Please someone, anybody there? Help.

[daydreamsandicecreams]

Hello again everyone,
in my last post I talked about how I was lonely and jealous of my partners social life.
Well, now.
The past few months haven't been great. I haven't done anything "fun" in what seems like years.
I don't hang out with friends, I haven't seen lots of movies in theater (I'm normally a frequent theater kind of person).
No concerts, nothing.
It's gotten to the point where I'm starting to resent moving from California to the U.K.

It appears me and my partner argue nearly everyday and it just makes me feel like there truly nothing worth staying for here.
I have nothing here.
It's been over a year and it's been incredibly hard throughout.

I don't like going to work,
I don't like going to school. But if I don't do these things then there's nothing.
Often I'm spending time in the same room with my partner while he's on the computer. It sucks. I can't even afford my own laptop right now.

I truly just want to run away. I don't know what to go, or what to do.
I just want to be normal.
I just want to live a normal life.

Instead of this boring/ everyday the same, no friends, no fun activities, lonely existence.
Even my art is slowly starting to plummet as I haven't been creating much.
I just wish I was some place else.
I don't think it's worth being in a place where I am not happy.
I moved here for my partner, but now I see that was probably a mistake. One I can't take back.

I don't know what to do and it's making me incredibly depressed where I've been feeling very disappointed in my existence.

Part of me thinks I should travel far away, but this means dropping out of school only issue is I've just payed my tuition fees of 14K yesterday and will probably not be able to get that back if I left.
The funds for this is not plausible.
And what happens when I drop out of school?
I can't live in the U.K anymore because I'm going to no longer be a student.
Now I can't think if I would move back home (would probably be fine for a few months and then I'll start getting depressed again because I'm not doing anything to grow or change my life).
Or move to a completely different city in the US and start over there? And then I realize that my partner and I will separate because he will not want to be with me, even after all that we've been through. And that makes me feel sad and super depressed because ultimately I'll have to figure ALL of this out with the skewed perception of a broken heart.
I don't know what to do (I've said this 3 times already) but I truly feel stuck, more than I've ever felt in my entire life and I feel like there's no way out.
All options leave me at 0.
I want to disappear.
I want to not exist.

[Dougella]

I'm sorry you're finding things so difficult, there certainly are options of what you can do though.Have you talked to your partner about how you're feeling?

Moving to a different country is a huge thing to do and probably involves a lot of adjustment for anyone.
Do you enjoy the course you're doing, do you want to continue with that or at least finish this year?

Would living apart make any difference to whether you and your partner can stay together or not? You could look in to moving in to some kind of student accomodation where there might be more of a chance for you to build your own social life (depending on your anxiety of course).
You don't have to answer these questions, just some things to think about.

[limey123]

I think you would feel better about yourself and things generally if you could build more parts of your life that didn't revolve around your partner, such as your own social life. (But why can't you at the same time share in your partner's social life to some extent?)
I admit this is easier said than done. Have you thought about meetup.com or similar as a first step?
When I lived in Germany I got a social life partly through online dating, but obvs you can't do that. When I lived in the US I took up a hobby and met some people that way. But I also went to bars and got to know some locals (not ideal, I admit).

I'm sorry you're feeling so down and I hope you can find some things to make you feel better very soon. What about your course, what is it you don't like about it specifically?

[limey123]

@Daydreams - how are you doing now? Please let us know.