Losing family/parents

[Silver]

Do you worry about losing a parent(s) or other family members and then being completely alone/isolated because of sa/depression and wondering how you would cope? Recently at work a girl only a few months older than me lost her dad out of the blue to a heart attack and another girl younger than me has said her dad is not well at the moment and may not survive. It makes you think and is a reality check that our parents and family will not live forever. I have spent most of today in tears worrying about something happening to my dad after I spent the weekend with him. I honestly don't know if I could carry on living if I lost him. Ive always said the one thing which would drive me to suicide is if I lost my dad. Even writing this post is making me cry again. How would you cope if you lost both your parent(s) or close family/kids? I have very little family and its likely my brother will move abroad in future as he wants to live abroad so the likelihood is I would be completely alone, apart from friends and work colleagues and my uncle and perhaps auntie if she is still around.

[mossieman]

Already lost them but was not close in the first place and had not seen them in decades. The only family I have is my sister and yes I do worry about loosing her as she is the only contact that I have out side of my flat. I manage to push myself to do the 5 min walk to her house every Saturday tea and without it I would never go out.

[Silver]

Originally Posted by mossieman

Already lost them but was not close in the first place and had not seen them in decades. The only family I have is my sister and yes I do worry about loosing her as she is the only contact that I have out side of my flat. I manage to push myself to do the 5 min walk to her house every Saturday tea and without it I would never go out.

[Unnecessarily Long Username_1]

I always thought I'd kill myself if my mum died. She died two and a half years ago, but I'm still here. When the worst thing in the world happens, we seem to cope. Somehow.

[Mo34]

My mother died last October. She had had dementia but just knowing she was still in this world and I could go and see her somehow made me feel ok. I think her death is only just hitting me now to be honest as I repressed all my feelings to cope and not buckle under at the time. I keep bursting into tears randomly.

My dad is in pretty ill health as well and it frightens me half to death the idea of not being connected to anyone. Just totally and utterly alone.

The practicalities of his passing are going to be a disaster as well I think - I'll have to arrange his funeral/cremation, his will and his possessions. I cannot envisaging me coping at all if I am still as bad sa wise as I am currently.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Silver

Do you worry about losing a parent(s) or other family members and then being completely alone/isolated because of sa/depression and wondering how you would cope? Recently at work a girl only a few months older than me lost her dad out of the blue to a heart attack and another girl younger than me has said her dad is not well at the moment and may not survive. It makes you think and is a reality check that our parents and family will not live forever. I have spent most of today in tears worrying about something happening to my dad after I spent the weekend with him. I honestly don't know if I could carry on living if I lost him. Ive always said the one thing which would drive me to suicide is if I lost my dad. Even writing this post is making me cry again. How would you cope if you lost both your parent(s) or close family/kids? I have very little family and its likely my brother will move abroad in future as he wants to live abroad so the likelihood is I would be completely alone, apart from friends and work colleagues and my uncle and perhaps auntie if she is still around.

I completely understand and sympathize with you. So many people are in the same boat, believe me. My father had lung cancer but died of a heart attack in my arms before the cancer could torture him to death. I was grateful for that. If I had had to watch him die of cancer that would have been it for me. I would never have recovered and my loathing and bitterness towards 'life, the universe and everything' would have spiralled out of control. I think it would have ended in an explosive act of violence, either against someone else or, more likely, against myself. It is like having the ground taken from under your feet, and time isn't a healer, in spite of the drivel people spout.

I know I will never get over losing my mother. She is 67 and I often wonder when and how it will happen. I hope like hell it is sudden and painless (though death is rarely either). My aunt once said to me "after my mother died I was never really afraid of anything again because I knew that nothing could ever hurt as much". When she goes I shall have to pick my sister up off the floor. It is going to destroy her. And as for me, well, apart from my kid sister I really will be alone then. Looking after my aging mother is pretty much my purpose in life and the only thing that I keep safe and healthy for.

[Jon57]

Yes, I definitely feel the fear on this. Both my parents are in their early '70s and my mum's not in the greatest of health. Along with my older sister, they're the only people I feel truly at ease with, and the thought of being trapped in the world without a source of comfort and security is really effing scary. It is a bit of a wakeup call in terms of how dependent I am on a small group of people for my own happiness.

