Would anyone else have acted the same?

[clyde33]

Deleted

[Azi]

Dog-people just don't get why some people are nervous around them. Most don't let their dogs leap up on people though! Try not to worry about your reaction -- it sounds perfectly normal and reasonable (even if you felt uncomfortable) and it doesn't say anything about you as a person, other than you're a bit intimidated by big dogs jumping on you... which, again, is perfectly normal!

[Sun Wukong]

From my perspective it sounds like you just got caught in a trap of trying to please people (the dog owners) while feeling genuinely uncomfortable (getting near the dog). You didn’t want to get too near the dog but the (SA driven) guilt of making the dog owners ‘feel bad’ or the embarrassment/fear of expressing yourself stopped you from being able to enforce your (legitimate) boundary of not wanting to get too close to the dog. I get trapped by these types of situation and I’ve seen many other people (including many non-SA) caught in the same trap in various situations.


I’m not saying you should have said done this (or that it’d be easy to do), but I’m just giving my version of a possible assertive reaction to the situation (as I've been reading up on assertiveness ). You were perfectly in your rights to say “I feel a bit uncomfortable with it jumping up at me, so I'll just stand back a bit ". Any reasonable dog owner would just say “Oh, fair enough, no probs” (and probably add “I’ll stop him jumping up at you”, and may even throw in a “sorry”). That should be it, a simple boundary statement/request met with compliance, happy days
But , with SA, I’m sure at this point I guess you (like I normally do if I have the courage to say something like that) would feel guilty for ‘making the dog owner feel bad’ or ‘being a hassle/problem’ etc, but this is confused thinking. Rationally, you have a legitimate/reasonable need/boundary and you have a right to state it and enforce it. You may even be thinking now “that’d be really rude to say to the person”, but turn the tables. If you were the dog owner and someone looked a bit uncomfortable and said “I feel a bit uncomfortable with it jumping up at me, so I'll just stand back a bit ", what would you reaction be?

Originally Posted by clyde33

i could see them just looking at me like they thought i was weird.

To me that just sounds like SA doubt and worry, 99.9% unlikely, and even if actually turns out that it is a 00.1% case and they did think that, make a mental note that if you see them again and they mention it (unlikely), to just say “Yeah I probably did a bit, I just don’t like dogs” (a fair statement that requires no further qualification) and then drop your worry about it into the “who gives a ***t” box, so you can forget about it forever more!

Originally Posted by clyde33

It's kind of like being passed a baby to hold because everyone thinks you know what to do, then laughs at your terrified expression.....

Lol, that’s like a speed version of pass the parcel, especially for blokes – the technique I use is in one gentle continuous movement of the arms “receive, smile, pass on to next person” (as I go redder and redder! ).

[Sun Wukong]

Deleted this as I'd just managed to duplicate the above post

[Mr. Nobody]

dog owners often do this,.
they shout over at you
"oh, he's fine,. won't bit you".. just as their dog has pounced all over you with it's filthy paws on your nice clean light-coloured trousers you were hoping to wear out to a meal later on
"oh, he's fine, he won't bit you",. he'll just sniff your crotch for 5.8 minutes and then cock his leg to piss on you,.
"oh, he's fine, he won't bit you".. just as he bites trough your trousers.."oh, he's never done that before"...
"oh he's fine, he won't bite you"..~ "yeah, well, if he does,. I'll be kicking him swiftly in the balls,. Then phoning the police"

[Z.]

In that situation, it's probably best to just ask them to put him/her on the leash or at least get them off you.

[les]

The dog owners were firmly in the wrong by allowing the dog to continually jump up at you and your reaction is perfectly justified.

[Serephina]

I think your reaction was normal especially if you've had a bad experience with dogs.I was attacked by a dog when I was 14 for no reason other than just walking down the street and even now I get a bit nervous around them.

[sheikluva]

I work with dogs and you are 100% correct that dogs sense fear. In a situation like this you can also say that the dog seems sweet but you are not comfortable with it jumping up to you or you petting it.

[black_mamba]

It's very bad etiquette amongst dog owners to let their animal jump on people. I don't let my dog jump on people because I don't like strange dogs doing the same to me!

If a dog does it to me and it's on a leash, I take a step back so it can't reach me. If it's not leashed, you can say firmly 'down' or 'off', twist your body away (so dog slips off and can't grip you) and ignore it. If the owners are there and think it's funny and I'd simply say 'can you get him him off me please'. No explanation necessary.

[Oddity]

If someone comes to my house and my cat starts showing affection towards them, but they clearly don't like cats, I take her away, simple as that. If I had a dog I wouldn't just let it jump over random people, that's stupid, what if it damaged their clothes or something?

My father was out running once, and a dog ran straight at him and leaped, in the heat of the moment he punched it in the nose as he thought it was attacking him. The owner went off on him, unsurprisingly.

[LonelyBoy]

In my experience a large minority or even most dog owners are selfish and ignorant. At my local park it clearly says at each entrance that dogs must be kept on a leash/lead at all times and perhaps half the people I walk by with dogs let the dogs roam free. The next small dog (I've no wish to be mauled by a large and powerful dog) that jumps up at me and touches me when I walk past it I'm going to kick as hard as I can.

[clyde33]

Thanks everyone for the replies, they've made me feel a whole lot better and also realise that i actually didn't respond stupidly to the situation. The dog was on a leash but i think the owner was having problems holding it back as it looked pretty powerful. Was a large Staffy cross type dog. It had hold of my other half's jacket sleeve twice. I really didn't want to trust it not confusing my fingers with something to bite. I think what bothered me more was everyone all saying "oh he won't hurt you" and "go on, say hello to him" when it was clear i was scared. I think if it had been off the leash i'd have been lying on the pavement after having been knocked to the ground, with an over-excited dog jumping up and down on me..... Oh, plus i was wondering if it was able to smell my cat off my clothes and that was maybe sending the thing wild?

[clyde33]

Originally Posted by sheikluva

I work with dogs and you are 100% correct that dogs sense fear. In a situation like this you can also say that the dog seems sweet but you are not comfortable with it jumping up to you or you petting it.

Hope you don't mind me asking a question as i have absolutely no clue about dogs whatsoever. If a dog can sense that a human is scared of it, would that make the dog more prone to bite that human because it's scared too? Or does it not work like that? I'm just thinking in case i meet it again, which is quite likely. Thanks

[les]

^ Dogs and Cats can sense when somebody does not like them Or is afraid of them.
The thing with dogs is not to make eye contact with them or acknowledge their existence in your presence by folding your arms across your chest and look away from the dog until it calms down.
You need to think like the dog, by making eye contact with the dog; is an invitation to play staring or showing your teeth at a dog is perceived by the dog as aggressive behaviour and could escalate into an attack, this is why young children get attacked by even friendly dogs as children will stare or smile at a dog.

[LonelyBoy]

Originally Posted by Charlotte Vale 1942

I hope to get a dog in future and I wouldn't let it go around jumping up at people. The responsibility is really with the owner, I had a dog do this to me recently and I also felt uncomfortable but the owner quickly and calmly stopped this.

That's so not the point. The owner shouldn't have "stopped" the dog touching you, he should have prevented the dog from touching you.

[black_mamba]

^People aren't perfect though, and getting angry when they're not (within reason) is only going to cause you undue tension.