying on people's insecurities to make money. A lot of it is very toxic I think, especially for people with long-standing psychological issues.

biscuits · #4 30th June 2023, 19:50

I don't feel like I'm overachieving and I don't feel like I'm underachieving. I don't feel like I'm achieving either.

I feel like I'm surviving haha

Chess&Junkfood · #5 30th June 2023, 21:11

I'm more or less in the centre. Where I do enough to keep going. I also feel ok about being in the centre. Although the trade off is the missed opportunities for personal growth. Which is why I'm continuing with the journaling.

Percy · #6 30th June 2023, 21:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by biscuits

I don't feel like I'm overachieving and I don't feel like I'm underachieving. I don't feel like I'm achieving either.

I feel like I'm surviving haha

I'd rather live than simply survive

biscuits · #7 30th June 2023, 21:50

^ 2023 is all about survival.

Sunrise · #8 30th June 2023, 21:52

Survival is the only option for some of us though. The world doesn't feel like it's set up for someone like me to succeed. Trying my best is all I can do really. I don't understand why I'm constantly encouraged to beat myself up for not reaching a standard someone else has set. I don't have an endless pot of money that I can spend on expensive psychiatrists, cosmetic surgery and god knows what else I'd need to become "normal". I'm out there every single day trying my hardest, but I feel like the constant message I get is that it's still not good enough.

I feel like I'm overachieving just by surviving. Making it to the end of each day is an achievement.

anxiouslondoner · #9 30th June 2023, 23:11

Unachieving.

I'm basically maintaining my existence in a probably unsustainable way as regards mental and physical health and employment. That's about all. I struggle to make myself even feel content. It's not due to lack of funds but a lack of things that I really enjoy, or an inability to motivate myself to do the things that I think I used to enjoy, maybe, once.

That said I just spent about a week with my parents, sister and little four-year-old nephew, who is mostly adorable, but I don't have the energy to put up with the social dynamics of my family for very long. I quit early to get back to doing nothing at home.

humphrey · #10 1st July 2023, 12:53

I am just treading water. I am in the middle ground just living, but don't seem to be making any progress or losing any ground. I seem to be on a roundabout going round in a continuous circle.

biscuits · #11 1st July 2023, 14:35

^ are you in Milton Keynes?

humphrey · #12 1st July 2023, 19:52

No, but I live in the roundabout capital of the UK: the North East, we have more roundabouts per mile than anywhere in the country. Every time you drive they have painted another one on the road!

BFG_ · #13 1st July 2023, 20:22

I'm achieving exactly the right amount.

Edit : perhaps I've got really low standards of what I should be achieving

Marco · #14 1st July 2023, 22:13

Based on my qualifications I’m probably seen as an underachiever, but I dunno…given my lifelong anxiety problems, I’ve probably done okay I guess. I’m not happy with myself, I’ll be honest, but I’m comfortable enough and shouldn’t complain. On a different day, I’d probably answer this question differently. I totally understand those who feel their achievement is just about day to day survival.

Percy · #15 1st July 2023, 22:42

Underachieving definitely, I could have done so much more and want to. I'm very ambitious but with ADHD and anxiety I'm afraid that ambition hasn't come to fruition.

It's also worth pointing out that people with ADHD often feel like underachievers, even if they have achieved a great deal. We're wired that way.

BritishPeace · #16 2nd July 2023, 12:14

Neither really, I just achieve what I want to

Sunrise · #17 2nd July 2023, 22:29

I'm never sure if I'm envious of the people who feel they wasted their potential or not. I can't help but think if I was in their shoes I'd be grabbing all the opportunities on offer with both hands. My problem has always been that I've really wanted to do certain things, and I tried my best, but at the end of the day I just wasn't good enough. I've always struggled with the basics in life, I find everything hard work. That's where my anxieties come from, struggling with the simple things.

But on the positive side I don't have any regrets, and I don't rue any missed opportunities. I was never expected to amount to anything and I can't really say I've wasted any potential because I never really had any. I think I've got the opposite problem to a lot of SA people in that respect. I've always wanted to achieve unattainable goals and have very unrealistic expectations of myself.

I failed because I wasn't good enough, not because I never tried. That should make me feel better, but it doesn't because I still strive for the impossible.

Sunrise · #18 3rd July 2023, 12:24

Not being able to form healthy relationships with others, only being capable of unskilled low-paying work and struggling to hold down a job, not having a lot of the positive experiences other people have. Those are the sort of things I feel makes me a failure and makes other people see me as a failure. I live the sort of lifestyle that would make a lot of people feel unhappy. Maybe not everyone but probably the majority.