Highly sensitive person

[Silver]

Is anyone else here a highly sensitive person and if so, do you feel it has contributed to your sa? I always wondered why I got upset easily (especially at work, god I seem to be constantly crying in the toilets because I absolutely cannot handle criticism and my colleagues can be very cold towards me at times, not sure if thats because I am quiet but maybe because they just dont understand me, heck I dont even understand myself )

Anyway discovering I am a highly sensitive person has been a massive revelation because it does explain a lot, why I find it hard to make friends and connect with people, why I feel out of place in the world, why I struggle constantly with low self esteem and at times depression.

At the same I feel utter despair that there is no cure for this condition, it is something I am stuck with and it is going to affect me for the rest of my life. I dont know what to do. I already take anti depressants and have been to the doctor/counsellors numerous times in the last I dont know how many years and still I feel I am back at square one. I dont know how to manage my emotions. I just cant, they are uncontrollable and I have no control over them. I just struggle to function in a world where everyone expects you to be confident, outgoing, extrovert etc. I really dont know what to do but its at work where it affects me the most as I cant control the environment I work in. Once again, today (and I have lost count of how many times this has happened), my work colleague said something to me which upset me and confirmed my suspicion that she doesnt like me (but maybe I am reading too much into this, I dont know) and I cried and couldnt stop. Sat in the toilets and it took every inch of strength I had to go back to the office rather than stay there alone which felt safe. I lied and said I had a migrane and had to go home but they know I struggle with depression so probably knew I was lying. Im now in the computer room working alone which feels safe at least, but going to go home soon as I havent got much work to do.

I just want to know that I am not the only freak who feels like this (and yes I feel like a freak because getting upset all the time is not normal and like I say I am on meds for depression and feel fine when I am not at work - trying to get another job but that is easier said than done).

[Rianne]

^^ Cant add anything to what Hulahoop has already said because it has been very concisely put and speaks a lot of sense. Just wanted to say that you're not alone, and neither are you a freak. Feeling out of place in the world is something I guess a lot of us can relate to. Sometimes I think we try too hard to fit in. When I look around I actually think I don't want to fit in, and I get cross with myself for feeling so stressed because I don't fit in. It's easy to say I know and I'm very much struggling to do this, but just be yourself and don't worry what others think of you. If you're not doing anything to them then they can think what they like about you. They are the ones with the problem, not you! Who says we all have to be outgoing and confident??! There's a very wise saying that goes "what others think of you is none of your business" and I try to remember that when I'm having one of my frequent 'so and so doesn't like me' moments. I will say that often we read far too much into what people say and always assume the worst when in fact, they really didn't think what they said would affect us in the way it does. Sometimes they do mean it, but If what they say is designed to be hurtful it says far more about them than it does about you. I'm sure you will find re-assurance on here.

[newbs16]

Working and having social anxiety/being sensitive is very hard.

[Rianne]

^ Totally agree.

[Woo]

You're not alone Silver as I'm an HSP too . It helps to understand more about why we may react differently to things than other people. There are probably lots more HSPs out there and on this site but unless people have come across the book or been told about it they may be unaware of it. This is a link to Dr Aron's site with a self test so maybe others will check it out :http://hsperson.com/

Feel free to PM me if you want.

[Franz of Franzylvania]

I get upset / angry and end up crying over small things (especially criticism) at work quite frequently. It's very embarrassing and I'm only just starting to realise that it's a symptom of my anxiety rather than just me being a weak, useless freak or whatever (though it still feels like that most of the time tbh ). Reacting like that is less surprising when you think that it comes in the context of being afraid and minutely criticising every tiny thing I do for nine hours a day. If my colleagues who seem really confident and together had to sit for that long in a room with whatever they were most afraid of while being constantly berated and criticised they'd probably be a bit emotionally unstable too, y'know? So yeah, I can relate to a lot of your post though haven't really heard much about HSP before. I know it sounds glib but try not to be hard on yourself about it - you can't help the way you react in the moment, especially in a situation that sounds so difficult.

[Consolida]

I don't really know much about HSP but if it refers to someone who is over sensitive and very easily hurt then that's me too!
I was always a very shy sensitive child and any unkind words would cut me deep. Things that seem to wash over some people like water off a ducks back affects me for days. If I was to receive 10 compliments from 10 different people then one person criticised me all of those compliments would instantly be forgotten and I'd believe only the negative comment.

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time of it at work, Silver. Some people lack the ability to empathise and it wouldn't even occur to them that their words or behaviour might be having an extremely negative effect on us more sensitive types. Such people don't necessarily set out to hurt anyone but unfortunately their blunt way of speaking often does - especially if the person at the receiving end of their remarks is highly sensitive. Similarly, your colleague may be oblivious to the fact that she has upset you to the extent that you have been reduced to tears.
However, if your colleague is intentionally setting out to undermine you on a regular basis then that sounds like bullying to me and should never be acceptable in the workplace. If this is the case, then it's very much her behaviour that needs to change not your reaction to her behaviour and I'd perhaps even suggest that you have a quiet word with the Manager.

There is no way that being highly sensitive makes you in any way 'a freak' even if this is how you sometimes see yourself. Being very sensitive is just one of many personality traits and, in my opinion, no different to any other. And, if I had to choose between being cold and insensitive or emotional and sensitive I know I would always pick the latter - even if it does involve getting through a lot more tissues!

The fact that you don't get nearly so upset outside of work makes it obvious to me that it is the situation NOT you that needs to change.

I wish you all the very best in finding a different job with nicer colleagues.


SAUK can be very quiet at times but most threads get a decent response - sometimes you just have to be a little patient (not that I'm saying you aren't!)

Take care Silver

[umm]

Definitely HSP. But I try not to think of it as a bad thing but in fact a very good, very powerful one - albeit one that is very hard to handle. There's no operating manual for it so one has to sort of figure out how on one's own. Toxic shame and SA - yep, that's a whole other ongoing battle.

[mwake]

Thank-you for having the courage to write this, one always been like this too, office environments are strange places that can for some reason make people more insensitive, maybe the closed in situation? Anyways as another person said if it is bullying then I think it might be worth talking to the possibility and letting them know that you're aware of their hurtful comments. Maybe you're not the first person they have done that to? Maybe soneone else will be happy that you have confronted that person's behavior especially big it is bullying type.

Sent from my HTC 10 using Tapatalk

[Silver]

Sorry for the late reply. Just wanted to say a massive thanks to all of you for replying

[erase&rewind]

I scored 11.

[indiegirl1980]

Have you tried talking to your manager or to someone in HR about this? Companies have a duty of care towards their employees and it might help if you could move teams even until you find another job.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

i might be wrong, but getting upset is a good quality to have.
I think workplaces is quite a challenge as you can be intermixing with people very different from yourself. And also a long 30+ hours together. You are bound to hit differences in that time.