Originally Posted by Unnecessarily Long Username_1

I always thought I'd kill myself if my mum died. She died two and a half years ago, but I'm still here. When the worst thing in the world happens, we seem to cope. Somehow.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, and I can really empathise with how you felt at the time (the thought of suicide crosses my mind, although I doubt I'd ever go through with it). It's encouraging to see that sheer human resilience can sometimes see people through!

[neilm]

Both my parents have passed away. My mother died of an "out of the blue" heart attack at 52 when I was aged 25. I always feel she was somehow "cheated" out of decades of life because of early death but at least it was quick. The total shock of her death still sticks in my mind nearly 20 years later though.

My father died aged 74 in 2011 from lung cancer. He'd been in poor health for a few years, but all the same it still came as a surprise when he was diagnosed with a terminal illness bout 7 weeks before his death. He was stuck in hospital for the whole 7 weeks too, just wasting away, doped up with morphine and unable to get out of bed. In the last 2 weeks or so he couldnt move and barely speak. All very unpleasant ,although Ime not sure that he was particularly aware of things most of the time (the cancer was in his brain by this time).

The sad fact is though that parents dying before their children is the natural order of things. Unpleasant as it is, we have to accept it and carry on. After all it is what our parents would want us to do. Its not always easy but we have to really.

[bellsringing]

I worry every day that someone I love will die. I grew up in a small community in a high risk environment. I have known many young people that have passed away for various reasons. It is a huge reality for me to know that anything can happen at any time. The positive is that it helps to value the time I have with loved ones.

[les]

I have outlived my immediate family apart from my dad, my elder brother died in his early 30's and there is not a day that goes past where I don't think I would swap places with him in a heartbeat; as he had a life to live where as I am just going through the motions of an existence.
Personally I fear being incapacitated or hospitalised more than dying.

[Mr. Yippeeeeeee]

Both my parents have passed away some years ago ago and I do miss them. Until recently I have been estranged from my brother and my daughter lives in S.Ireland, so, especially when isolating, I have felt very alone.
However life does go on and I feel both the desire and responsibility to make my life as good as I can. I still feel there is a whole world of people to, to the best of my ability, relate to.
I also feel very fortunate to have friends but also have too much time by myself and like at least thousands of others also feel lonely. Since emerging from isolation I've put a lot of energy in trying to make forward progress and have enjoyed some progress in having a better life.

[wozza1]

Both of my parents have passed away my dad when I was 17 an my mum a few years ago I don't talk to any of my brothers or sisters for various reasons but I do miss my dad

[Consolida]

My dad died when I was 23 after months of suffering with cancer. To be honest, it was a relief when he passed away because it meant that he was finally free from the constant pain, although over 20 years later it's a memory that still haunts me and fills me with immense sadness My dad was still relatively young and I feel sad that he didn't get the opportunity to enjoy a happy retirement with my mum and that he never knew my son, his only grandchild.

My mum is 80 and, thanks to the wretched SA, I have always been way too dependent on her. I once vowed that when my mum was no longer around I'd end my own life as she was the only close family I had - I have no siblings. However, since then I've had a child of my own and nothing on earth would make me not want to always be there for him. But, I know that when my mum goes it will shatter my world.

However, my greatest fear now is not of losing my mother but of my young son losing his. Without me he literally has no one I just hope and pray that I will stay alive until he is an independent young adult at the very least.

Silver, I'm sorry that the thought of losing a parent is causing you distress.

All I can say, is that when you lose someone close to you, in time, you learn to cope as there isn't really any other alternative. I'm sure your dad would want you to carry on living as full and as happy a life as you possibly can. I know that's how I would want it to be for my son after I've gone and I'd be be pretty furious with him if he didn't move on with his life without me

[Freespirit6]

My parents and my sister have died ,I also lost a close friend I have known since childhood, my sister died 20 yrs ago, I think of her everyday as I do my parents and friend but somehow they still feel close by, I have a nephew who has a brain injury who I see every few months but apart from him I am alone in the world, It was one of my greatest fears to be alone I thought I would never cope with losing everyone I was close to, I used to put myself through agony worrying about it, but now it has happened I am surviving and as time goes past it gets easier, I do miss them, being alone isn't ideal but no where near as bad as I had imagined. SA is quite a problem for me but I have made a decision to make the most and best I can of life, it's what my family would want me to do. We can be more resilient than we can ever imagine or believe. Take heart silver and best wishes.

[Stotch]

Why worry?