Back to square one :(

[Silver]

Hello to anyone who remembers me I still struggle with loneliness and emptiness and have now drifted away from every friend I ever had. Recently went on holiday with the only close friend I have and basically I found the holiday stressful so took it out on him Didnt mean to but I struggle to deal with stress and either get angry/upset or just rant to get it out of my system. Theres no doubt we have drifted apart since the holiday 2 weeks ago and I am convinced that is because of my moods during the trip. I wouldnt be surprised if he no longer wanted to be friends considering what a moody bi*ch I can be at times. So I find myself back at square one. No friends just aquaintances which is not enough. Meet up goes someway to helping and I recently went away with meet up and had a good weekend but then afterwards its all back to normal and you find yourself alone again. My problem is I just CANNOT meet people who I can connect with. Its all very well doing meet up stuff regularly and at least it gets you out but if there is no one you can connect with, well whats the point? I worry so much about loneliness and trying to find ways to deal with it. My coping strategy has always been to keep busy and go out as much as possible at the weekends. But Im running out of ideas for things to do. Staying in and doing nothing at the weekends is not an option as that is just guaranteed to make me depressed. Anyway just posting this to get it out of my system. If anyone has any ideas for stuff to fill up your time or other coping strategies to deal with loneliness, Id love to hear them

[Azalea]

I remember you Silver
I'm the same, no real friends and get so lonely. I don't have any answers though

[Schmosby]

I work as much as possible, days off leave mw time to think, which is no good.

[Mikei]

I remember you

I hope you can restore communication with your friend, sometimes it takes a little time to get past bad feelings.

[Olly.]

Hi Silver, welcome back, good to see you, of course I remember you, but I'm sorry you come back on difficult terms

Well for me it has been a number of things that has helped me with loneliness and depression too, but on top of counselling and going on medication, the three things that I feel have been the most important in overcoming loneliness and depression have been -

- Daily Journaling, something I highly recommend everyone to do if they can, getting my negative thoughts and moods out onto paper instead of letting them stew in my head has been so valuable to me and became a form of self therapy, seeing the words on the page makes everything seem a bit clearer and draws my attention to the thoughts and emotions in a similar way to what a counsellor would do and then things seem easier to work through. I can't quite properly explain how it has helped me, but as this article says, 'it's a healthy outlet in which to express yourself' which 'helps you establish order when your world feels like it***8217;s in chaos' in dealing with mental and emotional difficulties.

- Daily walks in the countryside, there was a point earlier on this year I was so afraid to be alone with myself and my thoughts that I completely avoided going for walks by myself. But in one of my counselling sessions, thanks to a headache so bad that we decided to have the session going for a walk rather that in the hot, stuffy counselling room (there's a gravel pits and lakes next to the doctor's surgery), my counsellor helped me overcome that by teaching me to become aware of my surroundings while walking, instead of spending the whole time in my head wishing for things to be different and how shit my life situation was. So in a park or in the countryside, noticing birds tweeting, noticing flocks of birds flying over or nesting in the trees, maybe seeing a rabbit if you're lucky, maybe hearing distant traffic noise, noticing the wind and the clouds going past, noticing people walking or jogging past and going about their daily lives, even just noticing the ground underneath my feet as I walked. And this helped me enjoy my walks by myself again and ultimately be with myself too.

- Daily Mindfulness Meditation, I realise many are either not interested in meditating or have tried meditating and felt it wasn't for them because they thought they were bad at it (when in fact literally everyone feels they're bad at meditation at first), but regular meditation has been a big factor for me in dealing with loneliness and the problems I have had with myself. It forces you to be alone with your thoughts, which can be a terrifying prospect for some and can be painful at times too, but done regularly, daily if possible, it helped me quieten my mind over time and eventually begin to use it as a way of positive, rational reflection as well, there's even a fair amount of scientific evidence that suggests meditation can help with loneliness. If you stick at it for long enough and battle through the first stage of thinking you're terrible at it because your mind is so busy (which again, is the same for everyone at first), you'll find it's a worthwhile exercise to do every day, even if just 10 minutes at the start of the day if you don't have much time. Have a look on Youtube for guided meditations.

So those are the three things that I feel have helped me the most (and doing these things every day is important I feel for real change, doing them now and again might not help really), because in all honesty, as much as it probably isn't something you want to hear, forcing myself, to be with myself (that might not make sense haha ) and alone with my thoughts through those things is what ultimately has really helped me personally overcome loneliness and get into a place where I feel at least somewhat comfortable with myself for the first time in my life, and have even started to combat the negative thought patterns that I've been struggling with for so long, like thinking I can never be happy without a partner, I realised that I shouldn't look to external factors for my wellbeing. A good quote I found was this -

***8220;If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.***8221; -Maxwell Maltz

Which does probably sound somewhat sad and depressing to many and I'm not at all suggesting that you should just give up on having friends and become a hermit monk or anything drastic, continuing to go to meet ups is fantastic and keep doing that and getting out to meet people and you'll make connections, just that perhaps you need to look internally, rather than externally to overcome your loneliness.

