Awful leaving do situation

[Sunset]

I have been really upset today and fighting back tears at work. I am leaving at the end of the week after 5 years at my currant work place, I get on well with
most people there, although I have noticed an increasing amount of small minded gossiping generally, and people turning on each other,
I didn't want a leaving do but people kept asking me. Being SA I cant do the whole false thing, and putting on an act with people so I tend to avoid them.

Eventually I said yes, a small meal out would be fine. It was on the high street 5 minutes from where I lived.

It was generally a bit awful and people gossiping all evening. at the end there was a bit of an argument on how we were going to split the bill which went on for 10 minutes, I kept really quiet, but had planned to say a thank you to everyone for coming , perhaps a hug, and then leave.

However the whole ugliness at the end threw me and I forgot to say it. Well, I didn't get a chance to say it with everyone arguing with each other.
Most of the people 5 or 6 were parked in the car park so they headed off left and I said goodbye and walked back home,

Today I was told by one of my colleagues that after I left everyone had started talking about how I acted like I didn't appreciate them coming out and never said thank you, and walked off by myself.
I was totally shell shocked, so I spoke to most of them , individually to say that I was sorry I never got to say thanks for coming, but it was awkward with the arguing over the bill.

The thing is, on reflection, I don't think I acted ungrateful at all. I was very polite the whole evening and had to sit there listening to them gossiping and bitching all evening and then arguing over the bill.

What an absolute disaster and had made me realise that I never want to go to another leaving do in my life. Some people at the do have know me 5 years and draw that conclusion about me over one evening out.

I probably should just forget about it now, but it makes you realise how two faced people you work with can be. Never again!

[Silent Ninja]

Originally Posted by Sunset

I probably should just forget about it now, but it makes you realise how two faced people you work with can be. Never again!

I've not worked with many people myself but everyone I have likes to gossip and talk about colleagues behind their backs (I have been drawn in to this with them, although I have had phases when I try not to), I guess it's just the way most people are.

If you're never going to see any of these people again, I wouldn't worry about it too much, from your description of the evening it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong so just say "screw 'em" and don't give them another thought.

[Tembo]

Sorry to hear about your experience.

I think it is great you had the courage to go up to everyone and apologise, even though you hadn't really done anything wrong. Perhaps that showed people that its just the way you are and you didn't mean to offend?

But yes, just think how you won't see them again, so you can put it in the past and move on.

[jenny4]

Sorry to hear this, Sunset. It's not very pleasant feeling pushed into social events as it is, but feels horrible when you've made the effort to go to something you don't find easy, and it turns out so negatively. You know yourself how things panned out that night, and I do wonder if those who were arguing over the bill felt a bit embarrassed about that and transferred those feelings on to you... some people, eh!!

[clyde33]

Oh to hell with them. I'm assuming you won't ever have to see or speak to any of them again?

I worked in a place for eight years and when i found out it was shutting down i was devastated at the prospect of being made redundant. Little did i know that the rest of the department were in on the big secret that there was a new company opening up the same type of business and that they all had secured a job there. Nobody told me a thing about it and they kept it all quiet (because i was better qualified than them) and they were scared i'd get the "good job" above them. I got made redundant and had to go to the job centre and grovel for almost a year while they all went to their new job straight away via Starbucks to collect their cappuccino en route each morning. Oh yes, people are shits. Utter shits. Look after yourself and like i said at the start, to hell with them all.

I wish you all the best.

[Sunset]

Thanks for the replies. I went for a long walk yesterday after I posted and it helped to clear my head,

I think on reflection I should have just refused to go out for the evening, I don't enjoy those things and never go usually, in my new job I wont attend anything social as this has put me off for life.

[les]

First can I say well done for surviving the experience and you are not at fault for the behaviour of those around you, may I suggest you send a thank you card to your former work place that will at least silence the back biters, then forget the whole experience.

[Aelwyn]

How damned rude arguing about the bill in front of you at your leaving do. How unpleasant telling you that they had been gossiping about you. You're well shot of that place, don't give it another thought.

[Phool]

Ugh sounds awful. I left my contract job 2 weeks ago and refused to have a leaving do. I have for the last two jobs before that. I hate them, find them awkward. Hate being the centre of attention. I also asked for no gifts or presentations. I hate the speechy thing. This one they did do that because its really part of the culture but last two they let me off.

I think in this day and age where people regularly switch jobs its perfectly ok to ask not to go through the usual rituals. Leaving a job is emotionally traumatic as it is with lots of reflecting back on how you have performed plus the anxiety of finding a new job. Most work places are bitchy and gossipy but I think some people are breaking the mould and not engaging with these fake niceties. Ultimately you go to work to work, socialising is just an annoying side aspect of it.

Sorry they made it so bad for you. I think just set your boundaries with the next job at a level you feel comfortable with.