Social anxiety and driving

[Akaleez]

Hey, I did join this forum months ago. I havent posted so hey I am Lisa.

Ive passed my driving test first go two months ago. Its took me many many years to finally learn to drive due to my social anxiety.

Now I am so scared, I literally overthink, I panic incase I stall or if others are looking and judging my driving. Maybe my car wont go in correct gear again meaning I hold everyone up.

Is this normal with social anxiety and driving?

Its Ashame so many on the road are aggressive. I had one man charge at me today in his car

[Mo34]

I put P plates up for ages (much longer than normal! ) when I first passed. So if I was hesitant or made mistakes people would see the P plates and be (hopefully) a little more tolerant/kind or aware.

It strangely did make me feel better.

[Blackflies]

Congratulations on passing.

I desperately want to learn but can't muster up the courage to take lessons.
I had two lessons a couple of years ago, the first one seemed probably overly patient and slow and the second just told me off for apologizing every time I said made a mistake. He probably was being kind to me doing that but it just made me feel more awkward. Also i'm someone who really needs to be treated like a child when learning, re presume I know nothing at all, which I found they tended to not do and I was too embarrassed to admit my lack of experience outside of my house meant the obvious things, even as simple as a junction, were all very new and overwhelming to me.

[choirgirl]

Yeah, I was totally the same, and still am, up to a point. I still hate driving to new places (unless my sister is in the car with me, navigating.) I basically had to get over it when I was driving to work every day, eventually I stopped caring as much. But my driving anxiety tends to come back if I stop driving. I mostly have parking anxiety now. I can't park for shit when I'm tired. I sometimes worry someone is filming me for one of those 'girls fail at parking' videos.

I also did the P plates for two years, but I think that was a mistake. I honestly think it gave some people carte blanche to be dicks. Also sometimes people would be 'nice' by letting me go when it wasn't my turn, and that sort of think just confuses me - just follow the rules people. Once I took them off, I got far less negative and positive attention. Probably driving an old banger around didn't help. Plus it attracted car loads of teenage boys looking in to see who I was and check me out - hilarious since I was in my 30s! Everyone learns at 17 here, it seems.

[BritishPeace]

Yes I have anxiety when driving (I'm now banned) and only had an automatic licence.

[Toxic]

My personal experience

Felt I was getting too paranoid about when to change gears/not driving about in the correct gear/too high revs. Panicking every time I came to a stop/roundabout and worried this might be the time I stall it and look a tit ..so went out and bought a nice automatic thinking I'd probably relax a bit more behind the wheel with one less thing to worry about. (I mean that was my excuse but I think I'm just lazy and found gear changing very archaic)

To be fair I had a manual for 3 years and although I didn't drive far I think I only stalled it once or twice!

You need to get yourself out and about, its something I neglected to do and I've left it too long now so it's escalated a bit! early mornings/late at night seem a good time, I had to drop my parents off somewhere recently and pick them up at half 11, I actually quite enjoyed that sticking it in sport mode (and so far no speeding tickets in the post, hurrah) It was dead.

Oh and if you get bored of your car and think a nice new one will motivate you to go out and use it more, thats not gone to plan either, I've had a new car for a month now (like actual new new, 0 miles) and after the new car smell wore off and I stopped chuckling to myself at the pleasant noise it makes when you stick your foot down..its back to the same old problems

I'm also in the cant park for shit party, I have a drive at home and a big open space at work so I don't really ever "need" to park.

Defo go out on a sunday morning!

[DeeH]

It took around a year of driving after I passed my test for me to become fully comfortable on the road. As someone else has said, I now feel more comfortable driving than walking down the street. I'm probably most confident when I'm in my car lol

[Bertignac]

Hi,

I'm sure any new driver feels nervous during the first year or so. It helps to know that even normal-not-particularly-anxious people don't feel confident at anything they've not done a lot, and have little practice in.

But I think you're right in thinking that our anxious nature does make the experience worse: we always think badly of ourselves, we think other people think badly of us, we worry that the worse might happen, and after an arsehole makes us feel bad with their road rage we will keep on torturing ourselves with the memory of that bad experience. That will make us even more anxious, and on goes the vicious circle.

You're right in that driving is a social experience. I firmly believe that driving is about constantly dodging bullies. Driving would be rather pleasant if we were alone on the road, or if at least, we could be assured that every driver is respectful and compassionate.

Be kind to yourself, by remembering even "normal" people find it difficult at first.

That there will always be rude people who want to make you feel bad. Don't let them. They have a problem, not you.

Also, remember that you've passed your test, but you're still learning, so don't expect yourself to be perfect. Even experienced drivers can improve and unlearn bad habits. I drove in the country I'm from for 10 years, I was ok-ish. Then I moved here to the UK, and stopped driving for 10 years, because the system on the left scared me. But I'm slowly getting back to it again, and I does still worry about the embarrassment of stalling while in a queue with other cars.

I don't want to sound patronising, but for someone who has SA, it's a huge achievement to have passed your test, so you're doing amazing. Keep going. Love yourself, give yourself credit, focus on the positive things that driving and having your own car enable you to do. Try to forget the arseholes on the road, just keep yourself safe (and the others), it's the only important thing.

One last thing: when I was a new driver, it helped my confidence when I put on some music I love while driving. So might be worth a try?

[Akaleez]

Thanks for the replies people.

I drove my sister to the shops in the busy time of the day. I was proud of myself


Still for that fear of messing up or stalling. Also when I get to the lights and they turn green quick I panic to get into gear quick and go. Someone beeped me