So yeah, imo, the way to deal with loneliness is face it head on as difficult as that might sound, personally I didn't find filling my time with stuff and not facing up to my insecurities helped, the loneliness just stewed under the surface and never went away. Just my thoughts and how I overcame loneliness, sorry if they're not what you're looking for and I certainly accept that what has helped for me, might not help for others, but also have a google if you haven't already done so, there's so much stuff online if you just simply type in 'Coping with Loneliness' into Google that might be worth spending some time looking through and reading, loneliness is surprisingly common. Yes, there is a lot of stuff out there to sift through and a lot of stuff that won't resonate with you and won't help, but who knows, you might just find an article or a blog that you can really relate to that will help you (this seems like quite a good article), good luck Silver, hope things get better for you soon

[pAuL1974]

Do you have any interest in playing sport?

I joined a tennis club just over a year ago, and wish I'd joined many years ago.

Physically the exercise has made a massive difference in how I feel, helped get me out of my flat, and lose a whole load of weight too.

It's helped mentally too, I'm less stressed at work, which before joining the tennis club was a huge problem.

Unfortunately though, the SA remains and I cannot shift the loneliness and emptiness so in some ways feel even more frustration than before. Feeling more alive in many ways, but at the same time feeling dead and very stuck. But overall, I feel I'm in a better place than I was.

If you don't fancy joining a club or a focusing specific sport, then maybe try a few sports through Meetup?

[hollowone]

What specifically happened that upset you? Something that happened during the holiday has brought-on a load of of other things that you're frustrated and not happy about.

My coping strategy has always been to keep busy and go out as much as possible at the weekends

I get what you're saying about going out and not feeling happy, you don't really have the right sort of friends. By going out, do you get to meet people, have interesting conversations, have some adventure? Or, is it mainly the same old crew, them just concerned with drinking themselves shitless and escaping from their work. I don't know enough detail to give any advice.

Anyway just posting this to get it out of my system. If anyone has any ideas for stuff to fill up your time or other coping strategies to deal with loneliness, Id love to hear them

I gathered this was mainly to get it all out of your system.

I know how frustrating it is. Sounds like you are doing things to change your situation. What's the meet-up scene like where you are? What are the events like for conversation, what sort of events are available?

[Silver]

I don't know what's happening with my friend. We don't really chat anymore so I don't know I'm pushing him away because in all honesty I don't feel like I deserve him as a friend. He could do much better than me anyway.

Olly I might pm you about your message

I am thinking about taking up art as a hobby just something to do to pass the time in the evenings and weekends. I like walking. I'm going to try clubercise too which sounds fun. I just found the holiday extremely tiring for various reasons and when I'm tired I'm moody and took it out on him. I seem to push people away either conciously or unconciously. Not sure why.

[newbs16]

^ I think you should send your friend a message,he probably doesn't really know what to do for the best Silver, maybe he thinks you need space especially as you took your emotions out on him a little.

It would be a shame to fall out because you clearly like him and you have had many good times/adventures together.

I really admire you, you're so adventurous sometimes I wish I could be a bit more like you.

[avoider]

I know how you feel..spent yesterday ruminating over my situation which always makes it feel worse..also was checking facebook and even the single people I know are out having fun..often doing something fun and interesting every other day.because they are popular and have lots of friends.how on earth do they do it?..i got depressed after that.

Try not to get too down about things Silver..at least you're trying things to improve your life

[Silver]

Originally Posted by avoider

I know how you feel..spent yesterday ruminating over my situation which always makes it feel worse..also was checking facebook and even the single people I know are out having fun..often doing something fun and interesting every other day.because they are popular and have lots of friends.how on earth do they do it?..i got depressed after that.

Try not to get too down about things Silver..at least you're trying things to improve your life

Thanks avoider and newbs16 and everyone else for the replies. I do a lot of things alone and find I can still have fun alone. Its easier after a while and at least you can do your own thing and not worry about what the other person is thinking or wants to do

[Toxic]

Originally Posted by Silver

I don't know what's happening with my friend. We don't really chat anymore so I don't know I'm pushing him away because in all honesty I don't feel like I deserve him as a friend. He could do much better than me anyway.

Olly I might pm you about your message

I am thinking about taking up art as a hobby just something to do to pass the time in the evenings and weekends. I like walking. I'm going to try clubercise too which sounds fun. I just found the holiday extremely tiring for various reasons and when I'm tired I'm moody and took it out on him. I seem to push people away either conciously or unconciously. Not sure why.

Thats creepy how similar our situations are, going through something the same, I had a friend..a close friend..we went on holiday together etc. Neither of us did particularly much in our spare time..she decided she had had enough and sorted her life out..got a load of hobbies/new friends, she didnt talk to me as much as she used to (which is fair enough) I possibly got a bit moody about it because I don't find it very easy to make new friends/know any sort of hobby I'd like to do..so I pushed her away as I thought she would be better off without me.

I suspect she is, we don't really talk much anymore, I'm just some miserable sod who doesn't really know what to do with myself...but I miss her, we did argue a good amount tho..(had one right good session on holiday)

I want to go back to how we was but personally I feel I need to sort myself out a bit more first as I probably got too dependent on her.

Minor rant over, I hope you can sort it out with your friend, I know how you feel..I'm trying to focus on work/earning more to fix that side of my life coz I feel my social side is a write off